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The "No Kids Club"
BY: Guest on 2010-08-11 1:08 PM

So I've been wondering for a while how many people here on BT do not have kids and are not planning on having them.  After the last 'TAN' it seemed like an appropriate time to ask the question.

My wife and I don't and have made the choice that kids are probably not in our future.  Everytime we discuss our 5, 10 and 20 year plan, kids have never been in the equation.  People have said "oh you'll change your mind" but we've found the older we get, the more our mind is made up.  Im 41 and she's 38, so we only have a a year or two to make any change.  But it seems very unlikely.  We like our life as is and don't think a kid would add to our life experience.  There's still a lot out there that we want to do and experience for ourselves.  My mother is not too happy with this either and I catch a lot of flack.  I am an only child (my wife is as well) so my mom is a little upset that she will not be a 'grandma' like her friends are.  I know my mother is proud of me and my accomplishments, but I know this decision of mine really disappoints her.

So, do you have kids?  And I'm just curios as well to see how many ppl made the conscious choice to not have them.

(and if you couldnt have kids but decided to adopt - you would say Yes)

Edited by ratherbesnowboarding 2010-08-11 1:32 PM

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Chris

"Don't pray for an easy [day], but pray for the strength to endure a difficult one" Bruce Lee

RE: The "No Kids Club"
BY: TriAya on 2010-08-11 1:14 PM

I'm 34. I don't have kids. I have zero prospect of having kids in the near future (next couple of years at least). I realize my prospects of having a biological child are sharply narrowing, and I'm okay with that.

I think I'd like to have kids, but I'm not sure. I'm very happy with the idea of adopting. In fact, whether or not I ever wind up having a biological child, I will almost certainly adopt (at least) one as well.
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RE: The "No Kids Club"
BY: blueyedbikergirl on 2010-08-11 1:17 PM

No little people for me... it started out as a choice between my ex-husband and I (resulting in him getting snipped just to be really sure) and then I had cancer which resulted in a hysterectomy and so now for medical reasons I won't be having any.  (So am I by choice, or for medical reasons according to the poll? )

While I've never wanted kids (or ever seen myself as being a mom) it didn't really bother me until the choice was taken away... but even then, it didn't weigh on my mind all that long. 

I'm having way more fun as the uber cool aunt!

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RE: The "No Kids Club"
BY: ChrisM on 2010-08-11 1:21 PM

No kids here, no plans to ever have any.  I have a tough enough time taking care of myself
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RE: The "No Kids Club"
BY: zed707 on 2010-08-11 1:22 PM

We have kids, but I can absolutely understand and respect the decision not to. Don't let your mom guilt you into having kids. I'm just a bit older than you and can understand what you mean about long-range plans. We will be "empty-nesters" when we're in our 50's (actually the wife will still be in her 40's), and we're looking forward to that. Well that didn't sound right, we'll miss the kids but we'll have freedom to travel, etc.

It's a very personal decision, but it sounds like you're approaching the decision wisely.

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RE: The "No Kids Club"
BY: lisac957 on 2010-08-11 1:25 PM

I put "by choice" because I guess it's my choice to have not found the right person to want to have kids with yet, or to not have had children when I was with someone.

I am still undecided on whether kids are for me or not. Lately, I've been in the "not" category most of the time. Maybe that will change when I meet the right person. Hard to say.

 
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RE: The "No Kids Club"
BY: TriRSquared on 2010-08-11 1:25 PM

Never wanted kids.  Until I had my first.  Now cannot imagine life with out them both.  (Never say never)
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RE: The "No Kids Club"
BY: McFuzz on 2010-08-11 1:28 PM



Yanti, you're young, you're beautiful...as long as everything works, your prospects are much greater than zero!  (I'm sure you could find a willing partner.  Now conforming to societal "norms" for long-term, stable relationships before having a child might work against your prospects. ) 

We've got kids.  We have 4 boys, ages 23, 20, 17, and 17. 

Anybody who tells you having a child takes 9 months is lying!  It takes 20 years.  
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RE: The "No Kids Club"
BY: ratherbesnowboarding on 2010-08-11 1:29 PM



I would say you are 'by choice'.  It's not like you changed your mind and then found out you couldn't.  If that had happened, I would then say medical. 

This has been weighing on me b/c I have a couple of friends that are trying and not having luck.  They spent 10's of thousands of dollars on shots and exams and such (They stopped short of the turkey baster)  They have now decided that kids will not be in their future and are starting to be OK w/ it - they like being uber cool auntie and uncle too.  I have two other couple friends that are not having kids by choice as well so they dont have 'little reminders' running around when we get together.
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Chris

"Don't pray for an easy [day], but pray for the strength to endure a difficult one" Bruce Lee

RE: The "No Kids Club"
BY: D.K. on 2010-08-11 1:51 PM

No kids.  Don't want any.  Have been that way for the past 18 years.  Gave up 2 guys in the dating process when realized their versions of future have "kids" in the equaltion. 

This is my choice of how I live my life.  Not affecting anyone and no need to lecture me, or try to change my mind.  Coz I won't. 

RE: The "No Kids Club"
BY: gsulee on 2010-08-11 1:51 PM

I had to go with "no kids by choice". I love kids, I am the best uncle/godfather around....its probably because I only see the kids a couple of times a year. The kid thing is such a touchy situation. I used to want them, but at the age of 36, it's a bit more daunting when you consider the financial, emotional, and ethical responsibilities that go along with them. To make things more interesting I tend to date older women that already have their kids and don't want anymore. You would think that is perfect, however I keep hearing the story that I will want kids one day and they get a little nervous about the future. For the record......just because I like kids and am good with them, doesnt mean I have to have them.
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RE: The "No Kids Club"
BY: ashort33 on 2010-08-11 1:55 PM

I was in the do not want kids club for a while, but then along came my daughter (she's 9 now).  For those that think they have a full life now, you cannot realize what you are missing.  I am sure there will be heartache along the way somewhere, but the joy of watching that little soul develop will more than make up for it.

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RE: The "No Kids Club"
BY: grbfrog on 2010-08-11 1:55 PM

I was in the "I don't want kids' camp for the longest time. Even when we got married I wasn't really wanting any. I told my mom on my wedding day to not plan on any grandkids from us! And that was just over two years ago. Then, my mind changed and now I want one (for now, we'll see how #1 goes before we go further). It's so weird to me how I was always so meh about kids and now I really want one. Luckily, my husband's thoughts naturally progressed to wanting one as well so we are on the same page.

We are in the beginning stages of trying, so who knows if we will be able to, etc. However, we have both agreed that if it can't be done naturally or with some slight nudging (medication, diet change, whatever), then we will take it as a sign it wasn't meant to be for us and look into adoption. For me personally, I just can't see going through the invasive treatments and shelling out thousands and thousands of dollars on procedures that MAY work.

I definitely respect those who do not wish to have kids...especially since I used to be in that category. I don't understand why others push people to having them when they don't want them. Makes no sense! And just the same, I respect those who will go to the ens of the earth to conceive a child of their own, some people feel that strong need to have a child that is blood. And who knows, I may reach that point as well when it's all said and done, but at the moment, I just want a baby and if I'm meant to adopt then that's great too.

RE: The "No Kids Club"
BY: LittleCat on 2010-08-11 2:04 PM

1991-I gave up my daughter as a baby....so technically I 'had' a child, but at the same time didn't.
I did not want children, she was unplanned and I was 20 years old.

Fast forward 19 years, I have been reunited with my daughter, so now I have a child who is an adult.

The adult child is pretty cool. I'm really enjoying getting to know her. I will never have another child.

RE: The "No Kids Club"
BY: juniperjen on 2010-08-11 2:14 PM

I checked the planning to - which is weird.  I am getting married this fall and have been with my SO for nearly four years.  Though, before him I really hadn't had any significant relationships that would have indicated I would even find a long-term partner let alone have kids so through most of my 20's i really didn't think about it or pin many hopes on it.

I tried to take the 'life will be' and i'll enjoy the journey no matter what happens.  It's just strange now that it's coming to be.  I have trouble saying it out loud because it all could be so very real in the next few years!   

As an aside, I really hate when people have a schedule for life - 'l will be married by X age, have kid 1 at X, buy X house with X bedrooms and buy X car - so I attempted to avoid that thinking that often leads to disappointment or crazy-decision making. 

RE: The "No Kids Club"
BY: moondawg14 on 2010-08-11 2:18 PM



They need to watch out, because stress is one of the biggest obstacles!   Happens to alot of couples who adopt, stop fretting about getting pregnant, and then whammo!  

We experienced it as well with our biological children.   Wife was super-stressed about getting pregnant.... didn't happen.   Doctor finally agreed to see us about fertility issues (they won't see you unless you've been trying for a year) and before we could get to the appointment she was pregnant.    We adopted our daughter, and then decided to try for #3 a few months later.   Charlie surprised us both by coming along right after we started "trying"   

RE: The "No Kids Club"
BY: JKLipsky on 2010-08-11 2:21 PM

Never was around kids growing up (I came from a small family).  Then I got married and my wife is from a good size family.  8 years later and I am the proud father of a little girl (5 years old) and little boy (3 years old).

Regardless, DO NOT get guilted into having kids.    You and your wife are the ones that would have to take care of them.  In my experience grandparents love and dote on them, get them all crazy and wired up, fill em with sugar.....and then send them home to mom and dad!

 

RE: The "No Kids Club"
BY: rayd on 2010-08-11 2:21 PM

I have 2-kids (8 & 11).  When we first got married I really didn't think I wanted to have kids.  Not that I didn't like kids...I 've always loved being around kids! I was just very happy with the way things were without.  Then at the age of 39 my daughter was born.  2 1/2 years later her little brother was born.  My life has never been better!  It's work and they're still at the age where it's hard to have a minute to yourself...but it's awesome!  Nothing has enriched my life as much as being a parent!

yeah, I know...they're not teenagers yet.

eta:  don't let family or friends make you feel guilty.  having kids is not for everyone.  don't do it unless you and the wife are sure you want to take on that responsibility.


Edited by rayd 2010-08-11 2:27 PM

RE: The "No Kids Club"
BY: lisac957 on 2010-08-11 2:23 PM



I'm not sure it's fair to say this - it's a pretty broad generalization.
I have a couple of friends who had children who will readily admit they still wish they hadn't. I mean, of course they love their children and all of that, but they have both said they thought someday they'd come around, but just never did. One of them even said her and her daughter just don't like each other - her daughter is 2. 

Having kids is NOT for everyone, and those who don't have them shouldn't feel guilty or made to feel as if they're "missing out" on something. 
 
 
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On May 19, 2018, I'm riding in Tour de Cure ATL!
Find out why and donate here:
http://main.diabetes.org/goto/lisaconklin