Beach to Battleship HIM - Triathlon1/2 Ironman

Well...the swim is normally my favourite part of a race. Not this time. My wetsuit just didn't fit well, and that's a product of me being fat, and renting one. I just couldn't keep the armpit of the suit in my armpits, and I took on a good bit of water, and it really hampered my ability to actually reach and stretch my arms out for a good entry into the water.

A number of times, say at least 10-12, I had to flip on my back and try to pull the suit back up in place. Then my goggles kept fogging up, and filling up with water. I didn't want to risk losing a contact so I stopped to empty them and rinse them out a few times.

The water itself wasn't bad, the swimming wasn't bad, I just wasn't able to do much of it well.

Have a body that can fit in a normal sized wetsuit?

Ok, when I got out of the water, I got really disoriented. I wasn't sure where I should go, or what I should do, or even what all of these people were doing on the dock. Heck, why wasn't I still in the water, and what was I doing in the water in the first place?

Apparently wetsuit strippers only hear 1 word when they ask if you want stripped. They ask, if you say "No" they leave you in your suit, if you say anything else, they rip it off you. I'm pretty sure I told the people that I like pudding, so they took my suit off. Then I fell down again. I'm not quite sure why I got back up and kept ambling to T1, but I did.

Another thing, chamois cream...keep that stuff at home until race morning. Leaving it out in your gear bag all night when the temp gets into the upper 30's, then slathering it on your junk...well, it really makes you miss 65 degree water.

I don't know that I could have done anything differently. Well, I guess I could have not done a full clothes change, but hey, I have a red and white bike, and I wanted to wear my pretty red and white clothes. So I'm a diva, deal with it Transition Gods.

Ok, now is where we really see the insanity of my actually showing up today for the race. I think for the whole year, I might have ~70 miles on the road, and 5-7 hours on the trainer...total.

I'd never ridden over 23-25 miles, or been on my bike more than 90-100 minutes. But here I was with 56 to go.

The first 30 or so went well, excepting that I left a water bottle at the house. So I just had one bottle of Gatorade until the first aid station at mile 24-ish. I had a few gels and had just finished my last fluid when I pulled into the aid station and got off the bike to do a quick stretch, and get some new stuff. I took a Heed, and a water, and off I went.

Around mile 27-30ish, my R quad started to get tight, which I figured would happen, given the total lack of riding I've done this year, but I was hoping to have it hold off a bit longer. It did start to feel better again before the next aid station at mile 36, but by the mile 46 station it was worse. At some point, we did turn back and the headwind luckily stayed the same, so we got a nice little tail wind for the last dozen miles or so. That was really nice. I actually managed to have a respectable speed going on occasion. For me to be hitting 20mph, something good is happening. For it to be at that stage in this race, I was shocked.

All was well until the last mile or so, when there were 2 stinking bridges to finish up. My previously wonderful speed was now reduced to 8mph, and I was cramping in both quads.

Stupid bridges.

This is an easy one.

Train. Even a little.

Apparently since I was so slow coming into T2, the volunteers weren't expecting anymore HIM people, and kept asking what my number was and was I sure about it because that's a HIM number.

So when I found my rack spot, I grabbed my bag and took my bike shoes off, then did some weird 'both my quads are cramped' strut to the changing tent. This strut was to become very handy from here on out.

Full clothes change here too. Went with my fav pair of tri-shorts, an UA compression heat-gear top, and a tech tank top. Also chatted with the guy in the changing tent next to me. He was really flying in there, but took the time to apologize to me if his "junk gets all up in my business". I thought that was rather polite.

Take a nap? More freezing crotch-cream? Oooh, gin and tonic instead of water. That's the ticket.

Well, I knew this part was going to really be where it was going to hurt. I had hoped to have some time in the bank from a better swim to help neutralize the damage of not training for, well, the whole year mostly, but for sure since August. Up to August, I'd had some actual 20-25 miles per week then got into a little bit of PF, and pretty much stopped running. From Aug-Nov I bet I ran a total of 9-10 miles, seriously. And oddly, the only thing that didn't bother me on the run in my lower body was my PF. Weird.

Anyhow.

In the first 2 miles, I think I managed to jog 200 yards. Otherwise it was just a walk trying to loosen up and stretch out the quads. It was pretty miserable then. But I figured I had plenty of time to stretch and get to fast-walking or jogging. Once the surface leveled out around mile 2, I stopped to take a waz, and then somehow managed to start jogging. I manged that until a downhill, which I always hate, so I walked that, but then ran the length of the boardwalk area where it was flat. I did more running on this stretch on both the out and the back than any other part, due to the major flatness.

I stopped at almost all of the aid stations for a combination of Heed/Pepsi or Heed/Water and a banana. I took enduralytes if they were there, always hoping they were quaaludes, but they never were.

At one point as I was stretching my quad with the pull the foot up to your butt stretch, my hammy started cramping, and I pretty much got stuck standing there like a flamingo. As I laughed and yelled many naughty words about my leg being stuck, someone ran by and just pushed my foot back down for me and never even stopped moving. I yelled thanks, and got a thumbs up in return.

Also, as I was trudging by the boardwalk, the men's leader for the Full went FLYING by me. I thought if I could just run that fast once, I would feel like such a stud. Then he was gone. I saw him again before I even got to the turn around as he was coming back. That dude was really fast. I clapped and cheered for him, and got a slight nod as he was really looking like he was starting to put himself into the pain world.

Mostly the run was quiet and slow for me. I walked more than I wanted to, but I ran whenever my legs were loose enough to let me. I skipped one aid station, and by the time I got to another one, I was cramping in both quads, both calves, my L groin, and both forearms (since I run like T-Rex with my arms up high). Of course, my head told me that I was cramping because I skipped an aid station, and that if I took 2 heeds at this one, I'd be better. My body, of course, laughed at this but did its best to keep up the facade of listening to my brain.

At one point I did see a "Chuck Norris never did an IronMan" sign, and all I could think was "Hell, neither did I." Then I realized that Chunk Norris and I have something in common, so with my newfound awesomeness, I proceeded to sprint the next 25 feet, at which point I got all crampy again, and starting walking.

I ran more again when I got back to the boardwalk, but had to walk the bridges again at the end.

I did manage to run the last flat stretch back in, and finished with what looks like a smile, but I'll assure you it's most likely a face cramp.

Train, not be fat, train.

Got my medal, drank some water, got my crap and left. No food, no pictures. The music from the band was SUPER loud and I was on sensory overload. My cool-down was walking with my mum to the bus so she could drive me back to her house, where I would shower and then get ready to go out for dinner.


Not training for the majority of the year on the bike, and the last 3-4 months on the swim or run.


As far as putting a race on, I've never not done one by Setup Events, and they've all seemed to go well.

I really think that they did a remarkable job keeping this one moving and organized with all the point to point stuff. I'll be back to this one, but I'm not sure when.