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2005-10-08 10:46 AM

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Master
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Subject: Total annoyance with Hubby
OK, need to really vent here. Three things have me totally annoyed with my husband . First my in-laws decide to come for a visit but never called and let us know they were coming via bus to Houston. I found out from my sister-in-law in LA that the in-laws who live in Texas were coming. When the the world were they going to let us know. I'm not annoyed that they are here but I am annoyed that my husband lets them do this - what if we had plans what if I was sick what if I just didn't want anyone here, lastly what if I or he had an appointment who would pick them up at bus depot - those questions my husband never thinks of and he allows them to do this all the time. I should note that I can't say anything as I don't speak spanish and they don't speak english so I can't ask them to provide us with some notice and if I did well, I would hear am earful from husband as he is unable to set boundries with his parents,.

Secondly, husband comes home last night, and announces he got tickets to the Astro playoff game tonight and he was going. I was like, your folks are here. He's like so, it's a once in a life time. Now, I'm not annoyed he gets to go I know he lvoes b-ball but what annoys me is his parents are here and he is just leaving them with me - the one who is with them all all and can't communicate with them. I'm sure they feel as uncomfortable with me as I do with them. Note, I like my in-laws it's just uncomfortable not being able to talk with them. If the in-laws were not here I wound have NO problem with him going, but he does have some responsibility to having his parents here. Note - I am unable to go to game since the source of tickets is a business contact and teh business wants to be a "business" affair and they only have 2 tickets.

Thirdly, I wake this morning and ask my husband to go furniture shopping with me leaving the kids with the in-laws. His response "I want to spend some time with my parents". I was like you could have do that tonight but you are choosing to go to the b-ball game instead. He replies he feels guilty leaving them. I'm annoyed now even more that he's willing to leave me with them at night as long as he gets to do what he wants where as I want to buy a new couch and get his input and he won't go siting need to spend time time with parents.

I won't mention that he also left me to feed newborn baby every 2 hours with our 4 yr old in bed with me - his feet in my neck and back and his cold hands on my arms while he (hubby) slept peacefully in sons bed.

I could really throttle my husband right about now. Thanks for reading!

Cathleen



Edited by houston-tri-mamma 2005-10-08 11:03 AM


2005-10-08 11:09 AM
in reply to: #262015

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Champion
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Subject: RE: Total annoyance with Hubby
wooo you are making me glad I am single   Sounds like you guys have some things to work out but perhaps it should be done when the inlaws leave.  Take the inlaws to Blockbuster and rent a movie for the night and send out for Pizza...movie watching..no conversation.  My dads family used to do the same thing....just show up for a week no phone call nothing.  used to make my mom crazy.  Good luck -SMO

Edited by sue7013 2005-10-08 11:10 AM
2005-10-08 1:52 PM
in reply to: #262015

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Queen BTich
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Subject: RE: Total annoyance with Hubby

Sorry to hear that tri momma....I would be just as upset. My in-laws used to do the same thing, I didn't stand for it. Your husband needs to be able to talk and stand up to them. (wish I was going to the game...)

As for the couch, I say go buy what you want. And if you're really mad, don't even worry about what your husband thinks, heck, if he doesn't like it even better! The spiteful part of me would buy something I love that I know he would hate and costs too much....but realistically, just buy what you like.

Sorry you're having a rough weekend. I feel for you.

2005-10-08 11:05 PM
in reply to: #262015

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Subject: RE: Total annoyance with Hubby

My in-laws never visit. Our five kids don't really have a relationship with their Grandparents from my husbands family...not sure which is worse.

My mother-in-law since we adopted our daughters from China 10+ years ago has only visited us once when my husband had his brain tumor removed. I have to admit I think they are racists and don't like we have adopted nonwhite kids. That hurts a lot.

As a big baseball fan..I can understand the call to go to the game...but he should understand your desire to be able to communicate with his parents which you can not do.

Is it a different cultural thing? ..the visiting with no notice and the lack of boundaries?

I agree rent movies and hang out.

2005-10-09 8:21 AM
in reply to: #262015

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Master
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Subject: RE: Total annoyance with Hubby
Ok, update. I bought the furnture and after telling my husband I was going with the red I liked, he came along to prevent that. Ended up with something we both liked.

As for the in-laws, I think it's definately cultural. When the in-laws lived in LA, they dropped in whenever with the other son and actually ended up moving in with them. Now that they and we live in TX, well when we ask for help with kids (kids with surgery or when we had baby) they never answered us till the night before they were coming so we could never make plans - hence I had my parents come when baby was born so I could definately know husband would be with me and not home with kids. It's just something I have to live with because I know they and husband won't change. We ended up watching the Astros baseball game - like I said couldn't even rent a movie becuae of the language barrier but they could follow the game on TV.

Thanks for letting me rant yesterday.... needed to vent! Side note, I get to start training again tomorrow after being cleared medically from having baby 6 weeks ago. YEAH!!!!!!!!!!

Cathleen
2005-10-09 8:28 AM
in reply to: #262015

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Queen BTich
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Subject: RE: Total annoyance with Hubby

Astros won!!! Yeaaayyyy!!!!

Backe is on the mound today, I went to high school with him. He's been on the DL, I hope he does ok.  I'm so excited!



Edited by TriComet 2005-10-09 8:28 AM


2005-10-09 10:29 PM
in reply to: #262015

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Subject: RE: Total annoyance with Hubby
Please don't discount your own cultural need to know, in advance, when you will have overnight guests (in the form of in-laws). Showing up on your doorstep is completely beyond the pale. Your husband is unable or not comfortable with dealing with this. Here is what you say to them when they leave:

Ha sido un plasir. Pero, necesitan llamarnos antes de su proxima visita. Es importante, para mi, preparar mi casa y la comida, y tuve cambiar mi horario esta vez. Mi casa es su casa, pero tengo que saber la fecha de su proxima visita.

(Translation: It has been a pleasure, but, you all need to call us before your next visit. It's important, for me to prepare my house and the food, and I had to change my schedule this time. My house is yours, but it is imperative that I know the date of your next visit.)

If you can't say it, print it out and give it to them with a huge loving smile on your face. If you're printing it out, end with an "Un beso."

And I apologise if my Spanish is strange. I moved here from Spain and I understand that Castillian Spanish is different than Spanish in many countries in the Americas. We lisp a lot.


Edited by lynda 2005-10-09 10:33 PM
2005-10-09 10:54 PM
in reply to: #262015

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Subject: RE: Total annoyance with Hubby
Castillian IS very different from "americanized" spanish. Unfortunately, every spanish class I had from 6-12 th grade and into college didn't TOUCH it. Surprise surprise when the AP Spanish exam was almost entirely with a Castillan accent. (dough)
2005-10-11 11:31 AM
in reply to: #262045

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Subject: RE: Total annoyance with Hubby
TriComet - 2005-10-08 12:52 PM
but realistically, just buy what you like. >


Noo....tantrum purchases are NOT nice. Not that your hubby deserves niceness, but I tend to think huge spiteful purposes are a big no-no.
2005-10-11 11:49 AM
in reply to: #263416

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Giver
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Subject: RE: Total annoyance with Hubby
Man...think of all the bike I'd have if I did that...

line - 2005-10-11 11:31 AM
TriComet - 2005-10-08 12:52 PMbut realistically, just buy what you like. >
Noo....tantrum purchases are NOT nice. Not that your hubby deserves niceness, but I tend to think huge spiteful purposes are a big no-no.
2005-10-11 11:50 AM
in reply to: #263416

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Queen BTich
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Subject: RE: Total annoyance with Hubby

I didn't say buy something he would hate, just buy what she wants.

line - 2005-10-11 12:31 PM
TriComet - 2005-10-08 12:52 PM but realistically, just buy what you like. >
Noo....tantrum purchases are NOT nice. Not that your hubby deserves niceness, but I tend to think huge spiteful purposes are a big no-no.



2005-10-11 2:13 PM
in reply to: #262216

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Subject: RE: Total annoyance with Hubby

houston-tri-mamma - 2005-10-09 7:21 AM Ok, update. I bought the furnture and after telling my husband I was going with the red I liked, he came along to prevent that. Ended up with something we both liked. As for the in-laws, I think it's definately cultural. When the in-laws lived in LA, they dropped in whenever with the other son and actually ended up moving in with them. Now that they and we live in TX, well when we ask for help with kids (kids with surgery or when we had baby) they never answered us till the night before they were coming so we could never make plans - hence I had my parents come when baby was born so I could definately know husband would be with me and not home with kids. It's just something I have to live with because I know they and husband won't change. We ended up watching the Astros baseball game - like I said couldn't even rent a movie becuae of the language barrier but they could follow the game on TV. Thanks for letting me rant yesterday.... needed to vent! Side note, I get to start training again tomorrow after being cleared medically from having baby 6 weeks ago. YEAH!!!!!!!!!! Cathleen

What is the deal with that?  My in-laws do the same thing, only not for extended stays.  They only live about an hour away, but they will just show up out of nowhere.  They do actually call but it is when they are turning onto my street.  I finally put my foot down and now they just do it to my wife when they know I am at work or not home.  They also call and invite us to go on a trip with them occaisionally, THE DAY BEFORE THEY WANT TO LEAVE.  Then they get their feelings hurt when we don't go???  I HAVE A 2 YEAR OLD!!!!  It makes me absolutely crazy.

2005-10-11 4:59 PM
in reply to: #262045

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Subject: RE: Total annoyance with Hubby

TriComet - 2005-10-08 2:52 PM

As for the couch, I say go buy what you want. And if you're really mad, don't even worry about what your husband thinks, heck, if he doesn't like it even better! The spiteful part of me would buy something I love that I know he would hate and costs too much....but realistically, just buy what you like.

ROFLMAO. I suspect TriComet has great control over her household and is treated like the princess she really is by her husband!!

Anyways, I wanted to say, welcome back to training after delivering your baby! I have nothing constructive or nice to say regarding your husband's selfishness with the kids though. I do hope that that incident was isolated and there were other extenuating circumstances around why you are working so hard caring for the kids. Good luck. 

OH let me guess.......is he one of the types of dads who, when watching the kids alone, say "I have to babysit the kids today"?

If he does, he is indeed a jackass.

2005-10-11 5:13 PM
in reply to: #263700

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Subject: RE: Total annoyance with Hubby
TypeA Girl Pilot - 2005-10-11 5:59 PM

TriComet - 2005-10-08 2:52 PM

As for the couch, I say go buy what you want. And if you're really mad, don't even worry about what your husband thinks, heck, if he doesn't like it even better! The spiteful part of me would buy something I love that I know he would hate and costs too much....but realistically, just buy what you like.

ROFLMAO. I suspect TriComet has great control over her household and is treated like the princess she really is by her husband!!

Well, that is probably why I'm not married anymore. Stuff like that, I would just buy what I want. His fault he didn't want to come b/c he doesn't have the balls to tell his parents that its his house and his rules....I went through the same thing with my in-laws.

But I am a princess and deserved to be treated as such

2005-10-11 5:27 PM
in reply to: #263705

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Subject: RE: Total annoyance with Hubby

TriComet - 2005-10-11 6:13 PM

Well, that is probably why I'm not married anymore. Stuff like that, I would just buy what I want. His fault he didn't want to come b/c he doesn't have the balls to tell his parents that its his house and his rules....I went through the same thing with my in-laws.

But I am a princess and deserved to be treated as such

ENOUGH SAID.

I'M a Princess, married, and AM treated as such   Besides, this thread was about houston tri momma not YOU....I apologize if I made it so. So soon after delivering, SHE should be the one treated like a Princess.



Edited by TypeA Girl Pilot 2005-10-11 5:29 PM

2005-10-12 6:05 AM
in reply to: #263705

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Subject: RE: Total annoyance with Hubby
TriComet - 2005-10-11 5:13 PM

But I am a princess and deserved to be treated as such



Princess? I thought you were a delicate flower. So confused...


2005-10-12 6:56 AM
in reply to: #263713

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Giver
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Subject: RE: Total annoyance with Hubby
TypeA Girl Pilot - 2005-10-11 5:27 PM

ENOUGH SAID.

I'M a Princess, married, and AM treated as such   Besides, this thread was about houston tri momma not YOU....I apologize if I made it so. So soon after delivering, SHE should be the one treated like a Princess.

Um...yeah. That's a little harsh. Haley responded with advice based on personal experience, which is what Cathleen asked for. There's nothing there that constitutes making the thread about her.

And frankly, criticism like yours doesn't exactly create an environment where people feel free to offer opinions. Say something that everyone doesn't agree with and you'll get shot down...that attitude is not constructive. This forum is better than that.

2005-10-12 7:02 AM
in reply to: #263713

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Queen BTich
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Subject: RE: Total annoyance with Hubby

I think you're being a little sensitive to the making the thread about me issue. What I posted was (what I thought) a relevant personal experience based on the subject of the thread. Had I posted something about changing tires or burritos maybe a response like yours would be warranted but I don't believe it was.

Again, I've posted this before, this is a fun forum and people are taking some things a little too seriously. This is exactly why I've laid off-its just not as fun anymore. I don't feel very comfortable sharing stories or experiences when I get responses like yours. You guys have fun.

TypeA Girl Pilot - 2005-10-11 6:27 PM

TriComet - 2005-10-11 6:13 PM

ENOUGH SAID.

I'M a Princess, married, and AM treated as such   Besides, this thread was about houston tri momma not YOU....I apologize if I made it so. So soon after delivering, SHE should be the one treated like a Princess.



Edited by TriComet 2005-10-12 7:04 AM
2005-10-12 8:38 AM
in reply to: #262015

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Master
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Subject: RE: Total annoyance with Hubby
I'm annoyed for you! Go couch shopping by yourself, pick something out that totally suits and pleases YOU! If he complains, then lesson learned for him!

This totally reminds me of the time in college I went to Wisconsin with then boyfriend to meet his parents. We drove (from Portland, Oregon) and the night we arrived it was quite late. I met his parents briefly then headed for bed. I wake up early the next morning to find my boyfriend had left to go golf with his brothers. He totally left me with his parents, whom I had met only briefly. talk about uncomfortable. It turned out okay, and we totally got a long, but talk about awkward. They were "stuck" with me for an entire day, and I know that they probably felt uncomfortable to start with. That was just the first of many "red flags."
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