Depression and Moods- Check in! (Page 39)

My moods have been pretty good lately considering the divorce is still new.  I need to go back to the doc in a box for a refill on my anxiety meds.  I have found that receiving emails and such from the ex sends me into a tailspin.  He is still trying to control things and play games with my mental state.  I need to go back to running as I signed up for my first full marathon this fall.  My motivation has been pretty low with everything going on.  I thought I was doing better until the ex decided that I have to continue to look for a better job because I am "underemployed."  IF he thinks he can find me a job teaching high school English here in the not-so-great state of IL, more power to him.  

It can't be easy. One step at a time, I try to follow!

Today has been almost cathartic.  Sent an email to the ex letting him know that I wish him happiness and finding whatever he is searching for but he will no longer find it in me.  I also told him I am no longer angry with him, I just feel very sorry for him.  I still have the boys and our grandson and he chose to not have that.

Surprisingly, I felt very much at peace after sending that.

Sounds like things are really hard right now and it's tough not to compare yourself with where you were or where others are right now.  Good for you for getting back on the bike, even though you aren't able to ride like you used to.  That's a huge accomplishment in and of itself and you deserve major kudos for doing it!!  The foot pain sucks.  If you can, maybe post something in the injuries forum for suggestions.  If that feels too overwhelming, just focus on the bike for now and maybe find a partner with a similar level of fitness so you're not comparing yourself to the super-speedies who make you feel lousy about yourself.

Be gentle on yourself and try to turn off the "shoulds" (I know, easier said than done!!).  I too have been in a really low place.  January was the most recent, and I was ready to give up on life then.  When I'm there, I get super self-critical too.  I had someone urge me to do a little something every day.  Doesn't have to be much, just something like 10 crunches.  If you can find a way to do some small thing like that and congratulate yourself for doing something positive.  Even though it feels like you're starting from scratch, it can really help because you'll be able to feel improvement and a sense of accomplishment. You'll get there.  You're getting stronger every day, even if it doesn't feel like it right now.

m

Sounds like things are really hard right now and it's tough not to compare yourself with where you were or where others are right now.  Good for you for getting back on the bike, even though you aren't able to ride like you used to.  That's a huge accomplishment in and of itself and you deserve major kudos for doing it!!  The foot pain sucks.  If you can, maybe post something in the injuries forum for suggestions.  If that feels too overwhelming, just focus on the bike for now and maybe find a partner with a similar level of fitness so you're not comparing yourself to the super-speedies who make you feel lousy about yourself.

Be gentle on yourself and try to turn off the "shoulds" (I know, easier said than done!!).  I too have been in a really low place.  January was the most recent, and I was ready to give up on life then.  When I'm there, I get super self-critical too.  I had someone urge me to do a little something every day.  Doesn't have to be much, just something like 10 crunches.  If you can find a way to do some small thing like that and congratulate yourself for doing something positive.  Even though it feels like you're starting from scratch, it can really help because you'll be able to feel improvement and a sense of accomplishment. You'll get there.  You're getting stronger every day, even if it doesn't feel like it right now.

m

Dealing with some demons today!  Went out with friends last night and had a great time, but got an email from M saying he was going to call today to go over taxes and such and my head starts to spin and my heart starts to race.    I know I shouldn't care about him but I just can't turn off those feelings.  He turns his feelings off and on like they are faucets.  I told the doctor that I wanted to try to handle things without the use of Xanax, but days like this make me think twice about that choice.  I want to hear his voice but I know that what I want to hear won't be said.  

Sorry to hear things are so rough right now.  I find it can be really frustrating to feel like I have to take meds to manage my moods.  When I'm feeling like that, I try to let up on myself and tell myself that if just a pill helps me have the strength to keep going, it's totally worth it.  I see it as the meds giving me a break from the full intensity without turning off the feelings completely.  Without the intensity, I can learn to manage things better so I can ease off the meds.  Stepping down is also always hard and usually the bumps make me question my decision. Sometimes I decide it's not worth it and I increase the dose again.  There are some meds that I have decided are completely necessary and I'll never go off them.  I take 6 mental health meds and it's a lot but it keeps me on an even keel so I just suck it up and take 'em.

The time will come when you can go without the Xanax, but it's okay to use it for now.  "Now" can be a day-by-day assessment, or it can be a "I'll give it another x months and reassess."  Either way, it doesn't mean you're weak.  Hang in there and be gentle with yourself.  You are strong and you will get through this.

Not so much posting anymore--that goes for a lot of us, I think--but I do check this thread whenever it's active.

I love you. You are every bit as brilliant, warm, and supportive as your avatar, and this is often when things are dark for you. I'm sorry to hear that they are again. Chronic illness in whatever form just wears you down. Keep trudging. There will be light and laughter even in the midst of it.

I'm getting fat, too. Scratch that. I AM fat, and depressed, and extremely tired. Also medical condition related stuff, and sometimes, all you can do is just keep swimming. Whatever it takes just for today, or just hour by hour if necessary.

Hi Trijamie, I don't have much of an appetite most of the time and when depressed it gets worse.  Nausea AND depression just sounds like the worst!!  Have you found anything that works?  Have you tried any medications?

Hang tough out there!

Thanks TeddieMao.  It was a year of ups and downs but mostly plugging away for me.

I struggle with January and February.  I will keep trying to exercise, eat right and plan bits and pieces of the future that will help get me off the couch.

Hang tough all.