any swim coaches in the midlands???

I've been trying for months to find a real swim coach in the midlands (preferably Columbia, but I'll travel a bit).  Every time I locate a possibility, it turns out that they want to teach me how not to drown, or how not to be terrified of putting my head under water.  I know those things. Or, at the other end of the spectrum, they want me to swim with a serious masters group.  I tried that, but the result is just that I get my a$$ whipped with no real insight as to WHY I am getting my a$$ whipped.  (I don't blame the coaches in those cases -- I am definitely the least interesting person in the pool from their point of view.)

I want someone who has experience coaching triathletes who have some basic swimming skills, but who have not been swimming since birth, and someone who is willing to work one-on-one with me for a while.  I am willing to pay a reasonable coaching fee.  Does anybody here know anybody like that?