General Discussion Triathlon Talk » Spouse starting to tri Rss Feed  
Moderators: k9car363, alicefoeller Reply
2013-02-28 1:39 PM

Subject: ...
This user's post has been ignored.


2013-02-28 1:46 PM
in reply to: #4640731

Veteran
645
50010025
Tennessee
Subject: RE: Spouse starting to tri

Sorry no advice to give, I only let my wife run.

2013-02-28 1:50 PM
in reply to: #4640731

Pro
5011
5000
Twin Cities
Subject: RE: Spouse starting to tri

 She’s hinted a few times that I am overwhelming her with information and gear (scouring ebay and craigslist constantly, emailing her training plans/articles, finding sprint tri’s that are coming up during the year)...

...We both have very different attitudes towards our goals...

...I do want her to take the training seriously so that the enjoyment is maximized and that she doesn’t get hurt. ...

You've said it yourself. She's telling you to dial it down. Your goals are different. You want her to enjoy herself.

She's a grownup--let her come to you and ask you for advice/support/PT recommendations.

I get you are excited--it's that old adage "How do you know you're in the presence of a triathlete? He'll tell you." But not everyone has that same fervor. So play it cool like Fonzie, give her an "ay, oh" when she is doing well, and a shoulder to lean on when she's not...but let her drive her own bus.

(Wow, lots of metaphors there...)

2013-02-28 1:58 PM
in reply to: #4640731

Master
4117
20002000100
Toronto
Bronze member
Subject: RE: Spouse starting to tri

haha - well, my husband and I met in a marathon training group - he was already a triathlete and I wanted in after seeing him doing Ironman Canada back in 2007.  I was a lot in the same boat as your wife - no bike and couldn't swim.  My hubby's patience paid off in spades.  He also isn't all that fanatical about training so he didn't push me a lot.

I kept on at swim lessons for a long time which meant i didn't really try a triathlon for about a year.  The swimming was the biggest hurdle and I did most of my training on my own.  I took lessons and used the beginner plan on this site (the three month one from gsmacleod).  I eventually found a tri-oriented swim group as well.  In the beginning all he really did was go to the pool with me - that was a huge help in getting over my fear once I was done with lessons.  He offered the snorkel which helped him learn but I didn't like it.  Otherwise, he stayed out of it and let me do my thing.

He did help me enormously when it came to open water swimming.  Which I did not attempt until I was much more comfortable with swimming.  He was incredibly patient and swam with me every practice swim.  And after i panicked badly in my first tri we started going every weekend. This didn't help him get any faster but it got him out.  Now, my tri group does  have a regular open water swims and that might be a good place for you both to go if you are uncomfortable with it.

With biking.  He was also so very patient - he helped me pick out a road bike (pretty and blue! but with decent frame and components) and would go out with me and ride behind.  I am sure this was frustrating but I was nervous on the skinny tires and with the speed - these bikes go fast without a lot of effort.

As for actual racing - let her decide what she wants to do and when she's ready - i highly recommend a try a tri or mini sprint which does not require extensive 'tri' training - she can keep running pretty normally, get out a few times on her bike and then make sure to try Open Water swimming a couple of times provided she has the endurance to do the distance in the pool. Also, she may be ready for run/bike/run duathlons much sooner as well which may provide the impetus to get out and do more biking - no fancy training is required other than 'time in the saddle'

In the end, I hope his patience has paid off - last year did get to buy a nice Cervelo S3 roadie to go along with his tri bike - that and we both did Ironman Mont Tremblant - for which I would like to think my consistency helped him as he demolished his previous IM time and he helped me get out of my comfort zone.

2013-02-28 2:00 PM
in reply to: #4640731

Champion
18680
50005000500020001000500100252525
Lost in the Luminiferous Aether
Subject: RE: Spouse starting to tri
Qak180 - 2013-02-28 2:39 PM Hello BT community! A brief back story:  My wife and I both started running in Feb 2012 (C25K) primarily to help with weight loss.  We’ve since met our weight goals, and have a love for running which is the first sport type activity we’ve ever done together.  After seeing a few friends complete IM Louisville last year, I decided that was going to reach that goal someday.  After my first marathon was complete this past January, I started training for my first triathlon in April (Olympic) and am signed up for HIM Austin.  My wife had been kind of hinting at getting into triathlon, and about 4 weeks ago a friend of hers convinced her that the two of them should plan to participate in HIM Oceanside 2014. 

With running, she’ll be completing her second HM in a few weeks and full in July.  With biking, she’s never done more than casual riding and currently has a hybrid bike.  With swimming, she’s never learned and is freaked out by the area of the pool that she cannot touch the floor.

 So, at this point she started swim lessons last week and really likes it.  She hasn’t taken the bike out of the garage or used it when I casually put it up on the trainer for a few days. And with running, she’s continuing her HM scheduled plan.

 She’s hinted a few times that I am overwhelming her with information and gear (scouring ebay and craigslist constantly, emailing her training plans/articles, finding sprint tri’s that are coming up during the year), but I am new myself and anxious/excited for the both of us.  Have any of you had similar experience with significant others getting involved in this sport, on either side of situation?  We both have very different attitudes towards our goals, where mine is more in line with challenging myself and being very strict on my training plan and hers is about finishing only and not too concerned about a missed workout.  Similar in other aspects of our lives Smile.

I certainly don’t anticipate this to have any negative impact on the relationship, but I do want her to take the training seriously so that the enjoyment is maximized and that she doesn’t get hurt.  Thanks for any thoughts.

Seriously means different things to different people.

2013-02-28 2:22 PM
in reply to: #4640767

Subject: ...
This user's post has been ignored.


2013-02-28 2:26 PM
in reply to: #4640819

Master
4117
20002000100
Toronto
Bronze member
Subject: RE: Spouse starting to tri
Qak180 - 2013-02-28 3:22 PM

Thanks so much Juniperjen!  That's exactly the kind of feedback I needed.  I've been doing similar things with her since her swim class started last week; going to the pool but just for support, letting her run through her stuff.  Our local tri-club coach is the one giving her the swim lessons, and she had swimming fears herself years ago.

Taking everyone's input, my new goal will be to just let her be where she wants to be until she asks for an opinion.  Keep in mind, that could prove to be the toughest training plan yet. : )

Awesome!!  I know, biting your tongue is the hardest part! But it can pay off ... at least it did for my hubby. 

I am not sure about your wife but I was also reluctant to give up much of my running life at first so the initial swim lessons and weekend rides eased me into it more.

oh and, hahaha, if she likes racing make sure that she comes to your races. It's really really hard not to get the tri bug when you're watching and thinking 'I could totally do that'

2013-03-01 6:36 AM
in reply to: #4640731

Pro
5892
5000500100100100252525
, New Hampshire
Subject: RE: Spouse starting to tri
I can most certainly relate... my wife is a triathlete and I'm primarily a duathlete. I used to race bikes as a kid, so that's always been my passion. Here's my advise... first, understand where you can help her, but if she says back off, then you've crossed the line and learn from that. Get her the best equipment for her. If she's not an avid cyclist, get a bike fit and then start shopping for bike that fits her well. You really can't buy a bike first and then hope for the best as you have no reference point at all... and you don't want her to start off on an ill-fitting bike and lose interest (or at least get frustrated).

In my situation, my wife will beat me in most races (not in time, but in placing... she tends to place pretty much every single race she enters, whereas I'm more of a top 10, but rarely on the podium in tri's). She appreciates good equipment and knows what she likes, but could care less about all the tech talk. It should just work and feel right.

Most important lesson, don't put undue pressure on her. Keep the training fun and exciting and not becoming a chore.
2013-03-01 7:01 AM
in reply to: #4640731

Veteran
2842
200050010010010025
Austin, Texas
Subject: RE: Spouse starting to tri

I'll throw this out, too.  If I understand correctly, she is freaked out by the deep end and doesn't ride a bike much.  

Is a HIM the right first race?  Might be, if she's into the training for the other two sports, but might add some agita/stress for her if she has the swim/bike legs before the more comfortable (to her, I'm guessing) run.  Kind of depends if she is motivated to get enough fitness AND skill in the water (secondarily on the road) for the longer distances.

Just a thought...

 

Matt

2013-03-01 9:00 AM
in reply to: #4640731

Master
2500
2000500
Crab Cake City
Subject: RE: Spouse starting to tri
I understand the whole being excited and scowering for any and all information about triathlon you can get, I have been there. My fiance introduced me to the sport as a dare/bet. We completed our first triathlon together and I got bit by the bug, she did not. We have done 1 more race together but that is it, she likes to swim and run the most. I am way more into the sport then she is which is ok. If your spose doesnt want to do triathlon but stick to running, that is cool too. She will let you know what she wants to do but my suggestion would be to lay low a little with providing her all info about races, gear, etc. You can talk to her about your training  and how things are going but let her do her thing at her own pace. It is great to be able to share these things together though.
2013-03-01 9:21 AM
in reply to: #4641835

Subject: ...
This user's post has been ignored.


2013-03-01 10:52 AM
in reply to: #4641663

Master
2167
20001002525
Livonia, MI
Subject: RE: Spouse starting to tri
mcmanusclan5 - 2013-03-01 8:01 AM

I'll throw this out, too.  If I understand correctly, she is freaked out by the deep end and doesn't ride a bike much.  

Is a HIM the right first race?  Might be, if she's into the training for the other two sports, but might add some agita/stress for her if she has the swim/bike legs before the more comfortable (to her, I'm guessing) run.  Kind of depends if she is motivated to get enough fitness AND skill in the water (secondarily on the road) for the longer distances.

Just a thought...

 

Matt

This was my first thought.  For someone not geeked by swimming in open water, a sprint is a much, much more manageable goal for a first race.

I know so many people who say they're interested in doing a triathlon.  Most of them never make it to that first pool training session and it stays on the bucket list.  Many others do their first race and realize their passion lies elsewhere, maybe just running or maybe just training without racing and without a specifically planned out schedule.

You may be the only reason your spouse makes it the start line.  Most people don't have a live in triathlon "assistant" to help them stay motivated, plan workouts and answer every question they have along with questions they don't even realize need to be answered.

Just enjoy the time together and let your spouse decide which category into which she falls as she prepares for and completes her first race.

2013-03-01 11:14 AM
in reply to: #4640731

Master
2912
2000500100100100100
...at home in The ATL
Subject: RE: Spouse starting to tri
If I had a HM in two weeks, I would be focused on that at the moment as well. Afterward she can turn her attention to triathlon if she truly wants to. For those concerned about doing a HIM as her first race, it is a year away with a full summer race season in between. I imagine her and her friend might just do a race or two between now and then if they are remotely serious about Oceanside. At any rate - let her come to it on her terms. Her friend will provide ample motivation if she really wants to do it. If she doesn't, well, she doesn't. No biggie.
2013-03-01 11:27 AM
in reply to: #4640731

Master
1883
1000500100100100252525
San Antone, Texas
Subject: RE: Spouse starting to tri
My two cents (all that its worth)... let her figure out the tri thing on her own.  Don't try to be her coach, don't try to tell her how to do things, don't force your opinion of triathlon on her.  Be supportive and help her when she asks for help.  Let her make her own mistakes.  That's how we all learn.  If she wants your advice/opinion/help -- she'll ask for it. 
2013-03-01 11:35 AM
in reply to: #4642086

Subject: ...
This user's post has been ignored.
2013-03-01 11:47 AM
in reply to: #4640731

Extreme Veteran
837
50010010010025
Wellesley, Massachusetts
Subject: RE: Spouse starting to tri

I am like your wife in that if I am going to do something, I want to do it at my own pace and figure things out as I need to.  I'm still that way with gear- I won't get it until I need it. 

Let her go at her own pace and find her excitement in the sport. When she does, she'll be able to ask you questions and share her own discoveries with you. 

Do as a jockstrap would and be a great supporter!



2013-03-01 11:58 AM
in reply to: #4642137

Master
2167
20001002525
Livonia, MI
Subject: RE: Spouse starting to tri
Qak180 - 2013-03-01 12:35 PM

Sorry, I should have clarified earlier.  The discussion about the HIM with her friend was what convinced her to start, but she is currently planning to start with a local sprint in July followed by an olympic in October.  Right now she was just getting started with the swim lessons with the initial plan that she could start a 15 week structured plan at the beginning of April to prepare for the sprint. 

Now that I type this, and considering everyone's feedback, I may need to revisit if this was her plan or our's (meaning mine). Surprised Her primary focus right now is the HM in a couple of weeks.  When it comes down to it, I am really overjoyed that we're just both into healthy activities.  I think I had just been projecting a little too much of my own excitement about her initial decision.  I think I will continue to struggle somewhat with backing off, only because my worry would be that if she wasn't prepared it could result in a negative experience for her come race day.  However if it is, it is, and that will be fine too.  We'll always have running... : )

You got it.  Speaking from experience, the real joy comes from knowing your spouse is on the same page as you: healthy lifestyle, fitness goals--maybe race related, maybe not always, being motivated, making training a priority, being outdoors together.  The specifics of who is training for what become less important details.

2013-03-01 12:19 PM
in reply to: #4642185

Pro
15655
5000500050005001002525
Subject: RE: Spouse starting to tri
noelle1230 - 2013-03-01 11:58 AM
Qak180 - 2013-03-01 12:35 PM

Sorry, I should have clarified earlier.  The discussion about the HIM with her friend was what convinced her to start, but she is currently planning to start with a local sprint in July followed by an olympic in October.  Right now she was just getting started with the swim lessons with the initial plan that she could start a 15 week structured plan at the beginning of April to prepare for the sprint. 

Now that I type this, and considering everyone's feedback, I may need to revisit if this was her plan or our's (meaning mine). Surprised Her primary focus right now is the HM in a couple of weeks.  When it comes down to it, I am really overjoyed that we're just both into healthy activities.  I think I had just been projecting a little too much of my own excitement about her initial decision.  I think I will continue to struggle somewhat with backing off, only because my worry would be that if she wasn't prepared it could result in a negative experience for her come race day.  However if it is, it is, and that will be fine too.  We'll always have running... : )

You got it.  Speaking from experience, the real joy comes from knowing your spouse is on the same page as you: healthy lifestyle, fitness goals--maybe race related, maybe not always, being motivated, making training a priority, being outdoors together.  The specifics of who is training for what become less important details.

Or, looking down the road if she doesn't get involved in triathlon.....buy her a horse.  They are magical animals.  I'm not exactly sure how they work, but pretty soon it will become more important than you, and you can carry on with your training.  Laughing

2013-03-01 12:30 PM
in reply to: #4640731


631
50010025
Subject: RE: Spouse starting to tri

She can't swim and just started lessons, which it sounds like she likes. But she is still brand new to swimming which can be overwhelming. I completely understands why she may feel too much pressure if you are sending her training plans, different race sign ups, equipment etc. She is not able to race yet... she can't swim! That should be he only concern with triathlons at this point. Let her continue her running and learn how to swim.

Additional plans, biking, races and pressure can wait until she knows how to swim. You said it yourself she is happy if she can just finish, I am willing to bet that with a HM running program she could complete the biking and running of a sprint today. But she need to learn how to swim before she can enter that sprint. Let her work on that, it sounds like she knows what she is foing by signing up for lessons.

2013-03-01 12:36 PM
in reply to: #4642251

Sensei
Sin City
Subject: RE: Spouse starting to tri

It's understandable that someone who is very interested in something gets excited to share everything they know with someone new.  BUT, it can be too much.

I accidently go down that road on occasion when I pick up a new hobby and bore my wife to tears about it sometimes.

I think I'm pretty aware, so I tend to be available for answers WHEN they ask, and maybe point out some obvious things that can help, but I would let her go at her own pace.  Just follow your path and schedule, and if they want to join, or ask questions or ask for help, be available, but don't  push it on her.  IF the tri bug really bites, then she will get more and more into it.

2013-03-01 12:45 PM
in reply to: #4642224

Regular
172
1002525
Ottawa, ON
Subject: RE: Spouse starting to tri

Or, looking down the road if she doesn't get involved in triathlon.....buy her a horse.  They are magical animals.  I'm not exactly sure how they work, but pretty soon it will become more important than you, and you can carry on with your training.  Laughing

Kinda knew the horse story will come out. I can pretty much assume that the next one will be the 'bucket' eh? Wink

To the OP. My whife started to run last summer and did her first 5k race. She did pretty good and quickly realized that she could have done better. She got the bug and shortly after wanted to do more running races. I was really happy about it and try to give her a few pointers but realized pretty fast that she wanted to do it only at her own pace. So since then I just let her do her own thing and keep asking how things are going without going into to much details. The trick is to start with an open-end question and if she feel like talking/sharing about how her training is going or have any questions, you will know it right away. Beside that, just be happy she is active.

Last week during the commute home, she ask me about 'du du' something. I ask her if she meant duathlon and she noded. I simply expain to her the difference between tri and duathlon and keep it short. She told me she will be looking into it and let me know. I just smiled..

Cheers and happy Friday

Minh



2013-03-01 2:42 PM
in reply to: #4642285

Elite
4435
2000200010010010010025
Subject: RE: Spouse starting to tri
mtx - 2013-03-02 5:45 AM

Or, looking down the road if she doesn't get involved in triathlon.....buy her a horse.  They are magical animals.  I'm not exactly sure how they work, but pretty soon it will become more important than you, and you can carry on with your training.  Laughing

Kinda knew the horse story will come out. I can pretty much assume that the next one will be the 'bucket' eh? Wink

To the OP. My whife started to run last summer and did her first 5k race. She did pretty good and quickly realized that she could have done better. She got the bug and shortly after wanted to do more running races. I was really happy about it and try to give her a few pointers but realized pretty fast that she wanted to do it only at her own pace. So since then I just let her do her own thing and keep asking how things are going without going into to much details. The trick is to start with an open-end question and if she feel like talking/sharing about how her training is going or have any questions, you will know it right away. Beside that, just be happy she is active.

Last week during the commute home, she ask me about 'du du' something. I ask her if she meant duathlon and she noded. I simply expain to her the difference between tri and duathlon and keep it short. She told me she will be looking into it and let me know. I just smiled..

Cheers and happy Friday

Minh

My husband expressed an interest - maybe we can do a team he said knowing I hate the ride so i could swim and run....I wonder who would look after our daughter.

I'm off to buy him a horse.Smile

New Thread
General Discussion Triathlon Talk » Spouse starting to tri Rss Feed