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2013-05-10 4:36 PM
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Subject: RE: Triathlon Dating Thread Ver 3.0
lisac957 - 2013-05-10 5:30 PMMeeting the kiddo tonight. Like a deer in the headlights Embarassed
Eeek! Good luck!!


2013-05-10 4:38 PM
in reply to: #4737133

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Subject: RE: Triathlon Dating Thread Ver 3.0
julio26pt2 - 2013-05-10 4:32 PM

lisac957 - 2013-05-10 4:30 PM Meeting the kiddo tonight. Like a deer in the headlights Embarassed

((hug))  Good luck!!!!!

Suddenly I wish I knew more about video games, Nascar and golf.
At least it's not one-on-one.

2013-05-10 4:40 PM
in reply to: #4737140

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Subject: RE: Triathlon Dating Thread Ver 3.0
lisac957 - 2013-05-10 2:38 PM
julio26pt2 - 2013-05-10 4:32 PM

lisac957 - 2013-05-10 4:30 PM Meeting the kiddo tonight. Like a deer in the headlights Embarassed

((hug))  Good luck!!!!!

Suddenly I wish I knew more about video games, Nascar and golf.
At least it's not one-on-one.

We could pull a Roxan and I will radio in the answers.

Well, Tiger Woods is looking good for the Players Championship this weekend (1 stroke behind Sergio going into Sat.)

That should get the convo started.



Edited by Kido 2013-05-10 4:41 PM
2013-05-10 4:40 PM
in reply to: #4737140

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Subject: RE: Triathlon Dating Thread Ver 3.0
lisac957 - 2013-05-10 4:38 PM
julio26pt2 - 2013-05-10 4:32 PM

lisac957 - 2013-05-10 4:30 PM Meeting the kiddo tonight. Like a deer in the headlights Embarassed

((hug))  Good luck!!!!!

Suddenly I wish I knew more about video games, Nascar and golf.
At least it's not one-on-one.

Don't worry.  Just ask and he'll tell you everything about all of it, no prior knowledge necessary!  Kids are cool like that.

2013-05-10 5:32 PM
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2013-05-10 11:40 PM
in reply to: #4703779

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Subject: RE: Triathlon Dating Thread Ver 3.0

Update! It went really smooth. We talked about favorite food and favorite music and yo' mama jokes. No awkwardness at all. Got a text that he told Dad that I was "awesome" after I left. 

I was surprised he wanted me to hang with his kid so soon - but I really dig how open he is with his son and what's going on in his life. The honesty/transparency is refreshing.



2013-05-11 8:26 AM
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Subject: RE: Triathlon Dating Thread Ver 3.0
lisac957 - 2013-05-10 11:40 PM

Update! It went really smooth. We talked about favorite food and favorite music and yo' mama jokes. No awkwardness at all. Got a text that he told Dad that I was "awesome" after I left. 

I was surprised he wanted me to hang with his kid so soon - but I really dig how open he is with his son and what's going on in his life. The honesty/transparency is refreshing.

It's fun to follow you guys are your dating adventures :)

When I saw yesterday that you were meeting the kid, my tummy flip-flopped a bit.  I would have been nervous too, and I work with kids all of the time!

Really happy for you that it went so well.  It doesn't get much better than an "awesome" rating.

2013-05-13 6:55 AM
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Subject: RE: Triathlon Dating Thread Ver 3.0

Good to hear the kid-meeting went well.  My kids mostly ignore anyone I bring over (friends, dates, whatever), but they're older (16 & 18. yep - I started wayyy young).

I got to meet several of her closest friends at a BBQ Saturday - Great people and we had a lot of fun...I hear that they gave their approval. Mothers day threw a wrench in or plans to finish planting the garden.

2013-05-13 7:53 AM
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Subject: RE: Triathlon Dating Thread Ver 3.0

lisac957 - 2013-05-10 11:40 PM

Update! It went really smooth. We talked about favorite food and favorite music and yo' mama jokes. No awkwardness at all. Got a text that he told Dad that I was "awesome" after I left. 

I was surprised he wanted me to hang with his kid so soon - but I really dig how open he is with his son and what's going on in his life. The honesty/transparency is refreshing.

Good to see you and mighty mom are doing well in each of your dating worlds.

mighty mom - 2013-05-10 8:15 AM

Thread rescue!

How'd she take the news that you'll be out of town the next few weekends?  Hopefully well.

She took it "ok".  I could tell she's not happy about it.  We'll see how it goes, but I can see this getting turbulent quickly.  

I have 4 races in the next 3 weekends (2 are this weekend), so I'm looking forward to that.  



Edited by msteiner 2013-05-13 7:55 AM
2013-05-13 8:48 AM
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Subject: RE: Triathlon Dating Thread Ver 3.0

Sounds like some of y'all are getting serious!  a few more weeks we're kicking you out Wink good to hear!

2013-05-13 8:50 AM
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2013-05-13 12:00 PM
in reply to: #4703779

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Subject: RE: Triathlon Dating Thread Ver 3.0
My daughter (14) talks to me about dating her friends' moms on occasion too. She is intent that I need to date more so that, as she says....I have someone to spend time with when she isn't around.
2013-05-13 12:25 PM
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Edited by Teejaay 2013-05-13 12:26 PM
2013-05-13 1:32 PM
in reply to: #4703779

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Subject: RE: Triathlon Dating Thread Ver 3.0
I swear my kids went out of their way to pick friends with unattractive Moms, in spite of my requests otherwise.  The stats lean way too heavily to be random...

Edited by Zero2Athlete 2013-05-13 1:33 PM
2013-05-13 7:00 PM
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Subject: RE: Triathlon Dating Thread Ver 3.0

Sounds like a few of you are about to jump ship from this thread, congrats!

Went out the other night for Thai food on a first date....he picked his nails and teeth with the skewer that the Chicken Satay had been served on!  I was so disgusted, I could not even pay attention to what he was saying, gross!

2013-05-13 9:13 PM
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Subject: RE: Triathlon Dating Thread Ver 3.0
Teejaay - 2013-04-29 11:26 AM 

...and most importantly really pick up on the cues from the woman.  If she glances and you and replies politely and then goes right back to checking the zucchini for firmness... she's probably not interested.... 

Look for interest ... a smile (a genuine smile says so much), eye contact that is a bit longer than normal, laughter, an attempt to engage in more conversation, etc .. at least it's an opening. Now, I am guilty of doing all those things just as my natural friendly self.  And yes, it's mistaken for flirting sometimes.  But when I am interested in someone that is trying to chat me up ... they will know.  Just like I someone knows I'm trying to get their attention.  And I've rejected and been rejected.  Gotta try!!!! 

I've skimmed through this thread (and the previous version) out of curiosity, but it does me little good; I live so far from anyone that it would take me at least 2 hours of driving for a date in Tucson, and there are only 2800 people here.  There are only two women here I find intriguing; one is married, the other is already seeing someone. Not the best location for a single man, but it's what I'm stuck with for the moment.

Anyway, I wanted to jump in because I need to (politely and respectfully) counter-point this Teejay: very often we just don't get it. Your average, everyday man is very likely to not get the subtle differences in indicators that are very obvious to you and to other women. A man you may describe as "confident" (and that I would see as "cocky") just assumes that you're interested and rolls with it if you aren't. Someone like me misses 3/4 of the signals and almost always assumes that the woman I'm talking with is just being friendly. One woman I ended up dating said that it was like taking a frying pan to my head to get me to recognize that she was interested, and my sister-in-law said the same thing about my brother. One of the reasons my most recent girlfriend and I had to break up was because she NEEDED me to "just get it" and absolutely hated having to articulate things more precisely for me, she described it as "tedious". That one stumped the couple's counselor we went to as we were trying to work things out.

What's very obvious to you may be almost incomprehensible to him. On behalf of "average" men everywhere: please don't assume that we're going to "just get it". Often we need more than a "sincere smile" that we may interpret as simply friendly. Be a little flirty, and in a way that isn't easily attributed to "just friendly". You said something about eye contact that lasts a little longer than "normal". What constitutes "normal" in this case? I've had women I know are not romantically interested in me hold eye contact longer than women I already knew were interested. The difference is going to depend on the individual; and until we get to know you, we have no reference.

I hope I didn't ruffle any feathers. This is one of those things that I've run into repeatedly in life and it has been frustrating has heck.



2013-05-13 9:37 PM
in reply to: #4740958

Alpharetta, Georgia
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Subject: RE: Triathlon Dating Thread Ver 3.0
RBesecke - 2013-05-13 9:13 PM 

Anyway, I wanted to jump in because I need to (politely and respectfully) counter-point this Teejay: very often we just don't get it. Your average, everyday man is very likely to not get the subtle differences in indicators that are very obvious to you and to other women. A man you may describe as "confident" (and that I would see as "cocky") just assumes that you're interested and rolls with it if you aren't. Someone like me misses 3/4 of the signals and almost always assumes that the woman I'm talking with is just being friendly. One woman I ended up dating said that it was like taking a frying pan to my head to get me to recognize that she was interested, and my sister-in-law said the same thing about my brother. One of the reasons my most recent girlfriend and I had to break up was because she NEEDED me to "just get it" and absolutely hated having to articulate things more precisely for me, she described it as "tedious". That one stumped the couple's counselor we went to as we were trying to work things out.

What's very obvious to you may be almost incomprehensible to him. On behalf of "average" men everywhere: please don't assume that we're going to "just get it". Often we need more than a "sincere smile" that we may interpret as simply friendly. Be a little flirty, and in a way that isn't easily attributed to "just friendly". You said something about eye contact that lasts a little longer than "normal". What constitutes "normal" in this case? I've had women I know are not romantically interested in me hold eye contact longer than women I already knew were interested. The difference is going to depend on the individual; and until we get to know you, we have no reference.

I hope I didn't ruffle any feathers. This is one of those things that I've run into repeatedly in life and it has been frustrating has heck.

Men and women communicate very differently, you're spot on. Women sometimes expect subtle hints to move mountains when they should be clearer, while men - well - frankly IMO need to pay more attention to the "more than subtle" frying pan over the head hints. It *does* get frustrating when what one person sees as very clear communication isn't received at all. And then the other person is frustrated because they have no clue what's going on.

Been there, but don't have much advice except to maybe start re-training your brain to recognize the subtle stuff...

2013-05-13 10:49 PM
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2013-05-14 7:42 AM
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Subject: RE: Triathlon Dating Thread Ver 3.0
Teejaay - 2013-05-13 9:49 PM 

Very true!  And if the communication styles are different from the get go ... it goes no further.  The only time I've "tried" to work things out is when I was in long term relationships.

 Lots o' beautiful sexy shoes out there ... one of them will fit me someday!  I just need to keep trying!

This last relationship I was in lasted 3 1/2 years, and we loved each other a lot. We wanted to get professional assistance with trying to stay together, but the communication styles were VERY different and we just couldn't reconcile them. That wasn't the only issue, but it was a big one. We learned the hard way that two people can love each other from heck to breakfast and still not be able to make it work.

And while I'm not a "shoe person", I think your analogy works well. I think I've used the example of puzzle pieces: the two most beautiful pieces in the box just might not fit together, and forcing them will just break something.

lisac957 - 2013-05-13 8:37 PM

Been there, but don't have much advice except to maybe start re-training your brain to recognize the subtle stuff...

Lisa, I won't disagree, but I'll say that it's very difficult for some folks. I'm one of them.

2013-05-14 8:37 AM
in reply to: #4703779

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Subject: RE: Triathlon Dating Thread Ver 3.0
I like the puzzle-piece analogy!
2013-05-14 9:15 AM
in reply to: #4703779

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Subject: RE: Triathlon Dating Thread Ver 3.0
Also, RBesecke, Have you ever heard of David DeAngelo?  He wrote a book called Attraction Isn't a Choice which was very eye-opening (a quick Google search will return a .pdf version of the book, but I won't link the book directly here, but here's the Google Search link).  It goes into a lot of detail on how women think vs men and the different parts of the brain we use.  How confidence is key, as well as making one aware of the signals they're putting out.  Where the fears come from that drive us to behave as we do in specific circumstances and how that behavior is perceived by women.  How women say over an over they want the "nice guy" but what triggers the emotional response is someone who makes them feel a primal attraction by being challenged, being hit with unexpected behavior and confidence.  Nothing that means that one has to be a jerk or mean to accomplish....  Strong in your convictions, humorous, ability to make a decision, etc...  What I like about it is that it's not a "pick up" or "seduction" book and doesn't teach out to manipulate.  Rather, it's an honest look at what traits are attractive to the opposite sex and how to be mindful of body language, wording, and other signals that women are picking up on (and putting out there) in order to show them who you really are in an honest way.  Worth a read for both men and women, IMO.

Edited by julio26pt2 2013-05-14 9:25 AM


2013-05-14 9:24 AM
in reply to: #4741071

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Subject: RE: Triathlon Dating Thread Ver 3.0
Teejaay - 2013-05-13 4:49 PM
lisac957 - 2013-05-13 7:37 PM
RBesecke - 2013-05-13 9:13 PM 

Anyway, I wanted to jump in because I need to (politely and respectfully) counter-point this Teejay: very often we just don't get it. Your average, everyday man is very likely to not get the subtle differences in indicators that are very obvious to you and to other women. A man you may describe as "confident" (and that I would see as "cocky") just assumes that you're interested and rolls with it if you aren't. Someone like me misses 3/4 of the signals and almost always assumes that the woman I'm talking with is just being friendly. One woman I ended up dating said that it was like taking a frying pan to my head to get me to recognize that she was interested, and my sister-in-law said the same thing about my brother. One of the reasons my most recent girlfriend and I had to break up was because she NEEDED me to "just get it" and absolutely hated having to articulate things more precisely for me, she described it as "tedious". That one stumped the couple's counselor we went to as we were trying to work things out.

What's very obvious to you may be almost incomprehensible to him. On behalf of "average" men everywhere: please don't assume that we're going to "just get it". Often we need more than a "sincere smile" that we may interpret as simply friendly. Be a little flirty, and in a way that isn't easily attributed to "just friendly". You said something about eye contact that lasts a little longer than "normal". What constitutes "normal" in this case? I've had women I know are not romantically interested in me hold eye contact longer than women I already knew were interested. The difference is going to depend on the individual; and until we get to know you, we have no reference.

I hope I didn't ruffle any feathers. This is one of those things that I've run into repeatedly in life and it has been frustrating has heck.

Men and women communicate very differently, you're spot on. Women sometimes expect subtle hints to move mountains when they should be clearer, while men - well - frankly IMO need to pay more attention to the "more than subtle" frying pan over the head hints. It *does* get frustrating when what one person sees as very clear communication isn't received at all. And then the other person is frustrated because they have no clue what's going on.

Been there, but don't have much advice except to maybe start re-training your brain to recognize the subtle stuff...

Very true!  And if the communication styles are different from the get go ... it goes no further.  The only time I've "tried" to work things out is when I was in long term relationships.  But for meeting new guys and dating ... it's a non starter.  The sincere smile is just a first step. Gotta start somewhere with a complete stranger, no?

We wimmins and guys do communicate differently and like I said ... If I am interested in you you will definitely know it! I don't play coy, no games and I am the farthest thing from shy .. I will flirt I will be very clear in voice, tone, body language etc that I find you neat! (not gonna grab your crotch though) But if you're not picking up on what I'm dishing out I will assume you are not interested and move along. You were a beautiful shoe that just didn't fit my wide foot .. nothing wrong with you, you're still a beautiful shoe you just didn't fit! And to clarify .. the shy, quiet, serious and reserved men are not my thing. It's not a good fit for me ... never has been. I like someone who is comfortable with who they are and what they want and are not afraid to take a chance and be a little vulnerable (as in asking me out). 

Now that I'm older and have learned from past experiences I no longer get frustrated by the differences in communication styles.  Never take it personally. We are all different and some of us just click and some don't. If I perceive a man as being timid or shy or whatever .. I just politely move along. I used to be one to try and make it work.  Feed their ego, draw a map, be agreeable, go out of my way all the time ignoring the things that I wasn't getting out of the relationship. But I've learned that is NOT healthy for me nor does it do a damn thing for my self respect!  I like and want a confident (not cocky or arrogant) man to match wits with.  I am a bold person, sarcastic humor, and when I love I love big, I'm all in,  I know exactly what attracts me to others and what repels me. I am in a very content place, I made a choice to be single, so it's gonna have to be some really great chemistry and communication to get me to give that up! if something is not clicking with someone else, no matter how nice or attractive the guy is,  I do not invest anymore time or energy! Lots o' beautiful sexy shoes out there ... one of them will fit me someday!  I just need to keep trying!

So I have been shadowing this site since fall, not wanting to ruin the good mojo that some of you have going on with the travails of my life.

TeeJaay, your last paragraph is spot on. I have dated everything from women I still admire and respect, and think are truly amazing, to others that have their picture in the most recent DSM IV for several diagnoses. You just have to keep trying, and be honest with yourself about who you are. For the others shadowing this entertaining thread, read TeeJaay's last paragraph. That is exactly it. (But for guys, the sexy shoe metaphor could be spun many other ways. Pick a vice, for me it would be more wine for the cellar. The perfect bottle that pairs up well with me will show itself. It might just take a while.

2013-05-14 9:38 AM
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2013-05-14 9:40 AM
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Subject: RE: Triathlon Dating Thread Ver 3.0
AbbieR - 2013-05-13 7:00 PM

Sounds like a few of you are about to jump ship from this thread, congrats!

Went out the other night for Thai food on a first date....he picked his nails and teeth with the skewer that the Chicken Satay had been served on!  I was so disgusted, I could not even pay attention to what he was saying, gross!

Lots to recap here- 

I am still here too!  Lots of dates, one guy I am interested in.  Met/saw him while out at a dinner, and to make sure there were NO mixed signals, or miscommunications - I wrote my cell phone number on the back of my business card, went over to the bar, where he was sitting with a group of men and women, and dropped off my card on my way out.  Like TeeJay said a smile and a couple of longer stares built my confidence.  I politely said  "Not sure if you are single or not, but if you are single I would love for you take me out sometime". 

He called the next morning and he took me to brunch....been out a few more times so hopeful?

Also got tongue bumped by a date.  He went to lean over me (to set down my drink) and to my surprise he was going in for a kiss.  Guys your first kiss should NOT be a surprise. He also went in with a stiff-torpedo tongue and that was the first thing that touched my lips....ewwwwe.  Forehead licked and tongue bumped.....only so many bad kisses when you have to wonder if I am giving off the bad signal for these men to kiss me unexpectly? 

As for the communication thing:

The Captain and I definitely had a lot going for us but like you all have mentioned it seemed-like we were speaking two different languages ALL THE TIME.  Even talked about seeking professional help cause we kept coming back to one another, but seems like a sinking ship for both of us.  We wished each other well, and both have agreed to move on.  Yes, he did  move to Chicago, and still more negative than positive.  Which in my world means we both need to move on.

2013-05-14 10:15 AM
in reply to: #4741538

Alpharetta, Georgia
Bronze member
Subject: RE: Triathlon Dating Thread Ver 3.0

julio26pt2 - 2013-05-14 9:15 AM Also, RBesecke, Have you ever heard of David DeAngelo?  He wrote a book called Attraction Isn't a Choice which was very eye-opening (a quick Google search will return a .pdf version of the book, but I won't link the book directly here, but here's the Google Search link).  It goes into a lot of detail on how women think vs men and the different parts of the brain we use.  How confidence is key, as well as making one aware of the signals they're putting out.  Where the fears come from that drive us to behave as we do in specific circumstances and how that behavior is perceived by women.  How women say over an over they want the "nice guy" but what triggers the emotional response is someone who makes them feel a primal attraction by being challenged, being hit with unexpected behavior and confidence.  Nothing that means that one has to be a jerk or mean to accomplish....  Strong in your convictions, humorous, ability to make a decision, etc...  What I like about it is that it's not a "pick up" or "seduction" book and doesn't teach out to manipulate.  Rather, it's an honest look at what traits are attractive to the opposite sex and how to be mindful of body language, wording, and other signals that women are picking up on (and putting out there) in order to show them who you really are in an honest way.  Worth a read for both men and women, IMO.

I haven't read this book but what you wrote is eye-openingly true. Just thinking back on my past relationships and non-relationships, 100% yes.

Confidence is so so soooo sexy - I honestly feel bad for some of my single guy friends who are shy introverts. They are really struggling with dating and this is probably a lot of the reason why.

But here's a question - how do those guys flip the confidence switch? I don't really think someone should change their natural/instinctual behavior to try and pick up women since that's just not who they are. Or maybe they should? I dunno.

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