Locker room rant!

...

I thought this was going to be about sitting on the locker room bench while naked or something...

gopennstate - 2009-04-09 3:50 PM I've never seen a female use spray deodorant in the locker room.  Ever.  

I've never seen a woman sit naked on a locker room bench reading.  Ever.

What's with the dudes?  

I like to sit naked on the locker room bench reading a paper and spraying my underarms with deodorant every time someone walks by.  It's nice to say 'hi' to them, and talk about the Brazilian body fungus problem that I can't seem to resolve.  Eventually, when the can is empty, I'll put on my swimsuit, wander out to the pool, and hop in without taking a shower.  I usually pick a lane that already full with the best swimmers.  Then I start swimming right down the middle and crash into anybody already in the lane, at which point I jerk my head up and yell at them "WTF are you blind?  I've been a member here since day one, and this is MY f-ing lane, so MOVE over."  Once I get to the deep end of the lane, I start my aquajogging.  It's great aquajogging, because while I do that I can yell out stroke advice to the swimmers in the adjacent lanes -- "Higher elbows babe, but lookin gooood except for that.  You look phaaaaat in that suit of yours."  Once I've given stroke advice to everyone in the pool, then I head down to the wall and wait for people to push off.  I time my push-off right before theirs, and I beat them in a 25-yard sprint.  Then I stand at the end and flex my muscles for a couple minutes, then push off right ahead of them again, but this time I stare at them underwater the entire length.

I like my gym, and the people there love me.

gopennstate - 2009-04-09 3:50 PM I've never seen a female use spray deodorant in the locker room.  Ever.  

I've never seen a woman sit naked on a locker room bench reading.  Ever.

What's with the dudes?  

I like to sit naked on the locker room bench reading a paper and spraying my underarms with deodorant every time someone walks by.  It's nice to say 'hi' to them, and talk about the Brazilian body fungus problem that I can't seem to resolve.  Eventually, when the can is empty, I'll put on my swimsuit, wander out to the pool, and hop in without taking a shower.  I usually pick a lane that already full with the best swimmers.  Then I start swimming right down the middle and crash into anybody already in the lane, at which point I jerk my head up and yell at them "WTF are you blind?  I've been a member here since day one, and this is MY f-ing lane, so MOVE over."  Once I get to the deep end of the lane, I start my aquajogging.  It's great aquajogging, because while I do that I can yell out stroke advice to the swimmers in the adjacent lanes -- "Higher elbows babe, but lookin gooood except for that.  You look phaaaaat in that suit of yours."  Once I've given stroke advice to everyone in the pool, then I head down to the wall and wait for people to push off.  I time my push-off right before theirs, and I beat them in a 25-yard sprint.  Then I stand at the end and flex my muscles for a couple minutes, then push off right ahead of them again, but this time I stare at them underwater the entire length.

I like my gym, and the people there love me.

i hate spray deodorant! It fouls the air in the entire place! Why do so many guys use this crap?

I like to sit naked on the locker room bench reading a paper and spraying my underarms with deodorant every time someone walks by. It's nice to say 'hi' to them, and talk about the Brazilian body fungus problem that I can't seem to resolve. Eventually, when the can is empty, I'll put on my swimsuit, wander out to the pool, and hop in without taking a shower. I usually pick a lane that already full with the best swimmers. Then I start swimming right down the middle and crash into anybody already in the lane, at which point I jerk my head up and yell at them "WTF are you blind? I've been a member here since day one, and this is MY f-ing lane, so MOVE over." Once I get to the deep end of the lane, I start my aquajogging. It's great aquajogging, because while I do that I can yell out stroke advice to the swimmers in the adjacent lanes -- "Higher elbows babe, but lookin gooood except for that. You look phaaaaat in that suit of yours." Once I've given stroke advice to everyone in the pool, then I head down to the wall and wait for people to push off. I time my push-off right before theirs, and I beat them in a 25-yard sprint. Then I stand at the end and flex my muscles for a couple minutes, then push off right ahead of them again, but this time I stare at them underwater the entire length.

I like my gym, and the people there love me.