Wife aske me to give up endurance sports... (Page 4)

Take two weeks off training and focus on her.

If I try this on my wife, she will practically be pushing me out the door.

Well said, Buttercup!

Or onto the floor, then stepped on.  With 12" stiletto heels. 

Edited by 1stTimeTri 2010-10-03 11:42 AM

Sounds more like avoidance to me.

Dude.. i am right there with you.

my wife recently complained that I spend too much time riding my bike and running.. strange that she didnt care about me smelling like clorine or the Long Island Sound..

i dont know what to suggest..

fighting doesnt work ..

Well said.  The irrational comment was intended to be a joke, but, obviously, was poorly executed!

You can have my bike when I start posting about my impending funeral...anything short of that the answer is NO!

(on second thought, I may ask for the bike to be burned with me...)

It never does.  6+ years and I've at least learned that much!

After several days of being able to think this through, I've realized a few things:

First of all, it's a matter of spending all of our time on either work or triathlon and having little time/energy for anything else.  I handle that better because I'm content with triathlon as my hobby and don't really need anything else.  She needs more.  The solution isn't clear, but at least the problem is. 

Spending more time together isn't necessarily the solution as several people have suggested.  We do EVERYTHING together.  We went to college together, had the same major, lived about 50m apart for the 3 years before we got married.  We've had the same employers as each other for the past 7 years and, have always shared the same hobbies.  Having something of our own might be a help, not a hindrance.  I just have to be careful because since triathlon was her thing first, I don't want her to feel like she has to quit just so I can continue doing it on my own.

She has said she's still going to do the HIM/IM, but doesn't plan on racing or training.  I think that'll change as she gets closer (she placed 1st AG at a national 70.3 and has a very competitive nature). 

Thanks for all the input! 

She has said she's still going to do the HIM/IM, but doesn't plan on racing or training.  I think that'll change as she gets closer (she placed 1st AG at a national 70.3 and has a very competitive nature). 


Well, looks like genetically speaking, your kids have a lot to look forward to!  Advice her that training is as much for your future children as it is for you.   And when that gets you slapped or ignored, let her know the nice 401k's are futile knowing that your offspring will be taking care of you in your later years wih all of their winnings. That's my "emergency, stock market crash, blow it away, gambling" option I am counting on anyway

  She needs more.  The solution isn't clear, but at least the problem is.  

 

My Training LogMy Race Log

Andrew, I think It's time to spend a few bucks for a nice 3 day weekend away together doing stuff enjoyable- not too romantic or anything, just fun. Help with the connection and communication and drop the stress levels a bit. No, you can't take your bike.  (Or your sneakers.) I'm free most of October  Give that a go with her.

In the works!

(plus, due to my business travel, I have enough hotel/airline points that it'll be almost completely free!  Fly first class and book a suite all on points!)

I'll get right on that, er, I mean her, I mean...crap...

This has been considered as a solution, but quickly discarded.

good plan just don't tell her about the hotel/airline points.  For some reason it irritates women when you say "isn't this great and guess what, I didn't have to pay a dime".  It goes over like gift cards at Christmas or birthdays.

I was waiting for someone to say this! Classic!

Sorry Andrew.  

Aaron (and Haley),

Looks like the new beautiful custom bike frame will be collecting dust without ever having hit the road...  She was ecstatic with the gift, but work has just become too much.  Very sad...

This ^^^^^^ Look out, I have a funny feeling.
She wants kids!!

Just a little teasing for you. I think I remember you being on the no kids camp from a previous thread?

Really I just wanted to compliment you on how it sounds like your dealing with the situation. Of course I'm not there but, I'm impressed that you have given it as much thought as you clearly have and are taking the time to try to understand where your wife is coming from. 6.5 years of marriage is something to be very proud of and I'm sure you have many more years to look forward too.
My husband and I had a heart to heart a couple of months ago. He takes my exhaustion from being home alone all day with the kids as a personal reflection on something he has done, or is not doing. In reality it has nothing to do with him! Sometimes I think married couples get so caught up in how they feel right now (now being stage of life you are in) that they forget about how much life can change in a few years. 4 years ago we were just like you two: both working with no kids. Blink an eye and we are in the married with little kids, wife stays home, hubby works all the time stage of life. Sometimes it's stressful, sometimes it's the greatest joy. Either way it won't remain this way forever. Someday I hope we make it to the retired someplace warm stage of life and I know there is no one else I want to get there with. Just sometimes the path gets a little muddy.

Triathlon is not worth an unhappy marriage if that is what my wife truly wanted and it was not just a rant after a bad day then I would be done with Triathlons who cares how much money you lose you can still exercise, maybe cut back to oly's and not do ironmans less time commitment the marriage would be my first priority.

 Best comment yet but hey I am a newbie and need a bike much more than condorman.  So when will your job bring you to Idaho? and can you bring me your bike?


Edited by idahocraig 2010-10-05 10:34 PM

I know you've thought about this and I hope you've brought it up to her, but if she isn't trying to change her working life, how is she going to manage kids? Daycare for 16 hours a day? She's tired and exhausted and resents triathlon taking your time, how will she handle an infant? Or more than one toddler? Or if she stays home to raise them, it still doesn't fix the problem of you working all day and then not having enough quality time together.

Eeeek!

I don't think this is the only root of the problem.  

This X a million.  Triathlon was hard enough for us with a super busy schedule before kids. It's nonexistent after kids.  I haven't really trained all that much (and I sure haven't raced) since our kids were born.

Andrew, I don't know your personal situation, so just take this as a general comment.  Kids don't fix anything.  If there's a problem in the relationship, it's likely going to get WORSE with the stress of children.  I love my kids to death and wouldn't trade them for anything in the world, but they become your world.  Just gotta make sure they fit in with your priorities.