Should I invite her?

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2010-08-19 11:05 PM

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Subject: Should I invite her?
Ok, to make a long story short, I have a friend who used to be a good friend but who I have not spoken to for about 4 months. We had been friends for 7 years and our kids grew up together. We used to talk 2-3 times a week & get together with our kids for playdates often. But in the past year, she had been doing/saying things that annoyed me (being negative, causing her own problems & then complaining endlessly about them, etc.)

We didn't have a falling out or a fight, but we did have a tense phone conversation after which I started distancing myself from her. I do not regret ending the friendship, but I feel bad that we still have a couple mutual friends who now feel a little akward about it (we used to all get together and do things with our kids). I also feel a little bad because my son is friends with her son and has not gotten to see him since my decision to distance myself from her. My son asks about his friend.

So here is my question. I'm having a birthday party for my son. Should I invite her and her son? Our kids are still little (5 years old), so the parents still stay for the entire party. Like I said, our kids get along and my son has asked to play with him. I know we would act friendly with each other but it would prob be very akward. What do you think?   

2010-08-19 11:21 PM
in reply to: #3054042

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Madison,
Subject: RE: Should I invite her?
go to lunch before the party and explain why you distanced yourself.  Some people don't realize they are being negative until it is brought to their attention.  If that still upsets her then let her know you would still like for your kids to be able to play together regardless of what direction your friendship goes. 

FWIW, I dislike most of my kids parents and it has never been a problem, at least for me. Wink 





Edited by melle 2010-08-19 11:21 PM
2010-08-19 11:46 PM
in reply to: #3054042

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Subject: RE: Should I invite her?
So this is just how I would think of it if it were me: The party is for your son, invite who he likes. If the party were for you, don't invite her.
I'm sure you do things all the time for your kids that you don't want to do  That's what Momma's do. This will likely just be a few hours and there will probably be enough other people and hostess duties that you won't have time to worry about her much. I know I always feel like I don't even get time to visit with anyone at my kids birthdays!!

Good luck!
2010-08-19 11:50 PM
in reply to: #3054054

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Subject: RE: Should I invite her?
trigal38 - 2010-08-20 12:46 AM So this is just how I would think of it if it were me: The party is for your son, invite who he likes. If the party were for you, don't invite her.
I'm sure you do things all the time for your kids that you don't want to do  That's what Momma's do. This will likely just be a few hours and there will probably be enough other people and hostess duties that you won't have time to worry about her much. I know I always feel like I don't even get time to visit with anyone at my kids birthdays!!

Good luck!


I agree with trigal38, nice suggestion.
 
2010-08-20 8:57 AM
in reply to: #3054042

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Subject: RE: Should I invite her?

Invite him.  It will make your son happy to see his little buddy.  That's worth putting up with her for a few hours.  Plus I'm sure you will be running around so you probably won't even notice she's there.

2010-08-20 9:03 AM
in reply to: #3054042

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Subject: RE: Should I invite her?

if your son wants her son there, invite the son.  you aren't inviting her, so to speak, you are inviting the son.

and as you will have multiple parents there, you can easily keep yourself entertained doing party planning things - so it isn't as if the two of you are going to be sequestered for the whole event.

worse case scenario, invite her, and have a friend run interference for you.  in my experience, these birthday parties fly by and i'm usually so focused on the kids having fun and making sure everything runs smoothly, i miss the chance to have any semblence of a conversation with the other parents anyway.

2010-08-20 9:03 AM
in reply to: #3054054

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Subject: RE: Should I invite her?
trigal38 - 2010-08-19 11:46 PM So this is just how I would think of it if it were me: The party is for your son, invite who he likes. If the party were for you, don't invite her.
I'm sure you do things all the time for your kids that you don't want to do  That's what Momma's do. This will likely just be a few hours and there will probably be enough other people and hostess duties that you won't have time to worry about her much. I know I always feel like I don't even get time to visit with anyone at my kids birthdays!!

Good luck!


She hit the nail on the head.  Yes, invite her.  Keep in mind we all go through times in our lives when we aren't the best person we can be maybe this is her time.

 
2010-08-20 9:13 AM
in reply to: #3054047

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Subject: RE: Should I invite her?
"FWIW, I dislike most of my kids parents"

....aren't YOU your kids parent?  Smile
2010-08-20 9:14 AM
in reply to: #3054042

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Savannah,
Subject: RE: Should I invite her?

IMO, I say your son probably has other friends and that, in the big picture, this particular friend's attendance will not impact his party or his life.  I am all for keeping people close who are healthy and keeping a healthy distance from people who are negative.  All done without cruelty and as kindly as possible, of course.

Don't let this take away from YOUR joy of seeing your son enjoy his special day.

2010-08-20 9:16 AM
in reply to: #3054415

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Subject: RE: Should I invite her?
Afletcher - 2010-08-20 10:13 AM "FWIW, I dislike most of my kids parents"

....aren't YOU your kids parent?  Smile


she's only one...she dislikes the other one!!
2010-08-20 9:17 AM
in reply to: #3054042

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Subject: RE: Should I invite her?
Invite the son and warmly welcome the two of them if they come.  Don't do anything ahead of time with her. 

She may realize the distance was your way of protecting yourself and she *might* have changed as a result.  If so, you'll know at the party you can renew the friendship.  If not, maintain enough of a relationship that the two boys can get together periodically. 

2010-08-20 10:39 AM
in reply to: #3054042

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Subject: RE: Should I invite her?
there was an episode of "my name is earl" where joy thought her kids didn't have any friends b/c they never got invited to parties. turns out, the boys weren't invited b/c the other parents couldn't stand being around joy.

i'm sure there's a relevant point in there somewhere assuming that you let NBC thursday night television guide your decision-making process. and really, who doesn't. for example, i never go on hospital rooftops b/c you never know when a helicopter will get you.
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