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divorce sucks...no motivation!
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 2009-07-09 12:06 PM |
Expert  1194   |  Subject: divorce sucks...no motivation!Going through a divorce...and have had no motivation to train or do anything for myself. All im worried about is spending as much time with my 8 yr old daughter as I can. I registered for Augusta 70.3 and want to do it but will be far from ready and in shape for it. How can one bad person (my wife) completely suck the life out of me like this?? Has anyone else been through this and how do you get past it?  |
| 2009-07-09 12:18 PM in reply to: #2273306 |
Veteran 223 Arlington, VA | Subject: RE: divorce sucks...no motivation! I wasn't trying to train for a triathlon while going through my divorce and I didn't have kids either, so I can only stand in your shoes so much. But I will tell you that staying positive and never deviating for a moment from the belief that my life was going to end up in a better place on the other side of the pain and suffering of a divorce was my touchstone. I’m VERY new to triathlon training, but it seems to me the positivity you get out of making yourself better through training has got to help. Foot on the rock brother. |
| 2009-07-09 12:22 PM in reply to: #2273306 |
Extreme Veteran 750 Long Beach, Mississippi | Subject: RE: divorce sucks...no motivation! I didn't start training til I was divorced! Now I have a life that I WANT... I can do things for ME... Show her that you will survive that you will be BETTER than you were before... it's not only better for you, but your child will see you living a healthy lifestyle, doing things for yourself, meeting goals, etc. ALL good life lessons. So, I understand you wanting to spend time with your daughter... maybe when she visits, take her out bike riding or swimming... spend time doing what she likes to do & maybe introduce her to things you like to do... The WORST thing you can do for your daughter is to roll up in a depressed ball and not deal with life... so, I hope your child will be the motivation you need to get your butt out there! Oh yeah... the BEST thing for depression is exercise! Now, go out there and get that HIM!!! |
| 2009-07-09 12:32 PM in reply to: #2273306 |
Champion 17756  SoCal | Subject: RE: divorce sucks...no motivation! I use training to deal with the stress and depression of the divorce. I always feel better and a good work out. I have two little ones so I don't have all the time in the world to train, that’s why I'm only looking at sprints right now. Use your new free time to better your self rather then to stay in your head. It's a great world out here come join us. |
| 2009-07-09 12:33 PM in reply to: #2273306 |
Member 30 Tampa | Subject: RE: divorce sucks...no motivation! Haven't been married and no kids yet, so like the person above, I can't really stand in your shoes, but...training is something inherently positive with a whole host of good side effects. Exercise is a serious stress reliever and promotes feelings of calm and control amongst the chaos...plus the social connections through triathlon provide doses of joy and support. You need all of these things in your life right now. Motivation tip that works for me: When you don't feel like training, put on your running shoes/get on your bike/drive to the pool and tell yourself you will just workout for 10 mins and then if you're not feeling it, you're allowed to go home and sit on the couch. Works for me 99% of the time. |
| 2009-07-09 12:49 PM in reply to: #2273306 |
Member 51 | Subject: RE: divorce sucks...no motivation! Takes time. Best thing to do is try to get with a group, road group, swim group whatever, or just schedule things with other people so you can't bail. Your mental state will be better after getting some workouts in and might help you sleep better. |
| 2009-07-09 12:53 PM in reply to: #2273306 |
Champion 10471 Dallas, TX | Subject: RE: divorce sucks...no motivation! skipg - 2009-07-09 12:06 PM Going through a divorce...and have had no motivation to train or do anything for myself. All im worried about is spending as much time with my 8 yr old daughter as I can. I registered for Augusta 70.3 and want to do it but will be far from ready and in shape for it. How can one bad person (my wife) completely suck the life out of me like this?? Has anyone else been through this and how do you get past it? Getting a divorce is what allowed me to start doing tri's! Without him dragging me down into his miserable life... I was able to get up and do something for myself... versus having to take care of his sorry butt all the time. Then again, I didn't have kids. You need something other than divorce to focus on... focus on training and your daughter.  Good luck! |
| 2009-07-09 12:54 PM in reply to: #2273306 |
Veteran 263 | Subject: RE: divorce sucks...no motivation! Being down is a normal response in such situations, and unfortunately such down periods breed a lack of motivation, a "couch potato" urge. Luckily, and paradoxically, exercise also relieves such feelings. The only thing to do is to not wait until one wants to get out there and train, but to just do it. Someone once told me "Only engage, and then the mind grows heated. Begin, and the work will be completed." |
| 2009-07-09 1:23 PM in reply to: #2273306 |
Pro 4675 Wisconsin near the Twin Cities metro | Subject: RE: divorce sucks...no motivation! skipg - 2009-07-09 12:06 PM How can one bad person (my wife) completely suck the life out of me like this?? Because you let them? I don't say that to be a smartazz...but just don't let it happen. Good luck! |
| 2009-07-09 1:27 PM in reply to: #2273306 |
Master 2158 | Subject: RE: divorce sucks...no motivation! Don't want to get too touchy-feely here, but, as the child of divorced parents, being happy about yourself will help make your children happy with you. Plus, depending on how fast your child rides a bike, they are great for fartlek workouts. You run, she bikes. They have little idea about pacing. My 7 year old likes seeing how fast she can make me run. |
 2009-07-09 1:33 PM in reply to: #2273306 |
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| 2009-07-09 1:36 PM in reply to: #2273306 |
| Extreme Veteran 575 Concord, NH | Subject: RE: divorce sucks...no motivation! I was there once too minus the kid part. It stressed me to no end not only did I have no motivation to ride my bikes (was not doing the tri thing back then) but I had no motivation to eat and slept horrible too. I think I lost 8lbs in the first two weeks. I will suggest seeing a therapist, as that helped me a lot. I am now married again and have three kids, two came with the marriage , and will actually go against what most people have said so far in the fact that your daughter is the most important thing right now as she is going to have her own issues going on. Do not worry about training, but do get out and be active with your daughter. When you do not have your daughter with you (if you have split custody going on) then I agree with the other statements of get together with goups for some exercise. I did a lot of skiing during the winter of my divorce. In the end you will be better off and can worry about training again. So to sum up my thoughts.....do be active but do not worry about training. Your daughter and yourself are your main priority right now and not the triathlon. |
| 2009-07-09 5:21 PM in reply to: #2273306 |
| Veteran 257 St. Paul, MN | Subject: RE: divorce sucks...no motivation! Can't say how to go on through a divorce (but I am married with a child), but I do feel that motivation is the same whether it's trying to find it day-to-day or through the difficult times. Motivation doesn't find you, you find motivation. By simply pushing yourself to do something even if you don't feel like it, can most of the time help you find the motivation to keep going. Just remember to also recognize the times that you just need to give yourself time to just feel your emotions too. The sooner you allow yourself to feel, the sooner you will be ready to move on with life. I hope you feel better soon. |
| 2009-07-09 6:42 PM in reply to: #2273306 |
| Master 2216 | Subject: RE: divorce sucks...no motivation! I wouldn't wish the stress and heartbreak of a divorce on my worst enemy. It's terrible. Adding children to the equation only magnifies it. That being said; The BEST thing you can possibly do for yourself (and your daughter) is to take care of YOU. During stressful times such as this, most people let themselves go because they're depressed. They stop being active, eat more, drink more etc. Then they get even more depressed because time goes by and they find that they've let themselves turn into a tub of goo, and look/feel like crap. A good friend gave me some great advice that I've found to be true. "The best revenge is SUCCESS" It will get better. Just take it one day at a time! |
| 2009-07-09 6:48 PM in reply to: #2273306 |
| Regular 70 Eastern Tennessee | Subject: RE: divorce sucks...no motivation! I have not completed my first triathlon yet.... however, I have completed a divorce.... At the risk of sounding hard, let me just ask you one question..... at this time in your life when you are struggling with so many issues, how are you going to feel about yourself if you don't complete this goal? The way I see it, you need to do this. You need to be the victor for yourself and also for your daughter. She is watching you and even though she is young and may not comprehend all of it, she is learning a lesson about how to deal with hurt and stress. Will she learn to give up or learn to press through? Good luck to you. |
| 2009-07-09 7:03 PM in reply to: #2273306 |
| Regular 281 | Subject: RE: divorce sucks...no motivation! My buddy's and I will be at Augusta 70.3 watching the race and drinking some beer. You stop by anytime for a beer refill and then we'll hit the strip clubs! I've never been divorced (or in a long relationship) but I know people who have. Most got over it by staying positive, getting in shape, and chasing women again. That's all I really know. |
| 2009-07-09 7:32 PM in reply to: #2273306 |
| Expert 1194 | Subject: RE: divorce sucks...no motivation! Great advice from everyone thanks! I know I will make it through this, I have a few good things going for me Im still young, only 31, great job and in great shape from the tri training the past 3 years and a beauitful little girl. Im not worried about loosing the lying, cheating wife....its just the drastic change and the unknown future thats ahead for myself and my daughter... Thanks again everyone!! |
| 2009-07-09 7:42 PM in reply to: #2273306 |
| Expert 1180 Iowa | Subject: RE: divorce sucks...no motivation! Train if you can, race if you want. Love your daughter like there's no tomorrow. Life will return to normal and you can pick up where you left off. |
| 2009-07-09 8:19 PM in reply to: #2274658 |
| Austin, Texas or Jupiter, Florida | Subject: RE: divorce sucks...no motivation! skipg - 2009-07-09 8:32 PM Great advice from everyone thanks! I know I will make it through this, I have a few good things going for me Im still young, only 31, great job and in great shape from the tri training the past 3 years and a beauitful little girl. Im not worried about loosing the lying, cheating wife....its just the drastic change and the unknown future thats ahead for myself and my daughter... Thanks again everyone!! Can't imagine how hard this is for you, but I have a suggestion how you can get through it: If you can bring your girl along with you on workouts (make her count laps, make her hit you with a kickboard to get you ready for the occasional headslap in the swim, have her ride while you run, get a third-wheel trailer for your bike), maybe you can make her part of the victory of running the 70.3. Then, in great shape from running the race, you can meet some hot tri-chicks. At least you know they're dedicated right... |
| 2009-07-09 8:22 PM in reply to: #2274819 |
| Expert 1194 | Subject: RE: divorce sucks...no motivation! GomesBolt - 2009-07-09 9:19 PM Onother positive to being single....hot tri chicks are no longer off limits!!skipg - 2009-07-09 8:32 PM Great advice from everyone thanks! I know I will make it through this, I have a few good things going for me Im still young, only 31, great job and in great shape from the tri training the past 3 years and a beauitful little girl. Im not worried about loosing the lying, cheating wife....its just the drastic change and the unknown future thats ahead for myself and my daughter... Thanks again everyone!! Can't imagine how hard this is for you, but I have a suggestion how you can get through it: If you can bring your girl along with you on workouts (make her count laps, make her hit you with a kickboard to get you ready for the occasional headslap in the swim, have her ride while you run, get a third-wheel trailer for your bike), maybe you can make her part of the victory of running the 70.3. Then, in great shape from running the race, you can meet some hot tri-chicks. At least you know they're dedicated right... |
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