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2014-03-24 6:28 PM
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Subject: RE: Uninterested Spouse
To me, it would be a strong punch to the gut...like Mike Tyson-hard.
I will never understand how a soulmate could NOT be there for something so special.
Something you've put blood, sweat, and occasional tears into.

My wife and kids haven't missed (and would never miss) a single race, period. Those moments before, during, and after the race will be with me forever. They are absolutely amazing.
I can still remember me and the kids tracking (stalking) her out on her marathon years back, supporting her too.
Isn't love about being there for one another?

What the he!! is more important for him that day?

A lot of folks seem to be fine with it. I'm just not one of them.
I think it's cr&p and you deserve better. Just my opinion.






Edited by ChineseDemocracy 2014-03-24 6:31 PM


2014-03-24 7:08 PM
in reply to: ChineseDemocracy

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Subject: RE: Uninterested Spouse

Originally posted by ChineseDemocracy To me, it would be a strong punch to the gut...like Mike Tyson-hard. I will never understand how a soulmate could NOT be there for something so special. Something you've put blood, sweat, and occasional tears into. My wife and kids haven't missed (and would never miss) a single race, period. Those moments before, during, and after the race will be with me forever. They are absolutely amazing. I can still remember me and the kids tracking (stalking) her out on her marathon years back, supporting her too. Isn't love about being there for one another? What the he!! is more important for him that day? A lot of folks seem to be fine with it. I'm just not one of them. I think it's cr&p and you deserve better. Just my opinion.

I'm not that serious of a racer I guess. My first year racing they came for all 5 triathlons. And after each race I was exhausted and tired and dealing with whining kids who wanted to eat my pizza, drink my soda and have Mommy carry them around. I kindly let my hubby off the hook and told him he didn't need to fuss with watching me the next year . At that time my children were home with me all day long  so race day was a Mommy break for me! Then a few years ago I completed a HIM and the family came for that one. But recently I have not put blood sweat or tears in for a particular race. If it works with my calendar, my feet don't hurt and the weather is good - then I will jump in a local race. No need for the family to get up at 6:30 on a Sunday for that!

2014-03-24 7:09 PM
in reply to: ChineseDemocracy

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Subject: RE: Uninterested Spouse

Originally posted by ChineseDemocracy To me, it would be a strong punch to the gut...like Mike Tyson-hard. I will never understand how a soulmate could NOT be there for something so special. Something you've put blood, sweat, and occasional tears into. My wife and kids haven't missed (and would never miss) a single race, period. Those moments before, during, and after the race will be with me forever. They are absolutely amazing. I can still remember me and the kids tracking (stalking) her out on her marathon years back, supporting her too. Isn't love about being there for one another? What the he!! is more important for him that day? A lot of folks seem to be fine with it. I'm just not one of them. I think it's cr&p and you deserve better. Just my opinion.

I don't know.  Of all the things we've shared in 20+ years,  triathlon is pretty far down the list of "special", at least as it applies to our relationship.  We don't share our recreation......it's not more complicated than that.

 

2014-03-24 7:31 PM
in reply to: EV3110

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Subject: RE: Uninterested Spouse

Originally posted by EV3110
Originally posted by switch

Originally posted by EV3110 You're all so sweet. Thanks for the responses and helping me realize that I am not the only one. That's all I really need to hear because sometimes it seems like I am one in a million with this issue (mostly on race day). I did mean it sincerely when I said "it is what it is". I don't hold a grudge. Yes, it sucks and it's really something that I will never quite understand but we don't have marital problems over the issue. I don't expect him to go to every race or ask about training all the time. So it is what it is and that is ok. Lately I've been thinking about doing more destination races. Not just a drive away but heading to another state or country for a HIM. These destination races/family vacation is still not of interest to him! Trust me, we've discussed it, he's not a traveler and I'm not going to beg. So I wonder sometimes do I sign up for a destination race that's on my bucket-list and GO FOR IT solo.. or continue with the local tri's and and have regrets later (I am getting old and may not have the body to do this in a few years! :) ) about not doing the races that I REALLY want to do because the family wont be there? Thanks all! :)

This!!!

Make a list of the races you want to do anywhere you want to do them and DO THEM!  I can't imagine regretting that :)

 

Have to right?!! :)

Seriously.  Enjoy the stuff you guys like to do together, and enjoy the stuff you don't.  In a lot of ways I think you've got a dream scenario!  I can hardly wait to see your race list;)

2014-03-24 7:55 PM
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Subject: RE: Uninterested Spouse
Originally posted by switch

Originally posted by EV3110 You're all so sweet. Thanks for the responses and helping me realize that I am not the only one. That's all I really need to hear because sometimes it seems like I am one in a million with this issue (mostly on race day). I did mean it sincerely when I said "it is what it is". I don't hold a grudge. Yes, it sucks and it's really something that I will never quite understand but we don't have marital problems over the issue. I don't expect him to go to every race or ask about training all the time. So it is what it is and that is ok. Lately I've been thinking about doing more destination races. Not just a drive away but heading to another state or country for a HIM. These destination races/family vacation is still not of interest to him! Trust me, we've discussed it, he's not a traveler and I'm not going to beg. So I wonder sometimes do I sign up for a destination race that's on my bucket-list and GO FOR IT solo.. or continue with the local tri's and and have regrets later (I am getting old and may not have the body to do this in a few years! ) about not doing the races that I REALLY want to do because the family wont be there? Thanks all!

This!!!

Make a list of the races you want to do anywhere you want to do them and DO THEM!  I can't imagine regretting that

 

THIS. now, I will start off saying my situation is nothing like yours, but due to other circumstances I travel alone. Often. My mother instilled this in me when I was young: "If I had to wait for your father whenever I wanted to go see my family and your grandmother, we'd only go once a year." So, we went without him, had a great time, and he worked or did his thing. I don't think twice about meeting some friends for races near and far! It's so fun! Meet some people, find some friends, and the ball will get rolling! Just this weekend at a race, I had two "race friends" ask my schedule for the year so we could coordinate where to meet up for races. Excellent time, people that enjoy and care, and then I go home feeling great! (I sometimes feel 'guilty' or wish my spouse could have attended, but he often can't.) So stay home and miss out, or go? GO. Also, I agree that the flip side isn't always better. There seem to be far more spouses that hate the tri/active lifestyle. I wouldn't wish that on anyone. Count your blessings!

Edited by Comet 2014-03-24 7:56 PM
2014-03-24 8:01 PM
in reply to: Comet

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Subject: RE: Uninterested Spouse

Originally posted by Comet
Originally posted by switch

Originally posted by EV3110 You're all so sweet. Thanks for the responses and helping me realize that I am not the only one. That's all I really need to hear because sometimes it seems like I am one in a million with this issue (mostly on race day). I did mean it sincerely when I said "it is what it is". I don't hold a grudge. Yes, it sucks and it's really something that I will never quite understand but we don't have marital problems over the issue. I don't expect him to go to every race or ask about training all the time. So it is what it is and that is ok. Lately I've been thinking about doing more destination races. Not just a drive away but heading to another state or country for a HIM. These destination races/family vacation is still not of interest to him! Trust me, we've discussed it, he's not a traveler and I'm not going to beg. So I wonder sometimes do I sign up for a destination race that's on my bucket-list and GO FOR IT solo.. or continue with the local tri's and and have regrets later (I am getting old and may not have the body to do this in a few years! ) about not doing the races that I REALLY want to do because the family wont be there? Thanks all!

This!!!

Make a list of the races you want to do anywhere you want to do them and DO THEM!  I can't imagine regretting that

 

THIS. now, I will start off saying my situation is nothing like yours, but due to other circumstances I travel alone. Often. My mother instilled this in me when I was young: "If I had to wait for your father whenever I wanted to go see my family and your grandmother, we'd only go once a year." So, we went without him, had a great time, and he worked or did his thing. I don't think twice about meeting some friends for races near and far! It's so fun! Meet some people, find some friends, and the ball will get rolling! Just this weekend at a race, I had two "race friends" ask my schedule for the year so we could coordinate where to meet up for races. Excellent time, people that enjoy and care, and then I go home feeling great! (I sometimes feel 'guilty' or wish my spouse could have attended, but he often can't.) So stay home and miss out, or go? GO. Also, I agree that the flip side isn't always better. There seem to be far more spouses that hate the tri/active lifestyle. I wouldn't wish that on anyone. Count your blessings!

I would separate the two.  Just because my wife doesn't give a rip about triathlon doesn't mean she's not into a very active lifestyle....she is.  I would venture a guess that it's the same for a lot of couples.  My wife works out every day and has for the entire time we've been together.  BUT....she doesn't care much for the triathlon "scene" and doesn't have much in common with people who are part of it, as far as working out goes.  It's not a problem and never has been......but I'd put her resting HR up against anyone on this board. There's quite a bit of life out there that doesn't have anything to do with triathlon.



2014-03-24 8:11 PM
in reply to: Left Brain

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Subject: RE: Uninterested Spouse
Originally posted by Left Brain

Originally posted by ChineseDemocracy To me, it would be a strong punch to the gut...like Mike Tyson-hard. I will never understand how a soulmate could NOT be there for something so special. Something you've put blood, sweat, and occasional tears into. My wife and kids haven't missed (and would never miss) a single race, period. Those moments before, during, and after the race will be with me forever. They are absolutely amazing. I can still remember me and the kids tracking (stalking) her out on her marathon years back, supporting her too. Isn't love about being there for one another? What the he!! is more important for him that day? A lot of folks seem to be fine with it. I'm just not one of them. I think it's cr&p and you deserve better. Just my opinion.

I don't know.  Of all the things we've shared in 20+ years,  triathlon is pretty far down the list of "special", at least as it applies to our relationship.  We don't share our recreation......it's not more complicated than that.

 




Amen left Brain. It's a hobby. Maybe a hobby that sucks our time and money like a tornado. However, at the end of the day or at the end of an IM it is just a hobby. I only ask my family if they want to come to races if the venue has something to offer them. If they are playing, shopping, or just sleeping at the hotel when I finish I'm totally ok with that. However, I have felt blessed when I've been picked up when a crazy long run turned bad or a double flat sliced tires ended my training ride. I don't think I'd ever be hurt that I did not get attention on race day. I don't dare say that as a superior attitude. I simply do not relate to the need of someone being at the race. To say its crap and someone deserves better is assuming a whole he!! Of a lot.
2014-03-24 8:12 PM
in reply to: switch

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Subject: RE: Uninterested Spouse
Originally posted by switch

Originally posted by EV3110
Originally posted by switch

Originally posted by EV3110 You're all so sweet. Thanks for the responses and helping me realize that I am not the only one. That's all I really need to hear because sometimes it seems like I am one in a million with this issue (mostly on race day). I did mean it sincerely when I said "it is what it is". I don't hold a grudge. Yes, it sucks and it's really something that I will never quite understand but we don't have marital problems over the issue. I don't expect him to go to every race or ask about training all the time. So it is what it is and that is ok. Lately I've been thinking about doing more destination races. Not just a drive away but heading to another state or country for a HIM. These destination races/family vacation is still not of interest to him! Trust me, we've discussed it, he's not a traveler and I'm not going to beg. So I wonder sometimes do I sign up for a destination race that's on my bucket-list and GO FOR IT solo.. or continue with the local tri's and and have regrets later (I am getting old and may not have the body to do this in a few years! ) about not doing the races that I REALLY want to do because the family wont be there? Thanks all!

This!!!

Make a list of the races you want to do anywhere you want to do them and DO THEM!  I can't imagine regretting that

 

Have to right?!!

Seriously.  Enjoy the stuff you guys like to do together, and enjoy the stuff you don't.  In a lot of ways I think you've got a dream scenario!  I can hardly wait to see your race list




Oh, don't get me wrong, I'm all for the original poster to do what she wants to do. Absolutely. I just think it sucks she doesn't have a supportive wing-man. I mean not even asking about workouts? I'm not saying it should be a major topic of conversation, but geez, I at least ask about my wife's day and genuinely care to listen, as does she...well, unless she's really good at pretending!

It just seemed to me a lot of the earlier posts were kind of making it sound like it's no big deal, and that's fine, different strokes for different folks...but there was a poster in here that mentioned doing 140.6's without their significant other. Hey, if that works for you, great. It wouldn't work for me. I'd be hurt. Plus, a 70.3 or 140.6 can take you down physically. What if you needed help?

Somebody mentioned how they wouldn't wanna go out on the golf course with their husband...and that's fine...but what if they qualified for some big tournament. Would they still pull a no-show? To me, that's kind of how I see big races.
I'm no big-time triathlete. I might do a big race per year and a 5k or 2. I guess I've always seen them as great family events. To trigal, btw, no, we don't have the kids miss sleep for races either. Seeing them at transition and the finish line is awesome enough!

btw, I can totally understand the other point of view. I'm seeing Guns N' Roses for the 7th time in May...and my wife just isn't a concert-goer (and we don't use baby-sitters) so she's not going. Is that a special outing for me? Hell yeah! So yes, I understand the "do your own thing" mentality...but...a triathlon requires a lot of training. My concert doesn't.

It just sounded to me like EV3110 was a bit hurt by her hubby's actions. I think the hurt/disappointment was absolutely warranted.
2014-03-24 8:20 PM
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Subject: RE: Uninterested Spouse

Originally posted by ChineseDemocracy
Originally posted by switch

Originally posted by EV3110
Originally posted by switch

Originally posted by EV3110 You're all so sweet. Thanks for the responses and helping me realize that I am not the only one. That's all I really need to hear because sometimes it seems like I am one in a million with this issue (mostly on race day). I did mean it sincerely when I said "it is what it is". I don't hold a grudge. Yes, it sucks and it's really something that I will never quite understand but we don't have marital problems over the issue. I don't expect him to go to every race or ask about training all the time. So it is what it is and that is ok. Lately I've been thinking about doing more destination races. Not just a drive away but heading to another state or country for a HIM. These destination races/family vacation is still not of interest to him! Trust me, we've discussed it, he's not a traveler and I'm not going to beg. So I wonder sometimes do I sign up for a destination race that's on my bucket-list and GO FOR IT solo.. or continue with the local tri's and and have regrets later (I am getting old and may not have the body to do this in a few years! ) about not doing the races that I REALLY want to do because the family wont be there? Thanks all!

This!!!

Make a list of the races you want to do anywhere you want to do them and DO THEM!  I can't imagine regretting that

 

Have to right?!!

Seriously.  Enjoy the stuff you guys like to do together, and enjoy the stuff you don't.  In a lot of ways I think you've got a dream scenario!  I can hardly wait to see your race list

  I'm seeing Guns N' Roses for the 7th time in May...and my wife just isn't a concert-goer (and we don't use baby-sitters) so she's not going. Is that a special outing for me? Hell yeah! So yes, I understand the "do your own thing" mentality...but...a triathlon requires a lot of training. My concert doesn't.

LOL  I was at a Guns N' Roses concert in St. Louis many years ago when Axel dove into the crowd to get a camera and touched off a full blown riot.  Granted, I was part of about 200 cops who formed a riot squad and fought to get control of the complex back......but yeah, it was a hell of a time!!!



Edited by Left Brain 2014-03-24 8:21 PM
2014-03-24 8:22 PM
in reply to: kstater39

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Subject: RE: Uninterested Spouse
Originally posted by kstater39

Originally posted by Left Brain

Originally posted by ChineseDemocracy To me, it would be a strong punch to the gut...like Mike Tyson-hard. I will never understand how a soulmate could NOT be there for something so special. Something you've put blood, sweat, and occasional tears into. My wife and kids haven't missed (and would never miss) a single race, period. Those moments before, during, and after the race will be with me forever. They are absolutely amazing. I can still remember me and the kids tracking (stalking) her out on her marathon years back, supporting her too. Isn't love about being there for one another? What the he!! is more important for him that day? A lot of folks seem to be fine with it. I'm just not one of them. I think it's cr&p and you deserve better. Just my opinion.

I don't know.  Of all the things we've shared in 20+ years,  triathlon is pretty far down the list of "special", at least as it applies to our relationship.  We don't share our recreation......it's not more complicated than that.

 




Amen left Brain. It's a hobby. Maybe a hobby that sucks our time and money like a tornado. However, at the end of the day or at the end of an IM it is just a hobby. I only ask my family if they want to come to races if the venue has something to offer them. If they are playing, shopping, or just sleeping at the hotel when I finish I'm totally ok with that. However, I have felt blessed when I've been picked up when a crazy long run turned bad or a double flat sliced tires ended my training ride. I don't think I'd ever be hurt that I did not get attention on race day. I don't dare say that as a superior attitude. I simply do not relate to the need of someone being at the race. To say its crap and someone deserves better is assuming a whole he!! Of a lot.


I don't think I assumed anything. The direct quote from the original post read, "This was really hard on me at first. I took it personally but "It is what it is" and it's ok although it still kinda sucks at times!"

I merely agreed that it does suck...and yeah, I believe she deserves better. If she had zero problems with her hubby not being there, I'd say, "No problemo!" Rock and roll. It's all good. But, that's not what she wrote.

Let me be clear. I am not saying triathletes should be forcing their significant others to go to something they don't want to go to.
I am saying it's pretty dang cool to know your SO wants to share in what is special to you...regardless of the activity. It all comes down to what you consider "special" and what you would like from your spouse.

2014-03-24 8:32 PM
in reply to: Left Brain

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Subject: RE: Uninterested Spouse
Originally posted by Left Brain

Originally posted by ChineseDemocracy
Originally posted by switch

Originally posted by EV3110
Originally posted by switch

Originally posted by EV3110 You're all so sweet. Thanks for the responses and helping me realize that I am not the only one. That's all I really need to hear because sometimes it seems like I am one in a million with this issue (mostly on race day). I did mean it sincerely when I said "it is what it is". I don't hold a grudge. Yes, it sucks and it's really something that I will never quite understand but we don't have marital problems over the issue. I don't expect him to go to every race or ask about training all the time. So it is what it is and that is ok. Lately I've been thinking about doing more destination races. Not just a drive away but heading to another state or country for a HIM. These destination races/family vacation is still not of interest to him! Trust me, we've discussed it, he's not a traveler and I'm not going to beg. So I wonder sometimes do I sign up for a destination race that's on my bucket-list and GO FOR IT solo.. or continue with the local tri's and and have regrets later (I am getting old and may not have the body to do this in a few years! ) about not doing the races that I REALLY want to do because the family wont be there? Thanks all!

This!!!

Make a list of the races you want to do anywhere you want to do them and DO THEM!  I can't imagine regretting that

 

Have to right?!!

Seriously.  Enjoy the stuff you guys like to do together, and enjoy the stuff you don't.  In a lot of ways I think you've got a dream scenario!  I can hardly wait to see your race list

  I'm seeing Guns N' Roses for the 7th time in May...and my wife just isn't a concert-goer (and we don't use baby-sitters) so she's not going. Is that a special outing for me? Hell yeah! So yes, I understand the "do your own thing" mentality...but...a triathlon requires a lot of training. My concert doesn't.

LOL  I was at a Guns N' Roses concert in St. Louis many years ago when Axel dove into the crowd to get a camera and touched off a full blown riot.  Granted, I was part of about 200 cops who formed a riot squad and fought to get control of the complex back......but yeah, it was a hell of a time!!!




You lucky dog! That was an epic riot. Quite a memorable moment in GNR history. "Well, thanks to the lame a$$ security, I'm goin' home." (throws mic down on stage and exits stage right...of course this was after he stage dove onto some guy in the crowd and punched him in the face)


2014-03-24 8:39 PM
in reply to: ChineseDemocracy

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Subject: RE: Uninterested Spouse

Originally posted by ChineseDemocracy
Originally posted by Left Brain

Originally posted by ChineseDemocracy
Originally posted by switch

Originally posted by EV3110
Originally posted by switch

Originally posted by EV3110 You're all so sweet. Thanks for the responses and helping me realize that I am not the only one. That's all I really need to hear because sometimes it seems like I am one in a million with this issue (mostly on race day). I did mean it sincerely when I said "it is what it is". I don't hold a grudge. Yes, it sucks and it's really something that I will never quite understand but we don't have marital problems over the issue. I don't expect him to go to every race or ask about training all the time. So it is what it is and that is ok. Lately I've been thinking about doing more destination races. Not just a drive away but heading to another state or country for a HIM. These destination races/family vacation is still not of interest to him! Trust me, we've discussed it, he's not a traveler and I'm not going to beg. So I wonder sometimes do I sign up for a destination race that's on my bucket-list and GO FOR IT solo.. or continue with the local tri's and and have regrets later (I am getting old and may not have the body to do this in a few years! ) about not doing the races that I REALLY want to do because the family wont be there? Thanks all!

This!!!

Make a list of the races you want to do anywhere you want to do them and DO THEM!  I can't imagine regretting that

 

Have to right?!!

Seriously.  Enjoy the stuff you guys like to do together, and enjoy the stuff you don't.  In a lot of ways I think you've got a dream scenario!  I can hardly wait to see your race list

  I'm seeing Guns N' Roses for the 7th time in May...and my wife just isn't a concert-goer (and we don't use baby-sitters) so she's not going. Is that a special outing for me? Hell yeah! So yes, I understand the "do your own thing" mentality...but...a triathlon requires a lot of training. My concert doesn't.

LOL  I was at a Guns N' Roses concert in St. Louis many years ago when Axel dove into the crowd to get a camera and touched off a full blown riot.  Granted, I was part of about 200 cops who formed a riot squad and fought to get control of the complex back......but yeah, it was a hell of a time!!!

You lucky dog! That was an epic riot. Quite a memorable moment in GNR history. "Well, thanks to the lame a$$ security, I'm goin' home." (throws mic down on stage and exits stage right...of course this was after he stage dove onto some guy in the crowd and punched him in the face)

It was crazy.  I was one of the first 50 or so to respond and we took some pretty good licks from that drunken mob....a couple of broken bones, quite a few stiches, etc......but once we got enough guys and some k-9 teams and tear gas, we made up ground pretty quick.  I can tell you this, when the smoke cleared after a 2-3 hour fight, the only folks left on the parking lot were us......and the beer flowed pretty good.  

I don't know much about GNR lore, but for those of us who were there on the other side, it's "quite a memorable moment" as well. LOL

2014-03-24 9:00 PM
in reply to: Left Brain

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Subject: RE: Uninterested Spouse

Originally posted by Left Brain

I would separate the two.  Just because my wife doesn't give a rip about triathlon doesn't mean she's not into a very active lifestyle....she is.  I would venture a guess that it's the same for a lot of couples.  My wife works out every day and has for the entire time we've been together.  BUT....she doesn't care much for the triathlon "scene" and doesn't have much in common with people who are part of it, as far as working out goes.  It's not a problem and never has been......but I'd put her resting HR up against anyone on this board. There's quite a bit of life out there that doesn't have anything to do with triathlon.


Heh. Actually, that was supposed to be 2 separate paragraphs but the formatting doesn't work on the device where I posted.

"Also, I agree that the flip side isn't always better. There seem to be far more spouses that hate the tri/active lifestyle. I wouldn't wish that on anyone. Count your blessings!"
That was a thought in response to Kido and I could have written "tri or active lifestyle," but again, my device was not user friendly. I am NOT the audience that thinks tri is the end-all-be-all, far from it and I meant nothing about your wife not being fit or active. I was solely referencing the "my spouse hates triathlon!" "my spouse resents my weekend training!" posts. I don't know why you felt that it was a dig at anyone who doesn't do tri, or your wife, but it was nothing like that. In fact I'm a little confused you felt that way from that statement. Maybe if it had formatted as a separate statement from the paragraph agreeing with you, it would have been different. But, whatevs, no big deal.
I don't do tri's anymore. My husband sometimes does. I run a lot. He does other sports. And there are other interests. I know there's life out there besides tri and I think that gets lost on a lot of people on this website. I am not one of those people.

2014-03-24 9:05 PM
in reply to: Comet

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Subject: RE: Uninterested Spouse

Originally posted by Comet

Originally posted by Left Brain

I would separate the two.  Just because my wife doesn't give a rip about triathlon doesn't mean she's not into a very active lifestyle....she is.  I would venture a guess that it's the same for a lot of couples.  My wife works out every day and has for the entire time we've been together.  BUT....she doesn't care much for the triathlon "scene" and doesn't have much in common with people who are part of it, as far as working out goes.  It's not a problem and never has been......but I'd put her resting HR up against anyone on this board. There's quite a bit of life out there that doesn't have anything to do with triathlon.


Heh. Actually, that was supposed to be 2 separate paragraphs but the formatting doesn't work on the device where I posted.

"Also, I agree that the flip side isn't always better. There seem to be far more spouses that hate the tri/active lifestyle. I wouldn't wish that on anyone. Count your blessings!"
That was a thought in response to Kido and I could have written "tri or active lifestyle," but again, my device was not user friendly. I am NOT the audience that thinks tri is the end-all-be-all, far from it and I meant nothing about your wife not being fit or active. I was solely referencing the "my spouse hates triathlon!" "my spouse resents my weekend training!" posts. I don't know why you felt that it was a dig at anyone who doesn't do tri, or your wife, but it was nothing like that. In fact I'm a little confused you felt that way from that statement. Maybe if it had formatted as a separate statement from the paragraph agreeing with you, it would have been different. But, whatevs, no big deal.
I don't do tri's anymore. My husband sometimes does. I run a lot. He does other sports. And there are other interests. I know there's life out there besides tri and I think that gets lost on a lot of people on this website. I am not one of those people.

Eh...I know you're not, sorry if I came off too pizzy....not intended.  I think I was channeling my wife, who rains hell on anyone who thinks triathlon is "all that".

2014-03-25 7:32 AM
in reply to: EV3110

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Subject: RE: Uninterested Spouse

For some reason I was expecting a tie-in to the Steak and BJ Day thread...

2014-03-25 8:10 AM
in reply to: briderdt

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Subject: RE: Uninterested Spouse

Originally posted by briderdt

For some reason I was expecting a tie-in to the Steak and BJ Day thread...

The thread is young.



2014-03-25 8:22 AM
in reply to: switch

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Subject: RE: Uninterested Spouse

Originally posted by switch

Originally posted by briderdt

For some reason I was expecting a tie-in to the Steak and BJ Day thread...

The thread is young.

I hope it's at least 18.

2014-03-25 8:29 AM
in reply to: moondawg14

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Subject: RE: Uninterested Spouse
Originally posted by moondawg14

Originally posted by switch

Originally posted by briderdt

For some reason I was expecting a tie-in to the Steak and BJ Day thread...

The thread is young.

I hope it's at least 18.

Barely
2014-03-25 10:20 AM
in reply to: switch

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Subject: RE: Uninterested Spouse

 

Okay I will jump in with CD and say that it does sound at least somewhat important to the OP for her spouse to care about tri. If it is important for OP for their spouse to be at least a little involved then it should be important to the OP's spouse as well.

No I don't think a spouse should be obligated to attend every 5k and sprint tri, especially if someone does a lot of racing. But for a big A race, I don't think it is completely unreasonable for someone to wish their spouse cared a little. 

I have my first IM this year and my wife is very involved, from the decision to sign up for the race to asking me how my long ride was, to making dinner on the nights I get home late from the pool, she has been very supportive. I tell her all the time that she does not need to worry about me and my race, that I know an IM try is inherently selfish and that I appreciate her patience, she still chooses to be involved. 

I plan on getting into some bike racing later in the season, I do not expect her to attend those and it is possible she may not (will be her choice), I'll just go with my riding buddies and have fun. But those are small, unimportant races that I have not put a ton of effort, time and work into. 

Would I be offended if she was not interested in my IM? No, I know it is boring as he*l. Am I happy that she chooses to be involved and asks me about it? Heck yeah! 

My wife is into bikini body building, I hate it. I hate lifting weights, I hate the meatheads at the gym, I hate going to the shows and watching starved people prance around in thongs covered in spray tan. But she enjoys it so I took a year off to lift with her to get her started, we put money into the things she needed to get started and I attended her show and was enthusiastic as possible. I know she appreciated it so I did it.

Anyway, everyone is different, but it sounds like OP would really appreciate a little more involvement from her spouse, he should recognize that and put in a bit of effort IMO.

2014-03-25 10:30 AM
in reply to: switch

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Subject: RE: Uninterested Spouse
Originally posted by switch

Originally posted by moondawg14

Originally posted by switch

Originally posted by briderdt

For some reason I was expecting a tie-in to the Steak and BJ Day thread...

The thread is young.

I hope it's at least 18.

Barely


Have you been hacking into my google cache?
2014-03-25 10:33 AM
in reply to: pitt83

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Subject: RE: Uninterested Spouse

Originally posted by pitt83
Originally posted by switch
Originally posted by moondawg14

Originally posted by switch

Originally posted by briderdt

For some reason I was expecting a tie-in to the Steak and BJ Day thread...

The thread is young.

I hope it's at least 18.

Barely
Have you been hacking into my google cache?
Yes.



2014-03-25 10:41 AM
in reply to: Aarondb4

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Subject: RE: Uninterested Spouse

Originally posted by Aarondb4

 

Okay I will jump in with CD and say that it does sound at least somewhat important to the OP for her spouse to care about tri. If it is important for OP for their spouse to be at least a little involved then it should be important to the OP's spouse as well.

No I don't think a spouse should be obligated to attend every 5k and sprint tri, especially if someone does a lot of racing. But for a big A race, I don't think it is completely unreasonable for someone to wish their spouse cared a little. 

I have my first IM this year and my wife is very involved, from the decision to sign up for the race to asking me how my long ride was, to making dinner on the nights I get home late from the pool, she has been very supportive. I tell her all the time that she does not need to worry about me and my race, that I know an IM try is inherently selfish and that I appreciate her patience, she still chooses to be involved. 

I plan on getting into some bike racing later in the season, I do not expect her to attend those and it is possible she may not (will be her choice), I'll just go with my riding buddies and have fun. But those are small, unimportant races that I have not put a ton of effort, time and work into. 

Would I be offended if she was not interested in my IM? No, I know it is boring as he*l. Am I happy that she chooses to be involved and asks me about it? Heck yeah! 

My wife is into bikini body building, I hate it. I hate lifting weights, I hate the meatheads at the gym, I hate going to the shows and watching starved people prance around in thongs covered in spray tan. But she enjoys it so I took a year off to lift with her to get her started, we put money into the things she needed to get started and I attended her show and was enthusiastic as possible. I know she appreciated it so I did it.

Anyway, everyone is different, but it sounds like OP would really appreciate a little more involvement from her spouse, he should recognize that and put in a bit of effort IMO.

Aaron, I totally hear you and CD on this. Elana did post this:

I did mean it sincerely when I said "it is what it is". I don't hold a grudge. Yes, it sucks and it's really something that I will never quite understand but we don't have marital problems over the issue.

She can't control his feelings or actions, she can only control her own.  You can't make somebody be interested in your stuff.  You can't make them ask about your training.  Well, I suppose you could try, but then it's kind of an obligatory thing and I don't ever see how that's satisfying.  When I have been in relationships/friendships like that, I'll try to have a discussion about it and express that it doesn't feel good or point out once or twice when I feel like it's really one-sided, but after that, you either accept that it "is what it is" and compartmentalize that part of your friendship/relationship, or you say: Screw it.  This person doesn't care enough to ask about me and my stuff and you bail.  It sounds like Elana's marriage is good-to-go for her and the only person she can control is her.

2014-03-25 11:11 AM
in reply to: switch

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Subject: RE: Uninterested Spouse

Originally posted by switch

Originally posted by Aarondb4

 

Okay I will jump in with CD and say that it does sound at least somewhat important to the OP for her spouse to care about tri. If it is important for OP for their spouse to be at least a little involved then it should be important to the OP's spouse as well.

No I don't think a spouse should be obligated to attend every 5k and sprint tri, especially if someone does a lot of racing. But for a big A race, I don't think it is completely unreasonable for someone to wish their spouse cared a little. 

I have my first IM this year and my wife is very involved, from the decision to sign up for the race to asking me how my long ride was, to making dinner on the nights I get home late from the pool, she has been very supportive. I tell her all the time that she does not need to worry about me and my race, that I know an IM try is inherently selfish and that I appreciate her patience, she still chooses to be involved. 

I plan on getting into some bike racing later in the season, I do not expect her to attend those and it is possible she may not (will be her choice), I'll just go with my riding buddies and have fun. But those are small, unimportant races that I have not put a ton of effort, time and work into. 

Would I be offended if she was not interested in my IM? No, I know it is boring as he*l. Am I happy that she chooses to be involved and asks me about it? Heck yeah! 

My wife is into bikini body building, I hate it. I hate lifting weights, I hate the meatheads at the gym, I hate going to the shows and watching starved people prance around in thongs covered in spray tan. But she enjoys it so I took a year off to lift with her to get her started, we put money into the things she needed to get started and I attended her show and was enthusiastic as possible. I know she appreciated it so I did it.

Anyway, everyone is different, but it sounds like OP would really appreciate a little more involvement from her spouse, he should recognize that and put in a bit of effort IMO.

Aaron, I totally hear you and CD on this. Elana did post this:

I did mean it sincerely when I said "it is what it is". I don't hold a grudge. Yes, it sucks and it's really something that I will never quite understand but we don't have marital problems over the issue.

She can't control his feelings or actions, she can only control her own.  You can't make somebody be interested in your stuff.  You can't make them ask about your training.  Well, I suppose you could try, but then it's kind of an obligatory thing and I don't ever see how that's satisfying.  When I have been in relationships/friendships like that, I'll try to have a discussion about it and express that it doesn't feel good or point out once or twice when I feel like it's really one-sided, but after that, you either accept that it "is what it is" and compartmentalize that part of your friendship/relationship, or you say: Screw it.  This person doesn't care enough to ask about me and my stuff and you bail.  It sounds like Elana's marriage is good-to-go for her and the only person she can control is her.

Very much agree. Definitely can't control how other people act and if you try you are bound to be unhappy with the results. Just wanted to throw the OP a little empathy in that I understand where she is coming from, it makes sense. Likely nothing can be done about it, but I would guess that was not the intent of the OP anyway, more of a little vent session with people who would understand. 

It may be worth one discussion between the OP and spouse, just so he knows exactly how she feels about it and can make the conscious choice on how he is going to react going forward. OP may even discover a reason behind the seeming lack of interest. There have been more than a couple threads here where a spouse feels threatened by the triathlete spouse being successful, feeling good and looking good. 

Anyway, good luck OP. And yeah, do the destination races. Have a frank discussion about your desire to do the races, invite your spouse to be involved, then do it regardless. Hope you find a group to hang with too. I have just recently become involved with some local cycling buddies and it makes this whole dumb tri thing a lot more fun!

2014-03-25 11:30 AM
in reply to: Aarondb4

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Subject: RE: Uninterested Spouse
Originally posted by Aarondb4

Originally posted by switch

Originally posted by Aarondb4

 

Okay I will jump in with CD and say that it does sound at least somewhat important to the OP for her spouse to care about tri. If it is important for OP for their spouse to be at least a little involved then it should be important to the OP's spouse as well.

No I don't think a spouse should be obligated to attend every 5k and sprint tri, especially if someone does a lot of racing. But for a big A race, I don't think it is completely unreasonable for someone to wish their spouse cared a little. 

I have my first IM this year and my wife is very involved, from the decision to sign up for the race to asking me how my long ride was, to making dinner on the nights I get home late from the pool, she has been very supportive. I tell her all the time that she does not need to worry about me and my race, that I know an IM try is inherently selfish and that I appreciate her patience, she still chooses to be involved. 

I plan on getting into some bike racing later in the season, I do not expect her to attend those and it is possible she may not (will be her choice), I'll just go with my riding buddies and have fun. But those are small, unimportant races that I have not put a ton of effort, time and work into. 

Would I be offended if she was not interested in my IM? No, I know it is boring as he*l. Am I happy that she chooses to be involved and asks me about it? Heck yeah! 

My wife is into bikini body building, I hate it. I hate lifting weights, I hate the meatheads at the gym, I hate going to the shows and watching starved people prance around in thongs covered in spray tan. But she enjoys it so I took a year off to lift with her to get her started, we put money into the things she needed to get started and I attended her show and was enthusiastic as possible. I know she appreciated it so I did it.

Anyway, everyone is different, but it sounds like OP would really appreciate a little more involvement from her spouse, he should recognize that and put in a bit of effort IMO.

Aaron, I totally hear you and CD on this. Elana did post this:

I did mean it sincerely when I said "it is what it is". I don't hold a grudge. Yes, it sucks and it's really something that I will never quite understand but we don't have marital problems over the issue.

She can't control his feelings or actions, she can only control her own.  You can't make somebody be interested in your stuff.  You can't make them ask about your training.  Well, I suppose you could try, but then it's kind of an obligatory thing and I don't ever see how that's satisfying.  When I have been in relationships/friendships like that, I'll try to have a discussion about it and express that it doesn't feel good or point out once or twice when I feel like it's really one-sided, but after that, you either accept that it "is what it is" and compartmentalize that part of your friendship/relationship, or you say: Screw it.  This person doesn't care enough to ask about me and my stuff and you bail.  It sounds like Elana's marriage is good-to-go for her and the only person she can control is her.

Very much agree. Definitely can't control how other people act and if you try you are bound to be unhappy with the results. Just wanted to throw the OP a little empathy in that I understand where she is coming from, it makes sense. Likely nothing can be done about it, but I would guess that was not the intent of the OP anyway, more of a little vent session with people who would understand. 

It may be worth one discussion between the OP and spouse, just so he knows exactly how she feels about it and can make the conscious choice on how he is going to react going forward. OP may even discover a reason behind the seeming lack of interest. There have been more than a couple threads here where a spouse feels threatened by the triathlete spouse being successful, feeling good and looking good. 

Anyway, good luck OP. And yeah, do the destination races. Have a frank discussion about your desire to do the races, invite your spouse to be involved, then do it regardless. Hope you find a group to hang with too. I have just recently become involved with some local cycling buddies and it makes this whole dumb tri thing a lot more fun!




All of what Aaron said. Thanks Everyone. Carry on. :P
2014-03-25 12:03 PM
in reply to: Left Brain

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Subject: RE: Uninterested Spouse

Originally posted by Left Brain

I will only become interested in my wife's horses if the economy crashes and we have to eat one of them.

She will only become interested in triathlon when hell freezes over.

It works fine.

Better that way than eating triathletes if the economy goes south.  There's much more meat on horses. 

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