Other Resources My Cup of Joe » anyone have experience with custody cases? Rss Feed  
Moderators: k9car363, the bear, DerekL, alicefoeller Reply
2007-10-22 12:15 PM

User image

Extreme Veteran
363
1001001002525
Georgia
Subject: anyone have experience with custody cases?

Here is the deal...(kind of long)

My sister has a 6 month old little girl.  She wasn't married to the father and he broke up with her while she was pregnant, but vowed to still be there as the father. He lives in Savannah, she lives in Augusta (about 3 hours away).  Since my niece has been born the dad had come in town just about every week for 1-2 days.  He stays with my sister when he comes and sleeps on the couch.  He has given her money every month since my niece was born.  Not a court ordered amount, just an amount that he sees fit, but it has been the same amount every month.  Based on his income, the amount he gives her is more than 100$ less than what Georgia Law would have him pay.  My sister wanted to have some sort of legal arrangement set up for child support so she filled out all the paperwork for child support and he got served papers for court.  Since then he has retained a lawyer and wants to take her to court for custody.  I don't think he's going after full custody but I think he wants a 50/50 split.  My sister is freaking out!  She doesn't want to split her daughter half of the time and have to drive to Savannah all the time.  She can't move there because she is a single mom and she needs to be near family so she has help. I know dads should have rights but my niece is so young!  It's going to cost my sister a ton to get a lawyer and she doesn't even make half of what the father makes so she really can't afford it. Neither one of them have any skeletons in the closet that would make them look like a bad parent to a judge. Does anyone have any experience with this sort of thing, because I don't know what to tell her to do. 



2007-10-22 12:25 PM
in reply to: #1018676

User image

Master
1810
1000500100100100
Morse Lake, Noblesville, Indiana
Subject: RE: anyone have experience with custody cases?
I know, from my experience (State of Tennessee) that when given equal capable parents, custody, in my case, was split 50/50 with physical placement with one of the parents. The custody basically means that we make joint decisions. Physical placement is where the kid lives (obviously). Unless the parents live in the same town/school district, it's not very normal to have a kid bounce back and forth every other week, or several times a year - it would be a nightmare for schooling, so it's not typically done. Usually one parent has custody, and a visitation arrangement is worked out.

Since your sister already has the child living with her, that arrangement would not likely change, but a formal visitation schedule as well as a definition of both parents "rights" would be set out. Unless your sister was a bad person, likely the court would see it in the child's best interest to have this sort of an arrangement.

Again, this is from personal experience for my situation, as well as having observed several other instances of this in various states (Indiana, Tennessee, New York, New Hampshire). I am NOT a lawyer.

The court should appoint a legal guardian (kids lawyer) to oversee the best interest of the kids, and in most cases, this legal guardian's opinion is the most weighed opinion, next to the judge. Your sister still needs to hire a lawyer.
2007-10-22 12:30 PM
in reply to: #1018676

User image

Expert
864
5001001001002525
Lake in the Hills
Subject: RE: anyone have experience with custody cases?
If she can not afford a lawyer she can apply as a "friend of the court" and one will be appointed to her.  Everything else said above has been my dealings also.   The court should not have a child travel all the time.  It would just set up parameters for custody.  Visitation, Vacation, etc.

Edited by AddysDaddy 2007-10-22 12:30 PM
2007-10-22 12:32 PM
in reply to: #1018676

User image

Got Wahoo?
5423
5000100100100100
San Antonio
Subject: RE: anyone have experience with custody cases?

If she's demanding he pay more, and he's a good father with no issues, and is trying to remain that way, she doesn't have much of a complaint and is kind of getting what she asked for - official arraingments. It simply sounds like she wanted arraingments that wer3e beneficial only to her and not the father. I don't have a lot of sympathy for her. She should accept joint custoday with her location as the primary residence: typically he has custody one night a week and every other weekend, alternating holidays and alternating summers. It sounds like that is what will happen regardless or it could be calling their bluff if they are not serious.

Or, she could approach him, let him know that she felt/feels unprotected without any official standing and she did not intend to "go after him." She would like him to pay the amount required by law, but she is not intentionally gouging him.... At least start a dialoge with him without lawyers involvced.

In either case, be careful what you ask for.

2007-10-22 12:39 PM
in reply to: #1018676

User image

Extreme Veteran
363
1001001002525
Georgia
Subject: RE: anyone have experience with custody cases?

I kind of thought she would most like be awarded physical custody and I told her she shouldn't worry about that, but she knows someone that has to split custody with her ex husband (one week with her, one week with him) and she is freaking out about that scenario.

2007-10-22 12:45 PM
in reply to: #1018717

User image

Expert
864
5001001001002525
Lake in the Hills
Subject: RE: anyone have experience with custody cases?
[

Or, she could approach him, let him know that she felt/feels unprotected without any official standing and she did not intend to "go after him." She would like him to pay the amount required by law, but she is not intentionally gouging him.... At least start a dialoge with him without lawyers involvced.

In either case, be careful what you ask for.

I would go this route as much as possible...it usually gets ugly when the lawyers/courts get involved.

We had to deal with a dead beat dad who fought us at every turn.  He did not pay anything for two years.  We had to get a lawyer for the child interviewed both of the parents and myself. We blew through $20,000 easy.  The only ones who made out in the end was the lawyers.

If they are friendly with each other...try to keep it that way.



Edited by AddysDaddy 2007-10-22 12:50 PM


2007-10-22 1:55 PM
in reply to: #1018676

User image

Champion
4942
2000200050010010010010025
Richmond, VA
Subject: RE: anyone have experience with custody cases?

I can't speak to Georgia law, but the court will most always view child custody cases "in the best interest of the child."  That is why the court will most likely appoint a "guardian ad litem" which is in essence someone who represents the child's interest.

I have no idea how Georgia operates, but in some places the guardian is a social worker and other times the guardian are lawyers who either donate their time or are paid a nominal amount, typically paid by the state.

The interest of the child is also weighed against the current situation, for instance the court most likely wouldn't order a mother to move 3 hours away so the father can get half time custody and if the court grants custody the court may make the conditions of child transfer (e.g. who drives the 3 hours each way) more onerous on the one who can afford it (e.g. the father).

Not speaking legal there, but rather simply a guess, the father is probably a little cheesed about being served papers b/c he feels like he's been doing the right thing from the beginning.  The request for joint custody is most likely his strongest "first offer" position - in which I mean he can't reasonably request full custody - so the best he can reasonably request is 50/50.

It is from this first offer that you can negotiate a more reasonable position.

This sounds like a difficult situation and I'm sorry to hear that it has arisen, but absent meaningful dialogue with the father, your sister should seek legal advice.  She should see if there are any "single mother" or "unwed mother" homes or charities in the area that can offer her free legal services - many attorneys will take on these cases on a "pro bono" nature.

Just out of curiosity - is this gentleman's name on the birth certificate? 

Good luck. 

2007-10-22 3:02 PM
in reply to: #1018676

Subject: ...
This user's post has been ignored.
2007-10-22 3:52 PM
in reply to: #1018676

Champion
10668
500050005001002525
Tacoma, Washington
Subject: RE: anyone have experience with custody cases?

I don't think she has a lot to worry about, really. Not trying to be flippant about it -- the courts are so biased toward the moms it isn't even funny. Unless she's doing something aggregiously immoral or illegal, she'll come out on top.

Case in point -- in my recent divorce (final in January of this year), there was a disagreemont on custody. We'd been having a fully 50-50 schedule, with a week in each location, and it was working well. Going into the proceedings, though, the ex decides she wants to go for full custody. Call in the court-appointed child expert. She does a tour of both houses, multpile interviews of me and the ex... Then the report comes out: Because there isn't anything tipping the scale either way, she recommends that the mom have my daughter 12 out of 14 days, and that I have visitation on every other weekend and one afternoon a week. Huh? It was so pathetically biased GOING IN that I was ina totally losing position from the get-go.

That was in Washington, so things may be different in GA. I know around here there are free legal clinics that happen every other week (on a Wedensday). There may be something like that around her too.

2007-10-23 10:11 AM
in reply to: #1018676

Master
2346
200010010010025
Dayton, Minnesota
Bronze member
Subject: RE: anyone have experience with custody cases?

I also cannot speak to Georgia law specifically, but my brother was in a very similar situation recently. The bottom line is that briderdt is pretty much right about the courts. It's likely that your sister doesn't have a lot to worry about. In my brother's case, he and the mother were only 1.5 hours apart and even then he wasn't allowed any visits longer than a few hours at a time for the entire first year of his son's life. No overnights, period. It's an extremely sore spot for me, so I won't go off on a rant, but suffice it to say, I think your sister will retain primary custody.

2007-10-23 10:45 AM
in reply to: #1018717

Master
1420
1000100100100100
Running trails in S. Ontario
Subject: RE: anyone have experience with custody cases?
tmwelshy - 2007-10-22 1:32 PM

If she's demanding he pay more, and he's a good father with no issues, and is trying to remain that way, she doesn't have much of a complaint and is kind of getting what she asked for - official arraingments. It simply sounds like she wanted arraingments that wer3e beneficial only to her and not the father. I don't have a lot of sympathy for her. She should accept joint custoday with her location as the primary residence: typically he has custody one night a week and every other weekend, alternating holidays and alternating summers. It sounds like that is what will happen regardless or it could be calling their bluff if they are not serious.

Or, she could approach him, let him know that she felt/feels unprotected without any official standing and she did not intend to "go after him." She would like him to pay the amount required by law, but she is not intentionally gouging him.... At least start a dialoge with him without lawyers involvced.

In either case, be careful what you ask for.

 

I totally agree on this one.  The child is blessed to have a father that wants to be a part of her life.  He is deserving of custody as well, and she should be willing to accept this situation that she has contributed to.



New Thread
Other Resources My Cup of Joe » anyone have experience with custody cases? Rss Feed