General Discussion Triathlon Talk » Will training logs save my marriage? Rss Feed  
Moderators: k9car363, alicefoeller Reply
Show Per page
 
 
of 2
 
 
2012-06-09 4:32 PM
in reply to: #4253107

Subject: RE: Will training logs save my marriage?

trishie - 2012-06-09 12:32 PM This isn't about training, IMO.

 

Win,



2012-06-09 5:08 PM
in reply to: #4253253

User image

Master
1460
10001001001001002525
Burlington, Vermont
Subject: RE: Will training logs save my marriage?
GAUG3 - 2012-06-09 5:02 PM

I train first thing in the morning 5a-6:30 while the rest of the house (wife and 4 kids) are still asleep. It takes a little getting use to; however, the body will adapt.

Me and a couple of guys have an agreement. If we post a workout and there are girls that say they are joining us, I better get a text if they have to pull a "no show". Not that anything is going to happen. It's just that we respect our wives and we don't want to be put in the situation.

If I were you, I'd switch to morning workouts so you can spend time with the wife when the kids are asleep.

 

This is an honest question. I'm really not trying to be antagonistic. But how is working out with a woman disrespecting your wife? Some of my most committed training partners are women. My wife has zero problems with that. Some of the people she has the most in common with regarding her hobby (acting, producing) are men ... they'll run scenes together, see shows I have zero interest in, etc. I have zero problems with that (and it usually means I get to bed early enough for a 4am workout).

2012-06-09 6:58 PM
in reply to: #4253050

User image

Pro
6767
500010005001001002525
the Alabama part of Pennsylvania
Subject: RE: Will training logs save my marriage?
skibummer - 2012-06-09 12:00 PM

Training for a Sprint or three this Summer. Hit my first major roadblock:

Trying to find the balance between being a good family man, a healthy adult, and a competitive amateur athlete. Last night my wife asked why I do this. Then she said that she thinks it's weird that I go out for two hours after the kids are in bed at night. "Where, who with, etc...". To be honest, I do 99% of my training hours alone, and never with any other females, which is what I think wifey is most concerned about. 

I am not training for IM, Half, or even on Oly (yet). My training miles pale in comparison to what I've read here and elsewhere. I do plan on ramping things up to be able to finish these longer distance events, but I'm not sure the family is on board. I tried to rationalize that I would like to be a positive role model for the kids, and I think that two hours riding or running after bedtime is much better for the family than, say, two hours at the bar. 

Any advice from the BT community on these types of issues? 

Am I the only one who thinks two hours a day training for a sprint (or even an Oly, for that matter) is a bit excessive? Even when I was doing 4-5 Oly's a season in my 30's, I usually trained for about an hour a day, with long workouts on the weekends.

I think there are several issues really at play here. First, you are spending a lot of time training, if you are spending north of 14 hours a week working out. That is essentially all the "adult time" of your marriage if you do all your training when the kids are in bed. So your wife has a point if what she is saying is that you are somewhat "checked out" from the marriage. Secondly, if she is suspicious of your actual activities, a workout log can be easily faked, so that really would not help. Third, if you have young kids, you should find ways to include the family in your workouts. Do some training runs on a multiuse trail that your kids are biking on. Hook up a trailer and pull your kids on the bike if they are small enough (it will make you hill work outstanding when you are not pulling them around). Bring the family to the pool when you swim laps. Consider getting a trainer and/or treadmill and do some of your late night workouts at home. 

You drew the comparison to sitting at the bar for two hours every night. While part of the problem would be the amount of drinking that would likely entail, the other problem is the sheer amount of time you are spending doing what YOU want to do, without any regard for anyone else's needs (i.e. mrs skibummer).

Finally, if you are working out for a couple of hours every night, when does mrs skibummer get to go out with her friends for some adult company or pursue her own interests? One of the reasons mrs gearboy have stayed married for as long as we have (28 years this summer) is that we each get time to do what matters to us. We have some things we do together, but a lot of things we do separately. Even when the kids were young, we had to figure out how to split up the available time to pursue our own interests - and when the kids were at that age that they had stuff (but not at the age they could drive themselves to that stuff), it was tough, but we did it.

2012-06-09 7:23 PM
in reply to: #4253050

User image

Veteran
732
50010010025
Pittsburgh, PA
Subject: RE: Will training logs save my marriage?
agreed.  Possibly leaving from home for bikes and runs (vs driving somewhere) would help?
2012-06-09 7:23 PM
in reply to: #4253050

User image

Extreme Veteran
1648
100050010025
Subject: RE: Will training logs save my marriage?
Another potential issue- are you giving clear expectsions? I know early in my marriage my DH used to tell me something would take an hour and be an hour late constantly. He thought I wanted to hear he wasn't going long. Where I wanted to stop worrying if he was injured somewhere. If you're going to guess at a return time ALWAYS over estimate.
2012-06-09 7:28 PM
in reply to: #4253050

User image

Master
1790
1000500100100252525
Tyler, TX
Subject: RE: Will training logs save my marriage?

My wife jokes (I think) that she wouldn't have married me if she knew I'd get into triathlon training and spend this much time with it....

On the other hand, I know she's happy and proud that I'm healthy.  She brags about me when I podium at races.  She mentioned recently that she's seen my body change due to healthy eating and exercise.  

Focus the discussion on how healthy you feel and how good you feel about yourself in general when you're health.  She may come around when she understands this.

Brian



2012-06-09 7:31 PM
in reply to: #4253050

User image

Master
1790
1000500100100252525
Tyler, TX
Subject: RE: Will training logs save my marriage?

You should start logging your workouts on this site, then show her how much more some other folks on this site are training.  Maybe she'll realize you really aren't training all that much??

Brian

2012-06-09 8:28 PM
in reply to: #4253439

User image

Pro
6767
500010005001001002525
the Alabama part of Pennsylvania
Subject: RE: Will training logs save my marriage?
famelec - 2012-06-09 8:31 PM

You should start logging your workouts on this site, then show her how much more some other folks on this site are training.  Maybe she'll realize you really aren't training all that much??

Brian

"Look, honey, that guy has been at the bar WAAAY longer than I have, and he's drunker, too!"

2012-06-09 9:56 PM
in reply to: #4253138

User image

Master
1883
1000500100100100252525
San Antone, Texas
Subject: RE: Will training logs save my marriage?
ecozenmama - 2012-06-09 1:09 PM

This kind of sounds like a few things to me.  Trust and perhaps a little jealousy.  When she is asking you who you are training with, etc that sounds like she has some trust issues.  I don't think training logs are going to help this.  Perhaps she could drive the "sag wagon" on one of your longer rides, and see exactly what you are doing and where you are going.  Although, these questions are something that shouldn't be on her mind if she truly trusts in your relationship.  

Second jealousy.  I say this ONLY because I have been there.  When my husband started training for his first HIM, he was always gone, and I felt like I was always home with the kids, and didn't have anything for myself but the title of wife and mom and maid.  It wasn't until I talked to my husband about it, and realized that I had goals and ambitions in my own running which I myself put to the side.  It had nothing to do with him, it was me not taking time for myself.  As soon as I realized that I had the option of working out a schedule with him so that we spend time together and with the kids, it was SO much better.  Communication was the key! 

Now, we both train.  I will run in the earlier evening around 6pm while he bathes the kids.  By the time I get home, I see them off to bed, and we hang out for a couple hours.  Then he goes and runs.  I get up early so I can get my swim training in and he swims on his lunch hour.  We bike together and put the kids in the burly, while my oldest starts working on her triathlon skills.  We spend time as a family doing it together.  

Maybe she feels little like she needs something in her life, whether it is working out, or some sort of hobby that hasn't been communicated.  She might feel that your training is taking up all free time and wants some time for herself too.  It might be coming out in the form of mistrust when all you need to do is communicate a little bit more.  

+1!  And it also helped that she came on here and met all you crazy people too

2012-06-10 2:42 PM
in reply to: #4253050

User image

Member
29
25
Subject: RE: Will training logs save my marriage?

I agree with poster that said have her join you!  It'll be worth the 10 bucks for a teenager to be at your house for 2 hours "babysitting" while your kids are sleeping...

When I told my husband I wanted to start training for triathlons he was a little weary at first, but now we do them together and he's totally hooked! (And if my 350 lb husband can get into it, anyone can!)

2012-06-10 4:49 PM
in reply to: #4253050

User image

Member
40
25
Subject: RE: Will training logs save my marriage?

Buy her a bike.

Buy two bottle cages for it.

Invite her to ride it next to you while you run. 

You get time together, plus you don't have to carry those ridiculous handheld water bottles on your long runs. 



New Thread
General Discussion Triathlon Talk » Will training logs save my marriage? Rss Feed  
Show Per page
 
 
of 2