Funny Things Kids Say

My favorite from DS (age 9 now) was when he was about 2.5.  We all sat down to dinner at the table, and he busts out with:  "So, about God.  Who is he, anyway?"

I'm pretty impatient when driving in town, so with that being said-----

When the kids were little I liked to go to the mall in the winter time.  It gave me a chance to get out of the house and they could have a little freedom.  One night when McFuzz got home from work I decided that we all needed to go to the mall.  McFuzz is driving.  As we pull into the mall and enter the first  intersection McFuzz slows down and from the back seat (in perfect voice inflection and timing) we hear,  "Hurry up People!!"  McFuzz laughed so hard and all I could think was I better watch my mouth next time.

No kids of my own, but I used to nanny a lot and the kids I sat for said the funniest things. My boyfriend at the time actually lived with one of the families (he worked with the husband at a law firm and rented a room in their basement), and before he and I actually started dating "officially", we'd hang out at the house, and take the couples' 3.5 year old son out to dinner, to the park, etc. The little guy had never seen us hug each other (and the bf hadn't gotten up the courage to kiss me yet), so there was no way he would have known that we were "special friends". So one night, we were watching the little guy (we will call the kid "S" and my ex "B" ) - had taken him to dinner and then went to rent a movie for B and I to watch and I'd put S to bed. So I left B downstairs and took S up to his room, read him a book and did the usual obligatory 5-minute snuggle in bed. (I'd sat for this kid since before he was 2, so he was like my baby) So I was tucking him in and getting ready to go downstairs and he asked me  "Are you going home now to go to bed?" And I said "No, B and I are going to hang out until your parents get home". And then he said "Oh...are you going to sleep in B's bed?". I nearly died...

 Another funny one I just remembered - I had finished sitting for another family and the mom and I were chatting - all the women I sat for were in their early 30's and I was pretty close to a lot of them. I'd been having a bad streak with some stuff going on and so she and I were talking and I was upset - in the middle of the convo, her 4 year old son emerges from the bathroom announcing triumphantly "Mom - there's no more poop on my butt!". Now if that didn't cheer me up

My now 17 year old son had a good one about 13 yrs ago that had the ladies in the grocery store checkout rolling. 

I had him riding on my shoulders and we were next to the candy in the check out lane.  Of course from up top I hear "Daddy, can i have xxxx?"  I forget what exactly he asked for but there were several.  So I respond "No, son.  We don't have enough money for that."

 There was a slight pause.... "Well can't we just buy some more money?" 

 Checkout girl, and ladies on both sides just burst out laughing.  That boy got more play for being cute that day...

When we were taking the rail off our sons bed so he would no longer have a crib, but a Big Boy Bed, we picked up a side rail (so I won't roll out) at my mom's.

Grandma:  When I come stay at your house can I sleep in your big boy bed?

Christian:  When you get smaller you will.      

My wife was talking to her mom (who live on OH) about how bad the potholes are there.  She said to her mom "Your potholes are so bad they have potholes.

From the backseat my 4 year old "Yeah, well our Ace Holes have B-ttholes!!".  My wife almost lost it.  For some reason I was the grown up in this situation and told her to quit laughing.

Last year, my then-five-year-old son, making a sign: "Mommy, I want to make it exciting, so I'll add that mark that makes it exciting".

Me (sort of absently): what mark, sweetie?

The boy: You know, an amputation mark-- a line with a dot underneath it.

Me: blink, blink, then lightbulb. "Exclamation point. Good idea."

 NO idea where he heard the word amputation. Really.

When my nephew, Alex, was 5 he saw something on tv that he liked/wanted to order.

So, he went in his mama's purse, took her Visa and dialed the phone number. When he was putting his order in, the operator asked his age. He said he was 16. The operator said he would need to speak to his dad. So, Alex affects a deep voice and says "This is Alex's dad."

I think this was about the time my sister started wondering who he was speaking with on the phone.

I have a couple that come to mind.....

when my oldest was about 3.5 I was in nursing school and doing a research paper on morbid obesity...I was looking up info on the net and had this image on the screen of a woman well into the 400's lbs range (shown in her underwear from the backside)....and my son comes up to me and says:  "that looks like your bum mom"!!!  I just about died - I was bigger (about 185 pounds at the time...but no where near the 400's!!!)

around the same time I had asked same child to tidy up the toys in his room SEVERAL times - and finally he gets ANNOYED WITH ME....and demands : "Would you quit trying to ruin my life!"

I can't remember which one....but once when I was in a public bathroom (at a movie I think).....and had a child in the stall with me - and in the louded voice possible I get asked - "why do you have hair on your bum (meaning 'down there')!?"

another I remember from my oldest son again - when he was about 2.5 we were on a public bus and he had a fascination with all things 'construction' - diggers, dump trucks, whatever.... He sees a huge cement truck out the window of the bus and yells - "look at the big TRUCK mom!"  (but the thing was he couldn't say his T's well and it came out like "look at the big F-U-C-K mom!"

Oh - and other one more recent - my girls  (the younger two) were sitting watching tv lastyear and a Jenny Craig commercial came on tv.....they turned to me (almost in unison) and asked 'Did you call Jenny yet!?!?).....again I almost died....I had already lost a lot of weight too!

Jill

Couch Potato No More...reminded me of these:

As a kid I could say Truck and Pickup Truck yet lost it when in came to Dump F-u-c-k, Fire F-u-c-k, etc.

Mom says when sis was a kid she came out of her bedroom saying, "I can't find my cocks."   What?   "I can't find my cocks."  Thinking thinking....Oh SOCKS.

And mom said I once announced, "I can't find the s-h-i-t-t-i-n thing."