My Comedy Of Errors Ride Today

                                       A Comedy Of Errors. By Rueben Poole

 First of of all let me start by saying I was up nearly he whole night while at the fire dept.

 After getting  home this morning, my plan was to to go for a ride, and then run approx 10-15 minutes afterwards, just to get my legs used to running after coming off the bike. I decided to wait until after 0800 so the vehicle traffic would not be as bad. I filled up a bottle with some Infinit, ate an oatmeal bar, and went out to prep my bike. While topping of my tires I lost a valve stem cover. The ones form the car do not fit the bike (FYI). I put on my shoes and helmet and take off for a ride. As I near the end of my street ( I live on the very end of a culdesac , and it is down hill from my house to the stop sign) I realize that me gears will not shift. I turn around and start heading back to the house and they start working. Cool! As I am riding I look down and the computer is reading zero (0) MPH. Yep, that's right, the  computer is not working. After fiddling with it, it starts working, for exactly 1.2 miles. I know this, because that is what it is stuck on. Of course, as a veteran firefighter paramedic, I know to always have a backup plan. No, I did not check my watch before I left the house, so I have no idea what time it was when I left.  As I am going around a "round-a-bout," I watch this lady in a red full size Suburban, talking on the phone, slam on brakes at the very last second, to keep form hitting me. ( Okay she really would not have hit me, as I was watching her and I was ready to stop, and had already unclipped one foot.)   I only came close to getting hit by one other vehicle, and it was only close enough to smell the guy's breath, as  his passenger window was down. Enough is enough!!! I maybe hard headed enough to finish a 5 K with a broken foot, but I know when to say "when." I headed back to the house. As I am sipping on the Infint so i can still do a 10-15 minute run. I pull in the drive, grab the garage remote from the top secret double naught spy hiding place and...nothing. The remote is dead. I know what your asking...and , of course, I have a spare key, witch is in my car, parked INSIDE the garage. No problem, I call dear old mom, with my cell, that I smartly packed in my little under the seat storage bag. ( She'd be really pissed if she knew I just called her old).

 "Hi mom, can you check and see what kind of battery is in your garage remote?"

 "Sure....it's a little flat disc one ...why?"

"Sigh... no reason."

I then realize, my pick up is parked outside, I have a spare key to it, a 5 dollar bill, and my city issued ID card. "I wonder how much these batteries cost?" Then I looked down at myself. I am wearing a red U/U shirt black cycling shorts and tri ' cycling shoes. I don't care how the rest of the mullet wearing Walmart crowd in South Alabama dresses I am not going in Walmart looking like this.

So...I opened the gate to the backyard and slowly start circling the house. I see the tiny little dog door installed by the previous owners. Ain't no way my 6'3"  247 lb is fitting through there. But..wait.... I lay down on the deck I reach through the dog door, up past the door handle, only slightly separating my shoulder, and I can feel the key stuck in the interior deadbolt ( its the kind that requires a key for both inside and outside). I ..can...just...barely.. turn it...but not enough to unlock the deadbolt. Did I tell you that I live on a hill, and that the neighbors behind me can easily see over my "privacy" fence? I am basically waiting for the cops to show up at this point. So, I finally get up, walk back around the house to the truck and look around...."Walla!!!" I find an old rusty pair of needle nose pliers. So back around the fence and up on the deck i go. I lay back down on the deck, shove my arm, and the pliers back through the doggy door, and after a few minutes of fidgeting around ( and feeling like my arm is gonna fall off) I get the pliers around the key and get it turned.

"I'M IN!"

 The last time I was so happy to be in something, after much this much work...well...okay we're not going there, it would cause certain banishment. Should I still go for my run now???