For you guys (or single moms)

I haven't gotten there yet, but I can tell you I am planning on "talks" instead of the singular "talk."

Why can't it just be like the good ol' days when I learned everything from a combo of Health class and friends' hidden stashes of adult entertainment?   


 

Completely agree..this is just the intro!  I want it to be an open dialogue for sure...

All I can tell you is that I wish my parents had talked to me rather than leave it up to the "health ed" class at school which didn't really teach us anything. 

I distinctly remember my mom having a conversation with me after school one day (grade 6, I think?) telling me to stay away from a certain boy "because he wanted to have sex with me", and then she walked out of the room.  It might have been a more effective conversation if I had any idea what the h3ll she was talking about. 

I think this is a good approach. Had an initial talk w/the 10yo this year, and he did ok. He has a scientific mind and knows plenty about animals mating, so the biology aspect was almost trivial for him. He did say, "I just wish it wasn't so disgusting." Will definitely have to revisit the subject as he matures.

Never got the talk, but wish I did. It would have been nice to be able to ask some questions. And I never got much in school either....darn Catholic schools...

Same here. 

My oldest I had "the talk" at 13.  He already knew the mechanics of it but we talked about the responsibility side of it.

My youngest son is now 10.  He understands the mechanics of it as it relates to animals.  We just recently had a discussion on nocturnal emissions.  I learned this year that the average age for nocturnal emission is 11.

The next discussion will be how the mechanics of it relate to humans.  And then the responsibility discussion.

So, many small discussions that we normally have when we're driving somewhere.

I also agree that having several talks (an open ongoing dialogue) is the way to go. My mom told me what sex was when I was 8 years old. Just a very basic description using eight year old friendly language and let me ask any questions I wanted to. I didn't have a lot at eight, but I think it helped me to understand what the word meant. As I got older, I was able to come to her with more questions. I think that's the way to go with the first talk, just ask if they know what the word sex means and go from there. At a younger age, just the basics are usually enough, but opening up that line of communication is really important.

Edited by jpbis26 2011-01-15 6:32 PM

I'm kinda dreading this one myself (as my daughter is 10 now...). I won't do what my parents did... Handed me a book when I was... 12? I read the "parent introduction" page that said "read this to your children when they are very young -- 4-5 years old is recommended", promptly gave it back and said they were too late.

Never got anything else from them.

So I have no example to follow.

Divorced Mom of 2 teenage boys (16 1/2 & 14 1/2) and we are always talking...or maybe reminding. The know the "mechanics" as someone else said and I just keep reminding them that once they start having sex there is always a strong possibility of becoming a dad, and that once the deed is done they don't have much say in what the girl decides to do. But they will be responsible for a child forever. I am always reminding them that if they choose to do this it they should be safe. I often ask..."do we need to have the safe sex talk again?" the oldest just says..."has it changed form last week?" He now has his first girlfriend and they have been hanging out a lot at both his dad's house and mine. His step mom sat down both him and the girl and a talk with them. I'm hoping the key is to just be open sex and the dangers and responsibilities that come with it. Good luck.

I actually took my son out on a overnight vacation, where we had a hotel room, so he was not embarrassed by his sisters being around.  We talked about a large number of things that night from how to properly respect and treat women, to more direct subjects.  This was in conjunction with what was being taught in school, so he asked some questions, and we had a nice dialogue, fun time out of it.

phoenixazul - 2011-01-15 6:26 PM

And away from 2 younger sisters. 

No disrespect intended in my response, but while a notebook might "cut back on some awkwardness" I really don't think it does much in terms of open communication.  By using a journal, or writing things down, it means that you're not actually talking with your child/children about some of the things that they might not even think of asking.  Or the question might be misinterpreted - just as the parent's answer might be.   There are also important tangents to spoken conversations (especially with the topic at hand) that wouldn't happen with writing things down in a journal.  I also think the awkward feeling is something that should be faced by both the parent/s and their child/children to foster that feeling of... no matter what, you can always talk with your parents about it. 

If I recall the name of the book we gave our son (after "talks") was something like "what is going on down there". had an initial conversation, Q&A, then suggested he read and we could talk again. Worked well for him

That title is awesome!  At 36 years old I still ask myself that question!  

 

I don't have boys, but do have two girls.  With that being said, my wife who has a Masters in Childhood Development has been having talks with my 12 year old in "layers" as my wife calls it.  I think she goes a little deeper with each conversation as my 12 year old is ready or when she asks about something.  This has been a long process and believe me, it isn't over.  I think honesty and openness is the best advice.  If I went by my experience, I not only wouldn't have any conversation about it with them; I would make sure my kids would be scared to h*ll about even looking at or talking to boys.  Not a recommended way to handle an adolescent kids.  Good luck.

This pretty much, my boys are now 18 and 15 1/2 but we've been talking openly about sex for a long time.  We also talk a lot about STDs.  Let's face it when most of us were growing up pregnancy was the 'worst' thing that could happen, not so much anymore.

I tell my boys that they should not be having sex with a girl they would not want as the mother of their children because it can always happen.  Is this the woman you want to be sharing Christmas with for the next 20ish years?  If not, you shouldn't be having sex with her.

We also talk a lot about the emotions surrounding sex, it is not just a physical act, it does change you and it is important to me that my boys respect and acknowledge a girls/womans feelings at all times.  How is she going to feel about this?

The 18 year old is a virgin, he has a girlfriend now and things seem to be moving a tad fast for my personal taste (caught them in his room on the bed kissing with door closed)  I was home but was tending to 3 other children.  We have rules in place, he knows it, he is pushing the envelope which is OK he's 18!
However this new development means we will be talking about sex often.  Has anything changed?  For him it has, he is very attracted to this girl and she is likely attracted to him as well so while the mechanics and consequences have not changed, his brain has.  We talk about sex a lot.
Oh and regarding nocturnal emmissions, I taught my boys to wash their own sheets when they were 9 and I haven't done it since.

The talk that my dad had with me was in the car on the way to a hockey tournament. It was simple...

"Sam. You're mom told me to have the talk with you. So here it is. Don't be a dumb***. Got it?"

It worked! I was from that moment on (and probably before) perpetually afraid of disappointing my parents. Ipso facto, they have no grand-kids and I have no burning and/or itching when I pee. 

Edited by SammyKarch 2011-01-16 10:06 PM