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2008-01-04 4:45 PM
in reply to: #1134615

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COURT JESTER
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Subject: RE: Spouse Support - Good or Bad
kproudfoot - 2008-01-04 3:44 PM
SevenZulu - 2008-01-04 4:36 PM

tupuppy - 2008-01-04 12:18 PM >Take the junk food to work, sell it to coworkers, turn a profit and get you some more tri gear.

 

Much better strategy than eating the junk food and selling my tri gear, thanks!  

Or just start throwing it in the trash.  Maybe she will get the idea after awhile of wasting food.

But people are starving in this world and that would be a waste.  Sell it for profit to those who don’t care about more WAIST in the world.



2008-01-04 5:00 PM
in reply to: #1129235

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Master
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Royersford, PA
Subject: RE: Spouse Support - Good or Bad
My wife and kids try hard to be supportive but they don't quite understand why I am so addicted to this sport. We had to do some negotiating and I am fortunate to be able to work my training schedules around them. I run at work and bike after the kids go to bed and grab a swim while my kids are at the YMCA. But I try to make sure I am there to support their events (soccer, B-ball games, band concerts, craft conventions, etc, etc and even a youth tri/bi or two). I also don't go crazy with the toys and don't get too cranky when my wife buys stuff for her hobbies. They don't come to alot of my race (let's face it triathlon isn't the best spectator sport) but as long as I keep taking trips to Florida (IMFL, Disney Marathon) and Hawaii (Kona) and bringing them along, I think they will put up with me.
2008-01-04 5:06 PM
in reply to: #1129235

Veteran
128
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Orange County, CA
Subject: RE: Spouse Support - Good or Bad
For years as a runner my husband was non-supportive (that's being kind to his lack of interest and seeming resentment towards the relationship that I had with running). Never really even congratulated me after I finished my first marathon.

But somehow seeing me complete my first triathlon flipped a switch and he even ran the last 200 yards of the run leg alongside me with our daughter on his shoulders. I got that lump at the back of my throat and when he met me with our daughter at the end we three hugged and he congratulated me and told me that he was proud of me. For years prior, running was a point of hostility between us. It's so different now and he understands how much I enjoy the challenge and the accomplishment, and is very supportive. Of course, I've always been over-the-top supportive of anything he's ever wanted to do, so I am glad that there is finally a balance.

Lisa

Edited by sunmonkey72 2008-01-04 5:16 PM
2008-01-04 10:06 PM
in reply to: #1129235

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Master
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Frisco, Texas
Subject: RE: Spouse Support - Good or Bad

This is a great thread.

My wife is very supportive of my triathlon hobby.  She comes to most of my races, cheers, takes pictures, etc.  She doesn't attend some of the smaller, local races and that's OK with me.  But, the bigger races she does attend.  When I was training for IMFL she never complained about any of the long training weekends.  This was so important to me that I commented on her support in my IMFL race report. 

So, why is she so supportive?  I think there are many reasons.  First, I've been cycling since before we were married and once married I just continued with my cycling.  I think she understands how happy cycling and now swimming and running make me.  Second, the health reasons.  She understands that I do the tri lifestyle to stay fit.  Alternatively, I could just sit on the couch, drink beer and watch TV.  That she wouldn't like.  Third, she's also a fitness nut, but in her own way; doing yoga, aerobics, a gym rat. 

It takes two to make a realtionship work.  For my part, I always check with her about race dates and her schedule.  We schedule the big races together and pick a 'destination tri'.  This year we're going to IMAZ mainly because she has a good friend in Scotsdale, AZ that she'll visit while we attend IMAZ.  Another race we want to go to is St Croix 70.3. 

An interesting thing has happened.  Some of my tri mogo has rubbed off on her.  She has started running.  I never thought I'd see my wife running in an organized running event.  We ran the White Rock half marathon together last year and this year also.  We try to plan one running race a month together during the running season.

TJ

 

2008-01-04 10:37 PM
in reply to: #1129235

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Champion
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Subject: RE: Spouse Support - Good or Bad

My husband is supportive of me in so many ways.

Life is complicated and he comes to races when he can but often kids have stuff to do so he helps with that. Last June for Mooseman I stayed up in NH with BT friends and he drove up morning of the race leaving at 3:15am to watch me race, take pictures, cheer, then he drove home and I spent the rest of the weekend with my BT friends and volunteering at the HIM the next day.

When I was pretty sure I wanted to sign up for IMLP in July he found a hotel that week, took time off work and went to watch with the 3 youngest kids. It was tough, but eye opening for July. I got my voucher and let him make the final decision if I should sign up or not.

He wants to pick tris for me to do so we can travel to fun places for weekends. Sadly 2 kids started college and I am still unemployed so that program is a bit stalled but he has a list...a sprint in NM where he went to college is top on his list. I'm game

He asks almost every day what my training is, how my BT friend are, how my training went and how I'm feeling. He does most of the cooking (& laundry too) and asks what I want after my long training days and what time I want to eat. Often he makes me healthy stuff none of the kids want so he is cooking 2 separate meals for 7. He likes to be called Gus the short order cook

At times training does get in the way and it can be annoying with lots going on with 5 kids.

When I'm cranky or grumpy he very much encourages me to go train and rest weeks or off season is tough on him. I'm such a different and happier person since I started tri training I think he would do anything practically for me to be the happy and thinner Kathy.

I think I'm super lucky. He wants to do a relay with me some day maybe this summer. For our 20th Anniversary he let me pick what type of trip we would go on...me bike trip to Greece on a boat going from island to island. He had a great time but biking was a bit challenging. Now eah winter he mentions if he gets a nice bonus he wants to do it again to different islands.

 



Edited by KathyG 2008-01-04 10:40 PM
2008-01-04 11:02 PM
in reply to: #1129235


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Subject: RE: Spouse Support - Good or Bad
Being new at this my wife has been very supportive. She has been to most all of my races so far. I have 5 kids and it is the best feeling to see them and my wife along the course rooting me on "Go Daddy Go!" I train when I can, after the kids are in bed and when I can get my butt out of bed before they can get up. I love this sport and can only hope that it inspires my family like it has inspired me. I will do what I can to keep my family invoved. It is always nice to have activities for the kids at events. Is that normal in this sport? Are there any specific events out there that would be considered must do's for the family aspect? Always looking to wrap a vacation around an event. Anybody have any suggestions let me know. I am from Cincinnati.


2008-01-05 3:18 AM
in reply to: #1129235

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Expert
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Trinity, Florida
Subject: RE: Spouse Support - Good or Bad
Mine says she is supportive, and to some extent she is. She always points out how I should be out running and such. She reluctantly attends some of the races. She has expressed she does not understand the "why" and feels I do it to look at the female racers.
2008-01-05 9:12 PM
in reply to: #1129235

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Subject: RE: Spouse Support - Good or Bad
I tip my hat to my wife for all the loving support she provides. She has come to every race (triathlon or marathon) in the rain / shine to snap photos of me. I do feel guilty sometimes for the amount of time I typically spend at the gym or pool, but have recently bought a treadmill for home workouts.

I also know that she plays this role so well that every time I spend money on my bike, she equals out the equation with a high end purse. I must say that between my race entry fees, gym fees, and bike upgrades that I help Neman Marcus stay in business. She is also into photography and hope one day to be apart of the professional photographers that snap at events.

She has tried to get involved in the sport - but has no desire. Thus, we plan out my yearly races around cities that she wishes to visit. It really is the best of both worlds (except shipping my bike).

DR
2008-01-06 7:05 PM
in reply to: #1129235

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Elite
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Mesa, AZ
Gold member
Subject: RE: Spouse Support - Good or Bad
Seeing as my DH is ON BT as much as I am I think I would put him in the UBER supportive category. What did I get for Christmas this year? A new Colnago road bike...ahhhh. I have not done a SINGLE race without him, oh wait, yes I did but only because it was women's only. We race together but still manage to provide eachother a ton of support. Its the PERFECT situation, I ALWAYS have a training partner.
2008-01-15 3:01 PM
in reply to: #1131224

New user
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New Jersey
Subject: RE: Spouse Support - Good or Bad
drickamer - 2008-01-03 2:13 PM

My wife is in the middle - she doesn't discourage me, but she sure doesn't encourage me either. She's convinced that this is just my latest obsession (I do tend to have an obsessive personality), which I do not find very supportive, but has given me the determination to prove her wrong



colesdad - 2008-01-04 1:29 PM

Right now I'm doing this in spite of my Wife sometimes. Everyone who gets unconditional support that is awesome!


I'm in the same boat. My wife does not believe that I have the follow through to complete the training or the event (my first sprint coming up in June). She thinks that I pick up activities and put them down. And now I feel that I have to prove her wrong. She does not even know that I started training but that will change when I have to swim in the evenings. But, then that will be me time and I'll get out of the house more. Do I wish I had full support? Sure. But I can't change that and as long as I'm happy with it, that's all that matters.

And congrats on everyone that gets awesome support.
2008-01-15 3:26 PM
in reply to: #1129235

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Subject: RE: Spouse Support - Good or Bad
My wife thinks the sport is crazy. She came to the start of my first race & left to go golfing. Hopefully she will warm up to the sport a little bit this year.


2008-01-15 3:28 PM
in reply to: #1129235

Veteran
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Newmarket, Suffolk
Subject: RE: Spouse Support - Good or Bad

My husband is amazingly supportive. He's been to all my races but two (and since he was in Iraq at the time, I guess he gets a pass on that one :-p). I decided to do a HIM while he was deployed to Iraq in 2006, so that I would have something to keep myself busy while he was gone, and he listened to me talk about training (albiet, I'm not sure he had any idea what I was talking about at the time) and was supportive of me going for my goal. When he got home, he sat out in the hot Oklahoma sun with my parents (whom he'd only met twice before) for 7+ hours waiting for me to finish. After that, he decided he wanted to do tris to and this year we raced and trained together which was AWESOME. He volunteered at my HIM this past year, and was a huge inspiration for me when I got to the run course and didn't want to keep going. Knowing he was there waiting for me to show up again was one of the main reasons I finished that day. And when I told him I wanted to sign up for IMAZ, he was on board, even knowing how much training time it requires, and money to get from VA to AZ, not to mention the race fees. He's been amazingly supportive in my IM quest, and even bought me a brand new Orbea Ordu (yay!). He's even volunteered to stay home and wait for the cable guy for 4 hours this weekend so I can get my 6 hour brick in on Saturday :-)

Because he's just as addicted as I am now (both to tris and to BT), he totally understands the whole deal: the gear, the time, the training. And even though he hasn't been able to train much with me lately (he's getting ready to deploy again), he's always there cheering me on, letting me vent about my training or talk through whatever frustration it is that I'm struggling with at the moment.

I couldn't ask for anyone more supportive or understanding. He's my biggest cheerleader and the one who believes in me, even when I don't. And after reading some of the posts here I am so grateful for him and wish everyone could have someone like him (it really makes life so much easier). So now I have to go give him a big hug :-)



Edited by sel166 2008-01-15 3:29 PM
2008-01-15 3:38 PM
in reply to: #1130387

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Champion
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Whizzzzzlandia
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Subject: RE: Spouse Support - Good or Bad

captantony - 2008-01-03 8:55 AM I met my completely wonderful GF through BT.  Nuff said.

Heh. I saw your recent vacation photos. I wondered what the story behind you two was... Wink

I also met my man thru BT. We train together (when HR zones permit)... we race together... we recover together... and we support each other...

It's great to be "understood".

2008-01-15 4:26 PM
in reply to: #1129235

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Expert
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acton, Ma
Subject: RE: Spouse Support - Good or Bad

Not much support here - I try to schedule most of my training so it doesn't impact the family, but he still finds ways to complain -- especially on two-adays (when I run in the early am when everybody's sleeping and swim after work - still home in time to help with bedtimes). We have 3 kids and I work 30 hours/week.

 He's come to one race in 2004.  My 10 year old son has become my main jock-strapper.

Financially we're pretty shakey, so the only things I buy are running shoes when necessary.  I'm riding a bottom of the line Specialized road bike.

Part of me thinks its because he's unhappy and doesn't like it when I do something that makes ME happy.  Last year I've slacked off on training to keep the peace. He likes to bike so this year I'll make a concerted effort to bike together.

 

2008-01-16 11:59 AM
in reply to: #1129235

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Expert
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St. Paul, MN
Subject: RE: Spouse Support - Good or Bad
My wife is pretty supportive. She is a runner, herself, so she understands the time that training can take. She went to my two races last year,and I suspect she'll be at most, if not all, of my races this year. I'll probably tell her that she doesn't have to come if she doesn't want though. We will often start running together, but more often than not, that means we'll run together for the first five minutes or so before I speed up. Still, that is always nice. She will even come to the pool with me, even if it means that she sits in the hot tub for the last half of my swimming. I even convinced her to do a sprint relay with me and a friend. I don't care about the time, but it should be a fun weekend.

It is with the gear and money that the support begins to peter out. Granted, this has turned out to be a more expensive sport than I ever thought it would be and I had some serious work to do to convince her that a road bike is indeed different from a mountain bike. There are upgrades that I would love to make, but will have to be judicious about the purchases I make, and a tri bike is pretty much out of the question.

We're planning on having a kid in the next year or so, so we'll see just how much training either of us do in the future. I hope we'll be able to work things out so we can both continue to train for our sports.
2008-01-16 1:38 PM
in reply to: #1129235

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Master
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Malvern, PA
Subject: RE: Spouse Support - Good or Bad

I am totally amazed at the number of posts that receive little to no support or encouragement!

I would think that the ratio of support/no support would be more like 80/20 but it seems to be 50/50 which I find unbelievable!!! I think there are different relationship dynamics between those that are married and those that are not...

... but as one of the posts mentioned, if you're married your spouse's #1 concern should be that you are doing something that makes you happy! I would think that each person's degree of happiness has a direct impact on the health of the relationship...

I would say my wife supports me probably 70% and NEVER says anything negative about my training... it sounds like most of the SO's that discourage our hobbies seem to be coming from a selfish motivation...

Shouldn't you know your spouse well enough before you get married that they would supprot you in anything you choose to do as long as it's not illegal and doesn't "hurt" anybody...

...just can't believe the number of people making negative posts and not doing anything about, some people even project an air of "being stuck" in their situation...

I guess I'm just curious as to what everybody thinks fuels these selfish feelings... 

Definitley not personally attacking anybody in particular...



2008-01-16 2:01 PM
in reply to: #1159908

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Champion
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Dallas, TX
Subject: RE: Spouse Support - Good or Bad
maxmattmick - 2008-01-16 1:38 PM

I am totally amazed at the number of posts that receive little to no support or encouragement!

I would think that the ratio of support/no support would be more like 80/20 but it seems to be 50/50 which I find unbelievable!!! I think there are different relationship dynamics between those that are married and those that are not...

... but as one of the posts mentioned, if you're married your spouse's #1 concern should be that you are doing something that makes you happy! I would think that each person's degree of happiness has a direct impact on the health of the relationship...

I would say my wife supports me probably 70% and NEVER says anything negative about my training... it sounds like most of the SO's that discourage our hobbies seem to be coming from a selfish motivation...

Shouldn't you know your spouse well enough before you get married that they would supprot you in anything you choose to do as long as it's not illegal and doesn't "hurt" anybody...

...just can't believe the number of people making negative posts and not doing anything about, some people even project an air of "being stuck" in their situation...

I guess I'm just curious as to what everybody thinks fuels these selfish feelings... 

Definitley not personally attacking anybody in particular...



Well, I think it's fair to point out that we are only reading ONE side of the story.

I'm not saying the spouses are not supportive... but maybe the tri stuff ticks them off because it keeps their spouse from being at home... doing chores around the house... helping with the kids, etc. Who's to say this isn't the first hobby they have picked up and consumed themselves with?

In the end though, each spouse who isn't supportive has their own reasoning.

I know my boyfriend is supportive most of the time, but he does start to moan and groan about my training because it keeps me from being the party animal I was when we first started dating. Now days I'm boring and in bed early on the weekends.

But the poor guy puts up with it.
2008-01-16 2:02 PM
in reply to: #1129235

Subject: RE: Spouse Support - Good or Bad

Note to self: marry a triathlete.

 

2008-01-16 2:04 PM
in reply to: #1159976

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Not a Coach
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Media, PA
Subject: RE: Spouse Support - Good or Bad
wurkit_gurl - 2008-01-16 2:02 PM

Note to self: marry a triathlete.

Maybe you're just trying to be funny, but that's not the key...and the wrong takeaway.

2008-01-16 3:18 PM
in reply to: #1159908

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Master
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Robbinsville NJ
Subject: RE: Spouse Support - Good or Bad
maxmattmick - 2008-01-16 1:38 PM

I am totally amazed at the number of posts that receive little to no support or encouragement!

I would think that the ratio of support/no support would be more like 80/20 but it seems to be 50/50 which I find unbelievable!!! I think there are different relationship dynamics between those that are married and those that are not...

... but as one of the posts mentioned, if you're married your spouse's #1 concern should be that you are doing something that makes you happy! I would think that each person's degree of happiness has a direct impact on the health of the relationship...

I would say my wife supports me probably 70% and NEVER says anything negative about my training... it sounds like most of the SO's that discourage our hobbies seem to be coming from a selfish motivation...

Shouldn't you know your spouse well enough before you get married that they would supprot you in anything you choose to do as long as it's not illegal and doesn't "hurt" anybody...

...just can't believe the number of people making negative posts and not doing anything about, some people even project an air of "being stuck" in their situation...

I guess I'm just curious as to what everybody thinks fuels these selfish feelings... 

Definitley not personally attacking anybody in particular...




As time has gone on it seems my SO believes she needs to see direct value to her for her to really support something (i.e. take on more of the responsibilities at home). This will be an interesting year as I plan to participate in about 8 - 12 events and so far she has not said anything negative. As of last night she was thinking she'd go to the NJ State race (5 minutes from our house) so that would be cool. I know my daughter would get a HUGE kick out of seeing me busting my butt out there.
2008-01-16 5:43 PM
in reply to: #1129235

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Subject: RE: Spouse Support - Good or Bad
Every time I see this tread pop up I think "Of course spouse support is a good thing". Reading the responses had reinforced this view.


2008-01-16 6:43 PM
in reply to: #1129235

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Expert
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Dodge County, MN (out in the corn)
Subject: RE: Spouse Support - Good or Bad

I'm so lucky!  Before this tri-thing got going, I did lots of horse shows.  My DH was a *super* horse show groom.  He would get up at the buttcrack of dawn to wash that not-so-white horse of mine.  He went to nearly every horse show with me for many years.  Then the horse retired and I got into tris.  He has come to every race with me, helped me set up my stuff, taken pics and cheered me on.  He's also a great training partner.  He's a fast swimmer, strong on the bike and recently started running.  And he's going to do his first tri in June!  We don't have kids (only horses) and training is our "together" time.  It's wonderful to have someone who gets it. 

2008-01-16 6:47 PM
in reply to: #1129235

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Urbana, Maryland
Subject: RE: Spouse Support - Good or Bad
My wife (and kids) are supportive. Last year was my first season and I lost 30 lbs and had the time of my life. I only did one race last season and took the family with me...they had a blast. Below is a photo of me finishing up the swim. The little girls running up the beach towards me is my daughter coming to tell me; "Daddy, you swam too far! You were supposed to get out back there! People are beating you...HURRY!"







(Dewey Beach with Emily.jpg)



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