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Cheating bf & vacation
OptionResults
Go with him, have the best time possible, and try to work things out w/us
Go with him, flirt with every guy I see and make the trip miserable for him
Go by myself and just give him all the money back that he paid
Let him go by himself and lose out on the money I paid (and on Costa Rica)
Ask my fellow BTers if anyone would like go in his place
Go with him, but be the bigger person & act maturely & drop him afterwards
Flip a coin. Winner goes (and takes a friend). Loser stays home.
Never use the bathroom again. Ever.
Drop him AND take a BTer.
Go on your own and let him do whatever he wants.
DUMP HIM. Don't tell him you're going to Costa Rica. Don't give him a penny
Don't go on trips with men you are not married to.
take me in celebration of the one thousandth post
Make up your own friggin mind, what do a bunch of strangers know?
This is a multiple choice poll.

2005-11-16 10:07 PM

Champion
6539
5000100050025
South Jersey
Subject: Cheating bf & vacation
So, I just found out that my boyfriend of four years (and training partner) has been cheating on me for about a 5-6 weeks now. Dealing with this whole thing is complicated by the fact that we have a 10-day trip to Costa Rica planned (self guided, not w/ a tour group anything) and we leave in 13 days! I would prefer to go by myself, but he insists I pay him back his portion of what he paid for the trip already (that's equivalent to three weeks net pay for me), and I don't want to have to pay that much money just to keep him away after he did this to me. Also, most of the stuff that's paid for already is non-refundable, so cancelling isn't an option. None of my friends can go, because no one has the money or can get 8 days off from work with such short notice and this close to the end of the year. What should I do???? Thanks!

By the way, I have been excited to go to Costa Rica for the longest time! Oh, and he thinks that by the time the trip is over, I would have forgiven him and life will be perfect...yeah right! Oh, and I guess I should just leave him in my avatar so you'll know who I'm talking about.


2005-11-16 10:14 PM
in reply to: #286706

User image

Elite
2421
2000100100100100
Subject: RE: Cheating bf & vacation
And cheats AND demands a refund? Tell him to get bent.

bts
2005-11-16 10:31 PM
in reply to: #286706

Champion
8903
500020001000500100100100100
Orange, Massachusetts
Subject: RE: Cheating bf & vacation
Forget about going on the trip. Dump this guy. Now. Let him go by himself if he's all that fired up about it. 10 years from now when you're in a REALLY good relationship, the money you lost by not going will be insignificant. Cheating may be OK for some people, but the foundations of a really strong bond come from trust, respect, honesty and sincerity. Sounds like he's lacking in several of those categories. There's other fish in the pond...throw this one back.



Edited by max 2005-11-16 10:32 PM
2005-11-16 10:45 PM
in reply to: #286706

Subject: ...
This user's post has been ignored.
2005-11-16 11:11 PM
in reply to: #286706

Champion
26509
500050005000500050001000500
Sydney
Subject: RE: Cheating bf & vacation
If you are definatley calling it over - call it now (you should you deserve better). Dont wait for a trip or anything call it now and make it clear to him thats it....

As for the trip - I am guessing you will not enjoy it if you are with him because it will remind you of what has just happened so whatever you do I would say DONT go on holiday with him...

Just my opinion!

Edited by kaqphin 2005-11-16 11:12 PM
2005-11-16 11:26 PM
in reply to: #286706

Member
14

Winnipeg, MB
Subject: RE: Cheating bf & vacation
Dump him.


2005-11-17 5:10 AM
in reply to: #286706

Master
1558
10005002525
Pensacola, Fl
Subject: RE: Cheating bf & vacation
It is all been said before...dump him, let him go to Costa Rica, and let him refund YOU your share.  You can go to CR another time on more enjoyable circumstances.  And lose the avatar, he doesn't deserve to grace these pages with you!
2005-11-17 5:30 AM
in reply to: #286706

Resident Curmudgeon
25290
50005000500050005000100100252525
The Road Back
Gold member
Subject: RE: Cheating bf & vacation
You have no more obligation to pay him "your share" of the money for the trip, than he had an obligation to be honest and faithful to you. Nor do you have an obligation to spend 10 days traveling with a scumbag. Cut all ties with the jerk immediately and be glad you found out about his true nature.
2005-11-17 5:40 AM
in reply to: #286706

Elite
2777
2000500100100252525
In my bunk with new shoes and purple sweats.
Subject: RE: Cheating bf & vacation
NO WAIT !!!
Costa Rica vacation $4500
Bus trip to Nicaragua on first day $30
Having cheating boyfriend arrested on trumped up narcotics charges $500
Remainder of vacation PRICELESS

you can get mad, get sad, or get glad. Get even.
2005-11-17 6:17 AM
in reply to: #286706

Queen BTich
12411
500050002000100100100100
,
Gold member
Subject: RE: Cheating bf & vacation

First I was going to agree with Lane and Bear, however I vote for Crackers answer. Plant drugs in his bag as he tries to re-enter the states

Just kidding, revenge/anger doesn't get you anywhere. Either you go on the trip (and not pay him anything) or you don't go and leave him with the cost and to go alone.

Sorry this happened to you! It will be better, keep your head up.

2005-11-17 6:23 AM
in reply to: #286706

Giver
18426
5000500050002000100010010010010025
Subject: RE: Cheating bf & vacation
On the way to the airport, surreptitiously remove his driver's license and passport from his person. When he tries to check in, he'll be denied boarding, and he'll look foolish. Win-win.


2005-11-17 6:55 AM
in reply to: #286706

Champion
6539
5000100050025
South Jersey
Subject: RE: Cheating bf & vacation
Alright, Avatar gone.

Thanks for the advice. Everyone's pretty much saying what I expected them to say. Unfortunately, I just really want to go on this trip. It sucks enough that I am losing my boy friend/best friend/training partner (had to add that considering the forum), but then I have to pay the price even more by giving up the one thing I've been most looking forward to (Costa Rica). (sigh)
2005-11-17 6:58 AM
in reply to: #286706

Champion
6539
5000100050025
South Jersey
Subject: RE: Cheating bf & vacation
Forgot to ask...

Call me naive, but what the heck does this mean: "Never use the bathroom again. Ever."

Someone added it to the list. Just curious. You don't have to answer.
2005-11-17 6:59 AM
in reply to: #286766

Giver
18426
5000500050002000100010010010010025
Subject: RE: Cheating bf & vacation
That has Chucky Finster written all over it. I suggest you ask him.

Heh.

LaurenSU02 - 2005-11-17 6:58 AMForgot to ask...Call me naive, but what the heck does this mean: "Never use the bathroom again. Ever." Someone added it to the list. Just curious. You don't have to answer.
2005-11-17 7:01 AM
in reply to: #286706

The Original
7834
5000200050010010010025
Raleigh/Durham
Subject: RE: Cheating bf & vacation
Dump him- he's just no that into you.  Sorry- but I read the book and couldn't help it   Good luck with your decision.  I have no tolerance for cheaters and nobody deserves to be cheated on!
2005-11-17 7:11 AM
in reply to: #286706

Queen BTich
12411
500050002000100100100100
,
Gold member
Subject: RE: Cheating bf & vacation
You don't deserve to be cheated on. I would only consider going if you were strong enough to resist him trying to get you back. However, I think there are too many negative emotions associated with him and what he did; you wouldn't have a good time if you went together. You would have a much better time alone or not going.

Edited by TriComet 2005-11-17 7:11 AM


2005-11-17 7:15 AM
in reply to: #286706

Master
1558
10005002525
Pensacola, Fl
Subject: RE: Cheating bf & vacation

You can go on the trip...ONLY if he does not go.  Those are the orders!!!

Or you can take me....when are we going??? 

2005-11-17 7:28 AM
in reply to: #286706

Expert
679
500100252525
Nags Head,
Subject: RE: Cheating bf & vacation
Arrgh...Make him walk the plank...Then don't,do not,give him the time of day no matter how bad it will hurt let him think you just dropped him like the dirt bag he is...
2005-11-17 7:45 AM
in reply to: #286706

Subject: RE: Cheating bf & vacation
Why not just give him his ticket, and leave it up to him to decide if he wants to go or not. What you do is find another hotel (don't tell him where you will be staying), and plan your own seperate vacation.
2005-11-17 8:05 AM
in reply to: #286706

Master
1931
100050010010010010025
Subject: RE: Cheating bf & vacation
#1 You owe this......person....NOTHING.
#2Costa Rica can happen now or later for you- but clearly does NOT involve this jerk.
#3 Consider yourself fortunate for not finding out LATER....
#4 Who has the tickets ????You or him ?Why can't YOU go & HE stay home - with his new squeeze??????
2005-11-17 8:14 AM
in reply to: #286706

Elite
3020
20001000
Bay Area, CA
Subject: RE: Cheating bf & vacation

I agree with newbiedoo.  You said your tour was self-guided so it's not like you'd be stuck with the same tour group.

1.  Dump him.

2.  Change plane seat - The airline will let you do this, no problem. 

3.  Get a different place to stay.  (Yeah, you're out some money there, but better than sharing a room with a scumbag.

4.  If you were planning on seeing say, City A, City B, City C - change the order around.

He can do whatever he wants, go or not go - but the responsibility is off your shoulders.

For me, this would be a deal breaker - and I'd never see/speak to him again if at all possible.  Life is too short.

PS - Even if YOU decide not to go - you are NOT responsible to pay him back - he could go if he wants to.

Edit - I noticed that you said some stuff that you already paid for is non-refundable.  Call those places and see if it is possible to switch the days for the events.  Usually they WILL let you do this especially if you are persistent and refuse to get off the phone until someone helps you.  That way, you won't miss out on anything.



Edited by cadreamer 2005-11-17 8:18 AM


2005-11-17 8:16 AM
in reply to: #286766

Elite
2421
2000100100100100
Subject: RE: Cheating bf & vacation
LaurenSU02 - 2005-11-17 5:58 AM

Forgot to ask...

Call me naive, but what the heck does this mean: "Never use the bathroom again. Ever."

Someone added it to the list. Just curious. You don't have to answer.


I believe the shenanigans start with this thread:

Linky

Note Bear's comment. Shortly after that there was a poll (forgot by whom) asking if he should in fact go to the bathroom.

It's been all down hill from there.

bts
2005-11-17 8:22 AM
in reply to: #286706

Expert
713
500100100
WV
Subject: RE: Cheating bf & vacation
People who cheat are the lowest forms of life on the planet. I have no respect for those who cheat on the ones the supposedly love. I have a hard time forgiving and forgeting those actions. I am sorry for what you are going through. It hurts a lot and you have no understanding why or what caused it. I hate that feeling.

I agree with Bear and Cracker too. Dump him. The sooner the better. I would go on the trip yourself. There is nothing that says you can't go by yourself. use this time and location to heal and move forward.

Edited by Dr Hammer 2005-11-17 8:32 AM
2005-11-17 8:35 AM
in reply to: #286706

Master
1573
10005002525
Red Sox Nation
Subject: RE: Cheating bf & vacation
Soooo, what's he going to tell the brightest bulb in the marquee to cover the fact he's going to Costa Rica with you?  Let him buy you out and take her - go yourself.  What a skunk, with apologies to real skunks.
2005-11-17 8:59 AM
in reply to: #286706

Champion
6539
5000100050025
South Jersey
Subject: RE: Cheating bf & vacation
I can't BT at work...will get in big trouble, so this'll be quick.

I appreciate your support. Everyone's saying what all my friends have said, but it's just not that easy to drop him and the trip and the money. Easier said than done and I am sure that at least a few of you understand how I feel and where I am coming from on that.

We have E-tickets, so he can still show up at the aiport and go. But, I have our bus tickets, hotel info, etc. for everyplace we're supposed to go when we're there. BUT, no matter how much anger I have toward him, I can't just leave him in a foreign country like that. I don't have it in me.

Aside from our overnight whitewater rafting trip, we really have a lot of days in that aren't planned out exactly. So, when we're staying at the beach or at the volcano, I can just get up some mornings and go and do my own thing. And, that's probably the way I'll handle it.

Oh, btw, he's no long with the new girl. I called him on Mon nite to confront him about this and he was with her. Apparently, he was so upset he had to tell her what was going on and she dropped him for being such a jerk.
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