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2006-03-21 2:24 PM
in reply to: #375514

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Master
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Savannah,
Subject: RE: Ok you guys, pls help me understand...

Hey guys, you know I was pretty much kidding, right?  I expect that tons of great guys make coffee and buy groceries and clean bathrooms.  This thread just happened to land in the middle of part of my current life crisises(? more than one crisis). I am just pining and jealous that I didn't choose one of those guys that does some of that kind of thing.  Not blaming him, I chose him.

Sorry, didn't mean to hijack.  It's just being chained to this damn sink all day makes me jumpy.  



2006-03-21 2:35 PM
in reply to: #375657

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2006-03-21 2:38 PM
in reply to: #375683

molto veloce mama
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Subject: RE: Ok you guys, pls help me understand...
post #3991

bill loves peeps. stale peeps.
2006-03-21 2:38 PM
in reply to: #375514

Veteran
465
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Michigan
Subject: RE: Ok you guys, pls help me understand...

I think it was the Peeps that pushed me over the edge!  I just don't get the appeal of marshmellows covered with sugar.  Makes me gag just thinking about it.  And those Cadbury eggs too - blechhhh!  I do like the Reese's eggs.

Anyway, I went right to the source and talked to my husband.  It was enlightening.  He said he actually tried to do a good job shopping.  He did buy one fruit (bannans) and he bought the low-fat syrup (LOL!).  As for the cereal, he thought we still had Cheerios and Total in the cupboards and wasn't clear on the nutritional information for the cereal he bought.  We sat down and looked at the labels and discussed sugar, whole grain, dietary fiber, etc. and I think he is more informed now.  He is planning on keeping his stash of junk food and soda in his office and he is going to try and eat more veggies and fruit with me and the kids.

Now, if only I can get him to exercise a bit...

Thanks for all of the feedback and advice!

2006-03-21 2:44 PM
in reply to: #375702

Elite
2768
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Raleigh
Subject: RE: Ok you guys, pls help me understand...

I think secretly he did what all guys do when we are FORCED to do something we dont like (laundry, fold clothes, food shopping, making the bed) We screw it up once and then we are happily never asked to do it again....

My ex wife had to wear pink (see faded) white socks, shirts, and underwear for a week...

I was never asked to wash the clothes again...

Of course he didnt read the label, but no one has to read the label to know that the double sugar scooped frosted, marshmellow sugar snaps are not as healthy as cheerios... and you bought that?

 

 

kimta - 2006-03-21 2:38 PM

I think it was the Peeps that pushed me over the edge!  I just don't get the appeal of marshmellows covered with sugar.  Makes me gag just thinking about it.  And those Cadbury eggs too - blechhhh!  I do like the Reese's eggs.

Anyway, I went right to the source and talked to my husband.  It was enlightening.  He said he actually tried to do a good job shopping.  He did buy one fruit (bannans) and he bought the low-fat syrup (LOL!).  As for the cereal, he thought we still had Cheerios and Total in the cupboards and wasn't clear on the nutritional information for the cereal he bought.  We sat down and looked at the labels and discussed sugar, whole grain, dietary fiber, etc. and I think he is more informed now.  He is planning on keeping his stash of junk food and soda in his office and he is going to try and eat more veggies and fruit with me and the kids.

Now, if only I can get him to exercise a bit...

Thanks for all of the feedback and advice!

2006-03-21 2:56 PM
in reply to: #375514

Champion
6962
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Atlanta, Ga
Subject: RE: Ok you guys, pls help me understand...

Hey...I'm sure it said, "Half the calories!".  Granted, half of what...

 So tell me...southernaquagoddess, has he given you your shoes back?  Get...back...in...the..kitchen..and...get..me...a...beer!

::cringing::



Edited by Marvarnett 2006-03-21 2:56 PM


2006-03-21 2:59 PM
in reply to: #375723

Elite
2768
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Raleigh
Subject: RE: Ok you guys, pls help me understand...

It better be open when you bring it to me too...

Oh and change the channel I want to watch something different...

 

just teasing....

 

Marvarnett - 2006-03-21 2:56 PM

Hey...I'm sure it said, "Half the calories!".  Granted, half of what...

 So tell me...southernaquagoddess, has he given you your shoes back?  Get...back...in...the..kitchen..and...get..me...a...beer!

::cringing::

2006-03-21 3:01 PM
in reply to: #375514

Master
1932
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Savannah,
Subject: RE: Ok you guys, pls help me understand...
Nah, marv...he wouldn't yell at me, I could whip his butt.  Loooong story and not as bad as I think I make it out to be.  I'm tough, I'm strong and I spit in his food.  KIDDING!
2006-03-21 3:06 PM
in reply to: #375514

Master
1938
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La Crosse
Subject: RE: Ok you guys, pls help me understand...
In all things, I attempt to distinguish between incompetence and intent. Yes, the end result may be the same; but always assuming intent first gets one into some difficult situations.

I urge you to assume incomptence first before intent is proved. I am, in general, a good guy, and I mean well, and I try to meet all of my responsibilities. However, I can also be hugely clueless, and have been guilty of "listening" to my S.O.: "Yeah . . unh hunnh . . . yes, honey . . . . yeah . . . . . . oh, yeah? . . . . " All of this, of course, without actually listening. No malice intended, of course.

Work a bit more on shopping together and make good choices regularly. It'll get to be a habit with him, too.
2006-03-21 3:11 PM
in reply to: #375514

Pro
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Subject: RE: Ok you guys, pls help me understand...
A long time ago I agreed with my wife that if she expected something from me, she should be clear about it. I said that it is difficult to meet expectations when those expectations are unknown to me. Furthermore, I said, I will not defend myself for not having met an unknown expectation, nor will I feel bad about it.
2006-03-21 4:11 PM
in reply to: #375653

Master
1641
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Seattle, California
Subject: RE: Ok you guys, pls help me understand...
tupuppy - 2006-03-21 11:55 AM

southernaquagoddess - 2006-03-21 12:15 PM I knew there was a reason I love you guys so much. Can you also, gulp, make coffee?

Why YES I can make coffee. I've gotten to like chilled coffee so I make a pot every few days, put it in the fridge and in the morning put some in a travel mug with creamer for on the way to work. YUMMY!!!

 

Chilled coffee?  Are you talking about just black chilled coffee or is there some blending of goodies into it also involved?  Maybe that is what I should start adding to my morning smothies!  mmmm... coffee, banana, orange, berries... Ok, never mind that sounds a little gross now.. 



2006-03-21 4:18 PM
in reply to: #375684

molto veloce mama
9311
500020002000100100100
Subject: RE: Ok you guys, pls help me understand...
bill might not wash the bathroom, but he does do dishes, and cooks, and does some laundry now and then, and even took the dirty diapers down to put in the wash this morning. he's a good one....but he still does things that make me crazy. like bottle caps. open the beer, and put it in the garbage. is that so hard? he also has a problem with leaving dirty diapers out. i know i know, i shouldn't complain, at least he's changing the diaper in the first place...but it does get yucky if the dog decides that the dipe would make a nice snack. yea.

really though, its easy to think about the stuff they are doing wrong and lose sight of all the amazing things we love about them. same goes for kids. moms. mother in laws. etc.
2006-03-21 4:20 PM
in reply to: #375751

molto veloce mama
9311
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Subject: RE: Ok you guys, pls help me understand...
that's awesome.

one of the best bits of relationship i ever got was from some comedian i saw. can't even remember who it was, but he said something about women needing display screens on our foreheads because we want our men (or women?) to know what we want without having to say it. a lot of the time when there is a problem, its often because my display screen is malfunctioning
2006-03-21 4:29 PM
in reply to: #375514

Veteran
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Colorado
Subject: RE: Ok you guys, pls help me understand...

I used to get frustrated with my husband for "all of the things he didn't do".  But when he pointed out all of the things he does do, that I don't give him credit for, I backed off.   There are a lot of "manly things" that I simply don't do.  Not because I can't, but because he can do it more efficiently or has more knowledge in the area (i.e. cars, oil changes, fixing things around the house).

Yeah, he doesn't do toilets or grocery shop, but he does do laundry, dishes, vacuums, tunes up my bike and is very supportive and loving to both me and our children.

It is easy to lose sight of all the things our SO's do during the day when we are overwhelmed with responsibilities.  Wouldn't trade mine for the world!  

2006-03-21 4:45 PM
in reply to: #375514

Member
106
100
Los Angeles, California
Subject: RE: Ok you guys, pls help me understand...
"agree, us men get a pass by too many people on things around the house. But to be fair, it's not totally our fault. You let me get away with something and it becomes a habit...you're to blame just as much as I am. Just keep that in mind ladies"

I'm not a big fan of this philosophy, though I'm sure the men folk in my life are. My feeling goes like this: I'm not anyone's mother (at least not yet) - so what's the "getting away with" business? If you get real angry or don't let up, you're a nag or worse,a b****, so what gives? Sometimes you want someone to just get it on a logical level and take the steps on their own to get their actions to match up with their promises..

For example: it's logical that if both people *use* the restroom, they are equally responsible to clean it. Then you say, yes, I will do my part. Then you do the work (write yourself a post-it, reminder note, whathaveyou) to stick to your word.


Edited by mcarla 2006-03-21 4:48 PM
2006-03-21 4:51 PM
in reply to: #375514

Member
106
100
Los Angeles, California
Subject: RE: Ok you guys, pls help me understand...
"I think secretly he did what all guys do when we are FORCED to do something we dont like (laundry, fold clothes, food shopping, making the bed) We screw it up once and then we are happily never asked to do it again.... "

This post was pretty brilliant. I live w/two male roommates, and this described the situation to a tee.



2006-03-21 5:48 PM
in reply to: #375514

Veteran
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Michigan
Subject: RE: Ok you guys, pls help me understand...

I have heard the advice that all women have to do is tell the guys what to do - but honestly WHY?  I just don't get it.  Men have brains, eyes and hands just like women.  Why can't they just see the laundry basket sitting on the stairs and carry it up the stairs instead of waiting for someone to say, "Honey, could you please carry the basket up the stairs."  And why can't they see the dirty dishes and just wash them.  And what's with asking me where the batteries are when they have been and always will be in the plastic container plainly labelled "BATTERIES".  Is it really something about men's brains being wired differently or is this some big male conspiracy to drive women crazy?

And don't get me wrong, I do love my husband no matter how much I am venting about him today.  We have been together for over 15 years and I wouldn't trade him for anyone but, as with any relationship, there are always issues that you need to work on or just learn to accept.  I am always interested in hearing how others deal with issues.

2006-03-21 5:54 PM
in reply to: #375514

Member
106
100
Los Angeles, California
Subject: RE: Ok you guys, pls help me understand...
With the batteries question, say "dunno." He'll figure it out.
I discovered this trick with my roommates. If you are constantly the one taking care of everything and being super on top of it, from the other person's perspective, there isn't much reason for them to get their hands dirty. So if you want him to step up, you might need to step back a little. I get what folks are saying about you going with him to the market, but maybe trying the opposite? Once you're straight on what is/isn't healthy for the kids, maybe he should be in charge of all of the grocery shopping from now on.

I used to think my folks were too traditional, but the old division of labor has been working for them for over 25 years, so I think they are onto something. Maybe you want to be in charge of lightbulb changing, and him of keeping the sink clean, so maybe this will involve tweaking the "traditional" breakdown of roles and duties, but what about having with him a *very* clear division of duties. Of course there's always grey area, but the less the better in that respect.

Edited by mcarla 2006-03-21 5:56 PM
2006-03-21 6:08 PM
in reply to: #375514

Champion
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Ottawa, Ontario
Subject: RE: Ok you guys, pls help me understand...

I don't think that your husband took your suggestion seriously.  Maybe he thought that you were joking.   Communication is very important in a relationship.  You need to sit down together and discuss this issue very seriously ... no shouting ... no accusations ... jsut a discussion, between two adults, on what constitues good eating habits and how you will can go about incorporating this into your life.

Some wives do not have to tell their husbands to do things all the time.  There are plenty of us who know how to make coffee, cook full course meals, do the groceries, sew, iron clothes, do the dishes, do the laundry and even .. how to put the seat AND the lid down after using the toilet.  Okay, I don't do the laundry--I know how to do it-- but we share chores and my wife prefers to do the laundry herself.   I love cooking but I hate to do the groceries although we do that together because we like each other's company ...

 the merits of good eating habits for you and your children. 



Edited by Machiavelo 2006-03-21 6:14 PM
2006-03-21 6:17 PM
in reply to: #375514

COURT JESTER
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ROCKFORD, IL
Subject: RE: Ok you guys, pls help me understand...

It may not ALWAYS be about seeing the "full" laundry basket and avoiding doing the laundry.  It MAY be a case of the guy not thinking it's "full enough" to do laundry. 

I use this in the same idea of a dishwasher.  My wife would get frustrated because, first I didn't load it correctly (It's loaded....be thankful), and two because I wouldn't run it WHEN she THOUGHT it should be run.  I simply didn't think if was full enough and therefore held off on running it till I could stuff more dirty dishes into it.    

Okay, SO I got trained on both counts. 

 

2006-03-21 6:22 PM
in reply to: #375835

Master
1938
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La Crosse
Subject: RE: Ok you guys, pls help me understand...
Global - 2006-03-21 5:11 PM

tupuppy - 2006-03-21 11:55 AM

southernaquagoddess - 2006-03-21 12:15 PM I knew there was a reason I love you guys so much. Can you also, gulp, make coffee?

Why YES I can make coffee. I've gotten to like chilled coffee so I make a pot every few days, put it in the fridge and in the morning put some in a travel mug with creamer for on the way to work. YUMMY!!!

 

Chilled coffee?  Are you talking about just black chilled coffee or is there some blending of goodies into it also involved?  Maybe that is what I should start adding to my morning smothies!  mmmm... coffee, banana, orange, berries... Ok, never mind that sounds a little gross now.. 



When I lived in Floriduh, there were months of the year when this was the only way I could drink coffee in the morning. Make a pot the night before, put it in the fridge overnight. In the morning, pour it over ice cubes (or better, in a chilled glass). Add cream and sugar and drink.

Having a steaming pot of hot coffee in the morning in Florida in late August is just stupid, unless your A/C is set to 64 degrees and you never set foot outside. Otherwise, you have a pot of hot coffee, and you start sweating before you even set foot outside. And then, because you're in Florida in late August, you never, ever stop sweating.

Wait, what were we talking about?


2006-03-21 6:34 PM
in reply to: #375921

Champion
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Albuquerque, New Mexico
Bronze member
Subject: RE: Ok you guys, pls help me understand...
kimta - 2006-03-21 5:48 PM

I have heard the advice that all women have to do is tell the guys what to do - but honestly WHY?  I just don't get it.  Men have brains, eyes and hands just like women.  Why can't they just see the laundry basket sitting on the stairs and carry it up the stairs instead of waiting for someone to say, "Honey, could you please carry the basket up the stairs."  And why can't they see the dirty dishes and just wash them.  And what's with asking me where the batteries are when they have been and always will be in the plastic container plainly labelled "BATTERIES".  Is it really something about men's brains being wired differently or is this some big male conspiracy to drive women crazy?

And don't get me wrong, I do love my husband no matter how much I am venting about him today.  We have been together for over 15 years and I wouldn't trade him for anyone but, as with any relationship, there are always issues that you need to work on or just learn to accept.  I am always interested in hearing how others deal with issues.



I've never seen a floorplan where the washer and dryer are conveniently located "by the stairs." Somehow, the basket of clothes made the first half of its journey and (oh, I don't know) got snowed-in at the stairs airport? We've had this discussion in our house too, and I've heard about my negligence from my wife. I don't mow the yard and expect my wife to put the mower away when I'm done.
2006-03-21 6:49 PM
in reply to: #375921

Champion
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Rochester Hills, Michigan
Gold member
Subject: RE: Ok you guys, pls help me understand...
kimta - 2006-03-21 6:48 PM

And what's with asking me where the batteries are when they have been and always will be in the plastic container plainly labelled "BATTERIES". 

Silly.  Even he should know that batteries don't belong in the container labeled 'BATTERIES'.  They clearly belong in... umm... forget it.

I'd like a cold cup of coffee to wash down my peeps, please.



Edited by rkreuser 2006-03-21 6:49 PM
2006-03-21 7:24 PM
in reply to: #375701

Elite
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Laurium, MI
Subject: RE: Ok you guys, pls help me understand...

autumn - 2006-03-21 1:38 PM post #3991 bill loves peeps. stale peeps.

YES!  to properly eat a peep you must pierce the plastic and place the box in a dark cool place for at least one day to assure proper texture and flavor.  Peeps are like fine wine.  If you don't eat them right you might as well be drinking expensive grape juice.

I think he just doesn't "get it."  Think about how much you obsess over foods and what you are eating.  Even though you are talking about it to him, how much is he actually understanding or absorbing?  When I first started eating healthier by increasing my fruit and veggie intake, steaming my veggies, and cutting HFCS and white flour, I talked about it all the time to my Fiance.  She decided that she wanted to start eating as healthy as I was, so she started to do what she thought I was doing.  One day she called me and asked me if I was proud of her for going to wendy's and getting a salad and a orange soda insteand of a burger and a coke....  It's not that she didn't want to follow it, she just didn't fully pickin up what I was layin down.  So have patience young padwan.  Keep at it and he will learn.

2006-03-22 9:36 AM
in reply to: #375967

Veteran
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Michigan
Subject: RE: Ok you guys, pls help me understand...
McFuzz - 2006-03-21 7:34 PM
kimta - 2006-03-21 5:48 PM

I have heard the advice that all women have to do is tell the guys what to do - but honestly WHY?  I just don't get it.  Men have brains, eyes and hands just like women.  Why can't they just see the laundry basket sitting on the stairs and carry it up the stairs instead of waiting for someone to say, "Honey, could you please carry the basket up the stairs."  And why can't they see the dirty dishes and just wash them.  And what's with asking me where the batteries are when they have been and always will be in the plastic container plainly labelled "BATTERIES".  Is it really something about men's brains being wired differently or is this some big male conspiracy to drive women crazy?

And don't get me wrong, I do love my husband no matter how much I am venting about him today.  We have been together for over 15 years and I wouldn't trade him for anyone but, as with any relationship, there are always issues that you need to work on or just learn to accept.  I am always interested in hearing how others deal with issues.

I've never seen a floorplan where the washer and dryer are conveniently located "by the stairs." Somehow, the basket of clothes made the first half of its journey and (oh, I don't know) got snowed-in at the stairs airport? We've had this discussion in our house too, and I've heard about my negligence from my wife. I don't mow the yard and expect my wife to put the mower away when I'm done.

I have to respectfully disagree.  If I am folding laundry while helping the kids do their homework and I have to rush out the door to a PTA meeting, I believe that the husband could actually manage to carry the laundry upstairs while I am out instead of stepping over the basket every time he goes upstairs.  I refuse to accept the fact that men cannot think and help and do things without being coddled and treated like small children.  Come on!  I guess maybe I have unreasonable expectations in hoping that a marriage could be a true partnership where two adults can just help each other out as much as possible.  Maybe I am just trying to give men more credit then they deserve.

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