An Open Letter to Squirrels (Page 2)

Dear Squirrels,

Please stop running in front of my bike while I am riding. You've done this to me on both of my last two rides. I was able to avoid you each time, but just barely. If you would like to cross the road, feel free, but please do so before I get there, or wait until I have passed. Either would be preferable to your current method of crossing, which involves standing still in the middle of the road until I'm ten feet away from you, and then sprinting at my front wheel. This is ill-advised.

In the event of a collision, you would almost certainly experience serious injury or death, whereas I would likely suffer no physical harm whatsoever. The odds of victory are heavily weighted in my favor.

Squirrels, I don't mean to antagonize you. Know that I only have your best interests at heart. I'm sure you don't want to know what it feels like to go through a 9-speed rear derailleur any more than I want to clean you out of one. If you chose to follow these simple guidelines, I believe we'll both be much better off.

Best,

Danny