• 4h 37m
  • 56.86 miles
  • 12.32 Mi/hr
Talked with some friends today about my struggles mentally and emotionally that come up as I keep having to say no to myself about the things I want to eat. It's challenging because I have two teens in the house, and they rightfully want to have snack foods and I want to make them a good dinner each night. So I'm making them something interesting with three or four parts to it, and then I sit down to a plate half the size, with three ounces of plain ground beef and a cup of broccoli.

One of my friends walked me through an exercise from our leadership program. I remembered an event from when I was very young at a friend's house. There was a party and the candy bowl was full of M&Ms. We were both looking at them and I took one out and then put it back. An adult nearby said, "If you touch it, you have to eat it." My friend and I looked at each other and shoved our hands into the candy bowl, touching as many as we could. Then we got yelled at. I was really confused because I didn't understand why anyone would say that if they didn't want us to touch all of them. I was only 3 or 4 years old. The person who yelled at me thought I was being selfish and mean, but really I was just confused. I thought there was a really cool rule that meant I could have a lot of M&Ms, and instead I just got yelled at. This exercise helped because I realized it had to do with taking extra food, and that I was NOT selfish or bad, not even in that moment, but I had collapsed the two things together.

It's still hard not to keep eating. Any time I finish a mini-meal, I am still hungry. But I notice that 30 minutes later, I'm not. Nevertheless, I REALLY REALLY want to keep eating food until I don't feel hungry anymore.

  • 1h 35m 12s
  • 16.30 miles
  • 10.27 Mi/hr
New plan says I should do a strength workout two days a week. I was supposed to do that tonight but just completely forgot until it was time for bed. I feel like I keep letting myself down. Even though I'm sticking to the nutrition 100%.

When I share this experience with others, they keep encouraging me to use seasonings and things to make the mini-meals more exciting, since it's the same thing every day and it's pretty bland. When they say that, I'm not even interested. I feel like I'm being punished for something and I don't deserve for the food to taste good. I keep saying "I'm allowed to have..." and using language like that. It's very disempowering and I know it. I'm feeling like a victim of this nutrition plan.

  • 1h 07m 21s
  • 7.01 miles
  • 09m 37s /Mi
Hill repeats today to get ready for hilly trail running in April. 6 times up and down a two-minute long hill.

Second day of eating on the new plan.
I definitely don't feel satisfied after I'm finishing each small meal, but I think it's mostly psychological. I'm looking forward to the next meal all the time and seeing what time it will be when I can eat again.

Felt good on my run. Good energy.

  • 59m 01s
  • 2350.00 yards
  • 02m 31s /100 yards
Today was very challenging. First full day on new nutrition plan that I am paying for and choosing. I'm choosing it to elevate my athletic performance and body composition, but when I sit in front of a plate of a small amount of ground beef and a cup of broccoli, I feel like I'm being punished. I have to keep putting myself back in a place of power and choosing.

I'm not physically starving.
Psychologically it's hard not to munch on a snack when I want to.

  • Calories: 1232 From fat:223.11 (23.95g, 18.11%), From Carbs:434.86 (105.02g, 35.3%), Protein:574.03 (138.64g, 46.59%)
  • 53m 19s
  • 6.00 miles
  • 08m 53s /Mi

  • 22m 50s
  • 2.50 miles
  • 09m 08s /Mi

alicefoeller's Training Log

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  • Tri CLE Rock Roll Run Super Spring Triathlon (Triathlon)
    8/20/2022 Cleveland, Ohio
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