login
12 y.o. daughter too shy to dance...
-
No new posts
 2012-06-19 8:34 AM |
New user 347  |  Subject: 12 y.o. daughter too shy to dance...my daughter is 12 y.o. pretty, athletic, not geeky or awkward at all, but very, very self-conscious. I feel bad and I'm not sure I can do anything, but I feel bad when I watch her with her friends and cousins because she's so self-conscious she doesn't dance. I want to tell her she might actually be bringing more attention to herself when she's the only one not dancing. I know a lot of kids go through this and I'm sure it would be unrealistic for me to expect her to take advice from her father, but I really want to help her enjoy herself. She goes to a teen/tween club where the other girls are really sweet and welcoming and they often ask her to dance, but to no avail.... Any suggestions? I realize this is not the most earth-shattering problem in the world, but as you know when it comes to your kids, it feels like it is .... |
| 2012-06-19 8:38 AM in reply to: #4268827 |
Champion 11989    Philly 'burbs | Subject: RE: 12 y.o. daughter too shy to dance... My advice is to let her be. 12 can be an awkward age and there's no need to add pressure to it. |
| 2012-06-19 9:13 AM in reply to: #4268827 |
Expert 1566 Prattville Insane Asylum San Antonio | Subject: RE: 12 y.o. daughter too shy to dance... I wouldn't push it on her either. If she wants to, she will. Maybe she just doesn't like to dance and enjoys just hanging out and talking with her friends. Not all kids will like all activities. Maybe it will be something that over time she will ease her way into and participate in on her own terms.  |
| 2012-06-19 9:17 AM in reply to: #4268827 |
Iron Donkey 38643 , Wisconsin | Subject: RE: 12 y.o. daughter too shy to dance... Yeah, don't pressure her - it would only create more self-conscious issues. If she's willing to open up and express why she doesn't want to dance, then talk. |
| 2012-06-19 9:36 AM in reply to: #4268827 |
Pro 4189 Pittsburgh, my heart is in Glasgow | Subject: RE: 12 y.o. daughter too shy to dance... I didn't dance until I was 19 and living in a foreign country. I still don't like dancing all that much. It's just a personal thing, like how some people hate swimming. |
| 2012-06-19 9:42 AM in reply to: #4269018 |
Extreme Veteran 550 Vine Grove, KY | Subject: RE: 12 y.o. daughter too shy to dance... I'm 30 and I'm too shy to dance. Just not my thing. It made for a couple of awkward times in high school, but who hasnt had those. |
| 2012-06-19 9:51 AM in reply to: #4268827 |
Champion 5312 Calgary | Subject: RE: 12 y.o. daughter too shy to dance... Are you sure the problem is she is too shy to dance. I think what you need to tell your daughter is that it is okay to not want to dance. Point out that there are many people who don't like to dance, don't like a certain type of dancing, don't like dancing in a certain place or don't like dancing with other people. Perhaps leave it like that. One of the best things about growing up is realizing you can be comfortable being yourself and no one else really cares. The sooner a 12 y.o pretty athletic (and I hope smart) girl figures that out the better off she will be. Now if she is in fact to shy to dance..... I don't know. |
| 2012-06-19 10:19 AM in reply to: #4268827 |
Alpharetta, Georgia Bronze member | Subject: RE: 12 y.o. daughter too shy to dance... Maybe that's a better problem than the grinding-type of dancing most kids her age are doing? Just a thought... I know what type of dancing *I* was doing at that age and it was entirely inappropriate. |
| 2012-06-19 3:24 PM in reply to: #4269070 |
Master 4118 Toronto Bronze member | Subject: RE: 12 y.o. daughter too shy to dance... BigDH - 2012-06-19 10:51 AM Are you sure the problem is she is too shy to dance. I think what you need to tell your daughter is that it is okay to not want to dance. Point out that there are many people who don't like to dance, don't like a certain type of dancing, don't like dancing in a certain place or don't like dancing with other people. Perhaps leave it like that. One of the best things about growing up is realizing you can be comfortable being yourself and no one else really cares. The sooner a 12 y.o pretty athletic (and I hope smart) girl figures that out the better off she will be. Now if she is in fact to shy to dance..... I don't know.
Double post - mess up thing ... Edited by juniperjen 2012-06-19 3:26 PM |
| 2012-06-19 3:25 PM in reply to: #4270056 |
Master 4118 Toronto Bronze member | Subject: RE: 12 y.o. daughter too shy to dance... juniperjen - 2012-06-19 4:24 PM BigDH - 2012-06-19 10:51 AM Are you sure the problem is she is too shy to dance. I think what you need to tell your daughter is that it is okay to not want to dance. Point out that there are many people who don't like to dance, don't like a certain type of dancing, don't like dancing in a certain place or don't like dancing with other people. Perhaps leave it like that. One of the best things about growing up is realizing you can be comfortable being yourself and no one else really cares. The sooner a 12 y.o pretty athletic (and I hope smart) girl figures that out the better off she will be. Now if she is in fact to shy to dance..... I don't know. This is a great point! Better to encourage her to do what she wants more than to go with the crowd. Now if she's actually shy or self-conscious and that's preventing her from doing what she wants to do that's another thing ... Edited by juniperjen 2012-06-19 3:25 PM |
| 2012-06-19 3:28 PM in reply to: #4270060 |
Sensei Sin City | Subject: RE: 12 y.o. daughter too shy to dance... |
| 2012-06-19 9:03 PM in reply to: #4268827 |
Extreme Veteran 3177 | Subject: RE: 12 y.o. daughter too shy to dance... lots of good advice here so I will offer some anecdotal piece. In high school one of my friends would not dance, would not even go to dances - ever. choose not to date or do more than hang out either. Heck I even asked her to our senior prom, as friends, and she turned me down! however after college she started to feel more socially inclined and eventually choose to start participating in dancing and parties during other friends weddings etc. For her, she just did not want to do it, and that is ok. she was still our friend, we still all hung out, and still had fun. Just give you daughter time to grow into who she wants to be - offer guidance along the way when she asks for it, or when you see she needs it to keep from hurting herself or others. it sounds like you are already doing it right, so just keep supporting her good decisions. |
| 2012-06-20 7:10 AM in reply to: #4268827 |
Regular 116 | Subject: RE: 12 y.o. daughter too shy to dance... All the above sugestions are wonderful, if she does not really want to dance. But if she whats to dance and is afraid to, then that's a whole other issue. I have a 12yo daughter as well. I just keep reinforcing her confidence with all the things she does. I have even got her to complete a 5k and a kids tri. Those two things alone have buit up her confidence so much that she performed in this year talent contest at school. I have no worries that she will dance when she wants to and not a min before. |
| 2012-06-20 10:48 AM in reply to: #4268827 |
| New user 347 | Subject: RE: 12 y.o. daughter too shy to dance... I honestly believe it's shyness/confidence. (I was same way), but the advice is correct, it would not help if I pushed her. She actually does Irish step dance and is very good at it, but will only do it during recitals or at a controlled practice. She practices in her room, but doesn't like to practice in front of me or my wife- will not do it in any impromptu manner. She's also okay at a few sports but will often say " I stink " at this or that.... I will try to work on her self-confidence more than worrying about whether or not she dances... |
| 2012-06-20 4:01 PM in reply to: #4268827 |
Elite 4564 Boise | Subject: RE: 12 y.o. daughter too shy to dance... x2 on maybe just not wanting to dance. I never wanted to go to any dance when I was younger and still to this day do not want to. Somehow my lovely wife was even okay not having dancing at our wedding. Some people just don't enjoy it. |
| 2012-06-23 10:23 PM in reply to: #4270071 |
| Iron Donkey 38643 , Wisconsin | Subject: RE: 12 y.o. daughter too shy to dance... Kido - 2012-06-19 3:28 PM It usually takes a couple drinks/shots to get me on the dance floor...
Just a thought. Why are you dancing with a 12 year old, Kido???? |
| 2012-06-24 4:39 AM in reply to: #4268827 |
Master 2177 | Subject: RE: 12 y.o. daughter too shy to dance... My oldest was the same way as a youth. At almost 21, she still hides when the dance music comes on. It's a personality thing. She's much like her Dad. Likes to sit back and watch people, not so much be watched. Don't push. If you find where she expresses herself more, encourage that. For my daughter, that was soccer. That's where her long lasting friendships came from. They all don't dance together, haha! I've always called her a little old lady for her conservative ways. I'm going to enjoy her and her quiet, reserved personality because my youngest daughter will dance if her favorite song comes on at the grocery store. Edited by Blanda 2012-06-24 4:47 AM |
| 2012-06-24 5:36 PM in reply to: #4268827 |
Champion 10471 Dallas, TX | Subject: RE: 12 y.o. daughter too shy to dance... ried0428 - 2012-06-19 8:34 AM my daughter is 12 y.o. pretty, athletic, not geeky or awkward at all, but very, very self-conscious. I feel bad and I'm not sure I can do anything, but I feel bad when I watch her with her friends and cousins because she's so self-conscious she doesn't dance. I want to tell her she might actually be bringing more attention to herself when she's the only one not dancing. I know a lot of kids go through this and I'm sure it would be unrealistic for me to expect her to take advice from her father, but I really want to help her enjoy herself. She goes to a teen/tween club where the other girls are really sweet and welcoming and they often ask her to dance, but to no avail.... Any suggestions? I realize this is not the most earth-shattering problem in the world, but as you know when it comes to your kids, it feels like it is .... I didn't read all the responses... why not sign her up for dance lessons (ballet, tap, jazz, modern). I know dance lessons as a kid an adult made me a confident dancer! |
| 2012-06-24 6:36 PM in reply to: #4268827 |
| Bronze member | Subject: RE: 12 y.o. daughter too shy to dance... I am another person who was never and still am not comfortable dancing. When we used to go to family weddings my sisters would be on the dance floor all night but I preferred sitting at the table and watching. My parents always tried to encourage me to dance but I just didn't want to. |
| 2012-06-24 6:41 PM in reply to: #4277278 |
| Bronze member | Subject: RE: 12 y.o. daughter too shy to dance... Blanda - 2012-06-24 4:39 AM My oldest was the same way as a youth. At almost 21, she still hides when the dance music comes on. It's a personality thing. She's much like her Dad. Likes to sit back and watch people, not so much be watched. Don't push. If you find where she expresses herself more, encourage that. For my daughter, that was soccer. That's where her long lasting friendships came from. They all don't dance together, haha! I've always called her a little old lady for her conservative ways. I'm going to enjoy her and her quiet, reserved personality because my youngest daughter will dance if her favorite song comes on at the grocery store. My nickname with my high school friends is Granny
Whether or not I danced did not influence the friendships I made. I still hung out with everyone and just did my own thing. Maybe it's not that she is shy but maybe she is an independent thinker. She does not need to follow the crowd and can be happy on her own. Just another way to look at it. |
. When we go out everyone will have wine but Granny wants a cup of coffee to stay awake! | 2012-06-25 9:59 AM in reply to: #4277819 |
| New user 347 | Subject: RE: 12 y.o. daughter too shy to dance... I've thought of the dance lessons. Might probe that route and/or maybe talk to one of her friend's father about them signing up together, but still try not to be too pushy about it. I realize trying to push her or making too big a deal about it would likely be very counterproductive. Thanks for all of the responses... |
|
|
|
View profile
Add to friends
Go to training log
Go to race log
Send a message
View album
CONNECT WITH FACEBOOK