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2010-01-13 8:33 AM
in reply to: #2611148

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Subject: RE: OMG will the pain ever stop????
TriToy - 2010-01-13 7:28 AM  I am so hung over......I did this at home - I don't remember some of the evening.   Woke up on bathroom floor - had a pillow and a blanket in there an everything (no memory of that part). 

older son apparently took pictures - I hope they are erased....

bwahahah!


Ok, so I read some of the backstory and this thread, I feel horrible for you, Cat.  You're probably right, the guy may have been trying to play both sides of the fence, and you got stuck in the middle.  You'll definitely find someone worth your time and love.

Now that that is said, I just have to say that the quote above cracked me up.  If your older son is smart, he's saved those pictures somewhere . . . Cool

Keep your chin up!


2010-01-13 10:45 AM
in reply to: #2610579

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Subject: RE: OMG will the pain ever stop????
I know it's not easy to see now, but you will grow stonger from this.  I am growing stronger every day although sometimes it's one step forward, half-step back.

I second the Pay if Forward thread.  Good stuff there and you will know it has a good home.

He is just being an A-hat and good on you for sending the letter.  Now let it go and he will self-implode.

You are in my thoughts.
2010-01-13 11:13 AM
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Subject: RE: OMG will the pain ever stop????

Q: OMG will the pain ever stop????

A: Yes, absolutely.

2010-01-13 11:29 AM
in reply to: #2611738

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Subject: RE: OMG will the pain ever stop????
I have never met the OP and have no emotional attachment to this situation. From the outside, it sure looks to me like TriToy is better off now than she was a couple of weeks ago.

It is my hope that I am right, and over time, when the emotion wears off, the logic will shine through and you will be happy to be rid of him.

2010-01-13 11:56 AM
in reply to: #2611738

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Subject: RE: OMG will the pain ever stop????
Opus - 2010-01-13 9:13 AM

Q: OMG will the pain ever stop????

A: Yes, absolutely. (if you don't try to hold on to it and dwell on it)



added a condition.
2010-01-13 12:00 PM
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Subject: RE: OMG will the pain ever stop????

Kido - 2010-01-13 12:56 PM
Opus - 2010-01-13 9:13 AM

Q: OMG will the pain ever stop????

A: Yes, absolutely. (if you don't try to hold on to it and dwell on it)



added a condition.

 

http://www.wisdom-books.com/FocusDetail.asp?FocusRef=24

 



2010-01-13 12:10 PM
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Subject: RE: OMG will the pain ever stop????
Kido - 2010-01-13 12:56 PM
Opus - 2010-01-13 9:13 AM

Q: OMG will the pain ever stop????

A: Yes, absolutely. (if you don't try to hold on to it and dwell on it)



added a condition.


I don't think walking into bike class and being handed a box full of things I have given him constitutes holding on and dwelling on it.

Hopefully this is the end of any direct contact.  I am sure we will see each other at bike races but with all the other people around ignoring him will be much easier.

I guess I figured he had inflicted enough on me - but as Renee said, he got caught, he fessed up, I got angry, he got hurt not getting what he wants, and now is manipulating back.

Just hope no more surprises are in store.
2010-01-13 12:14 PM
in reply to: #2610579

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Subject: RE: OMG will the pain ever stop????
Potential mistress contacting potential wife (I say "potential" due to unclear marital status) is rarely a good idea.  That's just trying to hurt him back, which will not bring closure to this.  And in fact, it could make it quite a bit messier.

I still vote for the Renee's "cooling off" advice from the other thread before you make any decicisons you may regret.
2010-01-13 12:19 PM
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Subject: RE: OMG will the pain ever stop????
JoshKaptur - 2010-01-13 1:14 PM Potential mistress contacting potential wife (I say "potential" due to unclear marital status) is rarely a good idea.  That's just trying to hurt him back, which will not bring closure to this.  And in fact, it could make it quite a bit messier.

I still vote for the Renee's "cooling off" advice from the other thread before you make any decicisons you may regret.

+1 in a big way... but it sounds like the deed has already been done.

Take care of #1, distance yourself and let his situation play out. Whatever happens, it probably won't be pretty.
2010-01-13 12:21 PM
in reply to: #2611906

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Subject: RE: OMG will the pain ever stop????
No that was not about hurting him - that was about letting her know what is going on.

I believe in the sisterhood.
2010-01-13 12:22 PM
in reply to: #2611893

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Subject: RE: OMG will the pain ever stop????
TriToy - 2010-01-13 10:10 AM
Kido - 2010-01-13 12:56 PM
Opus - 2010-01-13 9:13 AM

Q: OMG will the pain ever stop????

A: Yes, absolutely. (if you don't try to hold on to it and dwell on it)



added a condition.


I don't think walking into bike class and being handed a box full of things I have given him constitutes holding on and dwelling on it.

Hopefully this is the end of any direct contact.  I am sure we will see each other at bike races but with all the other people around ignoring him will be much easier.

I guess I figured he had inflicted enough on me - but as Renee said, he got caught, he fessed up, I got angry, he got hurt not getting what he wants, and now is manipulating back.

Just hope no more surprises are in store.



I wasn't directing it to you but the post I quoted.

Yes, the pain will stop.  but I have seen people hold on to it far longer than needed.  Maybe they like the "poor me" aspect of it.  So the pain going away is not guaranteed, (well, I guess it is cuz you feel nothing after you die), you can't intentionaly hold on to it.

NOT saying that is you.


2010-01-13 12:27 PM
in reply to: #2611919

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Subject: RE: OMG will the pain ever stop????
Sounds like things were getting pretty serious after just 5 months.  Talk about marriage?
2010-01-13 12:32 PM
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Subject: RE: OMG will the pain ever stop????
Kido - 2010-01-13 1:27 PM Sounds like things were getting pretty serious after just 5 months.  Talk about marriage?


no NO no!!!


I can pretty much say even in this relationship that I do not see EVER getting married again.  I don't even want to live with someone again - I don't want to share my closets Tongue out


2010-01-13 12:35 PM
in reply to: #2611946

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Subject: RE: OMG will the pain ever stop????
Some people say that pain of a bad relationship will just make the good ones feel that much better.

I can see it.
2010-01-13 12:39 PM
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Subject: RE: OMG will the pain ever stop????
Kido - 2010-01-13 1:35 PM Some people say that pain of a bad relationship will just make the good ones feel that much better.

I can see it.


this was the longest I dated anyone in over 3 years.... and what I thought I had was good! turns out it was all an illusion.  that sucks.

who knows if it will take me that long again....

I certainly have to look at why I attract or am attracted to liars....

I am not in a hurry - amazing how my libido went into hiding over this.
2010-01-13 12:51 PM
in reply to: #2611964

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Subject: RE: OMG will the pain ever stop????
If you think about it.  Are you more mad/upset about being lied to, or upset at the loss?  (most like a little of both, but more of one)

I'm thinking the lying part?  For me, it would be humiliating and infuriating and I would be in a rage...  Maybe what I'm picking up here?  The loss of a 5 month relationship would suck, but I figure you have been through things like that before and can deal with it.  BUT probably the actual loss is not as important as what I might considered being violated (trust, faith, honesty, etc)?

If you can identify that, get to the real emotion, you can deal with it better.  The anger or the loss?

I deal with the anger by realizing there are bad people in the world, that it.  And pick up some tools to improve my radar.

The loss?  Time usually fixes that.  Or the next roll in the sack!  (ok, maybe not).



2010-01-13 12:55 PM
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Subject: RE: OMG will the pain ever stop????
Kido - 2010-01-13 1:51 PM If you think about it.  Are you more mad/upset about being lied to, or upset at the loss?  (most like a little of both, but more of one)

I'm thinking the lying part?  For me, it would be humiliating and infuriating and I would be in a rage...  Maybe what I'm picking up here?  The loss of a 5 month relationship would suck, but I figure you have been through things like that before and can deal with it.  BUT probably the actual loss is not as important as what I might considered being violated (trust, faith, honesty, etc)?

If you can identify that, get to the real emotion, you can deal with it better.  The anger or the loss?

I deal with the anger by realizing there are bad people in the world, that it.  And pick up some tools to improve my radar.

The loss?  Time usually fixes that.  Or the next roll in the sack!  (ok, maybe not).




First reaction was a punch to the gut - I got to the second line of the email and could not breathe.  Then I was really angry.

Yesterday I woke up sad - really mourning the loss of what we had - again what I THOUGHT we had - since it was a total illusion.

I had a really hard time not crying all day - and could not stop the tears a few times.  So I was on shaky ground when I got to bike class and being handed the box just made it hurt all over again.

so yes both.

but the last 2 days more of the pain.
2010-01-13 2:24 PM
in reply to: #2610579

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Subject: RE: OMG will the pain ever stop????
I've been on a crying jag like this myself lately, but, as you well know, for completely different reasons.

I'm so sorry.
2010-01-13 2:35 PM
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Subject: RE: OMG will the pain ever stop????
JTK2 - 2010-01-13 3:24 PM I've been on a crying jag like this myself lately, but, as you well know, for completely different reasons.

I'm so sorry.


thanks and welcome back.

I would put your losses way higher -


2010-01-13 2:49 PM
in reply to: #2612249

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Subject: RE: OMG will the pain ever stop????
TriToy - 2010-01-13 12:35 PM
JTK2 - 2010-01-13 3:24 PM I've been on a crying jag like this myself lately, but, as you well know, for completely different reasons.

I'm so sorry.


thanks and welcome back.

I would put your losses way higher -



Yeah, but you've cried a lot more than I have - so far. There's been a lot of internalizing going on.
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