Depression and Moods- Check in! (Page 2)

I was exactly where you were. What got me to open up was when I was at rock bottom and the doc asked me about my life. It was the first time that I could remember someone asking me right out about myself from my childhood, family, past relationships...and listened to me talk about all of it, trivial or not.

Unfortunately, there isn't a simple blood test that can tell the doctor what chemical in our brain is out of whack or how an individual will respond to medication. Nor can anyone, including our friends, family or therapist, see inside our heads and read our minds.

For me, assertiveness training has been huge in helping me learn to communicate my needs and manage my emotions and reactions. I first had to learn what my needs were and then how to meet them. If I don't care of myself, ultimately who will?

When it comes to mental health, I've come a long way in being more aware of my moods, triggers and symptoms. Consequently, I've gotten better at letting the doc or therapist know what's going on. Yup, you are paying the doc so tell them what is going on. No need to be embarrassed or ashamed...the shrinks have heard it all.

Don't forget that you are dealing with an illness, not a character flaw in you!

I totally agree about remembering that you're dealing with an illness, not a character flaw. To help me judge whether or not my meds were working well for me, my therapist had me keep a journal for a while.  Each day, I ranked my mood from a 1-10, with 1 being pretty much suicidal and 10 being perfectly happy.  Then, I wrote one or two sentences about my thoughts and what I was thinking and doing that corresponded to my mood.  Each time I went to my therapist, I took my journal with me, and we went through the particularly low days to examine what my thought patterns were on those bad days.  It really helped me to have something written down in advance that we could discuss - often I would get into the therapy session and just go blank on what I had been thinking and doing the week prior.  It also revealed some patterns in what would trigger bad days, and things that I was doing that helped or didn't help.

As for the ranking from 1-10 thing, if I wasn't staying around a 6-7 most of the time, my counselor would recommend that I go to my dr and talk about increasing my dose.  It was nice to have something more concrete to talk to my dr about than just "I don't think I'm feeling quite better enough."  It made those kinds of decisions a bit more tangible for me.  

I hope that helps.... 

First I've noticed this thread.  I've been rather "open" about my situation though on BT.

Diagnosed 3 y/o's ago as bipolar after becoming suicidal and and landing myself in the hospital psyh ward.  Then was hospitalized again.  Lovely times.  I've come to accept being on medications.  I take three - a STRONG dose of mood stabilizer, antidepressant and an antipsychotic.  I'm lucky in that I've a pharmacist for a sister and she been with me every step of the way saying, "we don't want you on this..."  Blessed.   Plus I've got a good relationship with my psychiatrist. 

Also did 6 months of DBT therapy.  Plus tons of therapy in general. 

I guess unlike most(?) I *need* to w/o.  I *must* w/o.  Helps fight off depression.  Of course I ping pong off the deep-end and get manicky.  Just not as much as I use to.  Drat.

Spider,

It sounds to me like Effexor isn't working for you. For you to have been on 300 mg for 5 years and still feeling like you do, something isn't right. Being blunt, it may be your doc or it may be your communication with your doc. Either way, you need something different. I have been on Effexor and Zoloft, and neither worked for me. I describe myself as a zombie emotionally, but that spilled over into a total lack of motivation. The drugs just weren't right for me. Wellbutrin, on the other hand, lifts my mood and spirits, I have motivation and I'm not tired. That doesn't mean I don't have bad days - I do. But that's normal and what I want to happen. 

I picture my emotional state like this. Picture 3 horizontal lines. Label the bottom line 1, the middle line 5 and the top line 10. Anything below the middle line is bad. I don't want to be there. Anything above that line is good. How far above or below is how bad or good it is. When I was on Effexor, I stayed below a 5 and didn't care. It wasn't fixing my symptoms, just making me not care about them. Without meds, I was farther below a 5 and did care. When I changed to the right med, I now stay at a 7/8 with dips below 5 and rises to 9/10. That's where I figure a normal person (especially dealing with what I'm dealing with in my life) should be. 

Lots of typing to say, find the med or combination of meds that changes your mental position, not covers it up. Then, you'll find motivation and happiness.

There's a newer drug you may want to ask about called Cymbalta. I am on it as well as Wellbutrin. These two work a little differently on which chemicals they are affecting, so the combination treats all of the brain chemical causes of depression. Neither have the typical side effects (weight gain, loss of libido, etc) often associated with anti-deps.

You can feel better. You deserve to feel better. Demand to feel better.

Hang in there

I've seen this lecture. My wife, too, is dying from cancer so it hit very close to home with both she and I. I can tell you it is excellent! The lecture stemmed from a program that CM was doing called The Last Lecture where they asked profs to give this lecture as though it would be their last. What wisdom would they share? What things would they teach? It just so happens that, for this professor, it is one of his last lectures. Yet, when you look at him, he seems very healthy.

The wisdom he shares is incredible. And, he throws some "head fakes" in there - you'll understand when you watch it. My kids haven't seen it yet, but they will. Great life lessons from a dying man. If you miss it, you can find the entire lecture on video on the net (youtube, etc). Very much worth the effort.

Thanks Katzchen for sharing this! 

I completely understand the concerns of withdrawal, etc. Different docs have different opinions on this. Some docs think you need to be off of one before switching. Others just switch. I guess it depends on what you are removing and adding, and how they may interact. Seems to me, if you are resistant to the drug it may not make a difference at all to go cold turkey if you have something immediately behind it - I'm not a doc - I'm just sayin.

What you may be able to do is add drug XX immediately, then taper the Effoxor. Like I said, I'm on 2 different drugs right now. For me, Wellbutrin has an almost immediate positive effect. Cymbalta took 3-4 weeks to fully kick in. And, they seem to play nice with each other.

Talk to your doc about your concerns. Ask a ton of questions including combinations of drugs as I suggest in paragraph 2. And maybe an AD isn't the short term combination - maybe something more like Risperadol (used as an antipsycotic but in very low doses behaves more like anti anxiety / anti depressant) or something similar.

Life's too short to feel bad. Hooray to you for making the appt! Are they getting you in soon? Let us know how it goes.

Um...how did I miss this thread?

I won't get into my story of depression...I have talked about it a lot in my logs, and I'm at work, so I really don't feel like pouring it out right now.

This all happened about a year ago a few months before my 25th birthday. I've been trying to deal with this for a year on my own, with little success. I seem to be okay for a week or two, then hit rock bottom, then back up and down...it's a weird cycle.

Honestly, there are more people than you think here on BT that are battling depression...I'm sure they will head over to this thread at some point. And - I think these logs are a way for people to deal with their depression. I know blogging my thoughts have helped me immensely. Having people leave me comments lets me know people care about how I'm doing... 

Feel free to stop by my logs and say hi. I will try to do the same for all of you.

We're all in this together!

Hey folks!  Time to check in again and let us know how you are doing!  I've been feeling pretty good lately - the beatiful spring weather and Texas bluebonnets are helping.  How about you?

Also, let me pose a question for you.....what are the things that seem to trigger a mood downswing for you?  For me, when I get too busy and I don't take the time for myself that I need, I start sliding downhill. It's so important for me to keep that "margin" in my life so I don't get frantic and overwhelmed.

What about you?

I'm doing OK.  The weekend was a little hectic and got away from me which never is a good thing.  My problem is when I get going too fast my sleep patterns go crazy and no sleep puts me in a bad place.

I have a road race (bicycle) coming up this Sat. and that can get me a bit nervous.  what the heck I love to ride, so what if I finish last, I love to ride.  It's that am I good enough syndrome.

 As I have shared before I have a great bunch of friends and when I don't show up for something (be church, a workout, etc - phone calls are made to find out what the heck is going on.

One of my biggest downers in the holiday season - Thanksgiving to New Years.  First of all it is dark and cold here. 2ndly there is a constant pull in-laws and family plus being divorced there is yet a 3 and pulling  in their direction. That is a very tough time for me. 

I'm feeling good these days! Spring does that, along with longer days.

Hope everyone else is thriving, rather than just surviving! 

Just checking in!!!

Hope everyone is doing well!!!

I finally raced today after more then a year off do to injury! It felt great...it also helps that I am finally getting good sleep..

Well I hope everyone is having a great weekend...couldn't ask for better weather for us!!

GJ

Good going with your race! Glad your injuries are healed.

My challenge is anxiety/panic attacks. I've been trying out the supplement 5-htp and been having good luck with it. I'm sleeping better and feel more grounded during the day. I also don't seem to be fighting my cravings to keep eating after dinner. I just might lose some weight! is anyone else taking this? How does it work for you?

Hope everyone else is doing well.

Mary 

Today and this past weekend sucked.  I'm thinking it's partly hormonal, partly seasonal, partly I don't know.    My job is overwhelming to me sometimes (kept me awake for 2 hours last night while I was TRYING to go to bed at a decent time), and add the fact that my house isn't selling (been on the market for 10 months) just leads me to an overwhelming feeling of self doubt and a bit of despair.  I need to say something now just because it is very easy for me to go into isolation, and that does me no good.  I'm just so tired of everything.

I hate crying.

Hello everyone! It's nice to see this thread. I have been very open about my recent bout with depression in my logs. It had been coming on for months and months. Actually, I guess what that really means is I had a mild depression for months and months and it turned into a more serious depression quite suddenly. I had been pushing myself very hard, trying to achieve a stretch goal in my Ironman this summer, and the pressure finally got to me. Combined with the winter weather (my first real winter in 15 years), not liking where I live, feeling like I wasn't in control of my life, etc., I finally broke down and couldn't do anything. My sister made me go to the doctor and I tried Lexapro for one awful week. I was a complete zombie. I slept all day and all night. I stopped taking the Lexapro and switched to Wellbutrin XL, which I had successfully taken in the past.
I have been on Wellbutrin for about 3 weeks now and feel like myself again. It took about 1.5 weeks to really take effect, and in that time I had some of my worst days. But, they left and my good days became more frequent. It is such a wonderful feeling to enjoy your life again and to appreciate all your blessings and the beauty around you. The spring weather is helping, too. I am training again and have been able to adjust my goals without feeling like a failure.
I am reading a good book now that I borrowed from my dad called "Going to Pieces Without Falling Apart..A Buddhist Perspective on Wholeness. I think I will check out the other book you guys have mentioned, too.

Hey, girl! I'm so sorry you're having a rough go of it....there's nothing like job stress and hormones to really wear you down. Especially if you're not sleeping well.  Thanks for letting us know...it's never a good idea to isolate when you're struggling. Been there...done that...got my t-shirt.

Have you tried doing some relaxation exercises when you're going to bed?  I know that sometimes my brain will get to spinning on all of my stresses and I have a hard time sleeping.  My counselor taught me how to do body scans to relax my brain and my body - it really helps me get to sleep on those tough nights.  I lie on my back and starting from my toes, consciously think about and relax each body part all the way up.  I even mentally thank them for the hard work they did that day and visualize the tension just flowing away from them.  I'm usually asleep before I make it through the entire process.  Might be worth a try.

I'll be sending some prayers and happier thoughts your way....keep us posted on how you're doing, please!