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non PC giggle - Mars/Venus
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 2005-08-29 3:04 PM |
Buttercup  14334    |  Subject: non PC giggle - Mars/VenusHere's a prime example of "Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus" (or more precisely, politically diverse opinions and value systems) offered by an English professor from the University of Phoenix: The professor told his class one day: "Today we will experiment with a new writing form called the tandem story. The process is simple. Each person will pair off with the person sitting to his or her immediate right. As homework tonight, one of you will write the first paragraph of a short story. You will e-mail your partner that paragraph and send another copy to me. The partner will read the first paragraph and then add another paragraph to the story and send it back, also sending another copy to me. The first person will then add a third paragraph, and so on back-and-forth. Remember to re-read what has been written each time in order to keep the story coherent. There is to be absolutely NO talking outside of the e-mails and anything you wish to say must be written in the e-mail. The story is over when both agree a conclusion has been reached." The following was actually turned in by two of his English students: Rebecca and Gary. THE STORY: (first paragraph by Rebecca) At first, Laurie couldn't decide which kind of tea she wanted. The chamomile, which used to be her favorite for lazy evenings at home, now reminded her too much of Carl, who once said, in happier times, that he liked chamomile. But she felt she must now, at all costs, keep her mind off Carl. His possessiveness was suffocating, and if she thought about him too much her asthma started acting up again. So chamomile was out of the question. (second paragraph by Gary) Meanwhile, Advance Sergeant Carl Harris, leader of the attack squadron now in orbit over Skylon 4, had more important things to think about than the neuroses of an air-headed asthmatic bimbo named Laurie with whom he had spent one sweaty night over a year ago. "A.S. Harris to Geostation 17," he said into his transgalactic communicator. "Polar orbit established. No sign of resistance so far..." But before he could sign off a bluish particle beam flashed out of nowhere and blasted a hole through his ship's cargo bay. The jolt from the direct hit sent him flying out of his seat and across the cockpit. (Rebecca) He bumped his head and died almost immediately, but not before he felt one last pang of regret for psychically brutalizing the one woman who had ever had feelings for him. Soon afterwards, Earth stopped its pointless hostilities towards the peaceful farmers of Skylon 4. "Congress Passes Law Permanently Abolishing War and Space Travel," Laurie read in her newspaper one morning. The news simultaneously excited her and bored her. She stared out the window, dreaming of her youth, when the days had passed unhurriedly and carefree, with no newspaper to read, no television to distract her from her sense of innocent wonder at all the beautiful things around her. "Why must one lose one's innocence to become a woman?" she pondered wistfully. (Gary) Little did she know, but she had less than 10 seconds to live. Thousands of miles above the city, the Anu'udrian mothership launched the first of its lithium fusion missiles. The dim-witted wimpy peacenik Liberals who pushed the Unilateral Aerospace disarmament Treaty through the congress had left Earth a defenseless target for the hostile alien empires who were determined to destroy the human race. Within two hours after the passage of the treaty, the Anu'udrian ships were on course for Earth, carrying enough firepower to pulverize the entire planet. With no one to stop them, they swiftly initiated their diabolical plan. The lithium fusion missile entered the atmosphere unimpeded. The President, in his top-secret mobile submarine headquarters on the ocean floor off the coast of Guam, felt the inconceivably massive explosion, which vaporized poor, stupid Laurie and all the other spineless, feel-good waifs. (Rebecca) This is absurd. I refuse to continue this mockery of literature. My writing partner is a violent, chauvinistic, semi-literate adolescent. (Gary) Well, my writing partner is a self-centered, tedious, neurotic, liberal whose attempts at writing are the literary equivalent of Valium. "Oh, shall I have chamomile tea? Or shall I have some other sort of F*** ING TEA?? Oh no, what am I to do? I'm such an air headed bimbo who reads too many Danielle Steele novels!" (Rebecca) A-hole. (Gary) Bitch (Rebecca) F*** YOU, NEANDERTHAL! (Gary) Go drink some tea - whore. (TEACHER) A+ - I really liked this one. |
| 2005-08-29 3:15 PM in reply to: #236749 |
| Member 9 | Subject: RE: non PC giggle - Mars/Venus Damn Funny on a rainy Monday afternoon. Now, who should I be shooting at? |
| 2005-08-29 3:21 PM in reply to: #236749 |
Master 2447 Marietta, Ga | Subject: RE: non PC giggle - Mars/Venus Renee, that one had me laughing and was very entertaining. It reminds me of a few threads here on BT. |
| 2005-08-29 4:12 PM in reply to: #236749 |
| New user 80 california | Subject: RE: non PC giggle - Mars/Venus Renee - 2005-08-29 12:04 PM Here's a prime example of "Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus" (or more precisely, politically diverse opinions and value systems) offered by an English professor from the University of Phoenix: The professor told his class one day: "Today we will experiment with a new writing form called the tandem story. The process is simple. Each person will pair off with the person sitting to his or her immediate right. As homework tonight, one of you will write the first paragraph of a short story. You will e-mail your partner that paragraph and send another copy to me. The partner will read the first paragraph and then add another paragraph to the story and send it back, also sending another copy to me. The first person will then add a third paragraph, and so on back-and-forth. Remember to re-read what has been written each time in order to keep the story coherent. There is to be absolutely NO talking outside of the e-mails and anything you wish to say must be written in the e-mail. The story is over when both agree a conclusion has been reached." The following was actually turned in by two of his English students: Rebecca and Gary. THE STORY: (first paragraph by Rebecca) At first, Laurie couldn't decide which kind of tea she wanted. The chamomile, which used to be her favorite for lazy evenings at home, now reminded her too much of Carl, who once said, in happier times, that he liked chamomile. But she felt she must now, at all costs, keep her mind off Carl. His possessiveness was suffocating, and if she thought about him too much her asthma started acting up again. So chamomile was out of the question. (second paragraph by Gary) Meanwhile, Advance Sergeant Carl Harris, leader of the attack squadron now in orbit over Skylon 4, had more important things to think about than the neuroses of an air-headed asthmatic bimbo named Laurie with whom he had spent one sweaty night over a year ago. "A.S. Harris to Geostation 17," he said into his transgalactic communicator. "Polar orbit established. No sign of resistance so far..." But before he could sign off a bluish particle beam flashed out of nowhere and blasted a hole through his ship's cargo bay. The jolt from the direct hit sent him flying out of his seat and across the cockpit. (Rebecca) He bumped his head and died almost immediately, but not before he felt one last pang of regret for psychically brutalizing the one woman who had ever had feelings for him. Soon afterwards, Earth stopped its pointless hostilities towards the peaceful farmers of Skylon 4. "Congress Passes Law Permanently Abolishing War and Space Travel," Laurie read in her newspaper one morning. The news simultaneously excited her and bored her. She stared out the window, dreaming of her youth, when the days had passed unhurriedly and carefree, with no newspaper to read, no television to distract her from her sense of innocent wonder at all the beautiful things around her. "Why must one lose one's innocence to become a woman?" she pondered wistfully. (Gary) Little did she know, but she had less than 10 seconds to live. Thousands of miles above the city, the Anu'udrian mothership launched the first of its lithium fusion missiles. The dim-witted wimpy peacenik Liberals who pushed the Unilateral Aerospace disarmament Treaty through the congress had left Earth a defenseless target for the hostile alien empires who were determined to destroy the human race. Within two hours after the passage of the treaty, the Anu'udrian ships were on course for Earth, carrying enough firepower to pulverize the entire planet. With no one to stop them, they swiftly initiated their diabolical plan. The lithium fusion missile entered the atmosphere unimpeded. The President, in his top-secret mobile submarine headquarters on the ocean floor off the coast of Guam, felt the inconceivably massive explosion, which vaporized poor, stupid Laurie and all the other spineless, feel-good waifs. (Rebecca) This is absurd. I refuse to continue this mockery of literature. My writing partner is a violent, chauvinistic, semi-literate adolescent. (Gary) Well, my writing partner is a self-centered, tedious, neurotic, liberal whose attempts at writing are the literary equivalent of Valium. "Oh, shall I have chamomile tea? Or shall I have some other sort of F*** ING TEA?? Oh no, what am I to do? I'm such an air headed bimbo who reads too many Danielle Steele novels!" (Rebecca) A-hole. (Gary) Bitch (Rebecca) F*** YOU, NEANDERTHAL! (Gary) Go drink some tea - whore. (TEACHER) A+ - I really liked this one. O.K. THIS IS HOW FUNNY THIS WAS. I am now cleaning sprayed almonds off of my computer screen!! That was hilarious, well done. |
| 2005-08-29 4:18 PM in reply to: #236749 |
| Sydney Australia | Subject: |
| 2005-08-29 10:31 PM in reply to: #236749 |
Champion 8903  | Subject: RE: non PC giggle - Mars/Venus Hey Renee, send me an email, will ya? |
| 2005-08-29 11:00 PM in reply to: #236749 |
Master 1902 Berkeley, CA | Subject: RE: non PC giggle - Mars/Venus Classic! I just read that to my housemates and had them rolling in the aisles. It just so happened that my housemate (female) was watching Battlestar Galactica, so it was extra amusing!! Dana |
| 2005-08-30 8:28 AM in reply to: #236749 |
Extreme Veteran 481 Coppell | Subject: RE: non PC giggle - Mars/Venus That's great! If only we hadn't outlawed war Laurie might still be alive. So sad. Oh well, live and learn!  |
| 2005-08-30 2:35 PM in reply to: #236749 |
Expert 893 Livermore, Ca | Subject: RE: non PC giggle - Mars/Venus Ohhh, I'm getting strange looks from fellow students from rofl. |
| 2005-08-30 2:50 PM in reply to: #236749 |
| Extreme Veteran 511 Minneapolis, MN | Subject: RE: non PC giggle - Mars/Venus That’s hilarious. It reminds me of a story. My brother had a mandatory art class in college, which he had no interest in. They had to do a final project at the end of the semester. Some of the serious students had worked for months on their paintings, etc. He was renting a room of a house off campus and went into the backyard the day before his project was due. He found some 2 foot long 2x4’s and a chunk of concrete that had broken off from the sidewalk. He nailed the 2x4’s into a rectangle and stood the slab of concrete up in the middle and turned it in for his project. He got an A. The prof said it was a great example of “stacking”. His classmates were pissed. |
| 2005-08-30 9:58 PM in reply to: #236749 |
Extreme Veteran 360 Lafayette, CO | Subject: RE: non PC giggle - Mars/Venus We need to start a BT story thread. That was so damn funny. |
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