Cheating bf & vacation (Page 3)

You asked for opinions and got them.

Keep your head up (don't take him back reguardless what happens on the trip). Good luck.

LaurenSU02 - 2005-11-17 10:33 AM I know you guys are right. It's just hard to hear it, you know? There's a lot going on in my head right now. Unfortunately, there isn't something out there that can just make everything alright. So, I have to make these tough (hard, unwanted) decisions that I would never have been forced to make if it wasn't for him screwing up. So it sucks that it's not just cheating I have to deal with, but all this other stuff too. I didn't have control over what he did and allowing his actions to govern how I handle things in the weeks to come only means that he still has control. If I stay home and cancel the trip, it will be because of him. If I go on the trip and have a crappy time, it will be because of him. If I go on the trip, w/ or w/o him and have a good time, that would have been my doing and not his. In my opinion, I have three choices here, two of which will be bad (upsetting/disappointed/unwanted) and because of him, one of which will be good and because of me. Why not shoot for the good one and if it doesn't work I just get stuck with a crappy one, which is what I would have had anyway if I didn't try. (Please don't yell at me if you don't agree with me.)

You are kidding yourself: the "good" choice as you name it is in fact the least painful - at least in your tunnel vision mentality about giving up the trip. Least painful is not always the good=right decision. The control you "give up" by not going on the trip with him has already been stripped from you. If you go, you are only making another decision that further wittles away at your control, only now you lose respect and the high ground along with the control. If you think he will not effect your trip, you are crazy - two things can happen - you get along terribly, in which case the trip was worthless, or you get along great and forget/make excuses for his appaling behaivior and toss what is left of your respect at the alter of his infidelity and your insecure need.

p.s. I'm not yelling, I'm lazily speaking in my smoothest, slowest southern drawl.... 

p.s.s. He is using this trip as a lever to keep you and he knows it - and my guess is he knows you well enough to know it will work.

I'm sure you could and he can probably be found at your local steak or BBQ joint...

How would you get him to give up his share of the trip to the BT'er?  You can't just 'give' someone your non-refundable plane ticket,  so they'd have to buy their own ticket, and also, doesn't he want to go on the trip, especially now that he doesn't have the other girl?

Dammit...how'd I miss this one.  Unfortunately, that is not a good time for me!

Of course, he said this...he's a guy!  Wait, that is even harsh for us pigs!

His excuses for "why" are completely irrelavant. A guy that will cheat on you will tell you whatever lie he thinks you'll believe. Give him any credit for having consideration or compassion for you and you will be wrong. His position on the money is proof of that. If I understand correctly, here's the gist of his position:

"I cheated on you because I love you and wanted to make sure that our future lives together wouldn't be ruined by my not getting rid of my doubts. And if you can't understand that, then you are ruining this vacation for me and should reimburse me the money I've put towards it."

To spend any more time or attention on this shmuck would be to waste it.

If it were me, I'd tell him this:

"I am NOT going on this vacation with you.  Either I go or you go.  If I go, you will just consider the money you are losing to be the price you paid for being an asshole.  Assholes do not get refunds.  If you go, it is going to cost you $ XXX (whatever your share of the trip cost) to get your bus tickets and the rest of your trip itinerary information from me.  Or, you can just use your e-ticket to fly to Costa Rica and FIGURE IT OUT YOURSELF". 

But not many people would be that harsh to someone who crapped all over their relationship, I know this.....I am in the rare minority.

You want to go on the trip whether he goes or not.  I of all people understand that because traveling to new places is my a-number one thing in life. You are going to do what you want to do, so just do it and if you are miserable, then that is a decision you have to live with and it has a starting point and an ending point.  Crappy trip over.  However, if you both go, and you don't tell him to stay the f**k way from you during the trip and forever, or worse yet, if you take him back - well then honey, you deserve whatever you get.  And you will get it and you'll keep getting for the rest of your life. 

Well, I think most of us are done with this, I am....just going to anxiously wait now... 

I hope you have the guts to come back and tell us how it goes. Have a good trip, whatever you decide to do.

Take lots of wet weather gear. Rainy season began in November.

Hey! My suggestion got the most votes!!! I totally rock.

And Kleenex.

Funny story. Last year, guy/kid I work with had booked a cruise with a chick he was seeing. They break up before the cruise, he doesn't want to go by himself so he invites his ex-girlfriend (whom he affectionately refers to as My Stalker). I give him the 'Are you stoopid?' look when he tells me his plans, he protests that it'll be a good time, he knows what he's doing.

When he gets back from his cruise he refuses to talk about his 'good times.' He's still getting text messages from his stalker ex-girlfriend and can't understand why she won't go away.