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2005-10-03 10:52 AM

Subject: My friends suck!
Just a little rant on how clueless my friends are...

Yesterdays phone conversations (names changed to protect the innocent):

Velma: I just can't stand the thought of doing all that. I'm getting winded just scooping up dog poo.

Fred: So, did you do anything interesting this weekend? (this after three weeks of telling him I was doing a tri on the 1st)

Daphne: Man, $100 to enter? Well, with two kids I don't have that kind of time or money. How do you afford it? Maybe you should get a real job, huh?

Heather: (upon hearing I haven't got any tri's coming up till next year) So that means you can stay up and go out for a girls night now? You never go out dancing anymore!


Well, they suck, but I love them. It's just irksome how oblivious they can be. I've been hoping that at least one of my friends would be inspired to try a tri too, but so far it looks bleak. It bumms me out, because I feel like they are missing out on the fun, and becasue I know they are all capable of at least a team tri.






2005-10-03 11:03 AM
in reply to: #258237

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Giver
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Subject: RE: My friends suck!

When I get comments like that, I usually attribute it to two things: 1) they're really clueless and just don't get it; 2) they're projecting their inadequacies onto me. For the people that fall into "1)", I go the education route. for the others, well, I don't have the patience for them.

Take the "where do you get the money for that" comment. Dollars to donuts that person has some sort of "extravagant" $100 purchase lying around. New shoes, some crap for the house, maybe some jewlery. Sigh...

Ranting always appreciated...

2005-10-03 11:09 AM
in reply to: #258237

Elite
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Subject: RE: My friends suck!
newbiedoo - 2005-10-03 7:52 AM

Daphne: Maybe you should get a real job, huh?



Ouch. Even if they don't understand, I don't tolerate mean comments like that.
2005-10-03 11:16 AM
in reply to: #258243

Subject: RE: My friends suck!
run4yrlif - 2005-10-03 11:03 AM

When I get comments like that, I usually attribute it to two things: 1) they're really clueless and just don't get it; 2) they're projecting their inadequacies onto me. For the people that fall into "1)", I go the education route. for the others, well, I don't have the patience for them.

Take the "where do you get the money for that" comment. Dollars to donuts that person has some sort of "extravagant" $100 purchase lying around. New shoes, some crap for the house, maybe some jewlery. Sigh...

Ranting always appreciated...



It never occured to me (seems obvious now that you point it out) that the 2 group are projecting. Gives it a whole different skew that also makes me realize how all their comments betray something deeper about themselves. Interesting.

Daphne's definately got some extravagances, but her comment is also a good example of how, when you work at home, people sort of assume that you aren't really "working". More cluelessness!

Ach! More ranting!

2005-10-03 11:24 AM
in reply to: #258254

Subject: RE: My friends suck!
ChuckyFinster - 2005-10-03 11:09 AM

newbiedoo - 2005-10-03 7:52 AM

Daphne: Maybe you should get a real job, huh?



Ouch. Even if they don't understand, I don't tolerate mean comments like that.


Yep, one of those sarcastic remarks that really points out what the person is thinking. Poor thing, though - she's in a housewife stuck at home mode and feeling pretty powerless herself, so I'm willing to let it slide. Getting my panties in a wad is not worth harming a 15 year friendship. I was able to counter with, "I just got a new account" so that put her in her place!





2005-10-03 11:41 AM
in reply to: #258237

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Veteran
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Subject: RE: My friends suck!
I actually had a hilarious conversation with a friend right after I finished my tri this weekend. It was my first and a sprint, so I was somewhat excited, and my friend had a cousin who had done a half-Ironman last year. The important part of the coming quote is to remember that the race the cousin did was a half-Ironman, and all race-types mentioned are her mistake and not mine:

"Wow, you just did a triathlon! My cousin did an Ironman triathlon last year, too! Oh, you did a sprint triathlon? Is that half of an Ironman? Oh, a lot shorter, huh? Well, yeah, my cousin did a half-marathon last year, and she was EXHAUSTED! She said she would never do an Olympic-length triathlon again, it was just too much work. She'd been training for that marathon in New Mexico all summer, but she was glad she did an Ironman at least once."

That is the condensed version of a 10 minute conversation with this woman, whom I don't think referred to the race correctly more than twice the entire time. She had no idea why I was laughing so hard!


2005-10-03 11:54 AM
in reply to: #258289

Subject: RE: My friends suck!
goodzen - 2005-10-03 11:41 AM

She had no idea why I was laughing so hard!


LOL! That's hysterical!!!

Well, at least she was giving you more credit than you deserved! She's super impressed by you so that's cool, even if somewhat misplaced!

Congrats on your SPRINT!



2005-10-03 12:07 PM
in reply to: #258237

Sydney Australia
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2005-10-03 12:17 PM
in reply to: #258237

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Master
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Subject: RE: My friends suck!
Last year, when I started this madness, my friends thought I was absolutely nuts. ESPECIALLY since me + water = disaster. It had gotten to the point where their disbelief and impatience with my training schedule had gotten a little tiring.

Fast forward to this year.... 3 of them did Danskin with me! Not sure what happened during the off-season, but one of them called me up in December, started asking questions about how hard it was, how much training, etc. etc.... and then she blew me away by saying that she'd do it with me. And then another two of our friends joined in.

So - it's possible that they'll have a change of heart ... I certainly never thought I'd be sharing this obsession with any of my friends! And we're now slowly trying convert the ones who haven't yet seen the light....
2005-10-03 12:47 PM
in reply to: #258322

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Expert
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Subject: RE: My friends suck!
- 2005-10-03 1:07 PM

Just because I don't drink or party as much does not mean that I am less of a person or a friend.



damn right. i used to be a party animal in school. now the thought of going out when i have a workout planned for the next morning or the week before a race just doenst soud like fun. sure i want to go out, but the goals i have, eventhough my goal race is far away, just seem more important than getting wasted. plus there is the little thing called tolerance that i don't have anymore, which i found out last weekend when i thought i could hang like i used to.

both my roommates were athletes in highschool, one track and football the other cross country and maybe track, i dont remember. but i am the only one who went to college and continued athletics (swimming). then when i graduated i got extremely out of shape, but now i am in the best shape since 2000. my one roommate actually started running and told me that he's caught my "bug" about working out and that i've inspired him to do something about the shape he's in. due to my work schedule i do all of my training by myself but i hade the opportunity to go run with him once. however he's fallen off and i dont think he's gone out for at least a week and it's a real bummer.

i have been thinking about asking them if they want to do a relay but have my doubts that they'll want to. i asked if he wanted to run a 5k with me but his response was "im not in 5k shape yet"

when i first started i got all the "you're crazy," "yo when are you gonna come out?" get called ironman and all that. but they just dont get it.

one positive is that one of the girls on the swim team i coach has taken a real interest in tri's and is racing her first one with me this weekend! im very excited.
2005-10-03 12:53 PM
in reply to: #258263

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Subject: RE: My friends suck!
newbiedoo - 2005-10-03 11:16 AM
Daphne's definately got some extravagances, but her comment is also a good example of how, when you work at home, people sort of assume that you aren't really "working". More cluelessness!


I always hated that! I worked harder at home than I did at work (when I had the option), mostly for lack of social interaction, nobody stopping by the office to gossip, no meetings to waste time with, no hour long lunches since the food was right in the kitchen. We're pushing for either some at-home time or four 10's at my current job, and there's a subset of people who think if you're not in your seat from 8:30 - 5 you're not working. Go figure. People are just resistant to change.

OK, rant off.

Yeah, it sounds like your friends are seriously unappreciative of your efforts, but they still want to see you and hang out with you. Let it slide, not everybody is going to get it. Ultimately they'll just accept it as another part of who you are, if you've been friends that long. And maybe you'll inspire them after awhile, maybe not...does your housewife friend inspire you to become a domestic goddess?


2005-10-03 2:06 PM
in reply to: #258237

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Champion
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Subject: RE: My friends suck!
Welcome to the club.  Your friends, unless they are triatletes also, cannot understand the ins and outs of triathlons and why you are so empassioned by them.  I have found that the best way to deal with this is to dispense with friends altogether.  But then again, I am an old reprobate!
2005-10-03 2:37 PM
in reply to: #258237

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Elite
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Subject: RE: My friends suck!

Yea I usually get the same stuff. I have friends who usually will say "oh how is your training for that marathon-thingy going" I will then say it is a triathlon and then they say "triathlon is it something you dont finish is that why you just try to do it"? I usually atthat point just say yeah pretty much...

My dad looked at me one day and said "why again are you doing all of this shit ?", I just looked and said you know I really dont know....

Some friends are great others have no clue and just want you to go out and be a slob and party with them.

2005-10-03 2:53 PM
in reply to: #258237

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Subject: RE: My friends suck!
My 18-year-old son was sitting on the couch with an x-box controller in his hand and asking me about triathlons. When I told him what a sprint distance was, he said, "Is that all? Do you even have to train for it?" At which point, I wanted to smack him, but I didn't. (Actually, he is in really good shape---I should probably enter him into hottie of the month, but he's not a triathlete)

Honestly, though, I met Frank Shorter a couple of years ago at the Indy Half Marathon. He's a notorious partier. One of my friends quoted Frank as saying that you need to get a good night's sleep 2 nights before the marathon, and on the night before the marathon, you only have to get up off of the floor of the bar in time to make it to the starting line (or something like that). My point is that I still think you can have time for a social life and train as well. But I'm just a lowly age-grouper, so what do I know?
2005-10-03 5:06 PM
in reply to: #258237

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Subject: RE: My friends suck!
i didn't really read anything in this thread, but based on the title of this thread alone i can deduce this incredible conclusion:

you are a triathlete. you rule the world. they are not worthy to tie the shoelaces of your incredibly comfortable running shoes.



so take comfort in that.
2005-10-03 5:22 PM
in reply to: #258340

Subject: RE: My friends suck!
StartingToTri - 2005-10-03 12:17 PM

  • .. and then she blew me away by saying that she'd do it with me. And then another two of our friends joined in.

    So - it's possible that they'll have a change of heart ... I certainly never thought I'd be sharing this obsession with any of my friends! And we're now slowly trying convert the ones who haven't yet seen the light....


  • That is so cool. Really gives me hope!

    I was over the go-out-partying thing a few years ago. Start pushing 40 and it's just lame. So getting into tri actually has provided me with a handy excuse not to go out! lol So the party friends have to live with me coming out about once every three months. It's actually more fun now, cause it's just for fun, and not because I don't have anything better to do.

    Honestly, the one that really got to me was Fred, who just forgot altogther (unlike the others who did ask how it went).

    Grumble, grumble. I just wish one of them would stop bitching about how out of shape they are and give triathlon a whirl. I'm having so much fun, and feeling so good about what I've accomplished so far (humble though it may be) that it would be great to share this with someone.

    Well, maybe it will change. Thanks for listening to my rants!




    2005-10-03 5:27 PM
    in reply to: #258581

    Subject: RE: My friends suck!

    I am a triathlete. I rule the world. You (clueless friends) are not worthy to tie the shoelaces of my incredibly comfortable running shoes!

    Yep, works for me!

    2005-10-03 11:01 PM
    in reply to: #258237

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    Extreme Veteran
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    Subject: RE: My friends suck!
    my work here is done.
    2005-10-03 11:25 PM
    in reply to: #258237

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    Pro
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    Subject: RE: My friends suck!
    Eh, in college it's hard to explain to people..."yeah, sunday is my 10k run, and those ugly shorts with the butt pad I wear to class every week are because i squeeze in 20 miles between classes". Oh, and the other one I got was..."Holy hell, I didn't know what you looked like with a shower and without a bandana on your head."

    I really need to work on this whole "girl" thing.

    I get a lot of respect from people when I tell them I'm doing a triathlon (it's lately changed to, "i'm training for a shot at an ironman race"). Most people think I'm crazy, others have said,"wow, it's so brave that a girl your size is doing that!"...cmon! I don't look *that* bad in spandex!!
    2005-10-03 11:33 PM
    in reply to: #258237

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    Elite
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    Subject: RE: My friends suck!
    Wow. I never really realized how lucky I am - my friends & coworkers have been really supportive. They think I'm insane, but supportive. Some of the comments have been:

    "Wow, you are hard core, baby!"
    via IM: "You can't see me, but I am bowing in your direction right now"
    "That is the coolest thing ever!"

    Even my brother, whose job it is in life is to give me a hard time said he was very impressed.

    I'm sorry your friends are clueless, maybe they'll figure it out eventually - some are just a little slow on the uptake.
    2005-10-04 6:43 AM
    in reply to: #258237

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    Master
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    Subject: RE: My friends suck!
    That's just their stuff coming out, it really has nothing to do with you. Just smile and nod and observe how/what they are saying about themselves. Think of it as a science experiment. And encourage your friend in how really good she is at picking up dog do.


    2005-10-04 9:42 AM
    in reply to: #258436

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    Subject: RE: My friends suck!
    Machiavelo - 2005-10-03 2:06 PM

    Welcome to the club.  Your friends, unless they are triatletes also, cannot understand the ins and outs of triathlons and why you are so empassioned by them.  I have found that the best way to deal with this is to dispense with friends altogether.  But then again, I am an old reprobate!

    Reprobates of the worls unite-
    2005-10-04 10:04 AM
    in reply to: #258237


    14

    Subject: RE: My friends suck!
    Hi, new to the forum but I seem to be hanging out here alot So I might as well start throwing in my .$02.

    From the comments, I see two distinct behaviors from you friends. While your friends should be supporotive,(my friends were verbally supportive, thats where it ended) I think its unrealistic and unfair to expect them to show the same degree of enthusiasm that you have for the sport. Realistically, there was probably some other time where a friend was enthusiastic about something and you just unkowingly glossessed over it. (Golf scores, pottery, the "uper-cute" thing their dog did.) Don't let yourself get in to a "but I'm doing something cool and your not mentality." Besides, to me there something cool about being really dedicated to something for no other reason than yourself.

    Now the Daphne friend is another story. Anyone who wants to return something you feel positive about with a negative, irrelevant personal attack doesn't seem to come off as much of a friend at all.
    2005-10-04 10:51 AM
    in reply to: #258237

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    Expert
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    Subject: RE: My friends suck!
    i've go to countless shows my friends band has played. although i'm new to this sport, i've never had any friends come watch. my first race the only person who came to support was one buddy from work who used to do tri's years ago. second race my family came. this time around the only support will be the girl who is racing with me. my friends say that they will be there for my HIM, but it's in June and who knows what will happen by that time. Sometimes they don't even remember that I'm racing or if they do, they don't remember if it's a 5K or a tri or ocean swim or what. but i'm always at shows and make sure to keep the date free.
    2005-10-04 2:45 PM
    in reply to: #258237

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    Expert
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    Subject: RE: My friends suck!
    For what it's worth, I didn't really have much of an issue with the comment from "Heather" asking you to go out and go dancing. After all, this sport certainly does take time away from friends and family, and it's not the worst thing in the world if they enjoy your company enough to actually miss seeing you.....
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