Ironman Arizona - TriathlonFull Ironman

I wanted to get out of the water at 1:30 or less. I did not. At the turn buoy I heard a guy in a kayak say "you're at 48 min" and I knew it was WAY longer than I wanted to be in the water...but, Just keep moving forward...Just breathe...Just swim. I just did. I kept going...I probably popped up and took a breather twice on the way out (people cannot swim in a straight line in open water AT ALL so I was mostly waiting on people to get around me/in front of me, whatever)..On the way back I just wanted to be done. My lower back was sore - because of the damn tarzan swimming I was doing at the start...Rounded the last buoy and kicked the hell out of the last bit to get my legs moving...Out of the water - the volunteer just YANKED me up...and voila...Mike Riley's voice "Jennifer Todd from Raleigh NC is out of the water"... Looked at my watch 1:47...Hmphf! Well...sh$#..okay - My second goal was "get out in under 2 hours.." I'll take it.

Not sure how to answer that. Change the direction of the wind so that it is always at my back?! Try to swim more w/o the tarzan drilling..because that hurt my back a lot... & figure out how to get my swim cap on correctly so it doesn't pull on my hair for an hour at the base of my neck...(that's awful) and...freakin' swim faster! What the hell....

Seriously...My first time...in 90+ degree heat...Hell yeah..almost 15min. I think I said hi to everyone, I put on sun screen, body glide, chammy butter, arm coolers, ate half a pbj, water + salt, helmet, glasses, gloves, cleaned off my feet...socks, shoes...and out.

Whatever. The first time at a race like this...I can't even address this.

Headed out with a smile. Felt pretty good. Wasn't tired from the swim..w/ half a pbj in me...I figured I was good to go. Got onto Rio Salado and BAM ... Headwind! All I remember is thinking...This is just a gust. This is going to stop. This is really ridiculous. I was doing 15 mph down Rio and then I realized...as I turned left it wasn't just a gust...It was a constant wind. I saw a tumble weed and a rabbit cross the road ahead of me...At this point..maybe 4 miles...no one had passed me yet. I knew something was up...Then only pro's. I think 2 AGers passed me...It was slow going on the way out..That's for sure!

At about 5-6 miles in I was going under a bridge and a huge gust of wind and a ton of dust/dirt, etc. blew into my face. I kept blinking to get all the dirt out of my eyes...and they just kept watering. Finally it seemed better...I turned left onto Rio Salado and headed out. On my right I noticed a free-standing caution sign - a temporary one w/ a metal base - it started to lean as I was approaching it - and I had to move into the oncoming bike lane to make sure the sign didn't blow into me. As I got passed it I heard it topple. Holy crap!!!!

I've never ridden my bike sideways...ever. That was interesting...a gust would come across the highway and I would lean the bike. (of course, this was SO not on purpose)...

A few minutes after the sign..I realized I couldn't see much out of my right eye..it was going black from the outer portion in. I couldn't see the oncoming traffic on the right side of the highway. I was concerned but assumed it was from the dirt that I rode through. I kept going - waiting on an aide station so I could wash it out with water. I stopped Sometime after 10 miles..before 19.5 (or whatever the turn around was). I grabbed water and I guess I looked unbalanced (I couldn't SEE! What do you expect?!) The volunteer directed me to the dr sitting on a cooler to look at my eye. She put her hand on my arms and I was cold/clammy and had goose bumps. She took a pin light and tried to get my eyes to react..my right one did not. I couldn't see anything at this point. She helped me across the street and into an EMS truck...They took my vitals (all normal) and I was still not able to react to light .. couldn't see the guys fingers in front of my face less than a foot away. She told me I couldn't go back out. She assessed my situation and asked if I had ever experienced exercise-induced migraines. No, but regular run of the mill migraines, absolutely...

"the heat will create a dehydration issue and you could lose all of your sight...Since only your vision is affected, you could end up with stabbing pain in 5 miles...you're cold to the touch...I can't let you go back out there - you could have major medical issues."

They called SAG..and I rode into medical. The walk from the SAG truck to the medical tent was the longest walk of my life. The guy from the truck asked if I needed help getting to medical, but I could see the red tent and I didn't want any company. I pushed my bike, walked in my cleats one block and headed into the tent. I heard Ryan, and a few friends call my name. I looked up and back down. I couldn't handle it. I wanted to see them at the finish - not at medical.

They made me drink gatorade, eat pretzels...and then I took excedrin. No water for several hours - the medical director said it would cause more issues... I couldn't cry. I was so disappointed, but here I was..on a folding chair...in medical at 4 hours into the race. I didn't fall off of my bike. I didn't crash. My body didn't fall apart. I actually felt good. The foot pain that I had in the days leading up to the race was not there (Chris said it wouldn't be). I could not do anything about this. I controlled what I could. I managed what I could. I did the best I could. On this day, the best I could wasn't an IM Finish.

I think the hardest thing about this day was leaving medical and walking back to see everyone that had traveled to watch the race. I was terribly disappointed - and I wanted to crawl into a hole...but, Matt was still out there racing. Susan was still racing. Tony was still out there...Judy was still pushing through the wind..The people I've been training with - talking to about this day for months - they were still out there battling. I hurt. Yes. I couldn't see, but, I couldn't go back to the hotel and leave them out there. I couldn't leave my parents out in the sun to cheer for everyone else and not do the same...So, I sucked it up.

I got to the parking deck - and walked down to the water with my dad...He told me he was proud of me no matter what I was going through...and then he told me that his brother passed away Friday. My dad...he spent Friday night at dinner with us, Saturday and then all day Sunday in the sun and hadn't mentioned a thing. He didn't want me to worry..I lost it at this point. This was just a race. This was just a single day. I think although I was very sad and wanted to do something - anything for my dad...I knew I couldn't...but it made me realize that I am still healthy...and that's what's important.

I'd like to blame this on lack of training. I trained well. (I think)
I'd like to blame this on lack of will. I really wanted this.
I would like to have something to blame this on that I could have fixed...something to point to - that I could just say...I can handle this, but honestly I did what I could as best as I could on this particular day and it just wasn't good enough.

I am mentally exhausted. Emotionally drained. I am sad, disappointed, heart broken. I am tired, ready to get home..and finally get some sleep. Ready for some down time to figure out what's next...and ready...Just ready....to leave Arizona for now. I did not pick up a voucher for next year. Yesterday I couldn't think about it anymore. Maybe I should have...but, maybe Arizona isn't my state. I'll figure it all out.

I am proud of myself because I did what I could. I got up and I did the hard workouts. I fought for the long bikes and I got farther on the longer runs than I ever thought I would. I've done more than I thought I was ever capable of....although I won't know if it would have gotten me to the finish on any other day...I do know I was more than ready ... and I am angry...that I didn't get the proper chance.

I'd like to take this opportunity to thank everyone that has helped me along the way. There are so many of you! First, thanks to Ryan. He stood by my side from the moment I signed up and he believed in me more than I believed in myself. There were times when I doubted myself - and he kept me moving forward. There were workouts where I was exhausted and he was there, doing them with me...convincing me that I did look like a runner or I was doing a great job riding. I couldn't have gotten to the start without him. Thanks to Matt. I've said it before - I'll say it again....Just having someone around the corner to meet for a ride or to share the computrainer-a-thon in Virginia Beach with was great! He's a great athlete - and he never made me feel lesser because I'm slower! I'm glad I was able to see him finish (even after he crashed!). Thanks to Shannon & Chris for the Party Runs along the way! You guys helped me push through some tough spots on some tough long runs and gave me tons of laughs along the way! Thanks for heading out to Arizona to keep me sane in the days leading up to Sunday...and for being there as I got out of the water and headed out on the bike!! Thanks to my coach. She'll probably never read this particular version, but she believed in me...and pushed me harder than I would have pushed myself. THANK YOU TAMMY! You've been one of my biggest cheerleaders during this adventure. Thanks for all that you've done - you are great! Thank you GEORGE!!!!! You are my hero. Thanks for the supportive emails,calls and the slow 'long run' several weeks ago. You are great! You have helped in more ways than one and I appreciate the 'talk' yesterday too! Thanks to everyone - EVERYONE here that has supported me and everyone else through this training journey. It's difficult to get up day after day and focus on training. But, it's much better when you know you have people in your corner.