Can men & women be friends? (Page 3)
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2007-01-15 3:11 PM in reply to: #655319 |
Extreme Veteran 414 Reston, VA | Subject: RE: Can men & women be friends? buckeye66 - 2007-01-15 3:51 PM Now I am offended. And I was going to roady to hang out with you too!!! I guess the question is answered. We can not be friends with the opposite sex as women as soooooo unsensitive!! lol - no, buck, we can be friends, too. I was just pointing out that equation is a little different when the sexual orientations are different. |
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2007-01-15 3:16 PM in reply to: #655306 |
Extreme Veteran 413 | Subject: RE: Can men & women be friends? Renee - 2007-01-15 8:46 PM Saying boys quietly/secretly want to have sex with girls does not preclude the possibility of having a friendship. Frankly, I'd be insulted if my male friends didn't think I'm hot. Of course, I'm hot! Of course they'd love to get their hands on me! But that's not the point. The point is that, in spite of us all having normal, healthy sexual urges, we aren't obligated to act on it, nor are we at fault for having these urges. We can still see each other as human beings with whom we can bond and trust each other with our flaws and defects. We can trust each other with our wonderful vivacity. If we are trustworthy. It's not about the gender. It's about the person. IMO. Which is the only one that counts. :D AMEN |
2007-01-15 5:33 PM in reply to: #655306 |
Extreme Veteran 490 London | Subject: RE: Can men & women be friends? Renee - 2007-01-15 8:46 PM Saying boys quietly/secretly want to have sex with girls does not preclude the possibility of having a friendship. Frankly, I'd be insulted if my male friends didn't think I'm hot. Of course, I'm hot! Of course they'd love to get their hands on me! But that's not the point. The point is that, in spite of us all having normal, healthy sexual urges, we aren't obligated to act on it, nor are we at fault for having these urges. We can still see each other as human beings with whom we can bond and trust each other with our flaws and defects. We can trust each other with our wonderful vivacity. If we are trustworthy. It's not about the gender. It's about the person. IMO. Which is the only one that counts. :D Nail well and truly hit right on the head. |
2007-01-15 5:57 PM in reply to: #654970 |
Champion 8936 | Subject: RE: Can men & women be friends? One of my best friends in this world is a girl. She also happens to be one of my wife's best friends. I think she's attractive, and I haven't the slightest inclination to take that any further (were I single, of course). You guys who say it's not possible are simply wrong. YOU may not be able to be friends with the opposite sex, but that certainly doesn't mean that others can't. |
2007-01-15 6:46 PM in reply to: #654970 |
Extreme Veteran 426 Bay Area- California | Subject: RE: Can men & women be friends? I have to agree with Courtney Leone on this one. I've never had a male friendship that didn't end up in that uncomfortable confession of love and then it gets weird and I get annoyed cause I hate to hurt their feelings, blah blah blah. edit: now if I consider a man my friend he is also my husband's friend Edited by ginac007 2007-01-15 6:49 PM |
2007-01-15 6:51 PM in reply to: #655614 |
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2007-01-15 7:04 PM in reply to: #655622 |
Master 1462 Michigan | Subject: RE: Can men & women be friends? courtney_leone - 2007-01-15 7:51 PM ginac007 - 2007-01-15 6:46 PM I have to agree with Courtney Leone on this one. I've never had a male friendship that didn't end up in that uncomfortable confession of love and then it gets weird and I get annoyed cause I hate to hurt their feelings, blah blah blah. Thank you Gina! That sound about right...unfortunately I have a handful of female friends, who I ride with, work with etc. And none of em have led to an uncomfortable confession of love. It is possible. Just stop sending teasing the poor guys. |
2007-01-15 7:11 PM in reply to: #654970 |
Pro 4507 Simpsonville, SC | Subject: RE: Can men & women be friends? Maybe my guy friends don't consider me a female. I was driving to a race with one of them and he was looking through my CD's and commented "This is all chick music!". Well, uh, hello? I am kinda tall and flat-chested, but yeah, I am a girl. I think it would be kind of flattering if I got one of those confessions. Weird, but flattering. Pam |
2007-01-15 7:48 PM in reply to: #655642 |
Extreme Veteran 426 Bay Area- California | Subject: RE: Can men & women be friends? smokeater1833 - 2007-01-15 5:04 PM Just stop sending teasing the poor guys. I'm not a tease. If I were one, than I wouldn't have been surprised over the confessions of love. Not only was I surprised, more or less blind-sided. Not a comfy place to be in. I'm not saying males/females can't start off as just friends, but it's a slippery slope with a lot of grey areas when you get too chummy. |
2007-01-15 8:19 PM in reply to: #654970 |
Veteran 147 San Antonio | Subject: RE: Can men & women be friends? For married friends - I think it is possible due to the respect (hopefully) of the spouse. For single friends - not so much. I would not be a friend with someone just to try and get with them. But, if I were a friend with someone ,say Courtney, I think that I would always have getting together in the back of my mind. I think we are just wired that way. However, I do not think that I would ever bring up my feelings unless I felt they were absolutely mutual. Being friends with a beautiful woman, say Courtney, is fine, but what ultimately makes me fall for a woman is what is inside (her mind, her heart, her passions, etc.). My 2 cents. |
2007-01-15 8:44 PM in reply to: #654970 |
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2007-01-15 8:47 PM in reply to: #654970 |
Expert 957 | Subject: RE: Can men & women be friends? Yes, I think men and women can be friends. I'm in my 20s, so it's probably a lot common for someone of my age group to have friends of the opposite sex than say someone in their 50s for instance. And in fact, I think it's fairly common, especially when you consider how many women have gay male friends- it seems to be very common from what I've seen. In my main group of non-tri/running friends, there are both guys and girls, probably more guys then girls. Some of the guys are gay and are friends with the straight guys without there being any issues. But most of us have worked together in the past, seeing each other at not always our best moments at times, so our particular relationships may be slightly differently, viewing each other more on the brother/sister side, than the potential boyfriend/girlfriend side which changes things. But even among my running/tri friends (who tend to be a bit older and some of those are married), I've got friends that are guys and there are no problems that I can see in that group. |
2007-01-16 1:44 AM in reply to: #654970 |
Coach 9167 Stairway to Seven | Subject: RE: Can men & women be friends? Of course we can be friends. Those of you who say no way have just had bad luck or picked shallow friends. I keep in touch with 2 exes, and find that the thing that helps the most is mutual respect and a desire to still have a friendship (is that a circular argument?) One of them I broke it off, and the other he broke it off. The exes I don't keep in touch with are ones that treated me poorly or other wise made choices or acted in a way that caused me to lose repect for them. With each, I have had thoughts of having a "friendship with benefits" since the breakup, and I"m sure they have too, but that doesn't preclude our ability to move beyond it and still be friends. If friendship and s(X were mutually exclusive items than marriages would never last. I think the argument is whether one can sustain a friendship if there has been a physical relationship in the past or if there is a current desire that is unbalanced. Sometimes the feelings are just too strong and it's too painful to be near that person. I value the fact that I have exes I still have a friendship with. Also, my best friend in the world is a guy, we've known each other for 23 years and we never dated, but that doesn't mean at one time or another we didn't think about it...but that doesn't preclude a friendship. He is married with 5 kids, his wife & I are good friends, she invites me over frequently and I have never had the slightest feeling that there is any jealousy at all. If my friend had feelings for me that were beyond friendship, I'm sure his wife would pick up on that and tend to give me the cold shoulder. But she doesn't. And he doesn't. And I don't. I talk on the phone with both of them several times an week and his kids call me "Aunt Suzanne" and his parents insisted I come to Christmas Dinner...over 20 years after my first christmas with them! If all my friends were like him, I would be a very rich person indeed. |
2007-01-16 8:38 AM in reply to: #655740 |
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2007-01-16 9:20 AM in reply to: #655740 |
Buttercup 14334 | Subject: RE: Can men & women be friends? courtney_leone - 2007-01-15 9:44 PM I guess I answered my own question. Courtney, your scenario is quite different than "just friends." Your situation is with an ex. You have some sort of physical past with him. I think a lot of the responses you received were from people who were talking about friendships with people with whom they had no physical past. Still, I maintain that you can be friends. I was in love with a man for 3 years; I eventually let that go, moved on, got married. I counted him as one of my closest friends. It helps that we were FRIENDS first, and romantic interests second. I really valued him as a friend above all; I respect him a great deal. A second scenario is my ex-husband, to whom I was married for over 10 years and tried to have children with. He was my family. It took us a long time - years - but we are now good friends again. Of course, we were each other's best friend when we were married so it's not such a stretch that we could rebuild the friendship once we got through the grief of our lost marriage. |
2007-01-16 9:28 AM in reply to: #654970 |
Alpharetta, Georgia | Subject: RE: Can men & women be friends? I have to throw something else in there after reading everyone's comments. In my life, there are different levels of friendships. There are your really close friends, the first ones you pick up the phone to call when there is news, when you want to go out, that kind of thing. Then there are acquaintences, people you hang out with if your big group of friends are getting together, but not someone you'd necessarily hang out with one-on-one (still friends, by all means). Then there are people you are civil with, like an ex, or friends you lost because of a breakup, or co-workers. For example, my ex (a 5+ year relationship) and I are nice when we see each other, we make sure to say hello, catch up, that kind of thing. I wouldn't classify us as "friends," but I wouldn't classify us as "not friendly." |
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2007-01-16 11:08 AM in reply to: #655740 |
Master 1462 Michigan | Subject: RE: Can men & women be friends? courtney_leone - 2007-01-15 9:44 PM I guess I'll be honest: I am a tease/flirt. I figured it was over! Loooooong over. Loooooooooooooooooooong over. I guess dating Chad for three years held him off but after we broke up.... I don't get on IM at all except for when he pops up. That is how we talk. He'll call maybe 2x a year. In college I told him that I won't ever go back to an ex. Meaning, that if they decide to end it, you better think long and hard about your decision. He didn't. Tried to come back. I told him to take a hike. I guess I answered my own question. Glad you were honest with yourself. In the past when I reflect on my actions I then realize how I could have been misleading to some people. It is just some people can't let go emotionally and it doesn't help when the other end seems interested. Hell, about two years ago my wife would get calls from an ex-girlfreind of mine sking her if I was happy etc etc. This was after we had been broken up for FIVE years. Talk about psycho. Found out that another ex had a very hard time with me getting married. She had a nervous breakdown. I always did attract the weirdos. Bottom line, if I were to talk to them at all, via IM, email, phone etc., they would think I cared and they wouldn't want to be just friends. Alot of people have hidden agendas, especially when it come to opposite sex relationships. The writing is usually on the wall, it's a matter of comprehending it. Trust your feelings and learn from your past. Edited by smokeater1833 2007-01-16 11:09 AM |
2007-01-16 2:29 PM in reply to: #655316 |
Pro 3673 MAC-opolis | Subject: RE: Can men & women be friends? courtney_leone - 2007-01-15 3:50 PM barqhead - 2007-01-15 2:38 PM My guy friends all know I'm married (and a momma). Most of them know my husband. I find it hard to believe that they are all secretly "wanting" me. LMAO. Just can't picture it. Too funny! Pam I think that if you're married with male friends, that's an entirely different story. If they're hanging around 'wanting' you, that is just wrong. However I think that group is the minority. I agree with Lisa. Boyfriend buddies are one thing; I've had some great ones that I've actually liked better than the boyfriend. Of course, that means they go when the boyfriend goes. A good example is college. I had a ton of great guy friends. Then all of the sudden you find how they're REALLY feeling. Blech. Not all of them, but a majority. I guess for all of us it depends on the situation and where we are in life. No offense, but the one common denominator in all these situations is you. Maybe you are attracting the wrong kind of people. I find that easier to agree to then to blanketly state that men and women can or cannot be friends. Perhaps it's better to ask, "Can I be just friends with a guy". Just sayin.....
Edited by The Mac 2007-01-16 2:32 PM |
2007-01-16 2:33 PM in reply to: #656681 |
Giver 18427 | Subject: RE: Can men & women be friends? The Mac - 2007-01-16 3:29 PM courtney_leone - 2007-01-15 3:50 PM barqhead - 2007-01-15 2:38 PM My guy friends all know I'm married (and a momma). Most of them know my husband. I find it hard to believe that they are all secretly "wanting" me. LMAO. Just can't picture it. Too funny! Pam I think that if you're married with male friends, that's an entirely different story. If they're hanging around 'wanting' you, that is just wrong. However I think that group is the minority. I agree with Lisa. Boyfriend buddies are one thing; I've had some great ones that I've actually liked better than the boyfriend. Of course, that means they go when the boyfriend goes. A good example is college. I had a ton of great guy friends. Then all of the sudden you find how they're REALLY feeling. Blech. Not all of them, but a majority. I guess for all of us it depends on the situation and where we are in life. No offense, but the one common denominator in all these situations is you. Maybe you are attracting the wrong kind of people. Maybe CL's just irresistable? |
2007-01-16 4:20 PM in reply to: #656692 |
Master 1462 Michigan | Subject: RE: Can men & women be friends? run4yrlif - 2007-01-16 3:33 PM The Mac - 2007-01-16 3:29 PM courtney_leone - 2007-01-15 3:50 PM barqhead - 2007-01-15 2:38 PM My guy friends all know I'm married (and a momma). Most of them know my husband. I find it hard to believe that they are all secretly "wanting" me. LMAO. Just can't picture it. Too funny! Pam I think that if you're married with male friends, that's an entirely different story. If they're hanging around 'wanting' you, that is just wrong. However I think that group is the minority. I agree with Lisa. Boyfriend buddies are one thing; I've had some great ones that I've actually liked better than the boyfriend. Of course, that means they go when the boyfriend goes. A good example is college. I had a ton of great guy friends. Then all of the sudden you find how they're REALLY feeling. Blech. Not all of them, but a majority. I guess for all of us it depends on the situation and where we are in life. No offense, but the one common denominator in all these situations is you. Maybe you are attracting the wrong kind of people. Maybe CL's just irresistable? Irresistable and tease, now that's a dangerous combination. |
2007-01-16 4:46 PM in reply to: #654970 |
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2007-01-16 4:47 PM in reply to: #656912 |
molto veloce mama 9311 | Subject: RE: Can men & women be friends? honesty is always the best policy. |
2007-01-16 5:16 PM in reply to: #654970 |
Expert 692 Boca Raton, FL | Subject: RE: Can men & women be friends? I have waaay more guy friends then girl friends....My best friend is a guy, married with a baby. His wife and I are friends too, but when I call...and she answers..she alsways gets him for me to talk to first. I actually think it's easier to be friends with a guy than a girls. Girls can be caddy and bitchy. Guys are typically straight up and I can be straight up with them with out feeling like I am gonig to hurt their feelings. Although, I am thinking I am done with adding more guy friends to my group....sometimes it is nice to have a girlfriend around.
As far as friends with ex's...it's possible, but I think there needs to be a seperation time..like a year..then you can be friends |
2007-01-16 8:10 PM in reply to: #656912 |
Master 1462 Michigan | Subject: RE: Can men & women be friends? courtney_leone - 2007-01-16 5:46 PM I'll end this once and for all: He is an ex-boyfriend. That @sshole dumped me...so of course I derive pleasure from stringing him along I'm cruel...I dangled the carrot and he took the bait. When I refused his offer I said two things: 1) No thanks, I'm not interested
Karma baby. karma.
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