Still really, really struggling with bike nerves

First off, congratz on the progress and on sticking with it.  You're doing the right thing in repeating the same course and getting increasingly comfortable with it.  You may also want to make sure your bike is set up properly for stability (ex. an aero bike with a super steep seat tube angle isn't the most stable steed, but it is fast).  Go for a slacker road bike setup.  Switching to slightly wider tires (ex. 700x25c) may also help (at a slight aero cost).

Look for flat race courses that are non-technical.  The Tri-for-Fun and Tri-for-Real races in Pleasanton are good for this....Alcatraz is not.

I don't think you should self-select out as this is something that you want to overcome. 

A couple of questions...did you crash or is it just the bike in general that scares you? Is it traffic? Riding in groups?

I would suggest not going on any group rides until you overcome this fear. We all have to start somewhere. Clip in pedals, drinking in aero, steep hills, tight corners etc. Cycling is complicated but it is also so much fun. I love group riding but I have seen and been part of a few gnarly crashes. It's a reality. You have to be confident in your ability on the bike to be able to group ride or race effectively. Luckily there is no drafting in Triathlon so it's fine to train alone, actually better for you in some respects. Keep doing what you are doing in terms of cycling to your comfort level. If you need a hard workout, use the trainer or spin class. Use your time outdoors to get more comfortable on the bike.

Ironically many triathletes have similar fears when it comes to swimming in Open water. I can't tell you how many of my friends have freaked out over OWS.  

If it's any consolation...I have thrown myself on asphalt, I've had 2 pretty bad crashes and several smaller (falling over) crashes. I've had road rash, broken ribs, bruised knees....but I still love to ride. 

OMG someone else who gets it!

All I can say is stick with it.  I ride alone - I'm not confident enough to ride with anyone else at all.  I do have a cycle track about 40mins from home.  It's great.  I have now progressed to clip pedals - terror is the word for getting in and out of those.  I am like you, turns and stopping are really challenging.

Let me tell you about Saturday my second outing with the pedals.  I thought I should practice stopping, unclip left and leaned right and hit the road hard!  But it's my first fall and I feel better for it.  I then made sure every 3rd lap for 50km I stopped at that very same spot.  Whilst it's not elegant I have got it and almost over the fear - not ready for the road and traffic though.

Now for the next step - on this track there was no-one, good opportunity to drink on the bike figuring if I can't get the bottle back in the cage I'll just throw it and collect later!    BUT I managed to drink the whole bottle - about 12 times i got it out of the cage and back in again.  I also managed to eat a banana!

And finally the drop handlebars - I managed to use those too.

So - please don't give up.  Just practice practice practice that's the only way.  The fear won't go - but if you're on the road it's a healthy fear,you're prepared for anything.

I now feel inspired to get me a bike coach - now i know i can get on and off the thing!

I so wish I had access to a bike track! Though I guess that won't help me much on race day.

Honestly, I am doing all this training that will probably put me MOP in the swim-- and I'm not sure that's a place I want to be heading into the bike!

Do you practice in a parking lot or something - I think just getting the bike handling skills while not on the road is a great idea.  For some of us (you and me definitely) we need to practice the basics without the outside pressure of stop lights and traffic.  I find race day fine as I only usually have to turn a couple of times and I slow almost to a stop!  And only have to stop once when the bike section is over.

Keep trying, maybe give yourself a deadline and a race - if you then have to give the bike away so be it.  Loads of triathlon events have team entries, you could be someone's swimmer - lots of triathletes would happily give that away!

To be honest I am terrified on the bike...sometimes I feel like I am the only one!

My fear stems back to my mom not letting me ride my bike on the road as a kid because she was afraid something would happen to me - I was only allowed to ride back and forth on the driveway.  So I think I equate "bike on road" to "major danger".

I am lucky to have really nice bike paths in the city.  I know they're not ideal for high-speed training, but I'm not there yet - I'm still just getting comfortable on the bike.  They are perfect for that.  I still have the fear getting to/from the bike path (I live about 1/2 mile from an access point) but I'm working on it!

I can't relate to the bike fear, but just wanted to add to the encouragement!  I do remember feeling nervous on the bike when I first started about 6 months ago (also road bike, had only ever ridden mountain bikes before that), but just went slow and easy on paths to begin with.   I second the parking lot idea.  Maybe a mall on a Sunday or when it is closed.  Go around the far outside so you only have to turn once in a while, and not a sharp turn. 

Do you have to do such long rides at this point?  Maybe building confidence with many shorter rides will be better.  Especially if you are skipping rides because you get so anxious and hating every 2:30 of it.  Get out there, ride for a bit, then get off.  That way you don't have to dread it. 

I reckon if you have been working on this for a year, it is something you really want.  Don't give up!  Be proud of where you have gotten to, give yourself credit.  You can do it!

This sounds like a huge mental thing, obviously, more so than just a skill thing. Perhaps you could make each ride dedicated to just one issue that frightens you. Process the thoughts that contribute to the anxiety and begin with some positive self talk and visualization. Then make that day's ride about confronting that anxiety provoking event repeatedly. say clipping in. pick a day and an empty parking lot or whatever ride 1 lap-unclip on the right then start again, 1 lap, unclip left side start again, do that a while until it goes from scary to boring then change it up-try unclipping quickly in a simulated hard stop, try coming from a dead stop n different gears etc.

On another day pick drinking from your bottle-start easy at a steady speed quiet road, on the tops-just reach for the bottle and back to the handle bars..repeat this then pull the bottle half out an put it back-repeat repeat etc. then pull it all the way out, sit up, then put it back till you finally take a drink. then do that over and over.

Anyway you get the idea, as you conquer the fears your confidence increases etc.

If you're that nervous on your road bike, I'd suggest getting a bike you're not nervous on.  For $50-$100 you could get a crappy hybrid on craigslist.  Lower the seat to where you can touch the ground when you're in the saddle, and just ride on bike paths or side streets for a while.  Don't worry about speed- just try to have fun on the bike. And don't feel like every bike has to be a workout- if you can go tool around for 15 minutes, do it.

At this point, you'd say that it's not your fitness that's holding you back on the bike, right?  So don't make the bike about fitness.  Make it about getting comfortable.  Eventually you'll want to raise the seat because it will be more comfortable.  Eventually you'll want to get on your road bike because it's faster.  Let it happen naturally.

And I've gotta say, the fact that you've kept plugging away at the bike is amazing.  I can't imagine keeping on somethings that scares me so much.  But that might be holding you back too- it seems like you're very in your head about the bike.  You need to get to the point where you're shifting your weight and shifting gears without really thinking about it- but again, that takes time and comfort.