I sat in line collecting my thoughts while they let people hit the pool every 10 seconds, and partway through I noticed everyone was doing the same damn jump into the water. Being that this might be my last event, I figured 'what the hell' and decided it was time to liven things up. So when it was my turn, I dropped a cannonball on the line. So help me, if I get ALS this will be my version of the Kona Blaze Roll. People will pay tribute to me by dropping cannonballs at the Rockwall Tri, and I'll be in a wheelchair at the side of the pool cackling and high-fiving everyone that does one.

When I resurfaced, I took off like a bat out of hell before Jack's wife(does she call him 'Captain Jack' when they're alone? Even money says he's got a pirate outfit with no crotch) could decide to pull me out of the water. The swim was pretty uneventful thanks to the guy in front of me being my same speed or a bit faster and the guy behind me being a little slower than me(I guess, he never hit my feet so who cares what his time was :p). About 75 yards left I ran into the back of a woman who started ~4 people ahead of me. She was stuck behind a guy that was doing his best impersonation of a wounded seal, so I ended up breast-stroking off and on for ~35 yards. When we hit the last wall he stopped at the wall to let us pass, and she tried to beat me to the punch. Well I said to myself 'what the hell' and took off beside her in the middle of the lane. She didn't want to let me by, but I cranked out a nasty 25 that was probably 8-10 seconds faster than her and was in front of her halfway through the last 25. Of course it probably helped that I was throwing elbows like I was in a WWE steel cage death match, but you mess with the bull YOU GET THE HORNS. That's right, I just threw elbows at a 46 year old woman. Fear me. *flexes*

Last year: 06:03
This year: 05:20
Change: -00:43

More elbows, trademark the phrase 'ROCKWALL CANNONBALL'

I got out of the pool and wobbled my way towards the bike, trying not to fall more than actually run. I got to the rack and there were already 5 people there getting ready to head out. So I decided screw it, I'm beating these bitches out of T1. I skipped my socks & my gloves and barely got my shoes on before running out of T1 with the bike. If I didn't have to run so far with the bike my T1 time would have been much faster, but everybody had to run so it really wasn't that big of a deal. Anyway, I was the first of the 5 out of T1 and onto the bike, mainly because I nearly crawled over a guy who was unracking his bike at the same time as me. Did I mention I was going all out? Maybe I should have tossed an elbow at him too, just for good measure. I was turning into the midget from Mad Max.

WHO RUN BARTERTOWN

Last year: 03:11
This year: 01:43
Change: -01:28

I headed out on the bike and my HR was in the 170s, which is high for just starting out a ride. Usually I'm not into the 170s until well into a ride. But I stuck to my mantra of pushing the whole way through and I was booking it for the first 4 miles. I hit one particularly large hill about 14 minutes in and my whole body said SLOOOW THE FUUUUUCKK DOOOWWWN. Stupid body. OK, I backed off and dropped down a few gears for 4-5 minutes. It got my HR down and I settled in for the ride. From there on out, I pushed pretty hard, probably about 90% of what I'd do on a shorter ride. It was definitely pushing harder than I would at anything longer than 20 miles or so. I passed a couple more people than passed me, but I was pretty much on my own most of the time.

Last year: 47:16
This year: 45:41
Change: -01:35

Last year: 01:39
This year: 01:12
Change: -00:27

This one happened so quickly that I thought I forgot something. If I had already put my socks on at the last transition, I probably would have been in and out in under a minute.

After running out of T2, I went into this full-bore. My HR was a bit high and I had some serious jelly legs going on, plus Jack decided it would be a good marketing ploy to say he had the only triathlon with a jungle gym section. Seriously, we ran through a playground. My legs weren't having it at first and it took a lot of willpower not to walk in the first 1/3 mile, but when I hit the sidewalk I settled into a groove and tried to keep the pace at or under 9:00/mile. Given that my PR for a 5k is 25:40 this was an aggressive goal, but guess what I said? That's right, 'what the hell'. OK actually it was more 'f*ck it', but you get the point. I hit 1 mile in and was right at a 9 min/mile pace and actually saw Karen on her way back in while I was heading out. That gave me a little extra kick, plus I was really hitting my stride and pushing closer to 8:30 for the next mile or so. I started seriously cruising the last mile, passing some people and just gliding along. It felt great. I even started hitting the 8:00/mile mark from time to time. When I turned back off the pavement the afterburners kicked in and I sunk below an 8:00/mile for the last 2/3 mile or so. My Garmin was screaming at me because I was well over 183(where the alarm starts beeping) but I didn't care because I only had 4-5 minutes left to go. At one point I saw the clock at the finish and realized I could crack 1:20 and I pushed even harder. The end result? An average pace of 8:24/mile. That means for the last 1.9 miles I was averaging right at a 8:00/mile, which is flying for me.

Last year: 25:45
This year: 24:22
Change: -01:23

Nothing, this played out about the best I could have hoped for.

Last year: 01:23:57
This year: 01:18:22
Change: -00:05:35


A Segway couldn't hurt.


The route was the same as last year, as was the setup. They should really cordon off the beginning of the run better, as the announcer was constantly having to tell people to look out for runners. Other than that(and the out route through the swing sets), it's all pretty well designed.