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2007-12-27 10:48 AM

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San Antonio
Subject: Anyone adopted a child here?
My wife and I are looking to adopt an 18 month old child. Just looking for how things went for you and what I can expect. An aunt of my wife passed away and she had custody of her daughters 3 kids. The daughter is going to keep the 2 older ones, but not the youngest. Any stories or advice would be greatly appreciated.

Eric


2007-12-27 10:59 AM
in reply to: #1118454

Iron Donkey
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Subject: RE: Anyone adopted a child here?

FentressJET - 2007-12-27 10:48 AM My wife and I are looking to adopt an 18 month old child. Just looking for how things went for you and what I can expect. An aunt of my wife passed away and she had custody of her daughters 3 kids. The daughter is going to keep the 2 older ones, but not the youngest. Any stories or advice would be greatly appreciated. Eric

Our own BT'er, and fellow Donk, DeannaS has.  Maybe you can e-mail her or she'll see this.

My brother and sis-in-law have adopted a girl from China about 5 years or so ago, and are in the process of adopting a second child.

If find it quite sad that the daughter doesn't want to keep the 3 children together.  That's a heartbreaker.

Good news is that you are willing to provide the love!

Just be prepared for paperwork and court visits for welfare checking, I suspect.

Good luck, and I hope the child accepts the change quickly.  Lots of love and patience!

2007-12-27 11:17 AM
in reply to: #1118454

Champion
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Subject: RE: Anyone adopted a child here?

Send a message to KathyG here, she has 3 adopted daughters.

 

2007-12-27 11:27 AM
in reply to: #1118454

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Champion
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Subject: RE: Anyone adopted a child here?

I have a somewhat similar situation. Our oldest daughter was an in-house production, but our youngest was an acquisition. It was an 'identified' adoption from a family member and we took custody right out of the hospital. Her 6th birthday was just yesterday as a matter of fact. The family member who gave birth to her had/has another child.

Every state has it's own adoption laws, so it's tough to predict what your process will be. The state we lived in at the time required that we hire an adoption agency and a lawyer and that we get a home study done etc. The family connection didn't matter, we were treated like any other potentially adoptive parents.

If the child currently lives in another state, things get more complicated. Although there is what is called the Interstate Compact which is a set of agreements for states to abide by when adopting across state lines. We ended up having to hire lawyers in two states and agencies in three.

Keep the checkbook handy. It seemed like every time I picked up the phone it was to be told that I needed to write a check for $500-$1000 to someone. And be sure to keep track of every nickel spent. There are some big federal tax credits for adoptions, or at least there were a few years ago.

Do as much research as you can on your own. There are a lot of questions you can answer yourself with some reading so you don't have to pay the lawyer $200 an hour for answering basic questions. Read your states general laws on adoption, specifically the parts governing the severing of parental rights. It took almost a full year before our adoption was finalized and for that year our daughter was officially a ward of the state. You can avoid a lot of anxiety by knowing exactly what the rules are for the person giving up the child.

Good luck!

2007-12-27 11:37 AM
in reply to: #1118454

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Master
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Suwanee, Ga.
Subject: RE: Anyone adopted a child here?
FentressJET - 2007-12-27 11:48 AM

My wife and I are looking to adopt an 18 month old child. Just looking for how things went for you and what I can expect. An aunt of my wife passed away and she had custody of her daughters 3 kids. The daughter is going to keep the 2 older ones, but not the youngest. Any stories or advice would be greatly appreciated.

Eric


My wife and I are raising our 8 yo granddaughter (my daughters child).. We have legal custody and the adoption should be finalized in about 3-4 weeks.

Ours went fairly smoothly (the adoption is about the only thing that has gone smoothly in my grand-daughters life) and we will be the first thing she has ever had to offer her some stability.

From a legal standpoint MAKE SURE all the i's are dotted and t's are crossed and that anouncements are made in ALL of the appropriate legal papers..otherwise you could have problems later...even from folks that you never knew existed. Because it is family, some folks let some things slide, thinking it will be no big deal...that makes it hurt worse when it comes back to bite you in the a$$.

Other than the fees, the hassel and the waiting for the legal system to work, ours went smoothly and I would not change a thing...well I would change the fact that I am raising my grand child and I have to be a father to her instead of being able to spoil her...which is the GOD given RIGHT of every grandparent in the world.


Good luck with your adventure and PM me if you want any other information.

Steve
2007-12-27 11:58 AM
in reply to: #1118454

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Expert
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Subject: RE: Anyone adopted a child here?
I have no experience with adoption but what you are doing is extremely admirable.  My boss adopted a girl from Ecuador two years and he was able to receive some financial assistance from our work.   I would look into whether or not your company (if you aren't self-employed) offers the same type of assistance.  Good luck!


2007-12-27 1:07 PM
in reply to: #1118454

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Master
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Tiger's Den
Subject: RE: Anyone adopted a child here?

Waiting to adopt from China here. Will be our first and only most likely.

A good friend of mine just recently adopted his two neices after their mother (his sister) passed away. He was dealing with IL and SC and did not have to get an agency, just attorneys in both states. Look for an attorney who is familiar with adoption law, go to adoption dot com and you might be able to find an attorney in your area. That website is full of info from people who are going through the process or who have already been through the process.

Last year the federal tax credit was $10,360. It will go up for 2008. You can claim the tax credit in the year in which the adoption is finalized, and you can roll it over for up to 5 years if your tax liability is less than the credit.

I know that some states offer some tax credits as well if the child qualifies as special needs. And it's interesting what "special needs" can entail. For example, not knowing a child's medical history can mean the child qualifies as special needs. Or, a child who comes in from another country can be considered special needs. It pays to look into.

Good luck!

2007-12-27 1:18 PM
in reply to: #1118454

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Subject: RE: Anyone adopted a child here?

We adopted the most beautiful baby girl in the world (I am not kidding - see my album :^) ) five years ago.  With the exception of our lawyer not being to quick on the draw it has been nothing but a fantastic experience.   The biggest trick is to find a lawyer who is very experienced particularly in the state you are adopting from.  With the right lawyer everything will go very smoothly, otherwise it can be a mess.

As Mike mentioned get your checkbook out!  On the other hand your adoption shouldn't be nearly as expensive as many because you are not paying an agency.  Your big expense will be the legal fees.  As Mike mentioned as well - document your expenses carefully.  I believe the current max Fed tax credit is $ 10,000.  Note that is a CREDIT not a deduction - in other words you take those expenses - up to $10k - directly off your taxes.  That is a huge deal and should cover the expenses of a private (non agency) adoption.

Good luck - adoption is awesome!



Edited by speedball 2007-12-27 1:20 PM
2007-12-27 3:51 PM
in reply to: #1118454

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Austin, Texas
Subject: RE: Anyone adopted a child here?

Reading this thread makes me cry.  I am lucky enough to come from a birth family where I was loved and cared for all of my life.  There are many children out there who dont have that.  By adopting, you are giving the child and the world so much.  It is such a beautiful gift and I keep you in my prayers as well as all the other BTers.  You guys really amaze me and you are blessed people.

 

2007-12-28 9:14 PM
in reply to: #1118454

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Champion
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Subject: RE: Anyone adopted a child here?

We have three adopted daughters, I'm adopted as are all my siblings.

My big advice is talk to an attorney that specialized in adoption in the state you reside and if the child is from another state find an attorney from that state also that specializes in adoption. I'm assuming this would be a private adoption which means attorney is even more important.  Not just an attorney that does adoptions sometimes. It will make things go much more smoothly with an experienced attorney. I think if you google it there is an association of attorneys that specialize in adoption.

I see you are in Texas and we considered adopting from there...pretty good adoption laws from what I recall.

My kids are an unique and special and came into our family in various ways but we love them all very much. We have a great intersting family as of our 5 kids we have 8 birthparents between them (twin birth sons and 3 daughters adopted from China).

The big issue I see as both an adopted adult and a parent of adopted children is how will this child feel in time knowing that she has two siblings and was seperated from the oldest two children.

It is hard to think about why you were not wanted by your birth family. It makes you wonder what is wrong with you. I figure I'm a Valentines mistake...do the math and that is when I was conceived. I am thankful that my birthmom choose a better life for me as back in 1961 being a single parent wasn't very easy or cool or common. As the parents of an adopted child you need to instill pride in who they are and help them to understand it was the situation not them that made them not live with their birthparents. The situation of being separated from the other two will make it harder to understand in time. Will the relationship between the three of them continue? It could be awkward maybe but really healthy probably for the younger child.

Our Chinese daughters it is difficult to explain why if they were son's they would most likely live with their birth parents but since they were daughters most likely second daughters they were not kept usually due to the husband's parents decision. It is a cultural thing most of us in American can't understand but it real issue in China and in other countries.

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