My conscious mind says yes, my sub-conscious says no!! WAAA

Comming back from any injury especially one involving surgury is always frought with personal conflict. Am I  really ready yet, will I hurt myself again, should I go ahead and do this, It will be a push pull effect internally for a period of time. The fact that you say that you want to swim but then don't leads me to believe that you really don't think you are ready for it or you would. you might just want to start be going  to the pool for a playfull dunk, not intending to do any real swimming to see how things go just get in the water and paddle a bit and relax , and if that goes OK then head back the next day and maybe try some nice light easy swimming. taking that first step is always the hardest. I say fight that self dought down and just go to the pool and enjoy playing for a couple of days and see what happens. Just remember to take baby steps till your foot gets stronger, a little stress then back off it will come backI am sure.

You sound like you are in a similar position as I am.

I had surgery 3.5 months ago. I'm allowed to swim, bike avoiding hills, no running.  I also have a shoulder impingement that makes swimming a bit challenging.

It is as if my head and body are in conflict. On one level I want to get back to my old routine but something is holding me back. I still have a lot of rehab to do so I'm sort of in this strange place, able to do some things but in a limited way but still having to do PT. I've in and out of PT and struggling with this injury almost 2 years.

I want my old tri life back, but have struggles finding how. Not having a plan that I can follow annoys me.

That sub conscious thing I have it as well. Is it fear of failure? Fear of reinjury? Fear of not getting back to where I was? Is it something else? I'm not sure what it is but it's challenging on many levels.

As you can see, I don't post a lot.  This thread really hit home to me however. 

I have been an avid biker and runner for years.  A couple of years ago my brother started swimming and urged me to start as well.  I thought I could actually consider training for a tri, something I have wanted to do for years.  I have somewhat of a swimming background and a pool 1.5 miles from work.  Really no excuses...except I felt just as you do.  I put it off for literally a year.  Oh the excuses.  Then my brother told me something that changed everything.  He said the hardest thing about a swim routine is packing your workout bag, driving to the pool, and actually getting in the first time.  He challenged me to do that...pack my bag, drive to the Y, change clothes, and get in the pool.  That is all.  Don't worry about the work out.  Swim 100 yards or 3,000.  It doesn't matter.  Your only goal is show up and get in the pool.  I don't know why, but when I was able to break it down that simply I was at the pool the next week (probably I am really simple minded).  I had no other goal than to show up and actually get wet.  I think I swam 10 laps that day, but that is not important.  After getting over that hump it was soooo easy to keep showing up.

So, a little note to your sub-conscious - you have been challenged.  Put on your suit, get your towel, and go down the pool just once this week.  The workout doesn't matter, but showing up does. 

cafenervosa - 2012-03-22 9:22 AM Thanks Kathy, I appreciate your story. I know exactly what you mean about not having a plan. Everything seems so disorganized and futile without some direct path to something. I hate not having direction. Even though I do have an OWS race that I could do in Sept. I just can't seem to bring myself to setting up a daily swimming and weightlifting routine. I don't know why. It's as if I've lost my spirit. I've somehow succumed to the misdirection.

Maybe our spirits are out playing together because mine is missing too.

Last couple days my legs have felt super heavy, fatigued, and I even went up the stairs on all 4s yesterday. Why? I don't know but it scares me as I want to ride outside but was it the riding, the standing, the new sandals?  Did I do to much? If so of what? Can I ride or should I skip it? Having to make so many decisions and wanting to make the best ones is challenging for me.

The new normal is being determined and having this mental issue of trying to figure out what this or that ache or pain means and if I can push on or not. This rehabbing starting to train is tough as every ache and pain brings up concern over what it means. My leg is aligned differently which has to effect my biomechanics and my body needs to adjust.

I feel rehab has 3 levels of healing. First is the physical part. For me the pain doesn't bother me it is the slowness of the recovery despite doing PT and what I'm supposed to do. The mental aspect of not being healthy and doing what we love The third is the mental but different more the difficulty of adjusting to what is and how to deal with it.

I've lost my normal routine to train. I've lost my physical ability to do certain things. I'm dealing with the new reality and the uncertainty what will be my new reality. I feel I'm a bit in limbo.

It is like you say my spirit is missing or broken and I'm trying to find my way back.

It isn't as simple as go to the pool and swim as others have suggested. It is bigger than that. How do we get back to what we did and were before? Not sure that we can and we need to discover a new way, new path, new goals that excites us.

I had reconstructive surgery on my foot and ankle a year and a half ago. I was also in a cast and then boot for 3 months. During those 3 months I could only do upper body, so I did a lot of rowing for cardio and weights for upper body strength. I did start swimming 2 months post surgery, but was not allowed to kick.

When I was given the all-clear last April to "resume all activities as pain would allow" I did. Unfortunately my brain and my ankle were not on the same page. I did train for and completed two sprints and then took a few weeks off when school started. When I started training again, however, I reinjured my ankle and spent another 10 weeks in a boot.

I understand your fears. My legs have no strength in them at all. While I can swim, I still am not kicking like I should so that isn't helping. There are days I can't push the pedal on my bike, and I am forcing myself to run to try to build up the muscle I have lost. In the past I have been able to push the pain aside and work through it; however, at this point I am in pain just sitting here in my classroom typing this. I wonder to myself if the pain is that much worse, or if I am just becoming mentally weak. While I am working out and I stop to release the pain, I wonder is it an, "I can't do this" or an "I won't do this".

Last year at this point I felt that there would soon be an ending point to the pain as I worked towards my goals of at least doing a sprint or two. At this point, there is no ending and I have no goals. While I would like to try and do a sprint this summer, I realize that when I go back to the surgeon next month they are going to tell me no more and I will end up scheduling another surgery. So with no goals, I feel like I am like a balloon and slowly deflating.

So, now that you have read my life story, I will finally give you my perspective on your questions:

No, you are not being too hard on yourself. It's scary going back to training. Go with the flow and keep walking. If you feel the urge and are able too, run a few seconds at a time. Set some goals, realistic goals. When you reach those give yourself a pat on the back and set more goals. You will have set backs, but they are only set backs. There is a light at the end of the tunnel. Trust me, when I resumed full training again, even as hard as it was, I felt alive again. Even though my foot yelled at me as well, I still felt alive.

Good luck!

Another thought, while I was still in my cast and boot, I worked with a trainer. He was amazing and spent more time than he should have figuring out what I could and couldn't do. He kept me motivated by challenging me with achievable goals. Unfortunately he transferred to another club or I would be annoying him right now!

Is it possible to work with a trainer who understands your injury and can help with rebuilding your strength?