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2010-08-06 10:55 AM
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Subject: RE: Wife "hates camping". What do I do?
lisac957 - 2010-08-02 5:44 PM If it's just the "sleeping in a tent" thing... can I ask if you have invested in an air mattress (and re-chargeable air pump)?

When I camped at a race this summer, I was shocked that I was the only one in my group with an air mattress. I can't imagine sleeping in just a sleeping bag on the ground.

Just an idea.


I was thinking of this very thing. I was one of the people without an airmattress and for whom the camping was a rather uncomfortable affair. It was hot. It was sweaty. It was stagnant. It was uncomfortable. But I did it, and did a HIM afterwards, and I'd do it again... but only with an airmattress. Sleeping on the ground with only a sleeping bag and a small foam mat thingy was too HARD.

I digress.


2010-08-06 12:00 PM
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Subject: RE: Wife "hates camping". What do I do?
Renee - 2010-08-05 6:16 PM
Aarondb4 - 2010-08-02 11:07 AM

Also I understand the accept your differences and go your seperate ways argument but isn't there another way of doing things? I mean I spent six hours in the mall a few weekends ago looking for the perfect shirt for her. I didn't complain, I helped in the search. I would have rather stabbed myself in the eye, but I went because I knew she wanted me to go with her. Isn't that how things are supposed to work? Compromise and sacrifice for each other? Or is camping over the line?



You compromise over basic life necessities, like finances/budgets, division of labor/household chores, child-rearing behaviors, where to go on your weekly date night. Even with the date night, I wouldn't ask my spouse to eat dinner at a place I knew he disliked; I wouldn't enjoy myself knowing he hated the food or restaurant. I would make arrangements to go to that restaurant by myself or with friends, so that I still got to enjoy the restaurant.

Consenting to do things you dislike so that your spouse will stop nagging isn't compromise; that's a "I win-you lose" situation.  That kind of logic suggests that you should agree to take up knitting if that's how she wants you to spend your leisure time. After all, she had to stomach something she disliked, why shouldn't you? See how that kind of compromise leads to no one being happy?

You got what you wanted at her expense.  Did you enjoy the experience?

I had a few drinks with someone who was interested in dating me. Actually, I think he was just interested in having a woman on the back of his motorcyle, something I had zero interest in doing. He threw out the "that's what couples do, compromise for each other" line to which I responded "If I go for a 50 mile motorcycle ride with you, will you go for a 50 mile bicycle ride with me?" He didn't have an interest in cycling and didn't quite grasp the absurdity of asking me to do something that I not only had no interest in doing, but was quite sure I would really dislike doing, all while sputtering that he didn't like cycling. I told him that I would never drag him into the LBS and that he shouldn't try to drag me onto his motorcycle.

Respect your differences. It's really not hard, once you grasp the concept.



I'm going to have to agree to disagree with your ideas on this subject. If I wanted to just compromise on baisc life necessities then I would have gotten a roommate instead of a life partner (wife).

I didn't "lose" by going shopping. I put my big boy pants on, sucked it up, and did something unselfish. She didn't "win", and I didn't "lose". We spent the afternoon together which is much better than me being selfish and saying "no I don't want to go shopping with you and spend the afternoon with you because then you would win and I would lose, go do it yourself." My wife is my best friend and I am hers so why would I tell her to go find some friend to go shopping with her?

That is not the kind of marriage I am interested in.

If you and motorcycle man had put aside your selfish desires then you could have had fun on the back of a motorcycle and you could have introduced him to cycling, which he might have enjoyed. But instead you were both stubborn and said no I will not try something outside of my comfort zone.

Again, I don't agree with doing things that way. I actually enjoyed my afternoon at the mall with my wife. I didn't enjoy the shopping, but I enjoyed spending time with her and sacrificing my desires to do something she wanted to do and that would make her happy. She recognized the sacrifice on my part and was extremely grateful just as I was grateful that she sacrificed and went camping. And yes, she was glad she went with me. These sort of things strengthen the relationship. Telling her "no, I won't do that for you" will damage the relationship. Why miss the opportunity to show my wife that I love her?

And yes, I understand your "concept" but I disagree with it and see it leading to two people living seperate lives because they are unwilling to sacrifice for the other person or to do something outside their comfort zone.

Now I do understand that camping is a bigger deal than shopping and we have since discussed her further camping activities and have reached a solution. But I maintain that you are wrong in principle. My wife has no interest in triathlons, but guess who is there at every race, helping me carry my stuff up the mile long hill, taking pictures, cheering me on, and waiting at the finish line? That does more to show me she loves me than any words she can say. I only completed my first HIM because of her help and her encouragment before we were married, it was so amazing to have someone care about me that much that I decided to marry her. She could have said, "don't drag me to races and I won't drag you to the mall", but she didn't and I am still incredibly grateful even over a year later. She knew it meant so much to me that it even made it into our wedding vows.


Edited by Aarondb4 2010-08-06 12:06 PM
2010-08-06 12:10 PM
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Subject: RE: Wife "hates camping". What do I do?
Aarondb4 - 2010-08-02 10:07 AM
I mean I spent six hours in the mall a few weekends ago looking for the perfect shirt for her. I didn't complain, I helped in the search. I would have rather stabbed myself in the eye, but I went because I knew she wanted me to go with her. Isn't that how things are supposed to work? Compromise and sacrifice for each other? Or is camping over the line?



Spending 6 hours in a mall is your own fault. Next time tell her she should make it a girls day out.
2010-08-06 12:20 PM
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Subject: RE: Wife "hates camping". What do I do?
Aarondb4 - 2010-08-06 12:00 PM

I actually enjoyed my afternoon at the mall with my wife. I didn't enjoy the shopping, but I enjoyed spending time with her and sacrificing my desires to do something she wanted to do and that would make her happy.


When you first posted you said you would have rather stabbed yourself in the eye then be in the mall for 6 hours. Now you enjoyed it. Which is it?

You need to find the line for your marriage between acceptable compromise and misery. If you are doing something you find worse then being stabbed in the eyeball chances are you both would be happier if she did her thing and you did yours.

I know for me, I'm pretty grumpy if I spent too much time in the mall. The wife gives me fair warning about how long she is going to be, I can either go or not, but we are both happier if I don't go on the extended shopping trips. I'm not miserable and she's not stuck putting up with a grumpy husband.


ETA: When you make too many compromises you end up in the situation you find yourself in regarding camping. Your wife put up with something she didn't like to make you happy, but she was miserable doing it. Would you rather make her miserable or just be comfortable doing your own thing occasionally so that you both get what you want. And I think that was Renee's point, by not compromising and doing your own thing you both get what you want. Compromise in this situation means one person gets what they want and the other is unhappy.

Another point on "compromise." Doing your own thing is itself a form a compromise. Forcing your wife to go camping when you know very well she dislikes it is forcing her to give in while you get what you want. Agreeing to go camping on your own is the compromise.

Edited by graceful_dave 2010-08-06 12:26 PM
2010-08-06 2:41 PM
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Subject: RE: Wife "hates camping". What do I do?
I'm kinda with Aaron's logic on this one. That being said, I think there is a lot workable grey area. For me, it's about picking your battles, and recognizing when it is more important for my wife to do something together than it is painful for me to participate. I have NO interest in a cruise, yet at some point I will go with her simply because I enjoy our lives more when she is happy. I like to share in that happiness. Hard for me to do when I am far away.

Plus, if I didn't step out of my comfort zone, I never would have met my wife.
2010-08-06 3:49 PM
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Subject: RE: Wife "hates camping". What do I do?
Aarondb4 - 2010-08-06 1:00 PM
Renee - 2010-08-05 6:16 PM
Aarondb4 - 2010-08-02 11:07 AM

Also I understand the accept your differences and go your seperate ways argument but isn't there another way of doing things? I mean I spent six hours in the mall a few weekends ago looking for the perfect shirt for her. I didn't complain, I helped in the search. I would have rather stabbed myself in the eye, but I went because I knew she wanted me to go with her. Isn't that how things are supposed to work? Compromise and sacrifice for each other? Or is camping over the line?



You compromise over basic life necessities, like finances/budgets, division of labor/household chores, child-rearing behaviors, where to go on your weekly date night. Even with the date night, I wouldn't ask my spouse to eat dinner at a place I knew he disliked; I wouldn't enjoy myself knowing he hated the food or restaurant. I would make arrangements to go to that restaurant by myself or with friends, so that I still got to enjoy the restaurant.

Consenting to do things you dislike so that your spouse will stop nagging isn't compromise; that's a "I win-you lose" situation.  That kind of logic suggests that you should agree to take up knitting if that's how she wants you to spend your leisure time. After all, she had to stomach something she disliked, why shouldn't you? See how that kind of compromise leads to no one being happy?

You got what you wanted at her expense.  Did you enjoy the experience?

I had a few drinks with someone who was interested in dating me. Actually, I think he was just interested in having a woman on the back of his motorcyle, something I had zero interest in doing. He threw out the "that's what couples do, compromise for each other" line to which I responded "If I go for a 50 mile motorcycle ride with you, will you go for a 50 mile bicycle ride with me?" He didn't have an interest in cycling and didn't quite grasp the absurdity of asking me to do something that I not only had no interest in doing, but was quite sure I would really dislike doing, all while sputtering that he didn't like cycling. I told him that I would never drag him into the LBS and that he shouldn't try to drag me onto his motorcycle.

Respect your differences. It's really not hard, once you grasp the concept.



I'm going to have to agree to disagree with your ideas on this subject. If I wanted to just compromise on baisc life necessities then I would have gotten a roommate instead of a life partner (wife).

I didn't "lose" by going shopping. I put my big boy pants on, sucked it up, and did something unselfish. She didn't "win", and I didn't "lose". We spent the afternoon together which is much better than me being selfish and saying "no I don't want to go shopping with you and spend the afternoon with you because then you would win and I would lose, go do it yourself." My wife is my best friend and I am hers so why would I tell her to go find some friend to go shopping with her?

That is not the kind of marriage I am interested in.

If you and motorcycle man had put aside your selfish desires then you could have had fun on the back of a motorcycle and you could have introduced him to cycling, which he might have enjoyed. But instead you were both stubborn and said no I will not try something outside of my comfort zone.

Again, I don't agree with doing things that way. I actually enjoyed my afternoon at the mall with my wife. I didn't enjoy the shopping, but I enjoyed spending time with her and sacrificing my desires to do something she wanted to do and that would make her happy. She recognized the sacrifice on my part and was extremely grateful just as I was grateful that she sacrificed and went camping. And yes, she was glad she went with me. These sort of things strengthen the relationship. Telling her "no, I won't do that for you" will damage the relationship. Why miss the opportunity to show my wife that I love her?

And yes, I understand your "concept" but I disagree with it and see it leading to two people living seperate lives because they are unwilling to sacrifice for the other person or to do something outside their comfort zone.

Now I do understand that camping is a bigger deal than shopping and we have since discussed her further camping activities and have reached a solution. But I maintain that you are wrong in principle. My wife has no interest in triathlons, but guess who is there at every race, helping me carry my stuff up the mile long hill, taking pictures, cheering me on, and waiting at the finish line? That does more to show me she loves me than any words she can say. I only completed my first HIM because of her help and her encouragment before we were married, it was so amazing to have someone care about me that much that I decided to marry her. She could have said, "don't drag me to races and I won't drag you to the mall", but she didn't and I am still incredibly grateful even over a year later. She knew it meant so much to me that it even made it into our wedding vows.


I'm not speaking of concepts. I'm speaking of how I live my relationships.

I said no to being codependent years ago.  I don't believe coercing another to do what I want is healthy; it's controlling. I believe in respecting our differences.

Sharing every experience is nice, when you both enjoy those experiences. But a strong, healthy, respectful relationship does not require that the other person forego their interests or bend to your will. A healthy relationship means that you LOVE and ACCEPT the other person just as they are, not as you would have them be. A healthy relationship is elastic and dynamic.

Pursuing your own interests is not living separate lives. It's being a grown-up who feels capable and competent to make their own decisions within the financial and time limitations that you both can live with.

What you call stubborn, I call knowing myself and asserting myself. That's healthy for any person. Being in a relationship shouldn't require me to submit to someone else's ideas of how I get to spend my free time. It also does not require the other person to submit to my will - I have no interest in bondage. And what's the point of getting involved with someone with whom I have nothing in common?

Saying "no I won't (don't want to) do that for you" is not damaging to a relationship. Refusing to allow your spouse to say no is damaging since it robs your spouse of the right to make decisions. Your spouse is an adult; they are not obligated to say yes to your every request. As an adult, you should be able to hear "no" without feeling like your relationship is jeopardized. "Honey, would you like fried chicken for lunch?" No, I want a burger instead. "What?! Why don't you love me?!?!?!"

Selfish isn't saying "I have my interests and I want the space to pursue them." Selfish is saying "I have my interests and I require you to share in them regardless of how you feel about them." It disregards the other persons wants and needs; that is selfish. It is mean. It is oppressive.

Loving someone means that you ACCEPT them for who they are and that you don't try to stuff them into a mold of who you think they should be. And you never harangue them because they aren't who you want them to be or don't enjoy the things you enjoy.

Respecting differences and allowing each other to pursue interests is healthy and gives the relationship the elasticity and vibrancy that will keep the love and respect alive. Relationships are a union of differences.



Edited by Renee 2010-08-06 3:58 PM


2010-08-06 4:19 PM
in reply to: #3028367

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Subject: RE: Wife "hates camping". What do I do?
Renee - 2010-08-06 2:49 PM
Aarondb4 - 2010-08-06 1:00 PM
Renee - 2010-08-05 6:16 PM
Aarondb4 - 2010-08-02 11:07 AM

Also I understand the accept your differences and go your seperate ways argument but isn't there another way of doing things? I mean I spent six hours in the mall a few weekends ago looking for the perfect shirt for her. I didn't complain, I helped in the search. I would have rather stabbed myself in the eye, but I went because I knew she wanted me to go with her. Isn't that how things are supposed to work? Compromise and sacrifice for each other? Or is camping over the line?



You compromise over basic life necessities, like finances/budgets, division of labor/household chores, child-rearing behaviors, where to go on your weekly date night. Even with the date night, I wouldn't ask my spouse to eat dinner at a place I knew he disliked; I wouldn't enjoy myself knowing he hated the food or restaurant. I would make arrangements to go to that restaurant by myself or with friends, so that I still got to enjoy the restaurant.

Consenting to do things you dislike so that your spouse will stop nagging isn't compromise; that's a "I win-you lose" situation.  That kind of logic suggests that you should agree to take up knitting if that's how she wants you to spend your leisure time. After all, she had to stomach something she disliked, why shouldn't you? See how that kind of compromise leads to no one being happy?

You got what you wanted at her expense.  Did you enjoy the experience?

I had a few drinks with someone who was interested in dating me. Actually, I think he was just interested in having a woman on the back of his motorcyle, something I had zero interest in doing. He threw out the "that's what couples do, compromise for each other" line to which I responded "If I go for a 50 mile motorcycle ride with you, will you go for a 50 mile bicycle ride with me?" He didn't have an interest in cycling and didn't quite grasp the absurdity of asking me to do something that I not only had no interest in doing, but was quite sure I would really dislike doing, all while sputtering that he didn't like cycling. I told him that I would never drag him into the LBS and that he shouldn't try to drag me onto his motorcycle.

Respect your differences. It's really not hard, once you grasp the concept.



I'm going to have to agree to disagree with your ideas on this subject. If I wanted to just compromise on baisc life necessities then I would have gotten a roommate instead of a life partner (wife).

I didn't "lose" by going shopping. I put my big boy pants on, sucked it up, and did something unselfish. She didn't "win", and I didn't "lose". We spent the afternoon together which is much better than me being selfish and saying "no I don't want to go shopping with you and spend the afternoon with you because then you would win and I would lose, go do it yourself." My wife is my best friend and I am hers so why would I tell her to go find some friend to go shopping with her?

That is not the kind of marriage I am interested in.

If you and motorcycle man had put aside your selfish desires then you could have had fun on the back of a motorcycle and you could have introduced him to cycling, which he might have enjoyed. But instead you were both stubborn and said no I will not try something outside of my comfort zone.

Again, I don't agree with doing things that way. I actually enjoyed my afternoon at the mall with my wife. I didn't enjoy the shopping, but I enjoyed spending time with her and sacrificing my desires to do something she wanted to do and that would make her happy. She recognized the sacrifice on my part and was extremely grateful just as I was grateful that she sacrificed and went camping. And yes, she was glad she went with me. These sort of things strengthen the relationship. Telling her "no, I won't do that for you" will damage the relationship. Why miss the opportunity to show my wife that I love her?

And yes, I understand your "concept" but I disagree with it and see it leading to two people living seperate lives because they are unwilling to sacrifice for the other person or to do something outside their comfort zone.

Now I do understand that camping is a bigger deal than shopping and we have since discussed her further camping activities and have reached a solution. But I maintain that you are wrong in principle. My wife has no interest in triathlons, but guess who is there at every race, helping me carry my stuff up the mile long hill, taking pictures, cheering me on, and waiting at the finish line? That does more to show me she loves me than any words she can say. I only completed my first HIM because of her help and her encouragment before we were married, it was so amazing to have someone care about me that much that I decided to marry her. She could have said, "don't drag me to races and I won't drag you to the mall", but she didn't and I am still incredibly grateful even over a year later. She knew it meant so much to me that it even made it into our wedding vows.


I'm not speaking of concepts. I'm speaking of how I live my relationships.

I said no to being codependent years ago.  I don't believe coercing another to do what I want is healthy; it's controlling. I believe in respecting our differences.

Sharing every experience is nice, when you both enjoy those experiences. But a strong, healthy, respectful relationship does not require that the other person forego their interests or bend to your will. A healthy relationship means that you LOVE and ACCEPT the other person just as they are, not as you would have them be. A healthy relationship is elastic and dynamic.

Pursuing your own interests is not living separate lives. It's being a grown-up who feels capable and competent to make their own decisions within the financial and time limitations that you both can live with.

What you call stubborn, I call knowing myself and asserting myself. That's healthy for any person. Being in a relationship shouldn't require me to submit to someone else's ideas of how I get to spend my free time. It also does not require the other person to submit to my will - I have no interest in bondage. And what's the point of getting involved with someone with whom I have nothing in common?

Saying "no I won't (don't want to) do that for you" is not damaging to a relationship. Refusing to allow your spouse to say no is damaging since it robs your spouse of the right to make decisions. Your spouse is an adult; they are not obligated to say yes to your every request. As an adult, you should be able to hear "no" without feeling like your relationship is jeopardized. "Honey, would you like fried chicken for lunch?" No, I want a burger instead. "What?! Why don't you love me?!?!?!"

Selfish isn't saying "I have my interests and I want the space to pursue them." Selfish is saying "I have my interests and I require you to share in them regardless of how you feel about them." It disregards the other persons wants and needs; that is selfish. It is mean. It is oppressive.

Loving someone means that you ACCEPT them for who they are and that you don't try to stuff them into a mold of who you think they should be. And you never harangue them because they aren't who you want them to be or don't enjoy the things you enjoy.

Respecting differences and allowing each other to pursue interests is healthy and gives the relationship the elasticity and vibrancy that will keep the love and respect alive. Relationships are a union of differences.



Concept was your word not mine.

You assume a lot. Haraunge? Bondage? Forcing wills? Mean? Oppressive?

What you missed is the part about being a bigger person and doing things that you don't want to do in a willing manner and without a bad attitude simply for the sake of the other person. A loving committed relationship invloves a lot of that.

My wife did not force her will, was not mean and oppressive, and didn't subject me to bondage when I went shopping with her. Yes as an adult I could have made the decision to do what I wanted to do that weekend and I would have been assertive and really would have shown my independance and ability to control my own life. But guess what, my wife is more important to me than proving the point that I can be an assertive adult.

So you be assertive and prove to everyone that you do what you want to do when you want to do it. And I will continue to work on a balance of self sacrifice and compromise in my marriage.

2010-08-06 5:29 PM
in reply to: #3028424

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Subject: RE: Wife "hates camping". What do I do?
Aarondb4 - 2010-08-06 5:19 PM

Concept was your word not mine.

You assume a lot. Haraunge? Bondage? Forcing wills? Mean? Oppressive?

What you missed is the part about being a bigger person and doing things that you don't want to do in a willing manner and without a bad attitude simply for the sake of the other person. A loving committed relationship invloves a lot of that.

My wife did not force her will, was not mean and oppressive, and didn't subject me to bondage when I went shopping with her. Yes as an adult I could have made the decision to do what I wanted to do that weekend and I would have been assertive and really would have shown my independance and ability to control my own life. But guess what, my wife is more important to me than proving the point that I can be an assertive adult.

So you be assertive and prove to everyone that you do what you want to do when you want to do it. And I will continue to work on a balance of self sacrifice and compromise in my marriage.



How self-sacrificing was it of you to insist that your wife go camping with you?  The issue isn't your great sacrifice of going to the mall which you now insist you enjoyed, so much so that you wanted to poke your eye out (I think that's what you said). The issue was your wife's dislike and resistance to doing something you knew she didn't want to do. How caring, loving and respectful of you was it to drag her along? How loving, caring and understanding was the big fight you had in the car and the miserable weekend she had?

When you didn't just leave it alone when she said she didn't want to go, that's called forcing your will. That's called not respecting her choice. Yes, that is oppressive. That isn't being the bigger person or self-sacrificing.

I'd never insist that my loved one accompany me to something I knew they didn't want to do. I'm not controlling like that. Love and respect is never controlling.
2010-08-08 6:53 AM
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Subject: RE: Wife "hates camping". What do I do?

bwingate - 2010-08-02 4:27 PM Camping in a campground or backpacking?  If its backpacking, you're probably totally out of luck.  Girls don't like "going" in the woods.

Camping in a campground:  I'm still working on it, but the best solutions are either "camping cabins" or a travel trailer/RV.  We still have a tent, and invariably it rains when we go camping.  The tent leaks a little, but I keep at sealing the seams. 

Here's how I try to make it as comfortable as possible:  1) weather - good weather or cancel the trip; 2)  Bathrooms - make sure they are close and clean; 3)  not just camping - make sure there is something else going on for her;

Your wife was interested in camping with her mom - do they do it differently than you? 

Good luck, and rest assured if you ever do figure it out, the rules will change.


don't generalize... lots of girls don't mind going in the woods, me for oneTongue out  I will go camping, hiking, boating, swimming, anywhere, anytime.   I love sleeping in a tent, I can sleep anywhere cause most of the time my boyfriend and are I doing so many active things during the day we literally pass out at night. 

I would much rather camp with bugs and no toilets, than spend a vacation shopping or staying in a stuffy hotel...Yell

2010-08-10 3:57 PM
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Subject: RE: Wife "hates camping". What do I do?

Renee - 2010-08-06 5:29 PM
Aarondb4 - 2010-08-06 5:19 PM

Concept was your word not mine.

You assume a lot. Haraunge? Bondage? Forcing wills? Mean? Oppressive?

What you missed is the part about being a bigger person and doing things that you don't want to do in a willing manner and without a bad attitude simply for the sake of the other person. A loving committed relationship invloves a lot of that.

My wife did not force her will, was not mean and oppressive, and didn't subject me to bondage when I went shopping with her. Yes as an adult I could have made the decision to do what I wanted to do that weekend and I would have been assertive and really would have shown my independance and ability to control my own life. But guess what, my wife is more important to me than proving the point that I can be an assertive adult.

So you be assertive and prove to everyone that you do what you want to do when you want to do it. And I will continue to work on a balance of self sacrifice and compromise in my marriage.



How self-sacrificing was it of you to insist that your wife go camping with you?  The issue isn't your great sacrifice of going to the mall which you now insist you enjoyed, so much so that you wanted to poke your eye out (I think that's what you said). The issue was your wife's dislike and resistance to doing something you knew she didn't want to do. How caring, loving and respectful of you was it to drag her along? How loving, caring and understanding was the big fight you had in the car and the miserable weekend she had?

When you didn't just leave it alone when she said she didn't want to go, that's called forcing your will. That's called not respecting her choice. Yes, that is oppressive. That isn't being the bigger person or self-sacrificing.

I'd never insist that my loved one accompany me to something I knew they didn't want to do. I'm not controlling like that. Love and respect is never controlling.

Dude, listen to Renee....  she speaks the truth.  It is easy to have idealistic expectations of what marriage is and the obligations of the other partner in the first year, but long term (been married 17yrs now) you are going to have to let those expectations go or you will not find marital happiness.  I always tell my wife "What makes you happy, makes me happy..."  easier to say than to actually mean, but you say it enough you start to mean it. 

2010-08-10 4:36 PM
in reply to: #3014988

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Subject: RE: Wife "hates camping". What do I do?
So what is the fun in marriage if you cannot change them?
How else are they going to change?


2010-08-11 5:26 PM
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Subject: RE: Wife "hates camping". What do I do?
You know, rereading all of this (I'm not married, have been lurking!), I'm thinking it's a shame her 6-hour shopping trip (ugh!) did not occur while you were gone camping.

Then you would have had 6 hours LAST weekend to do something you BOTH really enjoy.
2010-08-12 5:33 PM
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Subject: RE: Wife "hates camping". What do I do?
A lot of women are like that sadly, they pretend to enjoy things in the beginning to hook the guy but once they get the ring its all over...  My suggestion would be to by her the book "Proper care and feeding of Husbands."  No that isn't a joke, it is a very insightful book.  In relationship women are usually very, very selfish and often times they don't even realize it.  If you could actually get her to read it I believe that would be very beneficial to your relationship.  If not, best of luck.
2010-08-13 1:00 PM
in reply to: #3014988

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Subject: RE: Wife "hates camping". What do I do?
I'm glad to see that alot of people make their marriages work in different ways. My personality wouldn't work with some of the options provided here and yet I remain happily married, and my wife would appear to be in the same boat. YMMV
2010-08-13 1:04 PM
in reply to: #3040872

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Subject: RE: Wife "hates camping". What do I do?
shawna.kelly - 2010-08-12 4:33 PM A lot of women are like that sadly, they pretend to enjoy things in the beginning to hook the guy but once they get the ring its all over...  My suggestion would be to by her the book "Proper care and feeding of Husbands."  No that isn't a joke, it is a very insightful book.  In relationship women are usually very, very selfish and often times they don't even realize it.  If you could actually get her to read it I believe that would be very beneficial to your relationship.  If not, best of luck.


Wow. Generalize much?
2010-08-13 1:35 PM
in reply to: #3042458

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Subject: RE: Wife "hates camping". What do I do?
lodewey - 2010-08-13 2:04 PM
shawna.kelly - 2010-08-12 4:33 PM A lot of women are like that sadly, they pretend to enjoy things in the beginning to hook the guy but once they get the ring its all over...  My suggestion would be to by her the book "Proper care and feeding of Husbands."  No that isn't a joke, it is a very insightful book.  In relationship women are usually very, very selfish and often times they don't even realize it.  If you could actually get her to read it I believe that would be very beneficial to your relationship.  If not, best of luck.


Wow. Generalize much?



That was nicer than anything that went through my mind.


2010-08-13 1:48 PM
in reply to: #3042558

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Subject: RE: Wife "hates camping". What do I do?
trinnas - 2010-08-12 2:35 PM
lodewey - 2010-08-13 2:04 PM
shawna.kelly - 2010-08-12 4:33 PM A lot of women are like that sadly, they pretend to enjoy things in the beginning to hook the guy but once they get the ring its all over...  My suggestion would be to by her the book "Proper care and feeding of Husbands."  No that isn't a joke, it is a very insightful book.  In relationship women are usually very, very selfish and often times they don't even realize it.  If you could actually get her to read it I believe that would be very beneficial to your relationship.  If not, best of luck.


Wow. Generalize much?



That was nicer than anything that went through my mind.


Most women probably thought the same thing.
2010-08-13 2:00 PM
in reply to: #3042605

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Subject: RE: Wife "hates camping". What do I do?
moondawg14 - 2010-08-13 2:48 PM
trinnas - 2010-08-12 2:35 PM
lodewey - 2010-08-13 2:04 PM
shawna.kelly - 2010-08-12 4:33 PM A lot of women are like that sadly, they pretend to enjoy things in the beginning to hook the guy but once they get the ring its all over...  My suggestion would be to by her the book "Proper care and feeding of Husbands."  No that isn't a joke, it is a very insightful book.  In relationship women are usually very, very selfish and often times they don't even realize it.  If you could actually get her to read it I believe that would be very beneficial to your relationship.  If not, best of luck.


Wow. Generalize much?



That was nicer than anything that went through my mind.


Most women probably thought the same thing.


Good Point.
2010-08-14 2:23 PM
in reply to: #3042558

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Subject: RE: Wife "hates camping". What do I do?
trinnas - 2010-08-13 12:35 PM
lodewey - 2010-08-13 2:04 PM
shawna.kelly - 2010-08-12 4:33 PM A lot of women are like that sadly, they pretend to enjoy things in the beginning to hook the guy but once they get the ring its all over...  My suggestion would be to by her the book "Proper care and feeding of Husbands."  No that isn't a joke, it is a very insightful book.  In relationship women are usually very, very selfish and often times they don't even realize it.  If you could actually get her to read it I believe that would be very beneficial to your relationship.  If not, best of luck.


Wow. Generalize much?



That was nicer than anything that went through my mind.
I was going to post a whole long thing about how Shawna's "observations" really were more of a statement of the kind of women she chose to surround herself with, and thus a statement about the type of woman she is, but then I realized it would most likely fall on deaf ears. But I just couldn't force myself to "walk on by" without commenting (And yes, I realize that is a statement about the kind of woman I am!)
2010-08-14 2:51 PM
in reply to: #3042605

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Subject: RE: Wife "hates camping". What do I do?
moondawg14 - 2010-08-13 11:48 AM
trinnas - 2010-08-12 2:35 PM
lodewey - 2010-08-13 2:04 PM
shawna.kelly - 2010-08-12 4:33 PM A lot of women are like that sadly, they pretend to enjoy things in the beginning to hook the guy but once they get the ring its all over...  My suggestion would be to by her the book "Proper care and feeding of Husbands."  No that isn't a joke, it is a very insightful book.  In relationship women are usually very, very selfish and often times they don't even realize it.  If you could actually get her to read it I believe that would be very beneficial to your relationship.  If not, best of luck.


Wow. Generalize much?



That was nicer than anything that went through my mind.


Most women probably thought the same thing.


Not sure sarcasm is needed here.  However, my mother taught me if you have nothing nice to say don't say it so I decided to ignore the comment.
2010-08-14 3:03 PM
in reply to: #3043816

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Subject: RE: Wife "hates camping". What do I do?
bzgl40 - 2010-08-14 3:51 PM
moondawg14 - 2010-08-13 11:48 AM
trinnas - 2010-08-12 2:35 PM
lodewey - 2010-08-13 2:04 PM
shawna.kelly - 2010-08-12 4:33 PM A lot of women are like that sadly, they pretend to enjoy things in the beginning to hook the guy but once they get the ring its all over...  My suggestion would be to by her the book "Proper care and feeding of Husbands."  No that isn't a joke, it is a very insightful book.  In relationship women are usually very, very selfish and often times they don't even realize it.  If you could actually get her to read it I believe that would be very beneficial to your relationship.  If not, best of luck.


Wow. Generalize much?



That was nicer than anything that went through my mind.


Most women probably thought the same thing.


Not sure sarcasm is needed here.  However, my mother taught me if you have nothing nice to say don't say it so I decided to ignore the comment.


You are correct on the bolded point.

Signed,

A Woman Who Is Happy With My Life And Has No Problem Communicating My Likes* And Dislikes** Clearly And Honestly

*e.g., camping
**e.g.:  shopping


2010-08-14 3:31 PM
in reply to: #3014988

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Subject: RE: Wife "hates camping". What do I do?
I HATE camping!!! I work too damn hard to live like I'm homeless. Camping is for suckers, yucky!
2010-08-16 10:25 AM
in reply to: #3014988

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Subject: RE: Wife "hates camping". What do I do?
I apologize for what I said, I did not mean for my comment to come across that way, I really was trying to be helpful and must have struck a nerve. I realize not all women are like that and I'm sorry for offending anyone and I also apologize for the way my comment came off.
2010-08-16 11:29 AM
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Subject: RE: Wife "hates camping". What do I do?
bwingate - 2010-08-02 4:27 PM Camping in a campground or backpacking?  If its backpacking, you're probably totally out of luck.  Girls don't like "going" in the woods.



I like "going" in nature. Love it. So much, in fact, sometimes I go outside and chuck a whiz in my back yard, just for the he11 of it.

And nothing better than taking your morning constitutional out amongst the trees, surveying the forest from your throne, watching as eagles soar above the sparkling blue waters.
2010-08-16 11:47 AM
in reply to: #3016417

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Subject: RE: Wife "hates camping". What do I do?

pigfinn - 2010-08-01 9:35 AM
Renee - 2010-07-30 8:37 PM
Aarondb4 - 2010-07-30 6:17 PM

So how do I make camping more enticing and comfortable for her so that she will want to go with me?



I am going to tell you what no one else will: Embrace your differences, rather than trying to eliminate them.

Imagine your wife on a quilting forum, asking for advice on how to get her handsome husband of 1 year to enjoy a quilting weekend extravaganza. How, oh how, can I get him to appreciate the finer points of quilting?!?!

Your wife doesn't want to go camping. You do. So, plan a weekend to go camping. If the pain of your absence is strong enough, she MIGHT elect to go camping with you the next time. If she enjoys the time apart (NOTHING WRONG WITH THAT!), then so be it. But do NOT try to force something into her life that she doesn't want to do. You don't have to give it up, just as she doesn't have to pretend to enjoy it and go along to get along. Accept your differences.


I agree with this.  I work with a man who is always disappointed and upset that his wife is not athletic and that she hates biking.  I say 'accept it my friend, she doesn't bike, she will never bike, she's never been a cyclist, and chances are she's not going to be a cyclist at 50+ years of age'.  He constantly struggles with it.   I try to persuade him to take a bike tour on his own, because at the rate he is going, he's going to miss out on all the cycling events waiting for his 'non-cyclist, never will become a cyclist wife'.

Embrace the differences, go camping for a weekend... let your wife do what she wants for a weekend... come back home and enjoy all the other things you love to do together.

FIrst of all, ewww...camping. Second of all, I agree with Renee. Again

I was forced to camp from ages 10-16 nearly EVERY weekend in Colorado.  The good thing: It was wholesome and I still remember (in great detail) how to clean a fish.  The bad thing:  All of that early camping took away any desire to ever do it again-being in a cramped cabin on a cruise ship is about as close as I like to come.

Lastly, as far as the guy who wishes his wife would bike...and, consequently, the many BT'ers who wish their spouses were also triathletes....it IS great to passionately share the same hobby, but with 4 kids and two jobs, there have been a few times when we "fight" over training time and have thoughtful discussions over whose turn it is to race.  Two competitive (not in standings, but in heart) triathletes don't like missing races and sacrificing training.  BUt I would rather have those be our issues than the alternatives.

The moral of the story, the grass is always greener-just be happy with your own damn grass.

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