"Visitor" Etiquette

Originally posted by travljini So of course *my* friends are biased so why not ask here Been together 13 years......the MIL has always been, well, "odd" is polite. I'll try not to digress, but she rarely visits our home and when she does it's usually when I'm not around. Still waiting for the divorce she is. I go out of my way to make all the right foods (gluten free, nut free, salt free, every diet restriction you can think of, blah blah blah) and am gracious, never saying A WORD oh these 13 years of criticism and belittlement. Anyway, it's THE oddest behavior ever and I *should* just let it go but I find it almost intrusively offensive. In our prior home, our master bath was actually INSIDE our master bedroom. During family gatherings she would ALWAYS insist on traipsing through our bedroom to use THAT bathroom. Thanksgiving arrives and in our new house I hear her amble UP the stairs and into our private upstairs bathroom -- which of course wasn't very clean, instead of our guest bathroom? WTH? So as Christmas is looming I joke about putting "out of order" or leaving a couple of giant sized dildos around the upstairs bathroom, but not sure how to say, "gee, can you just stay out of our private area????" Husband of course doesn't want to say anything because he's certain she just wants to "start something," as usual. So what is it, dildos? Sexy lingerie? :D

My feeling is that you will always get what you are willing to put up with.  Sometimes I have gritted my teeth, but I also threw my father-in-law out of our house on Memorial Day one year because I just got tired of him running his mouth about how awful it was that our Soldiers were in iraq.  I just didn't want to hear it on that day....so he left.

Originally posted by travljini So of course *my* friends are biased so why not ask here Been together 13 years......the MIL has always been, well, "odd" is polite. I'll try not to digress, but she rarely visits our home and when she does it's usually when I'm not around. Still waiting for the divorce she is. I go out of my way to make all the right foods (gluten free, nut free, salt free, every diet restriction you can think of, blah blah blah) and am gracious, never saying A WORD oh these 13 years of criticism and belittlement. Anyway, it's THE oddest behavior ever and I *should* just let it go but I find it almost intrusively offensive. In our prior home, our master bath was actually INSIDE our master bedroom. During family gatherings she would ALWAYS insist on traipsing through our bedroom to use THAT bathroom. Thanksgiving arrives and in our new house I hear her amble UP the stairs and into our private upstairs bathroom -- which of course wasn't very clean, instead of our guest bathroom? WTH? So as Christmas is looming I joke about putting "out of order" or leaving a couple of giant sized dildos around the upstairs bathroom, but not sure how to say, "gee, can you just stay out of our private area????" Husband of course doesn't want to say anything because he's certain she just wants to "start something," as usual. So what is it, dildos? Sexy lingerie? :D

That's weird. Has no one ever mentioned it to her? Something along the lines of, "Just to let you know, I wasn't able to clean our restroom before you came over, so you might be more comfortable using the guest bathroom that I cleaned." That's the direct way. 

If you want to be passive aggressive about it, just put a lock on the door, that can be locked with a key outside the bathroom. Just lock the door(s). When she goes up to use it, it will be locked. She'll think someone is using it and go to another bathroom!  Perfect!  

Yep, lock it if you can.

But man, that sounds odd...  I wonder what the reason is?  Is the guest bathroom uncomfortable or unpleasant in some way?  I would say our is pretty utilitarian.  Not much for comforts, but you got everything you need in it -  so what's the problem?

is your guest bath out in the open - mine is RIGHT NEXT TO the dining room table, and i have an open dining/living room floor plan.  if you were doing something....smellier or noisier.....in there everyone in the house would know.  perhaps she wants some privacy?  

but, i also find it odd and luckily have a 3rd bathroom should that situation arise....just tell her (well - make your husband tell her - his fam, his problem) that your room is your only place that is off limits to guests and if she has problems with the guest bath let you (him) know and you can work out a compromise.

That's just weird to me.

Leave a deuce as an arrival gift.  If you get complains about not flushing YOUR toilet, then you can ask why are they going in YOUR bathroom in the first place.

Are these also intended for guests or just embarrassment factor?  This could take an unexpected turn.

I don't get that kind of stuff.  What's wrong with just telling someone, under no uncertain terms, exactly how you feel and what you won't tolerate in your own home?

I think it's funny you thought those were serious suggestions.

But I agree with you 100%.  Having a mature conversation about the rules of your house is a FAR superior way to handle this instead of taking a crap in the upper tank of your own master bathroom toilet.  I surely don't want anyone to misunderstand the joke and actually go home and do that as a form of problem solving.

I was going to say, "Stock the pond with brown trout".  That oughta do it.

Oh wait, you want a serious answer.

How about, "Mrs. Johnson, I'd really appreciate it if you'd use our guest room instead of the master bath which is through our private bedroom."

No, moondawg was suggesting an "upper decker" (admittedly I'd never heard of that) in THEIR house.  And yeah, hopefully that wasn't a serious suggestion.  I'm going to stick with my reply......just tell the woman what's off limits to her. 

Unrelated, but a funny story.  When I was in the Marine Corps a bunch of us ended up at a dinner our old Drill Instructor put on at his home with his family.  This guy was a Samoan, about 6'5", a Staff Sergeant and veteran of some crazy combat missions in Vietnam.  To call him a badass would be the understatement of the century.....he was just a huge and powerful man.  One of the guys, right after dinner, "broke wind" in the dining room.......and the Sgt. went friggin' crazy.  A couple of guys who laughed, along with the offender, got their arses kicked, and the rest of us ran for our lives.  LOL  Apparently you do NOT fart in the dining area of a Samoan household.  Lesson learned.

Yeah, guy should have excused himself to the master bedroom for that.

Go change the doorknob(s) and lock the door with a key.  

I'm not trying to downplay what you are dealing with, but seriously, how does a crazy person control anything?  The answer is....you let them....and yeah, you know that.  Good luck.  Like I said, I realize that all of these types of situations have their own dynamics.