Problems making friends?

Does it 'really' matter who does the inviting?

If your family feels like inviting friends over or initiating a play date-then you should do it if it brings you joy.  NOT because you're trying to illicit a response or shame them into a quid pro quo invite. 

I grew up in small towns.  We moved once when I was 10.  I graduated from HS in that town and always felt a little bit like a outsider.  Give it time and enjoy the moments you share with those around you.

I used to be stationed at Patrick AFB waaaay back in the day.  Lots of fun places to go, for sure.   Good Luck.

I don't, in any way, share your view of society today.  I don't find most people to be remotely close to the way you describe them.  Where do you live?

My wife and I were so busy raising our kids and working that we hardly had time to do anything else.  Every now and then we'd have some folks over, or they'd have us over, but I can honestly say I never even gave a thought to whether we were going to do it again, or not.  The really important things to me are all inside of the 4 walls of our home.  Everything else is just fluff, and certainly NEVER something to take up even a small piece of my thoughts. 

The other thing I never get....play dates for kids....what is that?  We sent our kids outside to play. Before they were old enough for that the, which wasn't long, they played with each other and we played with them or hauled them to the YMCA with us (pretty much daily).

In short, there is way too much in life to worry about all the things that have been listed in this thread.  I don't understand these kinds of issues.  I spend most of my time not giving a rats arse about what the neighbors do or what kid of people they are.

First and foremost I strongly recommend to never assume people are doing this or that for whatever reason.  Relationships take time to develop and it's a process that often takes many years and we're all different.  We've lived in our house for 12 years and we are very close with our neighbors but for the first several years we barely said a word to each other.  We started with idle chit/chat in the driveway and occasionally shot some hoops.  Then came the occasional poker night and birthday party invites.  Now some of my closest friends are neighbors and we go on a guys vacation once a year to Steamboat.  We all know each others garage codes and kind of help ourselves to tools/milk/sugar etc.  I had to laugh the other day when my neighbor called me and asked where we kept the spaghetti  noodles because he couldn't find them.  (he was already standing in our pantry)  I love my neighbors

We have another group of friends that we developed over the years through our kids' sports activities.  In those we were basically hanging out with the same people night after night at practices and games, so you just naturally get to know people.  Admittedly after our kids graduated and moved off we aren't real close with many of them because our kids and sports were pretty much all we had in common.  lol

The other group of friends is through church, and in that case it was a gradual process where we got to know people through chit chatting after service and being involved in individual and group Bible studies.  I honestly can say that our deepest and most intimate relationships are with friends from church because we're all very real and get into the deep discussions.  It's one thing to be "surface friends", but quite another to come along side somebody when their marriage is crumbling and walk them through to full restoration.  That's the kind of stuff that builds a lifelong bond that will never be broken.  

So, as far as advice I'd give to you I'd say just do life and look for opportunities to come along side other people.   If your neighbor is out wheelbarrowing mulch in the spring then grab your shovel and wheelbarrow and help him out.  Keep inviting people over on occasion and eventually you will start getting invites yourself.  The important thing is to not force it and just be yourself.  The more you try to force things, the more people will think you're a little wacky and try to stay away.

I had a friend describe living in a town as being like a tree.  You start out with very small roots and know absolutely nobody.  Over many years your roots grow deeper and wider as you build relationships with more people.  After many years you get to know so many people from so many different settings.
In our case I often thing of this as I go through the grocery store and almost always see people I know from somewhere.

We had a few "jerks" on our street, but we chose to embrace them and love on them rather than ignore them and embolden their jerkiness.  We had an old couple who were the epitome of the "get off my lawn" type and every time it would snow one of us would snowblow their driveway and when they'd go on vacation we'd mow their lawn.  Every time the garbage truck goes by somebody will grab their cans and bring them up to the house etc.  Over a few years they started to come out of their shells and they made cookies for everyone on the street.  We're now very good friends with them and they love being involved with the kids in the neighborhood.
The moral of the story is love they neighbor and it's amazing what kind of things can happen.  

GET OFF MY LAWN!!!!

I can understand the part about being tired of being the one who always does the inviting.  90% of the time I am that person with my girl friends, and they always say "I'm so glad you called!" and then it's never reciprocated.   Most of the time I can live with that, but it can hurt.     I've never left my community, so I haven't had to find new friends from scratch.  I can't imagine!

I also think that manners are not what they used to be. I have been thinking about this as it relates to making conversation at a party.   It's so normal now to express one's introvert tendencies that no one even tries.  It used to be that you would invite your neighbors for coffee, or send a thank you note if they invited you, make conversation if a friend stopped by, or make an effort to return an invitation.   I've been to several parties lately were poeple have completely lost the art of conversation and stand around in awkward silence or talk only to their one or two people.   In that way, I think society has changed.  People have turned inward and accept this "who cares about other people" feeling too readily.  I think empathy is a desirable trait.

I am an introvert and very much value the time I spend alone at home (sometimes even hiding from Husband, although he is someone I can be quiet with).  But I also realize that I will need and want friends at times, so I need to cultivate and maintain those relationships.  I have weeks where I say "I'm being friendly" and I make dates with my friends in order to stay in touch and always am grateful after the visit.  I understand being preoccupied with jobs, kids and hobbies.   But those things change and some folks may be surprised when they need a friend and they don't have many.

Long story short, I think it is harder to make friends in today's society and I admire that you're trying.  You may just be in the boat with us who have to make a little extra effort.  Good luck!

I would just keep inviting kids over to play with your kids.  I read your post a few times and it could be any number of reasons no one has recipacated.  It could be that people in that area are just slow with making new friends.  I find it a little odd but if you can just roll with it.   I feel your pain with the kids asking about it.  That would bother me but also be a reason to have more kids over to play. 

The fact that people are accepting your invitations regularly and repeatedly would lead me to believe it's more of the community being a little slow to open up.

I find it very easy to be outgoing and an extrovert and still not judge people by whatever is going on in their lives.  So yeah, to that degree I couldn't care less about someone's personal issues.  On the other hand, if you ask for help, I'll be more than happy to lend a hand.  I just don't have time to ask you if you need help, or ask you what your problem may be, or if your feelings are OK.  I've got a family and my time is precious to me.  I have empathy, but I'm not a volunteer caregiver, I'm busy.  I think quite a few people are the same. There is quite a bit to keep in the air these days with both parents working and kids.  You're going to have to ask me to care, and you'll likely find that I readily do, or otherwise I figure it's not that important to you.

My wife and I had this same discussion awhile back and we decided that we were just going to be the ones inviting whoever we wanted over for impromptu dinners. We also felt weird that we were never getting invited over before we realized that it didn't matter. We still got to fellowship with couples we knew well and even invite ones over that we do not know well. We look at it as being intentional.

Intentionally opening our home for others. We are trying to do it twice a month and have had a great time.

There....I think that's the exact attitude that's needed.  For me, if I've got to constantly "take someone's temperature" to make sure I haven't offended them or tell them that they've offended me, it's just not worth it to me....too much drama.  Invite us, we'll make it if we can....we'll invite you if we have time, if you can make it great, if not,ok. 

And the whole constantly sending thank you notes, etc.......no.