Silverman - Half Iron - Triathlon1/2 Ironman

I am hoping I am remembering these details right. Brian will have to let me know. :>D

It was my first mass start and I panicked right away. :<( I really have no idea where the panic came from. I have been comfy in the open water for a while now. I can't even really pinpoint what went wrong except that the horn went off...I didn't have room to swim and the water was super cold. All of a sudden my thoughts turned to oh no I can't swim. Then it spiraled from there. I kept moving forward for about 5 minutes and then decided I wanted to get out of the water and be done. Seriously?? I decided that?? I was like I just want to go back to the hotel and be done with this. And then the longer I hung out there I figured I would never make the cutoff and panic just continued to build until I was full fledged hyperventilating!!! My friend Brian swam by and popped his head up at me. With the fear of God in my eyes I said BRIAN I AM QUITTING. He said oh no you are not. I said BRIAN I AM GETTING OUT NOW. He said no go on. Then I said, BRIAN WILL I REGRET QUITTING?? I mean seriously half screaming it like a crazy lady!!!! He said I am calling you a kayak rest a minute and collect your thoughts if you can't calm down then get out but yes you may regret it. He told me to keep moving forward and if I made the cutoff great if not it wasn't my day. He said I would never know if I didn't try though. Just keep moving forward no matter what he said. If you want to get out then get out but after you rest maybe you will be ok. He called me a kayak and then swam on. I hung on the kayak for 2-3 minutes asking the lady if I would make the cutoff. HA! We were like 10 minutes in and I was asking if I would make the cutoff. God bless the kayak lady...she made me count the buoys to the turn. 1, 2, 3 and 4. Take them one at a time. Just go one buoy at a time and I will be right behind you, she said. So I started on my side...side stroke until you can get your face in the water I told myself. Flipped to my back and did this arm waving thing that actually made me move quite quick for what I was doing. Did that until I got to the first buoy. Started to think about the Silverman stuff I bought. I never do that!! Bad, bad ju-u!!! What would I do with it? Stick it in a closet? Give it away? Back to my side..more side stroking. Tried putting my face in the water...couldn't do it. Another kayaker came over and told me to try to slow my breathing down. I was still hyperventilating. Yes, I thought....slow it down. I freaking know how to swim...what is happening? I continued moving from back to side and side to back to the 2nd buoy. I used to think that the people in the back gasping for oxygen were the ones that didn't do their homework. Tsk, tsk I would think...you should have gotten to the pool more. Shame on me for assuming that. Some how I made it to the swim turn around. 30 minutes to go 1000 meters on my back and side. If I could keep it up I could actually make the cutoff. I knew I couldn't keep it up though. The gasping for air was exhausting my system. The failure began to creep into my brain. I flipped on to my back and talked to myself about my life. In the big picture of life this was a sport. It was for fun. It was to challenge myself and to grow. It would not be life or death if I didn't finish. Sure, the DNF would sting. Man it would sting but I would suck it up and move on. I would have to. In the mean time I would keep moving forward until they pulled me out of the water. I would just tell everyone the truth...that on this day I really was my own biggest opponent. I couldn't get my brain to swim no matter what I did. That was me vs. the water and the water was winning. I saw the bridge coming up ahead. I had 20 minutes left. 20 freaking minutes was what it was going to come down to and I still couldn't swim. So close and I wanted it. I wanted a second chance on this course. I wanted it bad. I threw my entire body into whatever the crazy moves were that I was doing. I would reach that dock in time or I would die trying. The kayakers and people on surf boards were circling close to those of us left on the course. Their cheers told me the timing was down to the wire. Finally I reached the dock. Two hands pulled me up. I immediately asked "Are you taking my chip?" They told me they didn't know...none of them knew. Finally to the mat...are you going to take my chip? Are you? Just as the lady said no the photographer said smile and I BURST into tears. Heaving sobs rolled out of me as I realized I got a second chance. Months of preparation, stress, tears, personal growth, struggles and anxiety were left right then and there on that course. I left that pain right there on that swim ramp and I never looked back at it. I had less than two minutes to spare and I had just been given the gift of a second chance. In the big picture of the day I had probably only lost 20-25 minutes. I would press on. The adrenaline in my system from the last hour was wasted but I would finish that day and I knew it. Nothing could stop me now.

Ugh...not sure what I could change. I swam plenty..sometimes three times a week leading up to this race. Changed my stroke about 3 months out and had several coached sessions. Brought my swim speed down significantly from prior races...I was ready. On this day it was just me versus my head. No other way to describe it.

Can we just talk about the lure of the changing tent? Holy moly...all shaken up and crying from the swim and here was this toasty warm tent waiting with these really nice volunteers wanting to help me and take care of me. Ok...I think I might just stay in here a while. And can I take a nap please and will someone call my mother? I probably lingered there a few minutes too long but by the time I left I was ready for the bike. I need to remember the lure of the changing tent in the future.

I was slow but it was probably necessary on this day. :>)

What an amazing course!!! The parts by Lake Mead were simply breathtaking!!! Knowing that making the swim cutoff had been a gift I absolutely drank in this part of the course. Almost forgetting that I was in a race at this point!! There were lots of rolling hills and then...the three sisters!!! I don't know why but I thought the three sisters were only on the full course until that moment!!! I probably won't ever see the handful of people that were around me for the three sisters but in that moment on that day we totally bonded. We cussed together and it was awesome. There is nothing like that feeling on race day...you worked hard to get there and while you are actually racing each other you are really in it together. You don't want them to beat you but you also don't want to leave them behind. Yeah, they were my three sisters buddies.

The wind that came after the three sisters....geesh louise. I didn't ride any of the course fast but I rode it strong. The three sisters knocked my socks off but I never once thought I couldn't do it or I wouldn't make it. All of the hills that I rode week after week at home really paid off for me...not sure if I could have even maintained the speed I did had I not trained on hills.

I think I went out a little too conservatively not really knowing what to expect. I had heard that mile 40 was the spot to watch out for and so I held back just a little until that point. I can't even believe I am going to say this but I want to ride this course again. Yes, I do!!!

Feeling much better from T1, I moved through T2 a bit faster. I still sat down and let the volunteers help me in the changing tent. Ahhh...that was wonderful. They even filled my water bottle. What fantastic volunteers!!!

Some of my BT buddies (Kara!!) had helped me understand the hills on the run course. Just run to mile 8.5 and most of the rest will be downhill. That was the plan anyway. Except that somewhere along the way running uphill from miles...5-8.5? I don't even know what it was but the big huge uphill section just wore me out. I actually felt pretty good and battled a little bit of the back pain that had been plaguing me but the rest was good. Running hills after a long day was tough though and this course never once lied about how tough it was. Right up until the very end of the run it delivered grueling hills.

My favorite parts from the run were seeing my training buddies out there. Robin running strong, Kara bravely battling her pneumonia to finish and then seeing Brian! "BRIAN I made it out of the water!!!!" I don't know...that was just such a cool moment having last seen him in the middle of my panic attack. It made me grin from ear to ear. I knew Dean and Will were out there as well and there spirit was on the course that day. Both of them and their speed blazing the trails for us!! What great people I have had the privilege to train with and get to know through this sport. Silverman would not have been the same without them!!!

I am also so thankful to my sister, step-mom and my friend for providing support to me that day. All three of them gave up an entire weekend to come and cheer me in this event. They followed me around the course and took pictures and relentlessly cheered me on. I remember getting on my bike and there the three of them were cheering their heads off...I couldn't help but smile. Either they didn't know or they didn't care how dangerously close I came to not finishing that swim that day and they just cheered and cheered like I was winning the whole thing. I remember at mile four of the run they were there again and instead of saying thank you or anything all I said was, "I am not having fun at all." Again they yelled great things and then moved on to see me in my next spot. What amazing support. :>)

I am also thankful to my friend Kelly for all of her assistance in preparing for Silverman. Her coaching and words of wisdom were invaluable and no doubt made me stronger and helped to make this day a success for me. I can't imagine completing Silverman without all that I learned from Coach Kelly and the plan that she wrote for me.

Ahh I guess I could have run more hills in training...it's one of those things though where I am just not sure if there could have been enough hill training. At the end of that swim and that tough bike course I was just doing the best I could. I am happy with that. :>)

Came in to that finish chute with a smile so big it almost bust. I threw my arms in the air like I had just won the race of my life. Just absolutely loved the day and this race. It is the most challenging thing I have ever done and the course lived up to every bit of hype as being the toughest and the most grueling!!! I trained like I never had before and don't regret a single hour of it. The lessons that I have learned on this journey to Silverman will serve me for a lifetime. I did something that I never, ever thought I could do. And, I proved to myself along the way that with hard work and perseverance I can do anything I set my mind to. And I will too. Next stop Ironman Arizona 2011. Can't wait to see you at THAT finish my friends!!!!


Amazing race!!! Very well organized with fantastic volunteers. I will be back Silverman!!! I have unfinished business on that swim and I will be back!!!