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2006-06-11 5:58 PM

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Master
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The real USC, in the ghetto of LA
Subject: Am I taking the wrong view?
So my brother called my yesterday to tell me that he asked his GF to marry him, and she accepted. He is now engaged. I asked him for the wedding date (October 28), and I then told him I would have to check the USC football schedule to see if it is a home game, because he might need to reschedule. So I looked it up, and its okay, we have an away game!! Then after an hour it hit me…

He didn’t ask me to be his best man. I am his only brother; we grew up together. Is he going to ask her brother? I have actually written a best man speech already (knowing that he had bought a ring). I almost want to ask him “So who is going to be your best man?” but I figure its WAY TOO forward. Am I just too egotistical? Should I just wait and see?

Then as I am typing this, he called me, to ask if I could “hook him up on his wedding invites/thank you cards/save the date cards.”

Rant over!


2006-06-11 6:05 PM
in reply to: #450459

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Champion
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Beautiful Sonoma County
Subject: RE: Am I taking the wrong view?

That's a tricky situation.  I've never been married, but I know I would be expected to ask my sister to be my matron of honor.  It's kinda sad, because I could think of several other women I'm much closer with that my own sister.  I was her maid of honor when she got married.

The reason I know that I would have to ask her is that my mother told me long ago that that's what sisters do.  Except, that's not what her sister did.  And it hurt her feelings pretty deeply.

I think the real question is this:  are you close enough with your brother for it to happen?  Or are you two like me and my sister (we call once a month out of a sense of obligation)?

Can you ask your folks? 

2006-06-11 6:17 PM
in reply to: #450459

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2006-06-11 6:23 PM
in reply to: #450459

Master
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Calgary, Alberta
Subject: RE: Am I taking the wrong view?
If you are close to your brother then please don't let something like this hurt your relationship. He may ask you, or he may not. In the end it is his day, and his choice. If you choose to let this hurt your relationship then you both lose. If you keep your head up high, help him however you can, and see to it that he have a fun time with this wedding he'll appreciate it. Years from now he may not be as close to his "best man" but you will still be his brother. Congrats to you on gaining a sister in law.
2006-06-11 6:45 PM
in reply to: #450466

Master
1867
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The real USC, in the ghetto of LA
Subject: RE: Am I taking the wrong view?
madkat - 2006-06-11 6:05 PM

are you close enough with your brother for it to happen? 


We have gotten close (once he went of to college, 10 years ago), we dont do too much together since he lives in Kansas City, and I am in LA (we visit each other, talk alot on the phone). I feel that we are close enough for it to make alot of sense.

When my mom got remarried 2 1/2 years ago, my brother and I gave away my mom together.


Lara - 2006-06-11 6:17 PM

I then told him I would have to check the USC football schedule to see if it is a home game, because he might need to reschedule. So I looked it up, and its okay, we have an away game!! 

i don't know you or your family but i SERIOUSLY hope you are kidding about the part above..



kidding? i have student season tickets... I do know someone who is a USC alumni that is getting married to a USC alumni on the day of the first home game. He is considering moving the date since so many people are like, "I dont want to miss your wedding, but..... what kind of alumni are you?"

2006-06-11 7:27 PM
in reply to: #450459

Champion
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Subject: RE: Am I taking the wrong view?

tyrant - 2006-06-11 6:58 PM I asked him for the wedding date (October 28), and I then told him I would have to check the USC football schedule to see if it is a home game, because he might need to reschedule. So I looked it up, and its okay, we have an away game!!

If you actually feel this way, then he would be right not to ask you to be his best man. Or a usher for that matter. Actually, I'd think twice about even sending an invitation.



2006-06-11 7:31 PM
in reply to: #450459

Expert
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New Port Richey
Subject: RE: Am I taking the wrong view?
Maybe he is just waiting to ask you at a different time or assumes that it is a given that you will be his best man.
2006-06-11 7:32 PM
in reply to: #450538

Champion
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South Jersey
Subject: RE: Am I taking the wrong view?
marmadaddy - 2006-06-11 8:27 PM

tyrant - 2006-06-11 6:58 PM I asked him for the wedding date (October 28), and I then told him I would have to check the USC football schedule to see if it is a home game, because he might need to reschedule. So I looked it up, and its okay, we have an away game!!

If you actually feel this way, then he would be right not to ask you to be his best man. Or a usher for that matter. Actually, I'd think twice about even sending an invitation.



I kind of agree. Heck, I even chose not to do any tris during the month of May because it conflicted with my good friend's bridal shower, bachelorette party, and wedding (yes, all in the same month)...and I wasn't even in the bridal party!
2006-06-11 7:36 PM
in reply to: #450473

molto veloce mama
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Subject: RE: Am I taking the wrong view?
Lara - 2006-06-11 6:17 PM

I then told him I would have to check the USC football schedule to see if it is a home game, because he might need to reschedule. So I looked it up, and its okay, we have an away game!!

i don't know you or your family but i SERIOUSLY hope you are kidding about the part above..



i agree with lara. whatever date he picks, you are there. i won't go into the things i've given up or gone through to be at family weddings, but the most minor was giving up a race, the most major involved 15 stitches. i was still at the wedding. the wedding is (hopefully) once in a lifetime. that's all i can say about that.

some people don't have attendants at all. if they JUST got engaged, give it some time. they might not have even thought that far ahead yet. regardless, be as supportive as you can. this is about them, not you.
2006-06-11 7:48 PM
in reply to: #450538

Resident Curmudgeon
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Subject: RE: Am I taking the wrong view?
marmadaddy - 2006-06-11 7:27 PM

tyrant - 2006-06-11 6:58 PM I asked him for the wedding date (October 28), and I then told him I would have to check the USC football schedule to see if it is a home game, because he might need to reschedule. So I looked it up, and its okay, we have an away game!!

If you actually feel this way, then he would be right not to ask you to be his best man. Or a usher for that matter. Actually, I'd think twice about even sending an invitation.

Ty, you got to ignore people like this, they have no idea what it's like to be a fan of a real football team. I'm sure your brother checked the schedule before he set his date. If you have a wedding here on the same date as an LSU home game, expect a lot of "regrets" as RSVPs. If it's an away game, you'd better provide a TV in the bar at the reception.

As far as best man status, wield that ungodly kinko's power to take your brother to his knees. No best man for you, no stationery and invites for him.

Wink

2006-06-11 8:27 PM
in reply to: #450459

Pro
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Helena, MT
Subject: RE: Am I taking the wrong view?

Well, as a current bridezilla, I'd say just be patient. Chances are he has thought very little about ceremony stuff yet. My wedding is two weeks from yesterday and we just barely realized we even needed ushers and stuff.

If he doesn't ask you, it may have to do with the fact that a football game is more important to you. Maybe its something more innocuous, like the bride's brother is super-sensitive or dying of cancer or something. Anyhow, if he chooses someone else, he has certainly done it for a reason that is good to him and you have no choice but to accept it and screw him on the invites.



2006-06-11 8:44 PM
in reply to: #450538

Master
1867
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The real USC, in the ghetto of LA
Subject: RE: Am I taking the wrong view?
marmadaddy - 2006-06-11 7:27 PM

tyrant - 2006-06-11 6:58 PM I asked him for the wedding date (October 28), and I then told him I would have to check the USC football schedule to see if it is a home game, because he might need to reschedule. So I looked it up, and its okay, we have an away game!!

If you actually feel this way, then he would be right not to ask you to be his best man. Or a usher for that matter. Actually, I'd think twice about even sending an invitation.



i am only kidding. i would miss a football game for his wedding... even a bowl game.
2006-06-11 8:50 PM
in reply to: #450557

Champion
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Fairport, NY
Subject: RE: Am I taking the wrong view?
the bear - 2006-06-11 8:48 PM
marmadaddy - 2006-06-11 7:27 PM

tyrant - 2006-06-11 6:58 PM I asked him for the wedding date (October 28), and I then told him I would have to check the USC football schedule to see if it is a home game, because he might need to reschedule. So I looked it up, and its okay, we have an away game!!

If you actually feel this way, then he would be right not to ask you to be his best man. Or a usher for that matter. Actually, I'd think twice about even sending an invitation.

Ty, you got to ignore people like this, they have no idea what it's like to be a fan of a real football team. I'm sure your brother checked the schedule before he set his date. If you have a wedding here on the same date as an LSU home game, expect a lot of "regrets" as RSVPs. If it's an away game, you'd better provide a TV in the bar at the reception.

As far as best man status, wield that ungodly kinko's power to take your brother to his knees. No best man for you, no stationery and invites for him.

Wink

The Patriots aren't a real football team? You've been breathing too much swamp gas.  

2006-06-11 8:57 PM
in reply to: #450595

Elite
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Preferably on my bike somewhere
Subject: RE: Am I taking the wrong view?
tyrant - 2006-06-11 8:44 PM

marmadaddy - 2006-06-11 7:27 PM

tyrant - 2006-06-11 6:58 PM I asked him for the wedding date (October 28), and I then told him I would have to check the USC football schedule to see if it is a home game, because he might need to reschedule. So I looked it up, and its okay, we have an away game!!

If you actually feel this way, then he would be right not to ask you to be his best man. Or a usher for that matter. Actually, I'd think twice about even sending an invitation.



i am only kidding. i would miss a football game for his wedding... even a bowl game.


Tyrant - you are not much of a football fan. When my wife and I got married, we actually took football schedules into account. My wife is a UofM graduate and in the midwest, football rules. It's not that you don't love someone, it's just that...you don't miss a football game.

Edited by D.Z. 2006-06-11 8:59 PM
2006-06-11 9:06 PM
in reply to: #450459

Master
1867
10005001001001002525
The real USC, in the ghetto of LA
Subject: RE: Am I taking the wrong view?
okay so i talked to my mom, there is no brides maid (small wedding, she didnt want one) hence there is no best man.

2006-06-11 9:18 PM
in reply to: #450602

Resident Curmudgeon
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Subject: RE: Am I taking the wrong view?
marmadaddy - 2006-06-11 8:50 PM

The Patriots aren't a real football team? You've been breathing too much swamp gas.  

Didn't say the Patriots aren't a real football team, said you didn't know what it was like to be a fan. Nor do you know anything about swamp gas!



2006-06-12 8:23 AM
in reply to: #450557

Queen BTich
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Subject: RE: Am I taking the wrong view?
the bear - 2006-06-11 7:48 PM
marmadaddy - 2006-06-11 7:27 PM

tyrant - 2006-06-11 6:58 PM I asked him for the wedding date (October 28), and I then told him I would have to check the USC football schedule to see if it is a home game, because he might need to reschedule. So I looked it up, and its okay, we have an away game!!

If you actually feel this way, then he would be right not to ask you to be his best man. Or a usher for that matter. Actually, I'd think twice about even sending an invitation.

Ty, you got to ignore people like this, they have no idea what it's like to be a fan of a real football team. I'm sure your brother checked the schedule before he set his date. If you have a wedding here on the same date as an LSU home game, expect a lot of "regrets" as RSVPs. If it's an away game, you'd better provide a TV in the bar at the reception.

As far as best man status, wield that ungodly kinko's power to take your brother to his knees. No best man for you, no stationery and invites for him.

Wink

Actually, I agree with these two. My brother and dad missed a family wedding while he was in high school because he had a baseball game.

My unlce and my moms discussion:
Uncle: "Is baseball more important [to my brother]"
Mom: "Yes."
Uncle: "Alright then!"

No hard feelings, it was completely understandable. Sports is huge in our family.

2006-06-12 8:45 AM
in reply to: #450459

Elite
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Hattiesburg, Mississippi
Subject: RE: Am I taking the wrong view?

Tyrant, I agree with you, my friend is planning a wedding for 08.  It will be Oct 18.  The open/bye week for Florida football.  What true alumni/college football fan would schedule there wedding on the day of a home game.

As for the "best man"  It depends on how close you and your brother are.  I love my brother, but i'm not very close with him and while he would be in my wedding, he probably wouldn't be my best man.  If you were serious about the USC football thing when talking to your brother, that could be a reason why he didn't ask you to be his best man.  I'd wait and see.

2006-06-12 8:54 AM
in reply to: #450459

Veteran
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Michigan
Subject: RE: Am I taking the wrong view?
I have to add my two cents here - and this is just my opinion - no offense meant to tyrant.  I really hate when people complain about what other people do for their weddings.  Who frickin' cares what kind of food is being served, how ugly the bridesmaids' dresses are, who is sitting next to who or who is picked as the best man?  It's a wedding!  I think people forget that it is about the bride and groom not about themselves.  People should just show up and support the bride and groom on their day and shut up already.  And did I mention it is about the bride AND the groom.  I hate hate hate that Bridezilla stuff where it is all about what the bride wants and she freaks out over little tiny crap.  And don't even get me started on all the ridiculous drunks at weddings.  People need to remember what the purpose of a wedding is.  Sorry, just needed to vent.
2006-06-12 8:54 AM
in reply to: #450459

Elite
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Subject: RE: Am I taking the wrong view?

My wedding date had to take into account Notre Dame football for my father-in-law and deer hunting opener for a bunch of my family.  Some didn't show for the wedding because deer hunting was more important.  I'd rather they stay away than be miserable at my wedding and make me shell out $50 a head. 

The Notre Dame game part was actually fun.  It was something to focus on other than weddingweddingwedding and it doesn't get much more Catholic than watching the domers play BC in the basement of a Catholic church! 

2006-06-12 9:58 AM
in reply to: #450953

Elite
3201
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South Florida
Subject: RE: Am I taking the wrong view?

kimta - 2006-06-12 9:54 AM I  And don't even get me started on all the ridiculous drunks at weddings. 

 I loved being the ridiculous drunks at my wedding  - they made it much more fun.  And the video is more fun to watch now, too!

 



2006-06-12 10:06 AM
in reply to: #450459

Youngstown, Ohio
Subject: RE: Am I taking the wrong view?
I wouldn't worry about it too much.  I have three brothers and they all chose a close friend to be the best man on the wedding day.
2006-06-12 10:15 AM
in reply to: #450459

Expert
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Sarnia, Ontario
Subject: RE: Am I taking the wrong view?
The key is that it is his wedding. He gets to do things his way.
Support him, and do everything in your power to make sure he gets the day he wants.
(regardless of the roll he wants you to play in the wedding)
2006-06-12 10:15 AM
in reply to: #451046

Pro
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Helena, MT
Subject: RE: Am I taking the wrong view?
MomX3 - 2006-06-12 7:58 AM

kimta - 2006-06-12 9:54 AM I  And don't even get me started on all the ridiculous drunks at weddings. 

 I loved being the ridiculous drunks at my wedding  - they made it much more fun.  And the video is more fun to watch now, too!

I hope there are lots of drunks at my wedding. My mother will be mortified and keeps trying to limit the amount of alcohol we have, but I always wanted a happy wedding. And if getting my husband the guests drunk is what it takes, so be it!

2006-06-12 10:22 AM
in reply to: #451078

Elite
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South Florida
Subject: RE: Am I taking the wrong view?
kimj81 - 2006-06-12 11:15 AM
MomX3 - 2006-06-12 7:58 AM

kimta - 2006-06-12 9:54 AM I  And don't even get me started on all the ridiculous drunks at weddings. 

 I loved being the ridiculous drunks at my wedding  - they made it much more fun.  And the video is more fun to watch now, too!

I hope there are lots of drunks at my wedding. My mother will be mortified and keeps trying to limit the amount of alcohol we have, but I always wanted a happy wedding. And if getting my husband the guests drunk is what it takes, so be it!

 

Sounds fun - can I come?   One of the main requirements I had for my wedding was that it was open bar.  (the other was that it was great food, not regular wedding food, but really good food)  My parents were great.  At one popint the bartended wanted to shut the bar down early because we were apparently "visiting" it more than he liked.  My dad went up to him and explained that we had rented a shuttle bus for the guests just for that reason and convinced him to keep it open and add another hour!  After the wedding we went to the bar back at the hotel.  That was one of my faborite memories - drinking with my closest friends and relatives in a random hotel bar still in my dress and veil.  

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