Monday Jokes
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2011-01-17 5:04 PM |
Champion 6285 Beautiful Sonoma County | Subject: Monday Jokes Post 'em if you got 'em. Mine: A man walks into a restaurant with a full-grown ostrich behind him. The waitress asks them for their orders. "I'll have the same," says the ostrich. A short time later the waitress returns with the order. "That will be $9.40 please." The man reaches into his pocket and pulls out the exact change for payment. The next day, the man and the ostrich come again and the man says, "A hamburger, fries and a coke." The ostrich says, "I'll have the same." Again the man reaches into his pocket and pays with exact change. This becomes routine until the two enter again. "The usual?" asks the waitress. "No, this is Friday night, so I will have a steak, baked potato and a salad," says the man. "Same," says the ostrich. Shortly the waitress brings the order and says, "That will be $32.62." Once again the man pulls the exact change out of his pocket and places it on the table. The waitress cannot hold back her curiosity any longer. "Excuse me, sir. How do you manage to always come up with the exact change in your pocket every time?" "Well," says the man, "several years ago I was cleaning the attic and found an old lamp. When I rubbed it, a Genie appeared and offered me two wishes. My first wish was that if I ever had to pay for anything, I would just put my hand in my pocket and the right amount of money would always be there." "That's brilliant!" says the waitress. "Most people would ask for a million dollars or something, but you'll always be as rich as you want for as long as you live!" "That's right. Whether it's a gallon of milk or a Rolls Royce, the exact money is always there," says the man. The waitress asks, "What's with the ostrich?" The man sighs, pauses and answers, "My second wish was for a tall chick with long legs who agrees with everything I say." |
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2011-01-17 5:37 PM in reply to: #3305042 |
Pro 6767 the Alabama part of Pennsylvania | Subject: RE: Monday Jokes Good one - most of mine are a bit off color - The class is talking about what their parents do for a living. Susie says "My mom is a doctor". Billy says "My dad works in the bank". Johnny says "My mom is a hooker". The teacher sends Johnny to the principal's office. A little while later, Johnny comes back. The teacher asks him "What did the principal tell you?" Johnny says "He told me that in this economy all jobs are important. Then he asked me for the phone number for my house, gave me a lollipop, and told me to come back to class!" |
2011-01-17 9:04 PM in reply to: #3305042 |
Alpharetta, Georgia | Subject: RE: Monday Jokes This is from Elmo's Twitter the other day. No I do not follow Elmo, someone re-tweeted it. Q: What word starts with "E" and only has one letter? A: Envelope! |
2011-01-17 9:14 PM in reply to: #3305442 |
Champion 15211 Southern Chicago Suburbs, IL | Subject: RE: Monday Jokes lisac957 - 2011-01-17 9:04 PM This is from Elmo's Twitter the other day. No I do not follow Elmo, someone re-tweeted it. Q: What word starts with "E" and only has one letter? A: Envelope! HA! I just got hit for telling that one. |
2011-01-17 10:28 PM in reply to: #3305042 |
Regular 157 | Subject: RE: Monday Jokes Two cannibals are eating a clown. One turns to the other and says "Do you taste something funny?" |
2011-01-18 2:17 AM in reply to: #3305042 |
Extreme Veteran 1112 Las Vegas | Subject: RE: Monday Jokes So a skeleton walks into a bar and orders a beer and a mop........ why do gorillas have such big nostrils????? Because they have big fingers. Ok so my grandchildren just left |
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2011-01-18 4:14 PM in reply to: #3305042 |
Iron Donkey 38643 , Wisconsin | Subject: RE: Monday Jokes madkat - 2011-01-17 5:04 PM Post 'em if you got 'em. Mine: A man walks into a restaurant with a full-grown ostrich behind him. The waitress asks them for their orders. "I'll have the same," says the ostrich. A short time later the waitress returns with the order. "That will be $9.40 please." The man reaches into his pocket and pulls out the exact change for payment. The next day, the man and the ostrich come again and the man says, "A hamburger, fries and a coke." The ostrich says, "I'll have the same." Again the man reaches into his pocket and pays with exact change. This becomes routine until the two enter again. "The usual?" asks the waitress. "No, this is Friday night, so I will have a steak, baked potato and a salad," says the man. "Same," says the ostrich. Shortly the waitress brings the order and says, "That will be $32.62." Once again the man pulls the exact change out of his pocket and places it on the table. The waitress cannot hold back her curiosity any longer. "Excuse me, sir. How do you manage to always come up with the exact change in your pocket every time?" "Well," says the man, "several years ago I was cleaning the attic and found an old lamp. When I rubbed it, a Genie appeared and offered me two wishes. My first wish was that if I ever had to pay for anything, I would just put my hand in my pocket and the right amount of money would always be there." "That's brilliant!" says the waitress. "Most people would ask for a million dollars or something, but you'll always be as rich as you want for as long as you live!" "That's right. Whether it's a gallon of milk or a Rolls Royce, the exact money is always there," says the man. The waitress asks, "What's with the ostrich?" The man sighs, pauses and answers, "My second wish was for a tall chick with long legs who agrees with everything I say." So why does the guy keep asking questions to the ostrich anyways? Ohhhh, so we have the joke. Edited by 1stTimeTri 2011-01-18 4:14 PM |
2011-01-19 7:22 PM in reply to: #3305042 |
Elite 4344 | Subject: RE: Monday Jokes |