General Discussion Triathlon Talk » My family wouldn't approve of two workouts a day... Rss Feed  
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2015-10-17 7:31 PM

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Subject: My family wouldn't approve of two workouts a day...
One of my limiters in triathlon is that I wouldn't regularly be able to workout twice a day. My husband gets overly concerned if I "overdo" the exercise because he knows that I have had issues with food/body image in the past (very much in the past - like 20 years ago - even before I met him).

Although I could explain to him that I would only do two a days to improve, and would keep them in moderation, I know it would still concern him. So I hold myself back from doing as much as I'd really like in order to spare his feelings. Since I am still SBRing every day for about an hour or so each session I feel its a compromise to minimize conflict in our marriage.

Anyone else go thru this?


2015-10-17 8:55 PM
in reply to: Caroleena


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Subject: RE: My family wouldn't approve of two workouts a day...
I think most people who decide to commit large amounts of time to a hobby have similar issues.

I think first you have to honestly a few things.

Are you taking away time from work/chores?
Are you taking away what would be "quality time," from your relationship?
Are any of his voiced concerns legitimate in any way?

Beyond that, I think you need to understand exactly where he is coming from. Is it really just your past? Or are there other reasons? Are you too tired after hard training to interact in a "normal" way? Etc...

It really comes down to communication. Once you understand exactly what his perspective is, hopefully, you can convey where you are coming from. Does he understand what your goals are, or really what your sport and training are about? Does he know that for triathlon multiple training sessions per day are (at times) normal and not just you "overdoing it?"

Really the bottom line of my advice is that you both communicate and really understand each others perspectives, and hopefully with that you come to a compromise where both of you are content, because based on this post it seems that where you are at, he will be content with you backing off, but you are not.

2015-10-17 9:15 PM
in reply to: ImSore

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Subject: RE: My family wouldn't approve of two workouts a day...
Originally posted by ImSore



Are you taking away time from work/chores?>>>>> No
Are you taking away what would be "quality time," from your relationship?>>>>> No
Are any of his voiced concerns legitimate in any way?>>>>>>Not really. I enjoy a balanced diet and my weight has been very stable for years and years.

Beyond that, I think you need to understand exactly where he is coming from. Is it really just your past? Or are there other reasons? Are you too tired after hard training to interact in a "normal" way? >>>>> I do understand, and I love him for being concerned, even though I don't feel its necessary

It really comes down to communication. Once you understand exactly what his perspective is, hopefully, you can convey where you are coming from. Does he understand what your goals are, or really what your sport and training are about? Does he know that for triathlon multiple training sessions per day are (at times) normal and not just you "overdoing it?">>>>>>>> He doesn't really understand why anyone would exercise that much, although I know he is aware they do. He thinks it's excessive no matter who is doing it.

Really the bottom line of my advice is that you both communicate and really understand each others perspectives, and hopefully with that you come to a compromise where both of you are content, because based on this post it seems that where you are at, he will be content with you backing off, but you are not. >>>>>>>Well, I wouldn't say I was happy about having to limit my workouts, but I do understand where he is coming from, and I am ok with trying to keep things dialed back somewhat.




Thanks - answering your questions helped clarify things a bit more for me
2015-10-18 2:16 PM
in reply to: Caroleena

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Subject: RE: My family wouldn't approve of two workouts a day...
Originally posted by Caroleena

One of my limiters in triathlon is that I wouldn't regularly be able to workout twice a day. My husband gets overly concerned if I "overdo" the exercise because he knows that I have had issues with food/body image in the past (very much in the past - like 20 years ago - even before I met him).

Although I could explain to him that I would only do two a days to improve, and would keep them in moderation, I know it would still concern him. So I hold myself back from doing as much as I'd really like in order to spare his feelings. Since I am still SBRing every day for about an hour or so each session I feel its a compromise to minimize conflict in our marriage.

Anyone else go thru this?


6-7 hours of training weekly is ample for sprints and olympics...what distances are you considering?
2015-10-18 4:25 PM
in reply to: AdventureBear

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Subject: RE: My family wouldn't approve of two workouts a day...


6-7 hours of training weekly is ample for sprints and olympics...what distances are you considering?


I have done sprints so far... might do an Olympic one day... not interested in IM or even half IM... which is another reason why I am OK with this.

I was really just wondering how many other people experience this with their spouses/families...
2015-10-18 6:41 PM
in reply to: Caroleena


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Subject: RE: My family wouldn't approve of two workouts a day...
My wife does the laundry so yeah, if I use 3 outfits a day she'll flip. I try to fit more bricks in and pretty much just do 6-10 hours a week. She's not a fan when I exceed 6 hours/week but work stuff out sometimes. Guys like guy time just like girls like girl time.


2015-10-18 8:38 PM
in reply to: Caroleena

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Subject: RE: My family wouldn't approve of two workouts a day...
Originally posted by Caroleena



6-7 hours of training weekly is ample for sprints and olympics...what distances are you considering?


I have done sprints so far... might do an Olympic one day... not interested in IM or even half IM... which is another reason why I am OK with this.

I was really just wondering how many other people experience this with their spouses/families...

I think to some degree everyone does...training time needs to be balanced with family time.

However a spouse "not letting" their partner train sounds like there are other issues with control/communication/jealousy or something else. not saying that's the case, but my boyfriend supports me in as much or as little training I'd like to do with few questoins asked. I try to balacne what I do with time to keep our relationship healthy.

2015-10-21 4:24 PM
in reply to: Caroleena

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Subject: RE: My family wouldn't approve of two workouts a day...

Originally posted by Caroleena
Originally posted by ImSore Are you taking away time from work/chores?>>>>> No
Are you taking away what would be "quality time," from your relationship?>>>>> No

Don't be so sure.  The time to workout has to come from somewhere.  There is also a difference between sitting on the couch engaged with him in conversation or a movie and sitting on the couch nearly comatose while hes' engaged in a show.  There's also a difference if you're sitting there on the couch wishing you were out running or riding...

Are any of his voiced concerns legitimate in any way?>>>>>>Not really. I enjoy a balanced diet and my weight has been very stable for years and years.
Beyond that, I think you need to understand exactly where he is coming from. Is it really just your past? Or are there other reasons?
Are you too tired after hard training to interact in a "normal" way? >>>>> I do understand, and I love him for being concerned, even though I don't feel its necessary
 
Please treat his concerns as legitimate and respect that he has them.  He's brought them up.  Now he might have unvoiced concerns (that are also legitimate) as well and these may be the more significant driver to his attitude.  He may have legitimate concerns that are very easy for you to overcome (which are the ones we have a tendency to think aren't legitimate).  

It really comes down to communication. Once you understand exactly what his perspective is, hopefully, you can convey where you are coming from. Does he understand what your goals are, or really what your sport and training are about? Does he know that for triathlon multiple training sessions per day are (at times) normal and not just you "overdoing it?">>>>>>>> He doesn't really understand why anyone would exercise that much, although I know he is aware they do. He thinks it's excessive no matter who is doing it.  

He's entitled to his opinion.  Respectfully ask him why you should deny your own goals and aspirations because of his opinion.  People who are really good at the things they're really good at get there by practicing...a lot...  He's probably grateful the doctor he visits spent an "excessive" amount of time studying compared to the rest of us.  

It is also fair for him to put some effort into his position and not just state an opinion.  He can read up on fitness and endurance sports and hold an intelligent conversation with you about training.  (Hint:  do the same for things that he's doing)

Really the bottom line of my advice is that you both communicate and really understand each others perspectives, and hopefully with that you come to a compromise where both of you are content, because based on this post it seems that where you are at, he will be content with you backing off, but you are not. >>>>>>>Well, I wouldn't say I was happy about having to limit my workouts, but I do understand where he is coming from, and I am ok with trying to keep things dialed back somewhat.
Thanks - answering your questions helped clarify things a bit more for me

I agree with ImSore that communication is key.  You and your spouse need to listen to each other's concerns.  Has he heard yours?  As part of listening, you can agree on some common ground and operating principles.  

As to the original post.  You can train for triathlons of almost any distance without multiple workouts per day unless your aspirations are AG hardware or a Kona qualifying performance.  Consider hiring a coach who can set you up with a training plan to maximize the benefits of one workout per day.  

And yes, we go through this.  IM training requires family sacrifices including other people stepping up to do laundry, cook, yardwork, etc.  

2015-10-21 9:52 PM
in reply to: AdventureBear

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Subject: RE: My family wouldn't approve of two workouts a day...


However a spouse "not letting" their partner train sounds like there are other issues with control/



My husband is a little OCD (not a lot, just a bit), so you may have something there! I wouldn't call him controlling exactly, but he does feel more comfortable when things run a certain way (more often than not his way LOL). But he is aware that he can get like this and definitely tries to keep that tendency minimized.
2015-10-21 9:53 PM
in reply to: McFuzz

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Subject: RE: My family wouldn't approve of two workouts a day...
Originally posted by McFuzz

Originally posted by Caroleena
Originally posted by ImSore Are you taking away time from work/chores?>>>>> No
Are you taking away what would be "quality time," from your relationship?>>>>> No

Don't be so sure.  The time to workout has to come from somewhere.  There is also a difference between sitting on the couch engaged with him in conversation or a movie and sitting on the couch nearly comatose while hes' engaged in a show.  There's also a difference if you're sitting there on the couch wishing you were out running or riding...

Are any of his voiced concerns legitimate in any way?>>>>>>Not really. I enjoy a balanced diet and my weight has been very stable for years and years.
Beyond that, I think you need to understand exactly where he is coming from. Is it really just your past? Or are there other reasons?
Are you too tired after hard training to interact in a "normal" way? >>>>> I do understand, and I love him for being concerned, even though I don't feel its necessary
 
Please treat his concerns as legitimate and respect that he has them.  He's brought them up.  Now he might have unvoiced concerns (that are also legitimate) as well and these may be the more significant driver to his attitude.  He may have legitimate concerns that are very easy for you to overcome (which are the ones we have a tendency to think aren't legitimate).  

It really comes down to communication. Once you understand exactly what his perspective is, hopefully, you can convey where you are coming from. Does he understand what your goals are, or really what your sport and training are about? Does he know that for triathlon multiple training sessions per day are (at times) normal and not just you "overdoing it?">>>>>>>> He doesn't really understand why anyone would exercise that much, although I know he is aware they do. He thinks it's excessive no matter who is doing it.  

He's entitled to his opinion.  Respectfully ask him why you should deny your own goals and aspirations because of his opinion.  People who are really good at the things they're really good at get there by practicing...a lot...  He's probably grateful the doctor he visits spent an "excessive" amount of time studying compared to the rest of us.  

It is also fair for him to put some effort into his position and not just state an opinion.  He can read up on fitness and endurance sports and hold an intelligent conversation with you about training.  (Hint:  do the same for things that he's doing)

Really the bottom line of my advice is that you both communicate and really understand each others perspectives, and hopefully with that you come to a compromise where both of you are content, because based on this post it seems that where you are at, he will be content with you backing off, but you are not. >>>>>>>Well, I wouldn't say I was happy about having to limit my workouts, but I do understand where he is coming from, and I am ok with trying to keep things dialed back somewhat.
Thanks - answering your questions helped clarify things a bit more for me

I agree with ImSore that communication is key.  You and your spouse need to listen to each other's concerns.  Has he heard yours?  As part of listening, you can agree on some common ground and operating principles.  

As to the original post.  You can train for triathlons of almost any distance without multiple workouts per day unless your aspirations are AG hardware or a Kona qualifying performance.  Consider hiring a coach who can set you up with a training plan to maximize the benefits of one workout per day.  

And yes, we go through this.  IM training requires family sacrifices including other people stepping up to do laundry, cook, yardwork, etc.  




You make many good points McFuzz and I will have to give your post some more thought. thank you.
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