Massive Panic at my Tri today...(happy ending)

Did a sprint today....
report posted http://www.beginnertriathlete.com/discussion/forums/thread-view.asp...

I knew going in I hadn't trained hard for this event. My last event was an Oly back in June.

The last time I swam before today was about 2 weeks ago....

I was feeling cocky, though...."I've done an OLY...I can handle a sprint"

Took a pretty aggressive position front and center for the start and took off strong.

About 3 minutes into it I realized....."You dumba**...what were you thinking....you should have been in the pool more..."

That obvious statement then lead me to suddenly realize...."this wetsuiut is really tight and this water is really warm" which then lead to "I can't breathe." which lead to "No, really. I can't breathe."

I stopped swimming and was soon engulfed in a full-blown out of this world honest to god panic.

I panicked once before in the swim, at the same spot, back in April in my first ever open water swim event but this bad boy surpassed that by miles....

I didn't recognize myself.

Suddenly it was 'screw everyone". I didn't care I had friends there. I didn't care I had friends who weren't there rooting for me. I didn't care that I had done this twice already....I just wanted out of the water...NOW.

I reached for my wetsuit and wanted to unzip it... "I'm taking off my wetsuit NOW"

I saw the SAG boat.

"I am so outta here"

I started swimming towards the SAG boat...sidestroking that is.

I was too spooked to even try to back stroke.

As I made my way over to the SAG boat my blind panic continued. I really couldn't tell you what I was thinking b/c I don't remember. I had lost all reason. It was pure, unadulaterated panic.

I tried to talk myself down.....

As I was just about there I decided to take a couple strokes.....one, two, three, four...

Hmmmmmm, let's try a couple more...one, two, three, four....

Okay, we're going in the direction of the buoy anyway...give it another shot.... one, two, three, four.

And as soon as it started, it went away.

I found my rhythym and completed the swim strong. I was able to pass back all the people who passed me, sighted really well and by the end of the swim couldn't remember what had panicked me so much.

What seemed like an hours long panic attack, actually turned out, once I checked my course times, to be maybe 30-90 seconds tops.

Ended up having a great ride and a half decent run....

I'm happy with the performance but know I could have posted an even stronger one had I put more effort into it....

Today was a good experience and grounded me a bit. You get out of this sport what you put into it. I was reminded today to respect the sport, respect my body and take what I'm doing seriously enough to prepare the right way.

Next full tri is Sept 12....i will be ready.