Becoming Sober (Page 3)

7 Days!  Awesome,  get a great bike, run, swim run done.  Breath!  You have made a great Stride.

Tomorrow,  Repeat.

Awesome!

I just got back from an awesome sober vacation!  Support is everywhere, the captain of the whale watching boat has been sober for 6 years.  We had a great discussion, and Oh yeah, saw whales too!

  Congrats on taking steps to better your life.  One of my inspirations is a guy named Todd Crandell and Racing for Recovery. (www.racingforrecovery.com)  I knew Todd in high school and he was as messed up as the video below talks about.  Todd was over the top.  He found his way out through triathalons as a way to stay focused.  He has now raced in IM's and Ultras around the world.  Team Racing for Recovery is an on-line support group to help.  Something to at least check out.  Although based in Ohio, Todd helps people all over the place.

ESPN did a segment on Todd several years ago:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IgmDMEaZlwE&feature=player_embedded

A documentary, Racing with Demons, was just recently released.  This is a trailer:

www.racingwithdemons.com

https://www.facebook.com/#!/Running.with.Demons

Congratulations.  Sometimes, when I was feeling down, watching Todd's video's helped me to know that if he could come back from where he was that I could do it too.  Thought I would forward it along.

I just wanted to say that as someone new to triathlons, it is soooo cool to come to this site and find so many sober folks.  

AA is everywhere    I've been sober 5 1/2 years and I can only echo what has been said by so many of you already in this thread:  life is so beautiful when you're sober, if you let it be.  We have to do the leg work.  Even in sobriety, we may have put down the drink, but our minds and behaviors can still be the same old way and get in the way of any real, lasting change and betterment.

1. It is only a slip-up if you don't get back on the horse.  Yeah, you have to reset the counter on your days, but this isn't about counting days... it is about living Today as best you can.  Get back on the horse and it's all fine... you've simply found another way that won't work. Stay on the horse and you don't have to worry about remembering a new sobriety date  

2. Meetings - absolutely get around to different ones.  Find one where you feel comfortable.  And dear Lord, don't try to compare yourself to what people are saying - try to RELATE to what they are saying.... chances are, you'll start to hear them telling a bit of your own story.

3.  Lastly - by every and all means available to you - Vent!!   Like I'm sure you've heard at meetings: A problem shared is a problem cut in half.  Even if you only tell your problems to your living room wall.. vocalize them. Tell something or someone (preferably someONE, I've found that walls give terrible advice).

Best wishes to you, I hope you find your path !

Congrats on the milestone!  Never belittle your accomplishments because they "seem small" compared to others.  This is your race, your struggle, your fight to win, so don't compare yourself to anyone but yourself.  In this and in everything else in life as well.

I was a binge drinker.  I could go literally weeks, sometimes even months without drinking, but once the opportunity presented itself, watch out.  I got comments from my kids and my wife, I didn't care because I didn't have a problem, right?  Well guess what?  You have a problem pal.  My life hit rock bottom, not because of alcohol but it sure didn't help, and at the risk of getting preachy for a minute, I found Christ.  Pretty quickly after that God put His finger on my drinking and said very clearly to me "I want you to give this to Me."  And I did, but not without a fight.

It's still hard 3 years later, not as bad, but still hard.  I HATE being in social situations where everyone is drinking.  My wife has never been much of a drinker so if she is there it's much easier on me.  I will stick real close to her, and we'll usually leave early because she knows how hard hanging out at events like that is for me.  I sometimes have business functions that are mandatory but still soaked in booze.  I duck out of those as fast as I can.  It has taken me a long time to accept the fact that some parts of life in this world are not available to me anymore. 

I try to view it the same way I would a physical limitation.  It's just something that is a fact of life, like gravity.  I will never fall up, and I can't go on a brewery tour with free samples either.  Like someone said earlier, this is 95% in your head.  Change your thinking, change your life.  Congratulations on changing your life in such a positive way, celebrate every victory no matter how small, and accept any failures as part of the process.  But never give up!  This is not easy, but it's worth it.

Congrads on getting started. My wife has been sober now for over 3 years. 

I not sure how to bring this up, but if AA is not your thing. You could check with your local churchs as an altenative. So have a program call Celabrate Recovery which is not just for drinking issues. Seeing and talking to other people with diffrent types of issues helped my wife with her own issues. (in her opinon.) But if AA is working I dont want you to think you should change. I just saw in a prvious post that your were not too sure about AA. I just want to let you know that there are other programs.

Best of luck. You are not alone.

Good luck with everything you are going through.

I wanted to comment on your mind-set when you slip up.

I think one of the issues is the "5 yrs sober, 90 days sober etc etc." It is asking for perfection. Some might need this but many don't.

My personal opinion is that many people need to drastically reduce the amount of alcohol in their life - not eliminate it.

Think of it as, I had only had one drink this month, or this year. If at the end of 2012 you "slipped up" 5 times think of it as you only drank 5 times ALL year. That is excellent.

I know that some people don't want to totally stop drinking and feel that is their only option to get their life under control. I personally know several people who went from being problem drinkers to becoming responsible drinkers.

Once again - good luck, I wish you the best.

 With all due respect, I have to strongly disagree with you. There is a difference between alcoholism and having bad habits. Once an alcoholic has decided to stop drinking entirely, he has usually already gone through endless attempts to not drink as much or drink more responsibly. Try not to view sobriety as perfection, but think of it as the only known cure for the disease. There is no middle ground.

I agree with the caveat of changing the word "cure" to "treatment".  

 I was going to edit my post to reflect that change, thanks!

I wish there was a cure...  if there is one aspect of drinking I miss, it is having a glass of wine with dinner.  

It'd be nice to be able to have a glass and not wonder how many bottles it'd be before I took a break, lol

I fully realize your heart is in the right place... but you should really stop giving advice on this subject. If it was that easy, this discussion would have never taken place for millions of people.

Just to help you see the difference... me not putting a mood or mind altering substance in my body for over 11 years is not perfection. A substance abuse problem is the easy problem in the world to fix... stop taking the substance... but my problem isn't with a substance, my problem is my thinking. My problem is addiction... and it can manifest itself in a varitey of ways that have nothing to do with substances... and it has, it does, and it will continue to for me. I'm not perfect with that... but if I am to have any chance at all at managing my disease, then total absinence is the only way "I" have found that works for me. That approach has been found to work the best for the most, which is millions. Other's MMV.

It is not only personal experience, but there are mountains of data, evidence, and studies showing the physical, mental, and psychological differences between those that struggle with substance abuse and those "normal" people that can take it or leave it. It's like telling me a little cancer in my life is managable. Trust me, I've done years of research... it isn't.

Also knowing a couple of people is not the same as personal experience, or knowing the truth of what those people did or didn't do, or what is really going on in their life. All you see is the outsides of what they want you to see. But there are always exceptions to the rule. There will always be a rare few that can seem to buck the odds... but those rare few are poor examples of the millions of others that have shown time and time again it is not a simple "management" problem. Again, I know your heart is in the right place.

Agreed.  The last time I thought I could have just one drink, I was on the brink of death from alcohol poisoning three days later.  I had no control, and saw no consequences.  I have met several people with 20+ years sober that still go to meetings and work the program because they have to.  There is no cure.  I have also met several people who have had friends die from alcoholism and drug abuse..  If you are an alcoholic or an addict, you should not take it lightly..

Thank you all very very much for all of your advice and concerns.

Today would of been 14 days.  Counting the days makes it easier for me.

That being said, yesterday was a horrible day.  I found out that my dad has prostate cancer, and I turned to the bottle to deal with that.  So here I am...Day 1.  I will do this...I am determined NOT to give up.

Keep at it.

Next time, instead of picking up a bottle, though, pick up a phone and call someone.  Start talking to people at the AA meetings so that if this happens again, you have someone you feel comfortable talking to at least until you get past the urge to drink.

Think about it - you got some bad news and so you took a drink.  Well, what did that drink change?  

Answer: Absolutely nothing good.  Bad things are nothing more than the excuses we allow ourselves to justify taking a drink when we want to drink more than we want to stay sober.

Your dad still has prostate cancer, you likely woke up hung over, and you had to hit reset on your sobriety date.  Nothing positive came from it... and you're out whatever money you spent on it.

Keep coming back to the meetings, listen and relate to what you hear in the rooms, get to know some people.

Oh, and try to avoid being a "Drag Racer" at the meetings... e.g. dont' Drag your butt in at the last minute and Race out as soon as the meeting is over.  Get there a little early, stay a little late... maybe offer to help clean up.  It's a great way to start getting to know the people that are going to be instrumental in helping you through this.  

I stated it was my personal opinion. I don't need you to tell me not to give my point of view.

As I stated I know several people personally, and have heard 3rd hand experiences of many others, who stayed a problem drinker because they didn't want to quit 100%. You are crazy if you think it is just a rare few who have managed their life like that.

I stated some might need to quite 100% others truly don't.

You don't know anything about me or what I personally have experienced as well - so I would appreciate you not giving me advice.

As many people can be helped if they think becoming 100% sober is not their only option.

You are using your own SINGLE experience to say that my point of view is wrong. Somehow you ignored my comment that some people do need to quite 100%.

Your heart might be in the right place as well but you are not living in the real world if you think that there are not several options to manage problem drinking.

OH ...............NO!!!!!!!! 

Keep trying, and like someone said, Call someone.  A lot of guys from my group answer Phones once a month for Intergroup.  Here's a link, write down a number for your state and call them when you need to.  Just a 30 second call could keep you from hitting the bottle

http://anonpress.org/phone/

The only way for me to stop was to get help...

Hang in there!! 

Edit..  Very sorry to hear about your dad.  He needs you sober right now..

Fair enough. I appologize if I was out of place. Approaching this at face value your advice was not that mis placed.

What I know is I am no where near the majority... I am a small minority. The vast majority of the poulation can take it or leave it, and those that decide to do something different just do something different. Those people don't need much help. They can figure it out on their own.

However, those that actually have a problem already have plenty of layers of dinial and rationalizations and justification to keep doing what they are doing. They don't need help with that.

I am not a schizophrenic and don't have a clue what it is like to hear voices tell me what to do. I would never presume to tell someone that is what their course of action should be. I would stick to kind words of encouragment.

I don't know your experiences and I have no right to tell you they don't count. But there are people out there that have serious problems, and perhaps care should be taken offering suggestions to continue doing what they have already said is a problem.