Family Happiness and Triathlon

I did the same rating from 1-10 with my wife not so long ago.  At the time my wife was less supportive that I would have hoped. We had the heart-to-heart and she decided that there were more pro's to con's for me doing triathlon. 

I have noticed since then that she has been a lot more supportive.  She used save up chores all week for me to do when I was off work on Saturdays.  Some weeks I would workout for 3-4 hours then spend another 8-10 hours working projects out doors in the summer heat.  She would be frustrated that I didn't finish the projects in one day or that I didn't have time to go do family activities because I had gone and played in the morning (ie. swim, ride my bike, etc) rather than starting on the chores first thing.  Since our heart-to- heart I have noticed a half dozen times when we have looked and projects we wanted to get done I would be thinking in my head I guess this is going to be a rest week because I will only have one hour to workout on Saturday and not the four I was planning and my wife will say "What is your workout for this Saturday?".  I will half shield myself when I say I have a 4 hour workout planned.  Then to my surprise, instead of saying "Well..you are going to have to change your plans because I don't want to wait 2-3 weeks for you to finish this project", she will say "You need to do you training. That is important too.  Don't worry about the project.  We  can work on it over the next few weeks."

So the heart-to-heart sharing goals and setting goals together helps a lot.  It also helps a lot when your wife knows that someone else (i.e. coach Scott) is investing time and effort into my training too.  A few weeks ago on a particularly hard  threshold ride on the bike trainer I resorted to my yell/scream tactics to push through the the final seconds (err minutes) of the intervals and she came out to see if I was okay.  She understands that it isn't all just swimming in the pool with the cool kids and riding your bike over to your friends house to hand out.  I am being pushed to mu limits and then a little past that some times to get better.  If I gave up triathlon I would spend the time I am now spending sitting in the bike saddle getting stronger sitting on the couch getting fatter.  After the heart-to-heart I think she realized that regardless of what we do we are going to get older and that we might as well get older doing things something that will benefit us not just taking shortest path to grey hair. :-)  

I replied in the other thread too.  

I haven't done much triathlon training in the past 3.5 years, so it hasn't been much of an issue.  

How do I know?  Knowing comes from a combination of explicit and implicit communications, and IF there is a conflict between the two, I have to determine situationally which to promote and which to demote.  

I've done 3 IM's, and training for an IM is really a selfish endeavor, so it isn't about maintaining "balance" but about avoiding "catastrophic imbalance."  I didn't do IM's in successive years and used those races as excuses to visit areas we wouldn't normally visit.  Plan a 2 week driving vacation to Yellowstone & Mount Rushmore?  Sure... s-o-m-e-d-a-y....  Plan a 2 week driving vacation for IMCdA June 2009 that includes Yellowstone, Mt. Rushmore, Glacier, etc.?  We made it happen.  

I've posted on this subject through the years.  I did my first IM back in 2006.  I've done 11 now, and 12+ half IMs, numerous marathons. There hasn't been a year since 2003 that I haven't been training.

My wife is pretty happy with it overall. We do a lot of destination races.  Hard to argue with Hawaii, Cozumel, Los Cabo races.  She wasn't a fan of Coeur d'Alene.  We did a 3 week road trip to IM Lake Place, which was 8 years ago today (it just came up on my FB memories page).  I did IM Boulder when my daughter was going to CU Boulder at the time. The finish line was 2 blocks from her apartment. 

When my kids were at home (youngest is now 23), I would train when they were doing homework in the evening.  I'd adjourn to the garage and run on my treadmill, or run the neighborhood.  Mostly I needed to reduce the overhead of triathlon training.  A hour treadmill run is better than 30 minute drive to the MUP, hour run, 30 minute drive home.  I also needed to interleave it with family activities.

When I started endurance sports in 2003, my kids were 8, 10, and 13.  My first IM was 3 years later.  It is much easier for parents of kids those ages than for younger kids.  My wife will tell you about being an IM spectator and talking to wives pushing double strollers with a baby and toddler, or having three kids 2, 4, 7.  Those mothers were not happy at those races.  My wife would not have been happy with me being gone for a six hour ride leaving her alone with kids those age every Saturday.

Now we're empty nesters, so there aren't kids activities to work around. Much easier!  

It's different for everybody......just like every facet/phase of triathlon is different.  My family went through a time when I was racing, and then my son and one daughter began racing.  I backed out as my kids got more involved.....then the daughter backed out when she lost interest.  My family found ourselves planning most of our activities around my son's triathlon ambition.  In the course of 5 years we figure it cost us about $60,000 for equipment, travel, coaching, etc. (ETA- forgot swim club expenses for training, meets, travel, etc....add $20,000) Maybe it's a lot of money,  maybe it's not.  I see plenty of parents who spend double and triple that on drug rehab, counseling, etc.....kids are expensive no matter what.  He got to a level where he was top 6 Jr. Elite, ranked #1 AG 16-19, top 3 overall at AG Nationals, blah,blah,blah.  On top of that was HS track and XC.  The end result was a "pro" card for triathlon and a full ride scholarship in a D1 XC and Track program.  Worth it?  Maybe.  Time will tell.  There ended up being some pretty serious jealousy between him and his sisters over the time and money spent on his "career", along with a bit of a rift between my wife and I over priorities. 

Once he went to college it began to balance out with time and money spent on his twin sisters....and next year they go to college too....we let them pick and we will pay for most of it.....so they're ok now.  Kids count everything, yeah?

In a few weeks we will be empty nesters and I'll likely get back to triathlon for the 4th installment over 35 years.  My wife has other interests too (a  horse) so we're pretty happy to not share "hobby time" (both of us are fiercely independent)......especially now that their will be more time available in general. 

Without question, triathlon takes a lot of time with very little payback.....it's likely the reason you see, if you've been around awhile, such up and down trends in the sport.

If you are just starting out my advice is to enjoy it for what it is......you're not going to become a pro......and the reality is nobody really cares about your finish except you.....that includes your family.  The trick is to find a win with your family while you do triathlon....that's where the balance comes from.