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Should I bail on Age Group Nationals??
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 2013-06-26 4:24 PM |
Member  18 Inglewood |  Subject: Should I bail on Age Group Nationals??My wife & I both qualified for AG Nationals. We're not elites or regulars on the podium...just a combo of a good race day and abnormally weak competition at a USAT race got us there. Anyway, we've done several IM's and other big races together, sorta as extended vacations. So, this was to be our A-race this year and we were both PUMPED. Planes booked, bike shipping set up, rental cars, deposit on a VRBO condo, everything was all set. A few weeks ago my poor wife ripped some tendons in her foot while training. She is OUT of the race and despite saying she'd come along and cheer me on, the doctor doesn't want her walking around for a few more months so she can't go on the trip. She wants me to go ahead and go, but honestly I feel like it would be a douchebag move on my part because I know how badly she wanted to go. I even simply feel bad training; just going out for a run makes me feel guilty. Part of me wants to do it for the pure fact that I may never qualify again. But the other side says I'd be unsuspectingly committing a marriage no-no. Besides, I don't know anyone else going so it'd be kinda lame I think. And...well....it just wouldn't be the same without my partner there. Anyway, just curious if anyone has any opinions or has ever been in this situation. |
| 2013-06-26 4:45 PM in reply to: starkrayz |
Champion 14571    the alamo city, Texas | Subject: RE: Should I bail on Age Group Nationals?? how much money do you already have invested in this trip? for me - that would lead the decision. plane tickets and condo fees probably and registrations, you've probably already sunk a few hundred dollars here. can it just be a relaxing trip for you both with you leaving to do a race for a few hours? as far as marriage no-no - only you and your spouse can decide that. if i were in your wife's position, i would be completely OK with my husband going and doing the race AS LONG AS i didn't need him to help take care of me - get me around the house, whatever, but if she'll be self-sufficient, i'd be OK with it. |
| 2013-06-26 5:03 PM in reply to: 0 |
Sensei Sin City | Subject: RE: Should I bail on Age Group Nationals?? It's only a marriage "no no" if you either haven't talked about it at all or haven't come to an agreement/compromise. You can back out of hotels with enough notice and many flights can be transferable. I would rarely say let money decide things like that if it's going to be hard feelings for whatever reason. If you want to go for your own reasons, be honest and state that. Don't say it's "because of the money". Don't hide your real reasons behind things like that, IMO. They could be PART of the reason, but even in your post, your simple desire to do it seems to be the leading reason. Maybe I'm looking through the lenses of my relationship, but I don't think I would EVER not want my wife to do something out of jealousy that I couldn't because I got injured. I'm sure my wife would want me to go as well even if something came up and she couldn't. Obviously that changes if someone can't function without aid. You can't abandon someone to struggle to the bathroom or feed themselves and such. Your wife is obviously a strong enough athlete to qualify, and in general, I would say athletes "get it" when it comes to this kind of stuff and would want others to crack on. Edited by Kido 2013-06-26 5:04 PM |
| 2013-06-26 5:05 PM in reply to: Kido |
Regular 5477 LHOTP | Subject: RE: Should I bail on Age Group Nationals?? Go. |
| 2013-06-26 5:28 PM in reply to: switch |
Member 18 Inglewood | Subject: RE: Should I bail on Age Group Nationals?? Thanks for the input. The money invested isn't a huge issue...like you said, transferring the flights, etc. and we're still in the window for a 50% refund from USAT. On the other hand, she'll be okay without me so my not being there wouldn't be a problem. I guess I'll feel her out this week. Just wanted to make sure I wasn't being a jerk! |
| 2013-06-26 6:22 PM in reply to: Kido |
| Subject: RE: Should I bail on Age Group Nationals?? Originally posted by Kido It's only a marriage "no no" if you either haven't talked about it at all or haven't come to an agreement/compromise. You can back out of hotels with enough notice and many flights can be transferable. I would rarely say let money decide things like that if it's going to be hard feelings for whatever reason. If you want to go for your own reasons, be honest and state that. Don't say it's "because of the money". Don't hide your real reasons behind things like that, IMO. They could be PART of the reason, but even in your post, your simple desire to do it seems to be the leading reason. Maybe I'm looking through the lenses of my relationship, but I don't think I would EVER not want my wife to do something out of jealousy that I couldn't because I got injured. I'm sure my wife would want me to go as well even if something came up and she couldn't. Obviously that changes if someone can't function without aid. You can't abandon someone to struggle to the bathroom or feed themselves and such. Your wife is obviously a strong enough athlete to qualify, and in general, I would say athletes "get it" when it comes to this kind of stuff and would want others to crack on. Normally, I agree with most everything Kido posts here. This is no exception |
| 2013-06-26 6:28 PM in reply to: starkrayz |
Master 1795 Boynton Beach, FL | Subject: RE: Should I bail on Age Group Nationals?? Funny, I got the same email and it was exact same case of qualifying due to a good day and weak competition. There is no way I deserve to race with that field and I would likely be in botton 20%. To some that matters and others it doesnt. Agree it is a rare chance. I decided no because it is a bogus way of determining best of AG IMHO. I did an ironman with only 10 people in my AG and I did ok, but was a weak field in a first year event. Bet that the top 25% at major ironman would have had better times. Getting off topic now sorry. Most importantly, just ask your spouse how she feels about you going. Hopefully you can decifer the "go ahead" response as being "I hate you, this is not fare, but go" or the, "really want you to do well and go, well deserved" version. |
| 2013-06-26 7:52 PM in reply to: cardenas1 |
Master 2946 Centennial, CO | Subject: RE: Should I bail on Age Group Nationals?? Having been to AG Nats before, I can state it is a great experience. I would not throw that away. I think you are on the right track in talking to your wife about it, and I would still say bring her if you can. If not, make it a quick trip. But if you truly don't think you'll be able to qualify again, it's worth it. (IMO) Oh and I'll be there again this year, so don't doubt you can't qualify again if you put your mind to it. |
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