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2005-10-05 6:43 PM

Expert
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Brisbane
Subject: Getting married vs Oly
So next month sometime I'm getting married......I knocked her up so gotta marry her. Thats the rules ...I'm told.

The date selected at this stage coincides with a race near to Sydney where we will have our low key registry wedding, very cool. I have told the other attendee, (AKA SO), a Tri race is on and she says sure go do it.

I have a couple of nigling issues:

1. Is she saying yes because she doesn't mind?
2. She wants to use it against me at a later date?
3. Will I be hungover from the previous days festivities? I wanna have a good time after, it could be my last.
4. I should do something more wedding like the following day? Any suggeestions as to what we should do as an alternate.

We aren't having anyone at the wedding besides a mate and his wife as witnesses and they only got the gig because they live in Sydney.

Any insight. WWBTD


2005-10-05 6:52 PM
in reply to: #260197

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Champion
5183
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Wisconsin
Subject: RE: Getting married vs Oly
hmmm. well, I am not your baby-momma, but: If I were, I would kill you. (aside, she should say what she means and no fair bringing up old shit so if #1/2 are true, you got issues) Bu tlike I said. My wedding day was really importnat to me. I wanted the whoel weekend to be about me and us, and I would have been pissed at the mere mention of another focus. But thats' me. maybe she is mopre evolved than I am.

PS Babies are so damn cool! way to go!
2005-10-05 7:01 PM
in reply to: #260198

Expert
615
500100
Brisbane
Subject: RE: Getting married vs Oly
Love the yo baby momma!!! Can I use it for future reference to her? You have spotted the delema. I can't help but feel I should be doing something else the following day. The other thing is Tris start early so they finish early, nothing to say we can't do something later.

As far as the day goes, neither of us really gives a shit, its just something we think we should do
for the little bastard, well at this stage he/she could be.
2005-10-05 7:05 PM
in reply to: #260197

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Pro
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Woodstock,GA
Subject: RE: Getting married vs Oly
Do the race....then keep running!!!! (only joking....good thing my wife doesn't come here!!)
2005-10-05 7:25 PM
in reply to: #260197

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Champion
7036
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Sarasota, FL
Subject: RE: Getting married vs Oly

Having survived 29 years of marriage (to the same person), my advice is:

Forget the race.  There will be others (if you live).

Make it about her for the weekend.

Women never forget anything. (I think it's genetic).  Paybacks are hell.

Mark

2005-10-05 8:03 PM
in reply to: #260197

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Pro
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Pittsburgh, my heart is in Glasgow
Subject: RE: Getting married vs Oly
...yeah man, I'd stay with her. The fact that you resisted the temptation to go will win you bonus points in the end. And obviously, there will be others. Unless this race has some kick ass entry prize, like a new bike...well then all bets are off.


2005-10-05 8:40 PM
in reply to: #260197

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Veteran
1108
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Perth, Oz
Subject: RE: Getting married vs Oly

Hmm Shaun should you really even be thinking about something like that? 

Just my opinion but its just the start of the season down here plenty of tris to pick from.  But only one wedding!

My sisters getting married in April and there is a tri I would like to do the day after and I'm not even thinking about doing it and its not my wedding.

2005-10-05 9:09 PM
in reply to: #260197

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Master
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Lexington, Kentucky
Subject: RE: Getting married vs Oly

Downunderman - 2005-10-05 6:43 PM So next month sometime I'm getting married......, a Tri race is on and she says sure go do it. 

She is totally awesome to even consider this. The fact that you still have your cojones means you've caught yourself a winner. That being said, don't be a fool. There will be other tris. This is the person you'll be spending the rest of your life with (um, right?) Invest a day now, reap the rewards later.

(I've been married for 11 years.)

2005-10-05 9:14 PM
in reply to: #260197

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Expert
997
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Littleton, CO
Subject: RE: Getting married vs Oly
Quick question...who says you have to get married just because your SO is preggo?  Would you be getting married if she wasn't?  Is it worth jumping into a hasty marriage, with the odds pointing towards divorce down the road?

Forget the darn Tri, is this MARRIAGE what you really want to do? 
2005-10-05 9:23 PM
in reply to: #260197

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Expert
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Lafayette, CO
Subject: RE: Getting married vs Oly

Downunderman - 2005-10-05 4:43 PM  4. I should do something more wedding like the following day? Any suggeestions as to what we should do as an alternate.

Since everybody else has ignored this one: I believe the day AFTER your wedding is to be spent in bed, expressing your love for each other.  And the couch, the table, several appliances, and the neighbor's deck chair.  It's not like she's going to be DOUBLE-PREGNANT. 

If you do the race, you're likely to wake up, and find your bike mangled under the car, your tri shorts on fire, and your lovely lady holding your running shoes over the toilet sweetly smiling and saying: "You bastard..."

2005-10-05 9:26 PM
in reply to: #260197

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Wife, Mother, Friend.
2457
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South
Subject: RE: Getting married vs Oly

Is she a triathlete?  So that's why she said "go ahead".

oh yeah she'll probably bring it up later.  Hey, my CSection is this weekend.  But, honey, there's a race.  LIKE HELL! 

um,,, when in relation to the wedding is this race?  Day before?  Day of?  Day after?  If it's the first, I say go ahead, no problem, it's your bachelor party.  Day of? Definitely not.  Day after?  Definitely not again.  I wanna wake up with my new husband at my side.  I don't care if we've done it a zillion times already, I'm now Mrs. Downunderman and I wanna relish in this moment.

congratations on the new one and the impending nupitals.  Hope all goes well.



2005-10-05 9:51 PM
in reply to: #260197

Expert
615
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Brisbane
Subject: RE: Getting married vs Oly
Thanks for the input guys. I know i could count on you lot straighten things out and give a different perspective.

Sha said do the race without even thinking about an alternate response, thus leading to my suspicion. She is not a triathlete but will come and watch. She enjoys the atmosphere. As for day after sex, no chance, will spare the reasons.

As for why we "need' to get married, i really couldn't give a toss either way. i know that I'll be with her always, and the paper bits mean didly, but for the kids sake it's a ig deal. Don't ask me why, I've been told it is. Who am I to argue with that logic, Homer Simpson.
2005-10-05 10:12 PM
in reply to: #260216

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Master
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Colorado
Subject: RE: Getting married vs Oly
RedCorvette - 2005-10-05 8:25 PM

>

Women never forget anything

So, so true.

We really, really don't.

Edited by ChipmunkHeart 2005-10-05 10:13 PM

2005-10-05 10:17 PM
in reply to: #260331

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Veteran
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Perth, Oz
Subject: RE: Getting married vs Oly

Downunderman - 2005-10-06 10:51 AM  As for why we "need' to get married, i really couldn't give a toss either way. i know that I'll be with her always, and the paper bits mean didly, but for the kids sake it's a ig deal. Don't ask me why, I've been told it is. Who am I to argue with that logic, Homer Simpson.

awww now see that sounds so much better then we gotta get married coz I knocked her up!

2005-10-05 10:44 PM
in reply to: #260197

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Champion
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Fairport, NY
Subject: RE: Getting married vs Oly
Lead her to believe you're actually doing the race. That morning, wake up and go as she would expect. Return a short while later with some mind blowingly thoughtful and/or romantic gift.

You will skate for years on that one act alone.
2005-10-06 6:43 AM
in reply to: #260360

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Queen BTich
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Subject: RE: Getting married vs Oly

marmadaddy - 2005-10-05 11:44 PM Lead her to believe you're actually doing the race. That morning, wake up and go as she would expect. Return a short while later with some mind blowingly thoughtful and/or romantic gift.

You will skate for years on that one act alone.

That is a really good idea!! Very sweet.

However, being a triathlete, I would love to incorporate a race into my festivities.



2005-10-06 8:15 AM
in reply to: #260360

Subject: RE: Getting married vs Oly

marmadaddy - 2005-10-05 10:44 PM Lead her to believe you're actually doing the race. That morning, wake up and go as she would expect. Return a short while later with some mind blowingly thoughtful and/or romantic gift.

You will skate for years on that one act alone.

Do you have a brother?

I'd chime in with the general consensus: don't do the tri. Getting married may not seem like a big deal right now (or are you just in denial?), but you'd better believe its freakin HUGE. It is an important ritual, a once in a lifetime thing, and it's worth taking the time and consideration to make it special. If you are not planning a honeymoon, consider this wedding weekend as your honeymoon, and pack it with lots of sappy, romantic stuff. Flowers, slow dancing, breakfast in bed, lots of kissing and priase for your wonderful woman. Ya big dope, she's marrying you and having your kid!

Does anything in life get bigger than this?

2005-10-06 9:59 AM
in reply to: #260197

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Extreme Veteran
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Texas
Subject: RE: Getting married vs Oly
Any chance she is telling you to do the tri now cause once the baby comes you won't be doing any tris?

I say if she gave you permission then go for it. You said she likes to come watch tris so figure out a way to give her flowers when you cross the finish line.
2005-10-06 10:06 AM
in reply to: #260197

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Buttercup
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Subject: change your perspective

Shaun,

Perhaps if you changed your perspective, the way you are viewing this ceremony, the answers will come to you of their own accord.

Instead of seeing this as an act of bowing to convention, a convention you don't value, look at it as a new beginning or journey that you and your SO are embarking on. It's a day to honor the bond you two have, a day to proclaim to each other that the little life growing in her deserves the committed and avowed unity of a Mom and Dad committed (emotionally and legally) to each other, not just in word but for all the world to see. You are morphing from single-man-committed-to-single-woman to a Family Unit. Take the weekend to ritualize your union and honor your newly formed Family Unit.

There will be so many other days to tri but only one weekend to do this right the first time. Congratulations and good luck.

2005-10-06 11:14 AM
in reply to: #260197

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Extreme Veteran
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500100
Northwest Ohio
Subject: RE: Getting married vs Oly
I have to respond to this one.

PLEASE get marriage counseling prior to your marriage. PLEASE!

I cannot believe that you would even think of combining a tri with your wedding.

My EX-husband was a professional in his sport (I'll be vague about what sport, but he never made significant money at it). I loved him and encouraged him to pursue his dream. Consequently he was gone a lot and missed so much in our marriage. He did make it to the hospital for the births of our children.... Someone mentioned to me recently that when I tell stories about the kids and I, that they so rarely include my ex-husband. I say, "That's because he was never there...."

I ALLOWED him to put his sport ahead of me and the children and ultimately it contributed to the end of our marriage (not the only reason, by any means).

But I was the doe-eyed in-love SO, just like your girlfriend, who said, "Yes, go do what you want. I love you and want you to be happy." What I should have realized was that his desire to always put his plans ahead of mine was an omen of what the marriage would be like.

I'm not doubting your love for each other. But more about your readiness to get married. Divorce is so hard. PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE get pre-marriage counseling and don't get married just because someone else is telling you that you should.

2005-10-06 11:48 AM
in reply to: #260197

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Expert
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San mateo California
Subject: RE: Getting married vs Oly
Hummm....  WHAT ARE YOU THINKING?   For your own good, and consideration to the woman you are intending to marry, and most imporatly for the baby comming.... consider the reasons why are you getting married..  If you are debating between a tri and you wedding... you shouold not get married at all........  

Tri's   Forget them....   if you are not sure....   man... you got  a problem....
 


2005-10-06 12:12 PM
in reply to: #260197

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Pro
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Helena, MT
Subject: RE: Getting married vs Oly
Oooh, I was recently on your fiance's side of this one.... Don't do it. We got married on Thursday (courthouse, baby!), I had to work that night, he had to work the next day, then when he got off, he announced that he and his buddy were going fishing. I wasn't even invited.

I felt like he didn't value me or our freshly minted marriage. I honestly thought it was over before it started. I sat on the couch alone until 10:30 seething.  I'll leave out the details, but I will say that when you do a woman wrong, never, ever give her that much time to think about what she should do to you.
2005-10-06 12:30 PM
in reply to: #260799

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Buttercup
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Subject: RE: Getting married vs Oly
Awwwwww Kimmie! That's terrible! You should have let me know - we could have plotted together!
2005-10-06 2:34 PM
in reply to: #260811

Elite Veteran
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Cedar Rapids, Iowa
Subject: RE: Getting married vs Oly

Since you did not ask for advice regarding the choice you are making about your personal situation, I won't offer any - although not doing so is giving me a pain behind my eyeballs.

Since you did ask: Do NOT do the triathlon.  Decide together what you two will do and spend the day doing it and don't act like you're making any great sacrifice, you're not.   There will be plenty of triathlons in your future if you have a good marriage.  You need to start working on acting like a responsible adult and setting priorties, because your relationship is doomed if you don't.  Now is a great time to start.  Treating your wedding like it is stupid and unimportant does not bode well for the esteem in which you will hold your marriage.

2005-10-06 5:41 PM
in reply to: #260757

Expert
615
500100
Brisbane
Subject: RE: Getting married vs Oly
My EX-husband was a professional in his sport (I'll be vague about what sport, but he never made significant money at it). I loved him and encouraged him to pursue his dream.

Betty lou,

I have to ask was the sport curling? Scrabble? darts? those pro circuits are killer competitive.
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