Maysville, Kentucky United States 45F / 7C Overcast

Total Time = 00m Overall Rank = / Age Group = Age Group Rank = 0/

Andy and I headed up to Augusta the night before the race and stayed with my Aunt and Uncle. I decided the morning of to roll with just my tri shorts and a long sleeve technical tee with a track jersey over it. I wanted to keep my head warm but didn't want to wear a soaked hat all day so I went with a swim cap. I also decided to go with some gloves that had rubber soles and some tread. An old dead pair of running shoes, some black winter socks, and my thick and luscious beard completed the outfit.

As Andy and I got on the shuttle bus from the parking lot to the event I heard someone yell my name. It was two guys I went to grad school with, Sheldon and Gene, and they were going to be in the same wave as us. It was good to run into them and the four of us ended up running the race together.

It was pretty fun getting to the start line... had to climb over a wall to get there. The DJ did a good job at getting us pumped up and then after the National Anthem we were off.

About half a second into the race it became readily apparent what the real challenge of the day would be. Neither the obstacles (which I'll discuss in way too much detail) nor the cold was the big challenge. The challenge was the terrain. The course was located at an ATV park in Maysville KY so it was super hilly. Up and down we went all day long for about the first 9-10 miles. The hills were often very steep and covered with slippery mud and rocks. I was very happy to have rubber soles on my gloves as the best way to maneuver down those hills seemed to be squatting and using my muddy shoes as skis and my gloved hands as ski poles.

Alright... on to the obstacles!

1. Kiss of Mud A great way to start with the end result being my lower body completely covered in mud. Also, I think my ass got hit with barbwire 3 times before I learned my lesson.

2. Arctic Enema WOW! This was cold. The weirdest part for me was fighting through the ice cubes to reemerge from the water. I couldn't get over how freaking cold it was. Of course after I got out the outside air felt much warmer and wow, I was clean again! Andy pointed out my knee was bleeding at this point. I have a good scratch there and I'm still not sure how it happened.

3. Berlin Walls We had to go over two of these. Not too difficult with the four of us fresh and helping out. I don't think anyone had to sit on top to help pull up on THIS round of walls. Ominous foreshadowing

4. Dirty Ballerina Easy as pie. I've got hops.

5. Bale Bonds Only two stacked bales high here. Barely an obstacle.

6.Trench Warfare Very dark and small. I imagine it would be rough for someone who is claustrophobic. The dude in front of me kept apologizing for being slow. It didn't bother me. Despite the tight space I was able to stay on my feet and hands and was able to keep my knees off the ground.

7.Fire Walker For us this obstacle had two big trenches of water surrounded by two rows of burning straw bales. I was able to jump over the first trench (a much harder jump than the Dirty Ballerina ones). The second trench had a row of burning logs about a foot high you had to jump over into the trench. It was nice to submerge in the water after being surrounded by smoke. The worst part of this obstacle was the smoke inhalation. I was smelling smoke for the next several miles.

8. Mud Mile I really liked this one. It was fun finding the best footing from moving from trench to trench and the traction on my gloves really helped. Those gloves were worth every penny of the $11 I paid for them.

9.Log Jammin. Another pretty easy obstacle. Early on in the obstacle the logs were stacked three high and you alternated going over/under. About halfway they switched to two logs high and I was able to hurdle over them pretty easily.

10. King of the Mountain - A big pyramid of hay bales, 4-5 bales high. I grabbed the top of each bale and just jumped to the top. Another quick and easy one.

11. Kiss of Mud (Again). Much easier than the first time. I didn't take a single piece of barbwire to the ass.

12.Hold Your Wood My least favorite obstacle by far. I complained the entire half mile. Andy and I were holding a log between us on our shoulders. My left shoulder was killing me so we kept it on the right shoulder most of the time. The hills were very tricky to negotiate with the log. My shoulder is still sore today. I hated this obstacle. HATED.

13.Electric Eel I took about 4-5 shocks to the lower body on this one. The shocks seemed to grow in intensity each time I got shocked. Oddly enough the headache I had from the smoke on Fire Walker seemed to be gone when I finished this one.

14. Berlin Walls (Again). The walls were much higher this time and I don't see how someone could get over them solo. I was very happy we had a group of 4 because it took 2 people boosting and it was also good to have a catcher sitting on top.

15.Hanging Tough. Wow. I tried twice and both times I went swimming before my hand hit the second ring. Either it was the gloves or I have the upper body strength of a seven year old.

16.Boa Constrictor When I started crawling up the other side of this one I definitely felt some anxiety when I was almost fully submerged in water inside a small tunnel. It was tough to crawl up on my belly (should have flipped over) and I was happy to see someone's arm there to pull me out.

17.Walk the Plank I went with a front flip, over rotated, and landed hard on my shoulder. Totally worth it. Totally clean again after this one.

18.Everest Probably my favorite obstacle. Before the four us attempted it I tried to help a woman who was stuck hanging from the top. Our group made it up without much difficulty and I had a great jump. Good stuff.

19.Warrior Carry. Andy carried me for 100 yards then I returned the favor. This seemed to help my left quad which had been cramping up.

20. Funky Monkey. It wasn't the gloves. I took them off and still went swimming before I grabbed the second monkey bar. Andy went swimming about 4 bars in, Sheldon almost made it across, and Gene went beastmode and made it across dry. Note to self: do more pullups and lat pull downs.

21.Electroshock Therapy Right before the finish. Ouch. I took several shocks and the one that hit me in the face was the worst.

Random Thoughts:
1. I should have eaten breakfast. I was starving out there. Dreaming of crave cases and big macs. I think I ate 3 or 4 bananas during the race.

2. In between all those obstacles were tons and tons of hills. I tried to make each and every one of them my bitch.

3. I rolled my ankle twice, went down on slippery mud once (caught myself before it went total FUBAR), and got completely submerged in water at least 5 times.

4. The only time I was really cold was up on top of the ridges with all that wind. I was really shivering after Everest.

5. The sign at the 3 mile mark saying you'd be done with the Warrior Dash by now was funny.

6. Seriously screw Hold Your Wood

7. I do not plan on doing any pullups or lat pull downs anytime soon