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Am I being unreasonable? (Page 5)
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 2008-08-05 4:35 PM in reply to: #1583714 |
Regular  176   Winchester, MA |  Subject: RE: Am I being unreasonable?Rollin' Thunder - 2008-08-05 5:25 PM Most of the time I just need to remember my wife is correct about 98% of the time. That would solve most of my issues. I would bet your husband would say the same Michelle. Mike Ah - maybe that's it! Women are (almost) always right. We need to start really spreading that word.....  And, it still just sucks that you lost a friend out of your situation.  |
 2008-08-05 4:37 PM in reply to: #1583657 |
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| 2008-08-05 4:38 PM in reply to: #1582147 |
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| 2008-08-05 4:58 PM in reply to: #1582147 |
Elite 2527  Armpit of Ontario | Subject: RE: Am I being unreasonable? Interesting...looks to be about a 50:50 split on this issue...kind of like the ratio of marriages that last:mariages that end in divorce...yep, interesting... |
| 2008-08-05 5:12 PM in reply to: #1583786 |
| Regular 176 Winchester, MA | Subject: RE: Am I being unreasonable? sty - 2008-08-05 5:58 PM Interesting...looks to be about a 50:50 split on this issue...kind of like the ratio of marriages that last:mariages that end in divorce...yep, interesting... LOL. Well, I'm clearly on the OP's side here and I've been married for 17 years now, fwiw. |
| 2008-08-05 5:34 PM in reply to: #1583786 |
Master 1359 South of SLC | Subject: RE: Am I being unreasonable? sty - 2008-08-05 2:58 PM Interesting...looks to be about a 50:50 split on this issue...kind of like the ratio of marriages that last:mariages that end in divorce...yep, interesting... That is too simplistic and unfair. Even as an observation it is a non sequitur... Non sequitur (IPA: /n?n's?kw?t?r/) is Latin for "not in sequence". It is most often used to indicate something which "does not follow" logically, such as a stated conclusion that is not supported by the facts. Mike |
| 2008-08-05 5:44 PM in reply to: #1583838 |
| Elite 2527 Armpit of Ontario | Subject: RE: Am I being unreasonable? Rollin' Thunder - 2008-08-05 6:34 PM sty - 2008-08-05 2:58 PM Interesting...looks to be about a 50:50 split on this issue...kind of like the ratio of marriages that last:mariages that end in divorce...yep, interesting... That is too simplistic and unfair. Even as an observation it is a non sequitur... Non sequitur (IPA: /n?n's?kw?t?r/) is Latin for "not in sequence". It is most often used to indicate something which "does not follow" logically, such as a stated conclusion that is not supported by the facts. Mike Sorry Mike. I fixed my last post; I keep forgetting to use the sarcasm font when posting to sensitive issues such as this. I'm digging you response #1583470 relating your experience with your ski bunny buddy, as that's exactly how I feel about it.
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| 2008-08-05 5:53 PM in reply to: #1582147 |
| Veteran 379 NYC | Subject: RE: Am I being unreasonable? My wife and I have many friends of the opposite sex, but we never do anything one on one with the opposite sex. We both wouldn't want the other to do so, and it works for us. Like many have said, do whatever is right for you and your husband. Give some thought to how you would feel if he had a once or twice a week training session with a female one on one. Would you really be OK with it? Good luck with your training and with your husband. |
| 2008-08-05 5:53 PM in reply to: #1582147 |
| Bob 2194 Binghamton, NY | Subject: RE: Am I being unreasonable? Interesting thread. I don't see where there should be a problem with having a training partner of the opposite sex. My wife has no issue with me meeting people at 5:30 am for an OWS or 4:00 am for a bike ride. It's not like we're showering together, it's just training. As one poster mentioned, it would cross a line if we were getting drinks afterward or hung out together while she was dealing with 3 kids, dinner, horses, etc. I think I have the greatest wife in the world. She has actually unloaded 3 full loads of hay before I got home from work so I won't hurt my back again before my IM. How cool is that!! |
| 2008-08-05 6:07 PM in reply to: #1583851 |
| Master 1359 South of SLC | Subject: RE: Am I being unreasonable? rstocks3 - 2008-08-05 3:53 PM Interesting thread. I don't see where there should be a problem with having a training partner of the opposite sex. My wife has no issue with me meeting people at 5:30 am for an OWS or 4:00 am for a bike ride. It's not like we're showering together, it's just training.p> So let's shift the discussion just a little (I think the other has played itself out). Bob, what would you do if your wife came to you and said hey (or hay in your case), could you not train alone with this individual? Outside of your initial reaction of surprise, hurt, etc., what would you do? Regardless of the reasoning (your spouse is nuts, you have cheated before, you were in the seminary, you are being considered for sainthood), what would your answer be? I think that is where most people differ on this. Let's really isolate the issue and have a meaningful discussion on what you would do. Some people would honor what their spouse says. If you cannot get through to the person for whatever reason and they dig their heels in on the issue, would you drop the training partner? Some people would also dig their heels in and say too bad. I am not sure there is a right answer here, just the answer that is right for you. When it comes down to it, I would choose my wife over a 30 minute twice per week training partner. Actually, there is no choice to make. It would be a done deal. Mike Edited by Rollin' Thunder 2008-08-05 6:09 PM |
| 2008-08-05 6:12 PM in reply to: #1583868 |
| Pro 4507 Simpsonville, SC | Subject: RE: Am I being unreasonable? Rollin' Thunder - 2008-08-05 7:07 PM rstocks3 - 2008-08-05 3:53 PM I think that is where most people differ on this. Let's really isolate the issue and have a meaningful discussion on what you would do. When it comes down to it, I would choose my wife over a 30 minute twice per week training partner. Actually, there is no choice to make. It would be a done deal. Mike I agree. I would respect my husband's wishes over a training partner. I'm just very thankful I don't have to go there because I have a very supportive spouse. Reading this thread really makes me appreciate him so much more!! Pam |
| 2008-08-05 6:37 PM in reply to: #1582147 |
| Extreme Veteran 552 Minnetonka, MN | Subject: RE: Am I being unreasonable? This thread is pretty much a bunch of us on the net trying to assess a situation with very little information. We don't know if they go out for drinks/food. We don't know if her husband knows the guy. We don't know if there is an infidelity history. We just don't know. In the end, not knowing, we cannot really answer her question, but I would argue that, considering some of the stories in this thread, one CAN argue that her husband is NOT being unreasonable. When I worked as a bouncer, I learned a valuable lesson about not getting into bar-fights: don't be in a bar. Some things can only happen in certain situations...... |
| 2008-08-05 7:01 PM in reply to: #1583868 |
| Bob 2194 Binghamton, NY | Subject: RE: Am I being unreasonable? Rollin' Thunder - 2008-08-05 7:07 PM rstocks3 - 2008-08-05 3:53 PM So let's shift the discussion just a little (I think the other has played itself out). Bob, what would you do if your wife came to you and said hey (or hay in your case), could you not train alone with this individual? Outside of your initial reaction of surprise, hurt, etc., what would you do? Regardless of the reasoning (your spouse is nuts, you have cheated before, you were in the seminary, you are being considered for sainthood), what would your answer be? I think that is where most people differ on this. Let's really isolate the issue and have a meaningful discussion on what you would do. Some people would honor what their spouse says. If you cannot get through to the person for whatever reason and they dig their heels in on the issue, would you drop the training partner? Some people would also dig their heels in and say too bad. I am not sure there is a right answer here, just the answer that is right for you. When it comes down to it, I would choose my wife over a 30 minute twice per week training partner. Actually, there is no choice to make. It would be a done deal. MikeInteresting thread. I don't see where there should be a problem with having a training partner of the opposite sex. My wife has no issue with me meeting people at 5:30 am for an OWS or 4:00 am for a bike ride. It's not like we're showering together, it's just training.p> LOL! I've been married for 14 years and have mastered the 2 magic words. YES DEAR! |
| 2008-08-05 7:02 PM in reply to: #1583868 |
Pro 6767 the Alabama part of Pennsylvania | Subject: RE: Am I being unreasonable? Rollin' Thunder - 2008-08-05 7:07 PM When it comes down to it, I would choose my wife over a 30 minute twice per week training partner. Actually, there is no choice to make. It would be a done deal. Mike Even if she was a hottie? (gearboy ducks and runs for cover) |
| 2008-08-05 7:14 PM in reply to: #1582315 |
| Member 46 | Subject: RE: Am I being unreasonable?
I don't think this is completely fair to say. If you spend alone one on one time with a member of the opposite sex opens the door for a strong bond to form. Everyone is focused on a physical realationship here. I think there can be an inappropriate relationship without it turning physical.
Edited by John64 2008-08-05 7:17 PM |
| 2008-08-05 7:42 PM in reply to: #1582147 |
| Pro 4828 The Land of Ice and Snow | Subject: RE: Am I being unreasonable? OK further clarification: Lets not blow this whole darn thing out of proportion....DH and I had a fight over this, thats it. Not a deal breaker or anything for gosh sakes!! And BTW I just miss having someone, ANYONE ,to really push me when I need it. Maybe this will give me the opportunity to dig down deep and HTFU when I need to. I'm sure I will eventually find another training partner, preferably female or gay. Every marriage requires compromise, and I am willing to be the one to compromise on this one since I know how much this bothers him. DH and I have been together for twenty years and have two great kids. You don't get to that point without give and take. He has done his fair share of giving in as well over the years. |
| 2008-08-05 7:47 PM in reply to: #1583947 |
| Expert 2555 Colorado Springs, Colorado | Subject: RE: Am I being unreasonable? rstocks3 - 2008-08-05 6:01 PM Rollin' Thunder - 2008-08-05 7:07 PM rstocks3 - 2008-08-05 3:53 PM So let's shift the discussion just a little (I think the other has played itself out). Bob, what would you do if your wife came to you and said hey (or hay in your case), could you not train alone with this individual? Outside of your initial reaction of surprise, hurt, etc., what would you do? Regardless of the reasoning (your spouse is nuts, you have cheated before, you were in the seminary, you are being considered for sainthood), what would your answer be? I think that is where most people differ on this. Let's really isolate the issue and have a meaningful discussion on what you would do. Some people would honor what their spouse says. If you cannot get through to the person for whatever reason and they dig their heels in on the issue, would you drop the training partner? Some people would also dig their heels in and say too bad. I am not sure there is a right answer here, just the answer that is right for you. When it comes down to it, I would choose my wife over a 30 minute twice per week training partner. Actually, there is no choice to make. It would be a done deal. MikeInteresting thread. I don't see where there should be a problem with having a training partner of the opposite sex. My wife has no issue with me meeting people at 5:30 am for an OWS or 4:00 am for a bike ride. It's not like we're showering together, it's just training.p> LOL! I've been married for 14 years and have mastered the 2 magic words. YES DEAR! Wow! Immediate compliance without the necessity of your wife explaining why. Taking this a step further, what would you do if she said she wanted you to stop doing triathlons and all the training completely? |
| 2008-08-05 7:48 PM in reply to: #1583972 |
| Expert 2555 Colorado Springs, Colorado | Subject: RE: Am I being unreasonable? |
| 2008-08-05 7:49 PM in reply to: #1584014 |
| Master 2491 | Subject: RE: Am I being unreasonable? aquagirl - 2008-08-05 8:42 PM OK further clarification: Lets not blow this whole darn thing out of proportion....DH and I had a fight over this, thats it. Not a deal breaker or anything for gosh sakes!! And BTW I just miss having someone, ANYONE ,to really push me when I need it. Maybe this will give me the opportunity to dig down deep and HTFU when I need to. I'm sure I will eventually find another training partner, preferably female or gay. Every marriage requires compromise, and I am willing to be the one to compromise on this one since I know how much this bothers him. DH and I have been together for twenty years and have two great kids. You don't get to that point without give and take. He has done his fair share of giving in as well over the years. It's good to hear this from you. I suspected some therapeutic venting in the OP, but this has been a marvelously entertaining thread that has brought out all kinds of opinions and stories. Good luck with your training...and your partner. Edited by monkeyboy64 2008-08-05 7:51 PM |
| 2008-08-05 7:58 PM in reply to: #1583972 |
| Expert 2555 Colorado Springs, Colorado | Subject: RE: Am I being unreasonable? John64 - 2008-08-05 6:14 PM
I don't think this is completely fair to say. If you spend alone one on one time with a member of the opposite sex opens the door for a strong bond to form. Everyone is focused on a physical realationship here. I think there can be an inappropriate relationship without it turning physical.
I'm that person. In the first place my wife would NEVER tell me not to train with anyone, so it's a non-issue. As such I would NEVER have to tell her to get over it. People who think that everyone will cheat under the right circumstances are not being realistic either. Some of us must have a higher level of personal integrity. |
| 2008-08-05 8:04 PM in reply to: #1582147 |
| Regular 85 memphis | Subject: RE: Am I being unreasonable? Been there! what is it thats really making your husband feel insecure. Thats the issue here. Trust me |
| 2008-08-05 8:52 PM in reply to: #1584031 |
| Pro 4339 Husker Nation | Subject: RE: Am I being unreasonable? monkeyboy64 - 2008-08-05 7:49 PM this has been a marvelously entertaining thread that has brought out all kinds of opinions and stories. Exactly! How else were we gonna get Daremo to fess up to his early 90's love interest?  |
| 2008-08-05 8:54 PM in reply to: #1582147 |
| Subject: RE: Am I being unreasonable? This thread is STILL alive? Jebus, people... |
| 2008-08-05 8:55 PM in reply to: #1584146 |
| Pro 4339 Husker Nation | Subject: RE: Am I being unreasonable? wurkit_gurl - 2008-08-05 8:54 PM This thread is STILL alive? Jebus, people... Yeah seriously! I mean, Buddha for crying out loud! |
| 2008-08-05 9:23 PM in reply to: #1582147 |
| Master 1639 Robbinsville NJ | Subject: RE: Am I being unreasonable? Definitely hard to answer the OP's question without intimate knowledge of the details but for me the one and only thing I demand from my SO is trust. I'm honest with her whenever anything I do involves the opposite sex and she knows without out a doubt that I would never, ever stray or pursue any situation (if I was even aware enough to notice said situation). |
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