Other Resources My Cup of Joe » Triathlon Dating Thread Ver 3.0 Rss Feed  
Moderators: k9car363, the bear, DerekL, alicefoeller Reply
 
 
of 11
 
 
2013-05-14 10:20 AM
in reply to: #4741716

User image

Elite
3770
200010005001001002525
Subject: RE: Triathlon Dating Thread Ver 3.0
lisac957 - 2013-05-14 10:15 AM

julio26pt2 - 2013-05-14 9:15 AM Also, RBesecke, Have you ever heard of David DeAngelo?  He wrote a book called Attraction Isn't a Choice which was very eye-opening (a quick Google search will return a .pdf version of the book, but I won't link the book directly here, but here's the Google Search link).  It goes into a lot of detail on how women think vs men and the different parts of the brain we use.  How confidence is key, as well as making one aware of the signals they're putting out.  Where the fears come from that drive us to behave as we do in specific circumstances and how that behavior is perceived by women.  How women say over an over they want the "nice guy" but what triggers the emotional response is someone who makes them feel a primal attraction by being challenged, being hit with unexpected behavior and confidence.  Nothing that means that one has to be a jerk or mean to accomplish....  Strong in your convictions, humorous, ability to make a decision, etc...  What I like about it is that it's not a "pick up" or "seduction" book and doesn't teach out to manipulate.  Rather, it's an honest look at what traits are attractive to the opposite sex and how to be mindful of body language, wording, and other signals that women are picking up on (and putting out there) in order to show them who you really are in an honest way.  Worth a read for both men and women, IMO.

I haven't read this book but what you wrote is eye-openingly true. Just thinking back on my past relationships and non-relationships, 100% yes.

Confidence is so so soooo sexy - I honestly feel bad for some of my single guy friends who are shy introverts. They are really struggling with dating and this is probably a lot of the reason why.

But here's a question - how do those guys flip the confidence switch? I don't really think someone should change their natural/instinctual behavior to try and pick up women since that's just not who they are. Or maybe they should? I dunno.

And what do men find attractive, if women tend to like the confident, will fight for their honor, challenge, etc? Seems like it would be the same thing.



2013-05-14 10:36 AM
in reply to: #4741716

User image

Veteran
513
500
Chicago (Old Town)
Subject: RE: Triathlon Dating Thread Ver 3.0
lisac957 - 2013-05-14 10:15 AM

julio26pt2 - 2013-05-14 9:15 AM Also, RBesecke, Have you ever heard of David DeAngelo?  He wrote a book called Attraction Isn't a Choice which was very eye-opening (a quick Google search will return a .pdf version of the book, but I won't link the book directly here, but here's the Google Search link).  It goes into a lot of detail on how women think vs men and the different parts of the brain we use.  How confidence is key, as well as making one aware of the signals they're putting out.  Where the fears come from that drive us to behave as we do in specific circumstances and how that behavior is perceived by women.  How women say over an over they want the "nice guy" but what triggers the emotional response is someone who makes them feel a primal attraction by being challenged, being hit with unexpected behavior and confidence.  Nothing that means that one has to be a jerk or mean to accomplish....  Strong in your convictions, humorous, ability to make a decision, etc...  What I like about it is that it's not a "pick up" or "seduction" book and doesn't teach out to manipulate.  Rather, it's an honest look at what traits are attractive to the opposite sex and how to be mindful of body language, wording, and other signals that women are picking up on (and putting out there) in order to show them who you really are in an honest way.  Worth a read for both men and women, IMO.

I haven't read this book but what you wrote is eye-openingly true. Just thinking back on my past relationships and non-relationships, 100% yes.

Confidence is so so soooo sexy - I honestly feel bad for some of my single guy friends who are shy introverts. They are really struggling with dating and this is probably a lot of the reason why.

But here's a question - how do those guys flip the confidence switch? I don't really think someone should change their natural/instinctual behavior to try and pick up women since that's just not who they are. Or maybe they should? I dunno.

That's a good question, Lisa.  I don't think there's an easy answer.  For me, it came when I started taking a good look at myself and focused on the good I've done in this world.  Another thing that guys tend to do is to hold women on a pedestal where they're seeking some kind of approval and validation of self-worth based on her response.  

My moment of clarity came while I (as an adult male) was literally crying to a female friend of mine about how this girl I was dating was so mean to me and I was pretty angry at the world.  She explained that she'd never seen a more unattractive man in her life (but she qualified the answer with an explanation of physical vs total attractiveness or something like that).  What I'd done is put my wants/desires aside and tried to be a total pleaser.  This girl was strong-willed and I backed-down to avoid conflict in false hopes of making her like me.  So naturally, she began to walk all over me and I began to resent her for it.  Then I was somehow surprised when she finally ended things because I didn't do anything for her.

I'm not saying I'm who I want to be yet, but it's a process I'm working on.  I recently dated someone and realized too late that I'd begun to fall into old habits.  So, what I'm doing (or trying to do) is to learn from this new experience to be stronger going-forward.  I feel pretty good about myself and my situation in life, but when I rely on outsiders for affirmation, then I'm on the road to being needy and insecure (neither of which are attractive to anyone).  

So, I don't really have a good answer.  I think it's just about becoming more and more secure with the person I am and sharing a positive (and truthful) attitude that is true to my convictions.  Not compromising what I want in this world in order to fit someone else's expectations which never ends well.  And mostly, to realize that there's someone out there who I will match well with exactly who I am and with who they are.  If we internalize and make assumptions about what the other person wants and convey a false-representation of ourselves, we're denying both ourselves of happiness and possibly robbing this potential partner of the person they really want to be with who is who I was all along.

/end ramble....

2013-05-14 10:49 AM
in reply to: #4741729

User image

Veteran
513
500
Chicago (Old Town)
Subject: RE: Triathlon Dating Thread Ver 3.0
turtlegirl - 2013-05-14 10:20 AM
lisac957 - 2013-05-14 10:15 AM

julio26pt2 - 2013-05-14 9:15 AM Also, RBesecke, Have you ever heard of David DeAngelo?  He wrote a book called Attraction Isn't a Choice which was very eye-opening (a quick Google search will return a .pdf version of the book, but I won't link the book directly here, but here's the Google Search link).  It goes into a lot of detail on how women think vs men and the different parts of the brain we use.  How confidence is key, as well as making one aware of the signals they're putting out.  Where the fears come from that drive us to behave as we do in specific circumstances and how that behavior is perceived by women.  How women say over an over they want the "nice guy" but what triggers the emotional response is someone who makes them feel a primal attraction by being challenged, being hit with unexpected behavior and confidence.  Nothing that means that one has to be a jerk or mean to accomplish....  Strong in your convictions, humorous, ability to make a decision, etc...  What I like about it is that it's not a "pick up" or "seduction" book and doesn't teach out to manipulate.  Rather, it's an honest look at what traits are attractive to the opposite sex and how to be mindful of body language, wording, and other signals that women are picking up on (and putting out there) in order to show them who you really are in an honest way.  Worth a read for both men and women, IMO.

I haven't read this book but what you wrote is eye-openingly true. Just thinking back on my past relationships and non-relationships, 100% yes.

Confidence is so so soooo sexy - I honestly feel bad for some of my single guy friends who are shy introverts. They are really struggling with dating and this is probably a lot of the reason why.

But here's a question - how do those guys flip the confidence switch? I don't really think someone should change their natural/instinctual behavior to try and pick up women since that's just not who they are. Or maybe they should? I dunno.

And what do men find attractive, if women tend to like the confident, will fight for their honor, challenge, etc? Seems like it would be the same thing.

I'll summarize a little clearer what I wrote below to answer your point.  What I find attractive is a woman who is true to her beliefs and has an opinion.  And it's okay to believe differently or have an opinion that is different from mine.  That's fun and gives a fresh view of the world.  Challenging in a positive way.  But what's important is to be respectful of each others opinion, even if we will never agree.  But I expect that if I'm honest with a belief that the response will be respectful, even if it means admitting that we're a bad match.  This is high above physical attractiveness (though I'd be lying if I said that wasn't important, too).  But this can go too far where someone is appears strong in their convictions, but need to prove others wrong who believe differently.  This shows a lack of real confidence.  Also, I'm also pretty churchie, so I also have additional things I find attractive that has to do with my faith, which I won't really get into here.  

Edit:  So, to summarize the summary, I don't want an agreeable doormat or puppy dog, but want someone who challenges me in a positive way and who I do the same to.  



Edited by julio26pt2 2013-05-14 11:02 AM
2013-05-14 11:02 AM
in reply to: #4703779

User image

Expert
1028
100025
Detroit, MI. Kinda.
Subject: RE: Triathlon Dating Thread Ver 3.0

I've never read the D'angelo book, but I've read some of his articles - good stuff, but never read his book because most of the other stuff was on pickup web site that focused on mind games and manipulation...not cool.  I assumed the book was more of the same.  Nonetheless, it's valuable to know what makes us tick.

I think the confidence switch gets flipped with practice and positive experiences.  At first you fake it.  But don't worry if you don't nail it...it will come.  Learn little lesson with every interaction.  Also, realize that it's not a game where women are your opponent...they are equally nervous/frustrated/trying to find the right companionship too.  They WANT to give you a chance and WANT you to be "the one" they've been looking for.

2013-05-14 11:12 AM
in reply to: #4741847

User image

Veteran
513
500
Chicago (Old Town)
Subject: RE: Triathlon Dating Thread Ver 3.0
Zero2Athlete - 2013-05-14 11:02 AM

I've never read the D'angelo book, but I've read some of his articles - good stuff, but never read his book because most of the other stuff was on pickup web site that focused on mind games and manipulation...not cool.  I assumed the book was more of the same.  Nonetheless, it's valuable to know what makes us tick.

I think the confidence switch gets flipped with practice and positive experiences.  At first you fake it.  But don't worry if you don't nail it...it will come.  Learn little lesson with every interaction.  Also, realize that it's not a game where women are your opponent...they are equally nervous/frustrated/trying to find the right companionship too.  They WANT to give you a chance and WANT you to be "the one" they've been looking for.

I agree that some of his stuff falls into the "pick up" category, which I steer clear of.  I've read Strauss's The Game and was kind of turned off.  But what D'angelo says in the book I mentioned above (and totally agree with) is that manipulation is being someone we're not in order to please another person (being overly agreeable, buying gifts/presents to win affection, compromising our core principles/beliefs to avoid conflict).  That there's no trickery involved.  Just be confident in who you are, be unafraid of rejection, and don't compromise your beliefs to please someone else.  Once I wrapped my head around this idea, the results were really positive.  And once I realized that women would like me for exactly who I am, so long as I was honest about who that person was, my confidence went through the roof.  Again, I fall back into old habits sometimes and even was insecure with a woman I recently dated.  Oops and oh well...  Now I'm aware of this and will continue working to be mindful of when this happens so I don't repeat my mistakes.

2013-05-14 11:25 AM
in reply to: #4741818

User image

Expert
1028
100025
Detroit, MI. Kinda.
Subject: RE: Triathlon Dating Thread Ver 3.0
julio26pt2 - 2013-05-14 11:49 AM
turtlegirl - 2013-05-14 10:20 AM
lisac957 - 2013-05-14 10:15 AM

julio26pt2 - 2013-05-14 9:15 AM Also, RBesecke, Have you ever heard of David DeAngelo?  He wrote a book called Attraction Isn't a Choice which was very eye-opening (a quick Google search will return a .pdf version of the book, but I won't link the book directly here, but here's the Google Search link).  It goes into a lot of detail on how women think vs men and the different parts of the brain we use.  How confidence is key, as well as making one aware of the signals they're putting out.  Where the fears come from that drive us to behave as we do in specific circumstances and how that behavior is perceived by women.  How women say over an over they want the "nice guy" but what triggers the emotional response is someone who makes them feel a primal attraction by being challenged, being hit with unexpected behavior and confidence.  Nothing that means that one has to be a jerk or mean to accomplish....  Strong in your convictions, humorous, ability to make a decision, etc...  What I like about it is that it's not a "pick up" or "seduction" book and doesn't teach out to manipulate.  Rather, it's an honest look at what traits are attractive to the opposite sex and how to be mindful of body language, wording, and other signals that women are picking up on (and putting out there) in order to show them who you really are in an honest way.  Worth a read for both men and women, IMO.

I haven't read this book but what you wrote is eye-openingly true. Just thinking back on my past relationships and non-relationships, 100% yes.

Confidence is so so soooo sexy - I honestly feel bad for some of my single guy friends who are shy introverts. They are really struggling with dating and this is probably a lot of the reason why.

But here's a question - how do those guys flip the confidence switch? I don't really think someone should change their natural/instinctual behavior to try and pick up women since that's just not who they are. Or maybe they should? I dunno.

And what do men find attractive, if women tend to like the confident, will fight for their honor, challenge, etc? Seems like it would be the same thing.

I'll summarize a little clearer what I wrote below to answer your point.  What I find attractive is a woman who is true to her beliefs and has an opinion.  And it's okay to believe differently or have an opinion that is different from mine.  That's fun and gives a fresh view of the world.  Challenging in a positive way.  But what's important is to be respectful of each others opinion, even if we will never agree.  But I expect that if I'm honest with a belief that the response will be respectful, even if it means admitting that we're a bad match.  This is high above physical attractiveness (though I'd be lying if I said that wasn't important, too).  But this can go too far where someone is appears strong in their convictions, but need to prove others wrong who believe differently.  This shows a lack of real confidence.  Also, I'm also pretty churchie, so I also have additional things I find attractive that has to do with my faith, which I won't really get into here.  

Edit:  So, to summarize the summary, I don't want an agreeable doormat or puppy dog, but want someone who challenges me in a positive way and who I do the same to.  

Similar here.  First, I'm looking for a playmate.  If I don't have to give up my hobbies to spend time with somebody because we have the same interests - that's super-valuable.  Granted, it's not something someone can control...they either like to lift and tri and climb or they don't. Not all of them are required, but the more the merrier.

Confidence. Intelligence.  Independence.  Funny and relaxed. I personally think a girl that's tough but still feminine is really hot. If she can dig through a tough interval workout or a lifting session or whatever...hot.



2013-05-14 11:36 AM
in reply to: #4741870

Subject: ...
This user's post has been ignored.
2013-05-14 11:55 AM
in reply to: #4741891

Subject: ...
This user's post has been ignored.
2013-05-14 12:22 PM
in reply to: #4741729

Pro
4277
20002000100100252525
Parker, CO
Subject: RE: Triathlon Dating Thread Ver 3.0
turtlegirl - 2013-05-14 9:20 AM
lisac957 - 2013-05-14 10:15 AM

julio26pt2 - 2013-05-14 9:15 AM Also, RBesecke, Have you ever heard of David DeAngelo?  He wrote a book called Attraction Isn't a Choice which was very eye-opening (a quick Google search will return a .pdf version of the book, but I won't link the book directly here, but here's the Google Search link).  It goes into a lot of detail on how women think vs men and the different parts of the brain we use.  How confidence is key, as well as making one aware of the signals they're putting out.  Where the fears come from that drive us to behave as we do in specific circumstances and how that behavior is perceived by women.  How women say over an over they want the "nice guy" but what triggers the emotional response is someone who makes them feel a primal attraction by being challenged, being hit with unexpected behavior and confidence.  Nothing that means that one has to be a jerk or mean to accomplish....  Strong in your convictions, humorous, ability to make a decision, etc...  What I like about it is that it's not a "pick up" or "seduction" book and doesn't teach out to manipulate.  Rather, it's an honest look at what traits are attractive to the opposite sex and how to be mindful of body language, wording, and other signals that women are picking up on (and putting out there) in order to show them who you really are in an honest way.  Worth a read for both men and women, IMO.

I haven't read this book but what you wrote is eye-openingly true. Just thinking back on my past relationships and non-relationships, 100% yes.

Confidence is so so soooo sexy - I honestly feel bad for some of my single guy friends who are shy introverts. They are really struggling with dating and this is probably a lot of the reason why.

But here's a question - how do those guys flip the confidence switch? I don't really think someone should change their natural/instinctual behavior to try and pick up women since that's just not who they are. Or maybe they should? I dunno.

And what do men find attractive, if women tend to like the confident, will fight for their honor, challenge, etc? Seems like it would be the same thing.

Introvert Alert!  Need to chime in here.  Why is being introverted seen by many as a lack of confidence?  Really, I would like to know.  A person needs confidence to be successful and there are many successful introverts! I'm definately introverted but don't lack confidence.  We're born that way.  We're not like that because of low self esteem or don't believe in ourselves.  I have many introverted friends...probably because runner's tend to be introverted and I use to be a runner.  Anyway, the introverts seem to be as sure of themselves as the extroverts.  Often moreso. 

OK...off my soapbox.  Carry on. 

2013-05-14 1:04 PM
in reply to: #4741953

Champion
5376
5000100100100252525
PA
Subject: RE: Triathlon Dating Thread Ver 3.0
Teejaay - 2013-05-14 12:55 PM
Zero2Athlete - 2013-05-14 9:25 AM
julio26pt2 - 2013-05-14 11:49 AM
turtlegirl - 2013-05-14 10:20 AM
lisac957 - 2013-05-14 10:15 AM

julio26pt2 - 2013-05-14 9:15 AM Also, RBesecke, Have you ever heard of David DeAngelo?  He wrote a book called Attraction Isn't a Choice which was very eye-opening (a quick Google search will return a .pdf version of the book, but I won't link the book directly here, but here's the Google Search link).  It goes into a lot of detail on how women think vs men and the different parts of the brain we use.  How confidence is key, as well as making one aware of the signals they're putting out.  Where the fears come from that drive us to behave as we do in specific circumstances and how that behavior is perceived by women.  How women say over an over they want the "nice guy" but what triggers the emotional response is someone who makes them feel a primal attraction by being challenged, being hit with unexpected behavior and confidence.  Nothing that means that one has to be a jerk or mean to accomplish....  Strong in your convictions, humorous, ability to make a decision, etc...  What I like about it is that it's not a "pick up" or "seduction" book and doesn't teach out to manipulate.  Rather, it's an honest look at what traits are attractive to the opposite sex and how to be mindful of body language, wording, and other signals that women are picking up on (and putting out there) in order to show them who you really are in an honest way.  Worth a read for both men and women, IMO.

I haven't read this book but what you wrote is eye-openingly true. Just thinking back on my past relationships and non-relationships, 100% yes.

Confidence is so so soooo sexy - I honestly feel bad for some of my single guy friends who are shy introverts. They are really struggling with dating and this is probably a lot of the reason why.

But here's a question - how do those guys flip the confidence switch? I don't really think someone should change their natural/instinctual behavior to try and pick up women since that's just not who they are. Or maybe they should? I dunno.

And what do men find attractive, if women tend to like the confident, will fight for their honor, challenge, etc? Seems like it would be the same thing.

I'll summarize a little clearer what I wrote below to answer your point.  What I find attractive is a woman who is true to her beliefs and has an opinion.  And it's okay to believe differently or have an opinion that is different from mine.  That's fun and gives a fresh view of the world.  Challenging in a positive way.  But what's important is to be respectful of each others opinion, even if we will never agree.  But I expect that if I'm honest with a belief that the response will be respectful, even if it means admitting that we're a bad match.  This is high above physical attractiveness (though I'd be lying if I said that wasn't important, too).  But this can go too far where someone is appears strong in their convictions, but need to prove others wrong who believe differently.  This shows a lack of real confidence.  Also, I'm also pretty churchie, so I also have additional things I find attractive that has to do with my faith, which I won't really get into here.  

Edit:  So, to summarize the summary, I don't want an agreeable doormat or puppy dog, but want someone who challenges me in a positive way and who I do the same to.  

Similar here.  First, I'm looking for a playmate.  If I don't have to give up my hobbies to spend time with somebody because we have the same interests - that's super-valuable.  Granted, it's not something someone can control...they either like to lift and tri and climb or they don't. Not all of them are required, but the more the merrier.

Confidence. Intelligence.  Independence.  Funny and relaxed. I personally think a girl that's tough but still feminine is really hot. If she can dig through a tough interval workout or a lifting session or whatever...hot.

Even if her calloused hands scratch you?  And her man shoulders are wider than yours? LOL!  I too want a playmate.  And pretty much all the stuff you listed .. but with a guy.  I'd like to have at least one of my hobbies/interests be  a mutual thing.  Something we can do together.  That would be swell!

The words are great but that avatar melts me.  <sigh>

2013-05-14 1:40 PM
in reply to: #4742004

Subject: ...
This user's post has been ignored.


2013-05-14 3:19 PM
in reply to: #4703779

Expert
3145
2000100010025
Scottsdale, AZ
Subject: RE: Triathlon Dating Thread Ver 3.0

tl;dr

 

 

hi Tongue out

2013-05-14 3:25 PM
in reply to: #4742313

Veteran
513
500
Chicago (Old Town)
Subject: RE: Triathlon Dating Thread Ver 3.0
thebigb - 2013-05-14 3:19 PM

tl;dr

 hi Tongue out

Highlights:

  • Confidence is key
  • Teejaay's new picture is even cuter than the last
  • Be true to yourself
  • It's awesome when a mate can also be a playmate
  • Don't settle for less than you deserve

Did I miss anything?

2013-05-14 3:41 PM
in reply to: #4742313

Champion
17756
50005000500020005001001002525
SoCal
Subject: RE: Triathlon Dating Thread Ver 3.0
thebigb - 2013-05-14 1:19 PM

tl;dr

 

 

hi Tongue out

You're single again?

2013-05-14 3:48 PM
in reply to: #4742375

Expert
3145
2000100010025
Scottsdale, AZ
Subject: RE: Triathlon Dating Thread Ver 3.0
Big Appa - 2013-05-14 2:41 PM
thebigb - 2013-05-14 1:19 PM

tl;dr

 

 

hi Tongue out

You're single again?

Why Cord, just what are you hinting at?
2013-05-14 3:50 PM
in reply to: #4742386

Champion
17756
50005000500020005001001002525
SoCal
Subject: RE: Triathlon Dating Thread Ver 3.0
thebigb - 2013-05-14 1:48 PM
Big Appa - 2013-05-14 2:41 PM
thebigb - 2013-05-14 1:19 PM

tl;dr

 

 

hi Tongue out

You're single again?

Why Cord, just what are you hinting at?

I call top.



2013-05-14 3:52 PM
in reply to: #4742389

Expert
3145
2000100010025
Scottsdale, AZ
Subject: RE: Triathlon Dating Thread Ver 3.0
Big Appa - 2013-05-14 2:50 PM
thebigb - 2013-05-14 1:48 PM
Big Appa - 2013-05-14 2:41 PM
thebigb - 2013-05-14 1:19 PM

tl;dr

 

 

hi Tongue out

You're single again?

Why Cord, just what are you hinting at?

I call top.

Aww man, I'm always slow on the draw.  

2013-05-14 9:48 PM
in reply to: #4742004

Master
1441
100010010010010025
North edge of nowhere
Subject: RE: Triathlon Dating Thread Ver 3.0
rayd - 2013-05-14 11:22 AM

Introvert Alert!  Need to chime in here.  Why is being introverted seen by many as a lack of confidence?  Really, I would like to know.  A person needs confidence to be successful and there are many successful introverts! I'm definately introverted but don't lack confidence.  We're born that way.  We're not like that because of low self esteem or don't believe in ourselves.  I have many introverted friends...probably because runner's tend to be introverted and I use to be a runner.  Anyway, the introverts seem to be as sure of themselves as the extroverts.  Often moreso. 

I recently had a conversation with a mental health professional (not during a "session", but casually) regarding exactly this. The trend towards extroverts being valued is apparently a relatively recent thing in society.  There was a time when the introverts' ability to focus on a specific task and not be distracted by socialization was valued. Now the extroverts are seen as "confident". For myself I know that I do great with small groups, but a large group is draining for me and I can't handle lots of people for a long period.

Introverts can be very confident in specific contexts. Outside of the context with which they're comfortable, they tend to withdraw only because groups are draining for them, whereas extroverts are energized by groups.

lisac957 - 2013-05-14 9:15 AM

But here's a question - how do those guys flip the confidence switch? I don't really think someone should change their natural/instinctual behavior to try and pick up women since that's just not who they are. Or maybe they should? I dunno.

Everyone reacts to stimuli differently, so "flipping the switch" is going to be different for each individual, and some will never achieve it. I know that a series of successes in important parts of my life have helped me, but I'm still a bit of an introvert (see above). That isn't about confidence, it's about my ability to deal with groups.

This got a lot more complicated than I'd anticipated. I guess that's what I get for putting my $0.02 in.

2013-05-14 10:45 PM
in reply to: #4742330

Master
1441
100010010010010025
North edge of nowhere
Subject: RE: Triathlon Dating Thread Ver 3.0
julio26pt2 - 2013-05-14 2:25 PM

Highlights:

  • Confidence is key
  • Teejaay's new picture is even cuter than the last
  • Be true to yourself
  • It's awesome when a mate can also be a playmate
  • Don't settle for less than you deserve

Did I miss anything?

  • perhaps
  • AGREE!
  • Agree
  • Yah, I can agree with that. Very awesome.
  • Agree
2013-05-15 6:53 AM
in reply to: #4741953

Expert
1028
100025
Detroit, MI. Kinda.
Subject: RE: Triathlon Dating Thread Ver 3.0
Teejaay - 2013-05-14 12:55 PM
Zero2Athlete - 2013-05-14 9:25 AM

Similar here.  First, I'm looking for a playmate.  If I don't have to give up my hobbies to spend time with somebody because we have the same interests - that's super-valuable.  Granted, it's not something someone can control...they either like to lift and tri and climb or they don't. Not all of them are required, but the more the merrier.

Confidence. Intelligence.  Independence.  Funny and relaxed. I personally think a girl that's tough but still feminine is really hot. If she can dig through a tough interval workout or a lifting session or whatever...hot.

Even if her calloused hands scratch you?  And her man shoulders are wider than yours? LOL!  I too want a playmate.  And pretty much all the stuff you listed .. but with a guy.  I'd like to have at least one of my hobbies/interests be  a mutual thing.  Something we can do together.  That would be swell!

Especially if her calloused hands scratch me!  Lol..seriously, my current is very self-conscious about her hands and all of her shin rash from crossfitting..then add to that more hand wounds and leg-gouging from rock climbing....  To me, that immediately told me that she was actually active rather than one of those that says they like to work out but really doesn't.  And while she does claim to have "Football player shoulders,' I'm fortunately not a small framed guy or else things may have gone the same way as the chick with ginormous hands.

2013-05-15 7:39 AM
in reply to: #4742918

Expert
1028
100025
Detroit, MI. Kinda.
Subject: RE: Triathlon Dating Thread Ver 3.0
julio26pt2 - 2013-05-14 2:25 PM

Highlights:

  • Confidence is key
  • Teejaay's new picture is even cuter than the last
  • Be true to yourself
  • It's awesome when a mate can also be a playmate
  • Don't settle for less than you deserve

Did I miss anything?

 

Yep

YEP!

Yep

Yep!

Yep - Additional detail:  Believe you deserve awesomeness.  I may border on cocky with confidence and believing I deserve the best.  A girl would be an idiot not to want to be with me...not that every girl and I will click, but that won't be because of any deficiency on MY part.  (If a girl is fond of italian food, that doesn't mean there is any wrong or deficient with Mediterranean food).

As far as introvert/extrovert:  Being outgoing/outwardly confident is alpha of you.  It gets subconsciously translated as strong...not afraid...interesting.  Don't blame the girls for millions of years of evolution.  They can't help it if they like it when a strong, confident guy gives them vibes that make them feel sexy and desired.  The rational wants on the girls list like "he has a job, can play sports with me, like to watch me shop at the mall..." that takes a back seat (especially in the beginning) to attraction - which is really about chemistry.  Literally. (as in, these things result in dopamine and hormones that make her feel good, connected to you...like a drug addict, she comes back to you because she has subconsciously learned that she can get her chemical high when she's around you.  That goes both ways - humans spend most of their lives chasing chemical satisfaction).  Give her the high - you've got her attention and a running start.  Then give her the security and other stuff she rationally wants and she's all yours. 



2013-05-15 9:02 AM
in reply to: #4742849

Pro
4277
20002000100100252525
Parker, CO
Subject: RE: Triathlon Dating Thread Ver 3.0
RBesecke - 2013-05-14 8:48 PM
rayd - 2013-05-14 11:22 AM

Introvert Alert!  Need to chime in here.  Why is being introverted seen by many as a lack of confidence?  Really, I would like to know.  A person needs confidence to be successful and there are many successful introverts! I'm definately introverted but don't lack confidence.  We're born that way.  We're not like that because of low self esteem or don't believe in ourselves.  I have many introverted friends...probably because runner's tend to be introverted and I use to be a runner.  Anyway, the introverts seem to be as sure of themselves as the extroverts.  Often moreso. 

I recently had a conversation with a mental health professional (not during a "session", but casually) regarding exactly this. The trend towards extroverts being valued is apparently a relatively recent thing in society.  There was a time when the introverts' ability to focus on a specific task and not be distracted by socialization was valued. Now the extroverts are seen as "confident". For myself I know that I do great with small groups, but a large group is draining for me and I can't handle lots of people for a long period.

Introverts can be very confident in specific contexts. Outside of the context with which they're comfortable, they tend to withdraw only because groups are draining for them, whereas extroverts are energized by groups.

lisac957 - 2013-05-14 9:15 AM

But here's a question - how do those guys flip the confidence switch? I don't really think someone should change their natural/instinctual behavior to try and pick up women since that's just not who they are. Or maybe they should? I dunno.

Everyone reacts to stimuli differently, so "flipping the switch" is going to be different for each individual, and some will never achieve it. I know that a series of successes in important parts of my life have helped me, but I'm still a bit of an introvert (see above). That isn't about confidence, it's about my ability to deal with groups.

This got a lot more complicated than I'd anticipated. I guess that's what I get for putting my $0.02 in.

this subject can get complicated...especially on a MB.  I pretty much agree with all that you have said.  Thanks for your 2 cents.

Now I'm going to find me a book on how to flip the switch so I can pick up women. 

2013-05-15 9:04 AM
in reply to: #4743065

Member
326
10010010025
Subject: RE: Triathlon Dating Thread Ver 3.0

"I'm fortunately not a small framed guy or else things may have gone the same way as the chick with ginormous hands."

Haha, when I read this line it reminded me of the Seinfeld episode when Jerry goes on the date with the gorgeous woman and they sit down to eat and she tears apart the lobster with her "man hands".

I would have to put myself in the introvert camp. I was with an extrovert for over 18 years. I find that what we lack in ourselves we seek in others, to complete us I guess. It was exhausting. I have no lack of confidence. I just prefer to sit back and take in the social interactions. I take great pleasure in watching others interact. The social dance is fascinating.

I find that my problem now is that I over analyze everything. I am actively looking for a relationship and it is constantly should I do this, what will she think, what is she thinking, should I say this, should I do that. I am a Capricorn and a scientist so everything has a definitive meaning. But, in attraction and love there is no definitive meaning.

Another problem I am finding is that there just isn't enough time in the day to meet anyone. I am up at 5:15 am to swim then I head to work. I put in my 8 hours at work, come home, and depending on the day put in another training session. I am usually in bed at 9:00pm. The weekends are a write-off. After the long bike/run sessions and grocery shopping, house cleaning and other errands there isn't much time left for me. I may go see a movie, if I don't fall asleep first. Come Monday, it starts all over again.



Edited by DeVinci13 2013-05-15 9:05 AM
2013-05-15 12:22 PM
in reply to: #4743285

Expert
3145
2000100010025
Scottsdale, AZ
Subject: RE: Triathlon Dating Thread Ver 3.0
DeVinci13 - 2013-05-15 8:04 AM

"I'm fortunately not a small framed guy or else things may have gone the same way as the chick with ginormous hands."

Haha, when I read this line it reminded me of the Seinfeld episode when Jerry goes on the date with the gorgeous woman and they sit down to eat and she tears apart the lobster with her "man hands".

I would have to put myself in the introvert camp. I was with an extrovert for over 18 years. I find that what we lack in ourselves we seek in others, to complete us I guess. It was exhausting. I have no lack of confidence. I just prefer to sit back and take in the social interactions. I take great pleasure in watching others interact. The social dance is fascinating.

I find that my problem now is that I over analyze everything. I am actively looking for a relationship and it is constantly should I do this, what will she think, what is she thinking, should I say this, should I do that. I am a Capricorn and a scientist so everything has a definitive meaning. But, in attraction and love there is no definitive meaning.

Another problem I am finding is that there just isn't enough time in the day to meet anyone. I am up at 5:15 am to swim then I head to work. I put in my 8 hours at work, come home, and depending on the day put in another training session. I am usually in bed at 9:00pm. The weekends are a write-off. After the long bike/run sessions and grocery shopping, house cleaning and other errands there isn't much time left for me. I may go see a movie, if I don't fall asleep first. Come Monday, it starts all over again.

Time to get a house cleaner!  I can partially understand where you're coming from though, we all ("triathletes") are pretty time crunched.  I'm lucky that I work a straight up 40 hour week, then I train 16-20 hours a week on top of that.  I'm glad I do not own a house, have a yard, or anything else that takes any amount of upkeep/looking after.  I still have plenty of time on the weekends though to get out and be social and that's even with three workouts a day on Sat and Sun.  



Edited by thebigb 2013-05-15 12:23 PM
2013-05-15 12:27 PM
in reply to: #4703779

Veteran
513
500
Chicago (Old Town)
Subject: RE: Triathlon Dating Thread Ver 3.0
Agreed on the house keeper.  Especially when I'm in heavy training mode, it's nice to come home once a month to a spotless apartment.  Of course, I tidy as I go along and whatnot...  But there's something grand that makes it $60 well spent!!!!!  She comes the last week of the month while I'm at work.  Can't imagine ever going without again.  And if I do ever get married or whatever, then she's coming twice a month so we don't have to worry about who cleans what (which has been the basis of too many arguments in my past)....
New Thread
Other Resources My Cup of Joe » Triathlon Dating Thread Ver 3.0 Rss Feed  
 
 
of 11