Favourite Simpson's Quotes

Montgomery Burns

"while you two are standing ther Kanoodling someone is burgling my miscelanea"

Marge: "Homer, your boss called. He says if you don't go into work on Friday then don't bother showing up on Monday"

Homer: "Woo hoo! 4 Day weekend!"

or...

Someone collapses and Marge yells, "Quick, Homer, give him CPR!", and Homer starts singing "Down on the corner... out there in the street..."

or...

Military School Instructor to Bart: "Well, you came to us from a public school, so I assume you know how to use a gun..."

or...

When Smithers boots up his computer, the picture of a naked Mr. Burns comes on the screen (umm. not literally) and says "Smithers, you really turn me on." (you have no idea how long I've been trying to get that clip to play everytime I boot up)

Chippy made me laugh.

"Here's to alcohol, the cause and solution of all of life's problems."

bts 

Really now, Homer is the king. He gets almost all of the true money lines...

Some of my favorites;

Homer : "Marge, I'm not gonna lie to you...." (goes back to reading paper)

Homer : "Save me, Jebus!"

Homer: "Kids, you tried your best and you failed miserably. The lesson is, never try."

Homer: "How is education supposed to make me feel smarter? Besides, every time I learn something new, it pushes some old stuff out of my brain. Remember when I took that home winemaking course, and I forgot how to drive?"

 Homer: "Weaseling out of things is important to learn. It's what separates us from the animals ... except the weasel."

and the Wiggums;

Chief Wiggum on phone: Uh, Mrs. Simpson, I have some bad news. Your husband was found DOA.
Marge: Oh my god! He's dead?
Chief Wiggum: Oh, I'm sorry. He was DUI. I get those two confused. (hangs up phone)
Woman walks in: My name is Mrs. Phillips. You said my husband was DUI?
Chief Wiggum: Uh... talk to one of those officers over there. I'm going to lunch.

Ralph : "I bent my Wookie."

I could go on and on.....

best show ever!

This was the inspiration for my email address.  Homer changes his name to Max Power.  Someone says to him, "Hey Max Power...nice name!"  Homer says "Thanks, I got it off a hair dryer!"

Moe goes down to register as a sex offender, walks in and sees several others waiting in front of him.  "Ahhh geez...always a line!"

Bodyguard coach: As a personal bodyguard, your only loyalty is to your protectee, not anything else, not even Muhammed.
Homer: Not even during Ramadan?

Homer says, on the smuggling of jeans into Springfield: "Think about the real victims: Calvin Kline, Gloria Vanderbilt, and Antoine Bugleboy -- people who saw an overcrowded market and said, Me, too!"

Homer: I'm not a bad guy! I work hard, and I love my kids. So why should I spend half my Sunday hearing about how I'm going to Hell?

Krusty: I'm going to personally spit in every 50th Krusty Burger!
Homer: I like those odds!

At the post office, Homer pretending to be Mr. Burns:

Homer: Hello, my name is Mr. Burns.  I believe you have a letter for me.

Postal worker: What's your first name, Mr. Burns?

Homer: I don't know.

Or

Homer: Bart...a woman is like a refrigerator-- 6 foot tall, 300 pounds, makes ice. No..No..No. A woman is like a can of beer. It smells good, tastes good and you'd step over your own mother to get one.

Marge; Grandpa, are you sitting on the apple pie?
Grandpa: I sure hope so...

Lisa, vampires are make-believe, like elves, gremlins, and eskimos
Homer Simpson

I would agree, but only anything pre-'92

For me, it's anything from comic book guy, the professor John Frink, or  my absolute fave,

Ralph Wiggums!

"I bent my wookie"

 "That's where I saw the Leprchaun. He tells me to burn things!"

"Hi, Principal Skinner! Hi, Super Nintendo Chalmers!" 

"Tastes like...burning"

"Oh boy, sleep! That's where I'm a viking!"

"Mrs. Krabappel and Principal Skinner were in the closet making babies and I saw one of the babies and the baby looked at me."

"And, when the doctor said I didn't have worms any more, that was the happiest day of my life."

"Eww, Daddy, this tastes like Gramma!" 

"Lisa's bad dancing makes my feet sad." 

"The doctor said I wouldn't have so many nose bleeds if I kept my finger outta there."

"I found a moon rock in my nose."

"Ow, my face is on fire!"

 "Bushes are nice 'cause they don't have prickers. Unless they do. This one did. Ouch!"

"This is my sandbox, I'm not allowed to go in the deep end."

(After being soaked in fake blood) "I look like cable TV!"

Laughing out loud reading this thread! (Very bored at work today)

Homer is hysterical! http://www.ebaumsworld.com/homer.html

Ok, I've got several:

Marge, it takes two to lie. One to lie and one to listen

 I'm wasting away! Oh…I'm down to a B-cup.

Homer: You know, Mr. Burns, you're the richest guy I know. Way richer than Lenny.
Burns: Oh, yes. But I'd trade it all for a little more.

The list goes on and on!

The same quote I use daily that gets a laugh from my  SO...

" Don't make me do it! The foot has spoken!" - Home J. Simpson

"why did I have the bowl, Bart?  why did I have the bowl?" - Milhouse

Otto: They call them fingers but I never see them fing....... Oh, there they go.

Homer Simpson : I used to rock 'n roll all night and party everyday. Then it was every other day. Now I'm lucky if I can find half an hour a week in which to get funky.

Otto : My name is Otto. I like to get blotto.

Homer Simpson : Ah beer, my one weakness. My Achilles heel if you will.